Writing is passion of the mind...

Part Three

2010-01-27T02:17:51Z

[ How I'm feeling| Quixotic
[ What I'm listening to| Fade into you- Mazzy Star

Title: Tell me a secret (3/3)
Author: Life_giver
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha
Rating: NC-17 (when is it ever not? Taha)
Warning: Just your typical smut
Summary: He wanted Aoi to know him and all of his secrets and everything else he could know about him, because he wanted the same in return from Aoi.

"You're still hard," Aoi whispered against his ear, and Uruha shivered once more. As many times as he had been shivering in Aoi's prescence tonight, one would have thought there was a chill in the room. Aoi's touch and his voice just seemed to have that sort of natural effect on Uruha. Uruha braced himself on Aoi's knees, letting one of his hands trail back to Aoi's stomach to discover that Aoi was still trembling as well, from the after effects of his orgasm. He turned his head and was met with the sweet scent of Aoi's breath and then the hard press of full lips.

Uruha could feel himself melding against Aoi's hard body, feeling that sense of strength engulf him again and he was loving it more and more. He let Aoi take his moment of control back as he felt his body sliding back down to the bed and Aoi hovering above him. Was this the moment Aoi asked if he could fuck him? Would it just happen? Did Uruha even want that? Uruha closed his eyes and sighed softly at the feeling of Aoi settling down between his legs. He met Aoi's insisented hips with his own fluid movements, his hands sliding, caressing, gripping Aoi's slender hips.

"What do you want from me?" Aoi asked, his breath warm against the shell of Uruha's ear. There was an underlying desperateness to Aoi's voice as if he knew what Uruha wanted from him, what Uruha was planning to do to him. He couldn't tell if Aoi wanted it too, or if he was going to let this fall into their growing abyss of secrets without a moment's consideration, uncomplicated but there.

"I don't know," Uruha answered in a rush of breath even though he did know...maybe he couldn't understand it completely, but he knew at least that he needed more of this. "But whatever you do to me, it's between us." The words had fallen from his lips before he could stop them and he gasped as Aoi thrust again him sharply.

"You don't know what you're saying Uruha," Aoi growled. His voice suddenly held an air of danger and it only made Uruha grow harder against his hip.

"Then what should I say? Tell me," Uruha demanded as he reached up to hook his hand around the back of Aoi's neck to bring him down for a hard kiss. Aoi groaned into the kiss, his body still shuddering beneath Uruha's hands, out of arousal or uncertainty, Uruha didn't know which.

"This isn't like telling secrets and sucking each other off." Aoi's voice still held that low, dangerous tone to it and Uruha suddenly felt a surge of audacity as he pushed on Aoi's chest so that he could sit up.

"Have you ever fucked a guy before Aoi?" Uruha asked flatly, an eyebrow raising incriminatingly. There. He had asked, and at the same time he had thrown down the gauntlet of choice without out-right admitting his curiousity. He saw Aoi's eyes widen just a little more and knew right then that Aoi hadn't been planning to take this further then a few sucks and strokes. The thought was almost a relief....almost. But Uruha was still curious and he didn't know what to do with that newfound want to know Aoi more. For some reason, he knew Aoi wouldn't answer his question. He would leave it hanging in the air between them with so many other things, and Uruha would be left to wonder about Aoi even more.

"Would you honestly let me?" Aoi predictably skirted around Uruha's question and instead asked something of his own. Uruha sat back on his hand and let his passion for Aoi cool for just a moment before he locked gazes with his bandmate and answered honestly just as Aoi had asked of him.

"If you wanted to," Uruha mumured calmly, even though inside a confusing storm was raging and he felt like he was trying to find something to hold onto so that he wouln't be swept away. Aoi surprised him by merely smiling, and that smile was the fond quirk of lips Aoi had always given someone he truly had affection for, the smile Uruha had always been envious of.

"I'm going to get you off," Aoi growled as his hand snaked down between them and wrapped around Uruha's hard cock. Uruha sucked in a sharp breath and pressed his head back into the pillows his racing thoughts halting in the midst of Aoi's lust. His brow creased at the feeling of Aoi stroking him slowly but his hand was somewhat rougher than before. He felt Aoi's teeth nipping at the skin of his neck and then sinking in to mingle pleasure with pain. Aoi seemed to be teasing him, punishing him in a way for wanting more from him, for wanting something that perhaps Aoi couldn't give him in the end. Aoi stroked him harder and then let off before picking up that hard, fast pace once more. Uruha squeezed his eyes closed and moaned, his voice sounding weak and desperate, pitiful to his own ears. Aoi's hips brushed between his hips, thrusting even as he stroked Uruha, and he could feel that Aoi was hard for the second time that night.

Suddenly Aoi pulled away from him and Uruha's eyes flew open, panick suddenly gripping his chest and stomach that Aoi was going to stop, that he was going to leave him like this, painfully aroused and desperate for release. But Aoi merely made some incomprehensible sound of frustration in the back of his throat as he pulled Uruha's pants down further with a rough yank and then slipped them completely off. Uruha's eyes widened some as a slew of thoughts rushed through his mind again. Was Aoi...

"Turn around," Aoi demanded, and something in his voice had Uruha pushing down that defiant attitude he had always had about him and obeying Aoi without hesitation. Uruha turned over and gasped when Aoi grabbed his hips and pulled him onto his hands and knees. Uruha looked over his shoulder, his breathing coming faster as he watched Aoi pushing his pants down and more out of the way. Was this where Aoi decided to fuck him and show him what he had been missing all these years with women? He felt as if his heart would pound out of his chest at any moment with how fast it seemed to be beating at that moment. Aoi bit into his bottom lip as he stroked himself a few times and then leaned over Uruha's back.

Even through the sudden panic that maybe Aoi was going to give him what he had asked for, he still gladly took in the heated, moist kisses Aoi gave to him and groaned into his mouth when he felt the slick head of Aoi's cock sliding and pushing against his ass. Uruha shuddered and bit down into the bottom lip Aoi had just been worrying between his teeth as he anticipated some sort of pain or the feeling of Aoi pushing into him, but none of that happened. Aoi thrust against him, his cock sliding against his ass and not slipping inside. But the feeling was still electric and had Uruha moaning and tilting his head back as Aoi began to suck on his neck, most likely working on a new souvenir to embarrass him with in the morning when this was all over and he had to rejoin reality and the rest of the world. Uruha twisted the sheets beneath his hands and pushed back onto Aoi's insistent thrusts with the same eagerness he had felt when they had been using one another's mouths for their shared pleasure.

"Aoi..." Uruha preened, reaching back to tangle his hands in Aoi's dark hair and kissing him harder. He felt Aoi reposition his cock so that it slipped between his thighs and brushed against his own. Uruha's body tensed and his back arched at the sensation of Aoi's heated flesh against his own. He knew then that Aoi wasn't going to fuck him for whatever reason Aoi was hiding so carefully. Maybe he would never understand all the strange thoughts that went through Aoi's head, but he knew he liked the feeling of being so close to Aoi like this, and he wouldn't stop until he got more in some form or another. Aoi's hard slick chest brushed against his back with the rythmic motion of his hips and set his senses on fre. When it was clear that they were both close to coming for the second time that night, Aoi reached beneath Uruha and began stroking him in quick succesion, even as he continued thrusting against him. It was almost as if they were fucking, but with one vital part of the act being left out, and if this was as close as he could get to Aoi at the moment, he was happy, but knew now that it would never be enough.

Uruha grinned as Aoi began goaning his name into his ear in a desperate mantra, and when he decided to close his thighs tighter around Aoi's cock, Aoi bit the shell of his ear and growled low.

"You don't know how much I want to fuck you," Aoi gasped as he pushed Uruha down to the bed so that his cheek was buried against the pillows and his hips and ass were still at the mercy of Aoi's desperate thrusting. Uruha moistened his lips and moaned, his hand snaking down beneath his stomach to help Aoi stroke his cock to completion.

"Then do it," Uruha urged wickedly, a lazy grin still tugging at his mouth with evil intentions. But he knew Aoi wouldn't, and of course Aoi only tugged on his hair in a teasing reprimand and thrust between his thighs harder, rocking his body with each harsh nudge of hips. Aoi bit down on Uruha's neck hard, and Uruha recognized that familiar shudder than ran through Aoi's body in that moment and the fast, out of sync movement his hips and stroking hand had taken. Uruha gasped, his fist twisting in the sheets between them and his other other hand moving from his own cock where Aoi's hand was stroking him and then to his ass.

He felt Aoi's cock slip against his wrist as Aoi took it from between his thighs and began rubbing it against Uruha's ass again without pushing inside. Uruha squeezed his eyes closed and panted as the tension in his stomach mounted to an almost painful peak. Uruha pushed back into Aoi's thrusting and smothered his desperate moans into the pillows as he came before Aoi even had a chance to realize he was coming. Uruha's body trembled weakly in the aftermath of his orgasm but he continued thrusting back into Aoi, helping him along.

Aoi stopped stroking him and instead grabbed his hips in his hands and pulled Uruha back against him roughly. Uruha looked back at Aoi, his cheek rubbing against the pillows with each push of Aoi's agile hips and he knew he would most likely have a red mark staining his cheek at the end of the night, but then he would also have two marks on his neck that he couldn't possibly hide, so either way, everyone was going to know something had happened tonight and he'd have a hell of a time making up a story for all of this. But he'd do it somehow, and Aoi was going to help him, or pay some dire consequences since it was partly his doing that this was happening in the first place.

"Come on Aoi," Uruha urged huskily, moistening his lips and keeping his hooded gaze on Aoi as he panted and rubbed against his ass. Aoi looked feral with his usually perfect hair mussed and wild around his shoulders, every muscle in his body working in sync, and his face flushed and sweaty, his lips parted, gasping Uruha's name and curse words, music to Uruha's ears. Aoi had definitely come undone and that meant that Uruha had accomplished what he had set out to do in a way.

It only took a few more thrusts for Aoi to come, and when he did, he draped himself over Uruha's back and pressed his mouth to Uruha's in a hard, demanding kiss, and Uruha gave as much as he could. He reached back and searched out Aoi's hips and then cock so that he could stroke Aoi through his orgasm, wanting to feel as much of him as he possibly could. The wetness seeping down the inside of his thighs, cooling in the air, and the warm press of Aoi's deeply breathing chest against his back was soothing in an unexplainable way. Uruha's hand slowed it's stroking on Aoi's softening cock and he eventually felt Aoi's kisses become less desperate and rough against his lips and the side of his face. He wanted Aoi to stay where he was for much longer than he knew he would. He enjoyed the heat of Aoi's body against his own, the intimacy that Aoi was allowing him above all others to have in those short moments. He tried to hang onto that feeling, to keep Aoi with him for as long as he possibly could, but Aoi's kisses soon stopped, and the heat of his body regretfully taken away as Aoi pulled away from him.

Uruha kept his eyes closed as he allowed his body to relax against the bed. There in the stillness of the room, they had suddenly gone from friends and bandmates to something else entirely, not lovers...but something in between that couldn't be named yet. The silence in the room after all the noise they had just made would have driven him crazy if he had decided to pay attention to it, but he was still in a haze of contentment after one of the best orgasms he'd ever been given, this one even outreaching the previous one Aoi had given him, without actual sex to top it all off. Aoi was a fucking god at this, he finally decided as he rolled onto his back, and only opened his eyes when he heard the metallic click and hiss of Aoi's wolf lighter. Uruha let a slow smirk find it's way to his face as he opened his eyes and found Aoi half standing, half kneeling with one knee bent on Uruha's own bed, carefully lighting a cigarette between his lips.

"I knew it. Just as I thought," Uruha muttered, and his voice sounded strange and distant, hoarse from all the moaning and straining his voice had just gone through.

"What?" Aoi looked confused as he rose an eyebrow and let out a slow stream of smoke, his gaze lazy and relaxed.

"Of course you would smoke after a good fuck," Uruha chuckled and stretched his arms above his head, feeling the kinks in his body disolve slowly.

"We didn't fuck," Aoi mumured, giving Uruha a look that clearly let Uruha know where they stood with one another, but beneath the look was amusement and it only egged Uruha on.

"We could have. I would have let you," Uruha replied with that blatant honesty that had always gotten him into trouble as he sat up on and leaned back on his hands, his mind beginning that dizzying merry-go-round with what he percieved as reality. Reality at that moment was falling like a veil over them, urging Uruha to realize what they had just done and everything it entailed now. But Uruha refused to let it bring him down from this high, because he always got what he wanted and if it was Aoi he wanted now, he would eventually get him....it was almost set in stone even as Aoi frowned and looked away from him, focusing his attention somewhere across the room. There was no longer any nervousness or uncertainty inside of Uruha. It was a strange, foreign feeling. That uncertainty had been replaced by the determination an animal on the hunt had for it's prey. It just so happened that Uruha was hungry and unforunately, Aoi was the chosen target.

Aoi slowly lowered himself down to Uruha's bed and sat, his gaze focusing anywhere but on Uruha and eventually honing in on the forgotten magazine peeking hapazardly from the wastebasket beside the bed. Uruha saw uncertainty in Aoi's face, the same uncertainty of the unknown that he himself had experienced before they had gone this far, but he saw no regret what-so-ever in Aoi's face, a green light however one wanted to look at it.

“Well goodnight Aoi," Uruha mumured softly as he stood from the bed and made his way to the bathroom to wash off the evidence of what they had just done. At least he would still have the marks Aoi had given him, another silent sign. A person didn't just create marks on another person's body unless they were trying to possess them in the heat of passion. Uruha had always seen it as some sort of territorial stance, or at least that was his own motives when he was marking someone where everyone would be able see. Aoi looked up from his focus on the magazine, and stared him straight in the eyes, as if to reassure himself that he was still in control of the situation. Uruha grinned as he leaned against the bathroom doorway, and matched the smug expression Aoi had been giving him all night.

“I got you all dirty again Aoi….” Uruha pushed the door open wider in a silent invitation, but even though he could see that Aoi wanted desperately to take that invitation and run with it, it was obvious something was holding him back, maybe something of what Uruha had said got to him, or this had all been too much too fast, he couldn’t be quite sure.

"I think you'll see what I see eventually, and all you'll have to do is take it." Uruha rose an eyebrow as Aoi sucked in another lungful of smoke and stared him down, his face unreadable as it had always been before tonight. Uruha turned and left Aoi on the bed, his mind probably over-running with too many thoughts just as Uruha's had been doing since he had opened that damn magazine and started discovering Aoi's dark secrets.

Behind the closed bathroom door, he let his held breath drain from him slowly, and he felt the tension and taut nerves leave him once he was completely alone again. He let his head drop back against the door and his eyes closed. That courage he had somehow upheld near the end of the night was leaving him and he didn't have the strength to hold onto it anymore. Just like Aoi, the courage slowly slipped away.

Even though what they had just done was fresh at that moment, it was still almost hard to believe they had just attacked one another, and Uruha wanted to go even further...was thinking of Aoi fucking him right at that moment, and wishing Aoi hadn't stopped....and this wasn't just about the sex anymore, had never really been all about the attraction between them, but he couldn't understand what it was that he wanted from the other man, and it was confusing him more each second that crept by.

Uruha let the bathtub fill with warm water before he stepped in and sank down into the soothing heat. He put the jets on and discovered the colored lights Aoi had told him about. He allowed himself to smile tiredly as he took the monogrammed washcloth and soap and began dragging the soapy cloth over his neck, regretfully washing away the essence of Aoi's mouth. At least he would have the marks to remember this night for a few lonely days. He knew Aoi needed time to think and in that time all he would have was what Aoi had given him and the memories of his touches. He couldn't say how he knew this, but he knew somehow that things had gotten just a bit more complicated in this dance.

He gingerly touched the marks on the side of his neck before letting his fingers trail down his chest and slip beneath the water. Maybe he was crazy but he had fully intended to carry on another round if Aoi had accepted his invitation for a bath, though he had had the hunch Aoi wouldn't accept. There was too much on his mind, and maybe Uruha had fucked up and came on too strong...who knew when it came to Aoi and his endless complicated demeanor. Uruha rested his head back against the rim of the tub and allowed himself to get off to once again to the lingering touches of Aoi's hands he could still feel. He let himself get submerged in the fantasy as he hadn't since that day behind the soccer field...he allowed himself to drown in it.

******

The next day wasn't quite as bad as he had imagined it would be. Of course he got the enevitable smart-ass remarks from Ruki, silent but questioning looks from Kai, and teases from Reita over his raw reddened left cheek and the bruised marks on his neck that he hadn't even went through the trouble of trying to cover up. He knew it would be useless to even attempt to conceal them, and it was probably better he got the questions and teasing out of the way ahead of time so that he would be left in peace sooner. The story he had concocted of a harmless rendevous in the hotel went over well until Ruki had had the irritating nerve to start the questions.

"Well where was Aoi when you were getting lucky?" Ruki had asked with a raised eyebrow, giving Uruha the impression that he knew more than he should have. Uruha wouldn't have blamed him with his sorry excuse for an alibi. He'd always been horrible at lieing. Reita had given Uruha a smirk that clearly let him know he was enjoying the interrogation too damn much.

"I went out drinking that night.....I came back in the morning and luckily didn't catch him in the act," Aoi lied smoothly, a disgusted twist of the mouth helped to stop the questioning for the time being and eventually the excitement over Uruha's lucky night died down. Uruha had given Aoi a thankful smile when no one was looking, and was given a small smirk in return. It was the last of Aoi's secret intimacy that he was given for more than a month, and the subject of that night hadn't passed across anyone's mouth until the day the band left Japan for their overseas tour.

"You always get your ass kicked at this," Reita laughed as he played the handheld game console Uruha had let him borrow an hour ago to pass the time on the plane. "Look, I beat your score without even trying." Reita held up the flashing screem so close to his face, Uruha's eyes were threatening to cross.

"I'm not fucking blind," Uruha growled and pushed the gadget away from his face while pinning Reita with the glare that the bassist knew as the "don't start with me" look and it usually worked in getting Reita off his back, but obviously that look wasn't working on him today.

"You dont have to be a sore loser." Reita chuckled under his breath, hiding behind a wave of blonde hair as Uruha rolled his eyes at him.

"I hope you grow up one of these days," Uruha muttered, concealing the tiny smile that was threatening to tug on his mouth. Sometimes Reita could annoy the hell out of him, and they would fight like any two brothers would to where Uruha was ready to throttle him, but he knew he would never lose that deeper fondness he had for his best friend. Reita had been the one after all, that had saved him from the school-yard bullies too many times to count, the one who until the incident with Aoi a month ago, had known more about him than anyone else.

"Ah I think it's time you got laid, you're getting bitchier everyday. What happened to the chick from the hotel a few weeks ago?" Reita asked, nudging Uruha's arm with his shoulder, urging him to elaborate on the event. Uruha would usually entertain Reita with his latest conquests, but since Aoi had been his latest conquest, he really couldn't divulge the details to his friend. Uruha's brow creased as a flood of heated memories came back to him of that night, and that familiar yearning began to tug at the pit of his stomach and play with his senses. The memories never failed to have him tossing and turning at night, that yearning sinking his claws into the pit of his stomach and refusing to let go. Since that night, Aoi had been acting as if nothing had ever happened between them, as if that night had been nothing but a wet dream for Uruha.

He was back to being Mr. Mysterious and keeping out of Uruha's way. They were never alone and it seemed Aoi made sure that they weren't. If Uruha lingered behind everyone else, Aoi would make a quick exit. If Uruha had ever had the urge to pull him aside to talk to in private, Aoi would somehow slither his way out by some means. The whole mess was confusing and irriating, and just what it was....a mess. Aoi hadn't forgotten at all, it was obvious in the way he kept avoiding Uruha, he was just afraid of something, and Uruha intended on finding out what exactly had Aoi pushing him away like this after what they had done. He could understand the need for space and time to think after what had happened, but it was going too far when they weren't communicating at all anymore.

"Damn, you must have gotten a wild one with what she did to your face and neck." Reita was going on about the nameless 'chick' he had gotten lucky with in the hotel, and he knew then that he was going to make Aoi talk to him....he needed answers, some sort of relief from this clawing desire, and most of all, needed more of what they had done. As he had promised himself that night, he wouldn't stop until he got what he wanted, and now he knew exactly what that want was.

"Yeah, she was wild," Uruha indulged Reita that one slice of information with a wicked grin before standing from his seat.

"Wait...really? But you haven't even told me anything about her, who is she anyway?" Reita wondered with a curious raise of the eyebrow.

"If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go sit with someone who won't choke me with quesions. I'm tired and you know how I get without sleep." Uruha used the flimsy excuse to move, knowing Reita would take it and finally leave him alone about everything. Reita tched beneath his breath, but never-the-less sat back in his seat and redirected his attention to Uruha's game console and Uruha thanked him silently.

Uruha made his way down the cramped isle to where Aoi was sitting three rows back away from everyone else. Aoi was wearing his earphones and had his head leaning against his opened window, seeming to be lost in his own world as he gazed outside at a sky of endless blue and white. Uruha took the empty seat next to him without waiting for Aoi to even notice him. Aoi gave him no indication that he knew he was there, just remained leaning against the window, listening to whatever was on his music player. Aoi knew he was there, he was just ignoring him as usual, pretending to be oblivious and ignorant.

Aoi's shunning of him gave Uruha time to look at him at least, and in that department Aoi never dissapointed. The tight black half-sleeved shirt Aoi was wearing dipped into a v-cut at the neck and showed off teasing bits of chest...the chest only weeks ago Uruha had had naked beneath his hands. Aoi's hair was half pulled back into a band, leaving loose strands of hair falling around his face and his dark washed denim jeans hugged his body almost a little too close. Aoi's image today was casual....the usual. And the usual made Uruha's blood boil most days, today not excluded.

Uruha's gaze slipped down Aoi's neck and chest, slipping across his tight stomach, and finally settling on his lap. Uruha grinned remembering how out of control Aoi had been with his face in that same lap a month ago. It was almost hard to wrap his mind around the fact that yes they had stuck their tongues in one another's mouth, and sucked each other off, and Aoi had pushed him down into the bed and got off with his cock against his ass to put everything in blunt terms. But it had indeed happened, and as much as Aoi tried to run from it, for whatever ridiculous reason, Aoi had initiated a good part of what had happened, and had shown Uruha just how much he wanted to fuck him. Uruha shifted in his seat, draping one leg over the other and smiling slyly at the little secret he held carefully in the palm of his hand, a secret so delicate he knew it would break if he didn't nurture it.

Uruha felt the first sturrings of lust creeping up his spine the longer he watched Aoi looking out of the window calmly, his legs crossed in much the same fashion as Uruha's now were. One of Aoi's hands was nestled between his crossed legs in a relaxed sort of pose, the other hand propped his chin up against the plane's window, giving the impression that he was thinking or just extremely bored. If Uruha were to lean down enough, he would have no problem what-so-ever of getting Aoi off without any of their other band mates knowing....

Thoughts like this had been coming in quick succession everytime he was around Aoi these days. No matter what Aoi was doing it was sex. If Aoi were smoking in front of him, Uruha thought of better things Aoi could be sucking on. If Aoi were brushing his hair in the dressing room, he thought of how good it had felt to pull that vanilla scented hair between his fingers as Aoi had sucked him off. And the concerts....it was getting harder and harder to concentrate with Aoi gyrating and flauting his sexual prowress across the stage from him. He had known after that night, he would only crave more, and lo and behold, here he was, being tortured and practically mauled by sexual thoughts toward his bandmate. He idly wondered what was going on inside of Aoi's head and if it was even remotely close to the wild storm inside of his own. He felt he would go crazy if he wasn't able to get more of Aoi....

Aoi shifted in his seat and sighed softly, his hand moving from between his legs to his back pocket, searching for cigarettes he didn't have on him and couldn't smoke on the plane anyway. Uruha decided then that it was high time to end Aoi's little ignoring game and so he reached over and touched Aoi's knee, feeling Aoi's whole body tense in either surprise or nervousness at his unexpected touch.

"You really should think about quitting. Smoking gives you premature wrinkles and fucks your voice up." 'And you have a great voice when you're cussing and moaning,' He wanted to add, but didn't, knowing Aoi was already being strange about the whole event as it was, for whatever reason. Aoi looked over at him as he said this and frowned but didn't try to move away from him. Uruha eventually took his hand back and gave Aoi a small grin.

"Well I don't see you quitting, so why should you be concerned with me?" Aoi muttered. This wasn't said with any malice, just a stated fact. Uruha's grin faltered a little at the mention of the addiction he hadn't been able to quit. It was true that he had tried quitting before he and Aoi had attacked one another in the hotel that night, but since then, with Aoi avoiding him, the confusion, and the yearning that was clearly turning into some kind of obsession, he hadn't been able to stop himself from sneaking out behind the practice building to smoke in a pitiful attempt to calm his nerves. Obviously Aoi had caught him in the act without him knowing, which only cemented the fact that Aoi was watching him and hadn't forgotten even if he was trying to avoid him.

"Aoi....honestly....what are you doing?" Uruha lowered his voice, his tone going from playful to dead serious in the blink of an eye. He was sick and tired of playing this stepping game with Aoi. He wanted Aoi to own up to what they had done and to stop avoiding him, and most of all...he wanted Aoi to touch him again. The subtle signs that Aoi was still into him were there, but for some reason Aoi was trying to keep him at arm's length. Aoi let out a soft breathy sigh as if he had known this was coming and Uruha sat back in his seat, ready for some sort of explanation.

"I know you liked what we did and I know you've been watching me but trying to avoid me for the past month. It's getting ridiculous dont you think?" Uruha rose an eyebrow, urging Aoi to talk to him. "Are you going to pretend you never sucked me off and then came all over my ass?" Uruha asked crudelly, knowing finesse and using pretty words for what they had done to save Aoi any embarrassment was out of the question. He wanted to see Aoi blush and squirm or get embarrassed, but surprisingly none of that happened. Aoi merely shrugged smoothly.

"No." Aoi's voice was soft and hushed, but firm. "I'm not going to deny it because that's what happened." It was Uruha who found his face heating just a little at the calm way Aoi admitted to everything. Then why the hell had he been acting so strange lately and avoiding him?

"What are you afraid of?" Uruha wondered, head tilting as he regarded Aoi with a curious look. "What are you so afraid of happening if you fucked me?" Uruha lowered his voice now out of some small pity for Aoi as Aoi's eyes darted around the cabin to make sure the other members of the band were preoccupied and they couldn't be overheard. It was funny how agressive and sure Aoi had been that night and now it was Uruha who was the one pushing Aoi for more, or at least to notice him again and give him an explanation as to why he was being pushed away. Aoi took another breath and let it out softly before answering.

"If I had fucked you....things would have changed," Aoi mumured, his dark eyes begging Uruha to understand, it was an expression that didn't seem to fit Aoi's usual confident, smooth demeanor. Uruha's brow creased as he searched Aoi's gaze. It was almost as if looking into Aoi's eyes long enough, he would be able to see that scene in the hotel unfold in the dark irises that seemed so uncertain at the moment. Things had changed, what was Aoi talking about? They had both known things couldn't have ever been the same after what they had done...they knew this before they had even touched one another.

"I couldn't take advantage..." Aoi's voice was barely a whisper now, so out of characteristic it was almsot nerve-wracking. Uruha suddenly broke the intense eyecontact to give a short, derisive laugh.

"So sucking me off and not turning down the returned favor wasn't taking advantage? You practically fucked me anyway, holding me down on the bed and-"Uruha's voice was a little too loud for Aoi's comfort again obviously because Aoi leaned in close and clamped a hand over Uruha's mouth quickly. The movement startled him for a moment but the feeling of Aoi's warm hand over his lips and the intoxicating smell of his skin and cologne had him grinning beneath his fingers. He had missed this warmth and familiarity...this intimacy Aoi had denied him for too long now.

"You don't know how badly I wanted to fuck you that night Uruha," Aoi whispered into his ear, his voice rough and firm now, demanding that Uruha listen to him, and sending tendrils of heat through Uruha's already aroused body. "It was all I could do just to touch you and not fuck you into the bed." Uruha couldn't help the soft groan that escaped his mouth, muffled and needy beneath Aoi's hand. "Yeah I'm afraid," Aoi continued whispering into Uruha's ear, his words hushed but so comanding they had Uruha under their control and he found himself watching Aoi from the side, his body trembling just the slightest.

"I've wanted you since the day Reita introduced me to you with your fucking innocent smile and the sex appeal....and you knew what you did to people. I've had to take years of being beside you and not being able to have you. I've been holding this damn secret so tight inside it's hard for me to let it go. Sometimes...I just cant stand being around you, because I know at any minute I could pull you aside and fucking ruin you. If I fuck you...I can't be sure what my feelings for you are going to do. You drive me crazy and sometimes I feel like I'm obsessed or insane and maybe I am." Aoi stopped, letting his words sink in, and all Uruha could do was try to calm his quickly beating heart and erratic breathing. He wasn't grinning behind Aoi's hand anymore, his brow was creasing and he was swallowing down a wave of turbulent emotions. He knew exactly how Aoi felt because he felt the same. It was like Aoi had held up a mirror between them and they were seeing the exact same thing in one another.

"I'm scared of letting you inside, letting you see everything I've never shown to anyone else. But I've already opened the door and you're inside whether I want to admit it or not. You're already pulling secrets from me like it's nothing at all, and I don't know whether to let you or run. And most of all...I'm terrified of what I feel...and could feel for you," Aoi finished with that soft sigh that spoke of too much frustration and desire and confusion. Uruha's eyes closed as he felt the gentle press of full lips against the rim of his ear and then the heat and the hand over his mouth were gone. So that was what it was? Aoi was afraid of caring about him too much, of getting too involved and fucking things up to sleep with him? And he was afraid of letting Uruha inside, the one thing that Uruha wanted to come out of this whole thing.

Uruha slowly opened his eyes and looked over to find Aoi leaning back in his seat, his eyes closed, his breathing deep and slightly labored as if with his confession, he'd worn himself down. Uruha felt his face cool as Aoi's confession sunk in. He hadn't known Aoi's out of control emotions and lust mirrored his own. He laid his head back and closed his eyes with Aoi, not knowing what to do or say now, but knowing they were both going to have to come to some sort of conclusion sometime soon. With his eyes closed he felt Aoi's hand brush lightly against his own and it served to calm him some against Aoi's turbulence.

It was dark before Uruha woke from the light sleep he had fallen into and it took him a moment to reorient himself. The recognition of Aoi's earlier confession flooded him almost immediately as he looked over at Aoi who was still leaning against the window, eyes closed, and breathing deep and even now as if he were asleep. He remembered Aoi's hand brushing against his own before he had let his thoughts carry him away into a light doze, but both of Aoi's hands were back in his lap now as if he had never touched Uruha's hand to begin with...but he knew it had happened, and Aoi had confessed even more deep, dark secrets than he could have ever imagined Aoi having. It was strange how Aoi was able to make him feel as if the things that had happened between them had never really happened. Everything he did with Aoi had that dream-like quality to it to where sometimes it felt that he was imagining everything even when he knew he wasn't. It was as if fantasy and reality continued to blend into one another just to make this whole thing that much more confusing between them. He idly wondered how they had hidden these secrets from each other for so long and only now discovered them.

Uruha took a look around the cabin and realized that everyone else was leaned back in their seats sleeping. Reita two rows ahead of them had his blanket pulled over his head, his usual ritual for sleeping. Uruha chuckled softly knowing Reita couldn't sleep unless he was covered from head to toe in blankets. Everything was still and quiet and the lights were turned down low, giving the cabin a warm, calming feel. Uruha looked back to Aoi and felt the surge of strong emotions and lust wash through his body as it had been doing more and more lately everytime he saw Aoi. God, he just wanted to touch him....and have Aoi touch him in return. He didn't care about confused emotions, and Aoi's damn gentlemanly effort to save them both the trouble by not giving into temptation. Well Aoi had given in once, and one time was all it took to break the damn. Did he really think trying to hold back was really going to work?

Uruha moistened his lips as he leaned over into Aoi's seat. He let one of his hands rest against Aoi's cheek to turn his head slightly so that he could kiss him on the lips. The kiss was fleeting, but firm and it felt too good to Uruha after going without for a month now. After tasting Aoi's mouth for the first time, it was obvious he wouldn't be able to go without it for too long. When he pulled back, he wasn't surprised that Aoi opened his eyes and shot him a look. Aoi licked his lips, seeming to taste Uruha on them and then the corner of his mouth lifted into that arrogant smirk Uruha had come to adore even if it could be irritating at times.

"I wasn't sleeping," Aoi felt the need to confirm.

"I know," Uruha mumured, shrugging slightly. He watched as Aoi surveyed the cabin just as Uruha had done when he had woken up. When he seemed satisfied that everyone was sleeping and they had some ounce of privacy, Aoi turned to him and rose an eyebrow questioningly. Aoi's questioning gaze could have asked a number of things but Uruha was sure Aoi was silently asking him which way to go from where they were. Uruha couldn't tell him if that was the case because he was lost and looking both directions as well. He bit into his bottom lip gently as he thought for a moment before leaning in closer to Aoi and speaking low.

"Sometimes I feel this intense urge to take what I want and hold it close before my world crumbles," Uruha confided in Aoi, loving the way Aoi leaned closer to him as well and his face softened in that particular way that made Uruha's chest tighten just a bit. "We're not always going to have this." Uruha waved his hand in front of him listlessly to indicate the private plane they were on, the band, the fame and notoriety.

"We're not always going to be young and privledged like we are now. One day it's all going to be taken away from us, and that's when everything will mean nothing anymore." It seemed that a heaviness settled between them at the honesty in Uruha's words. Uruha had never once spoken this particular fear outloud to anyone before, had never said anything this serious and dark in the prescence of another person, even when this particular thought nagged him more than he liked to admit. But for some reason, he felt he could tell Aoi anything and have it be alright since they had begun this ritual of pulling out old secrets for one another to hold.

"The urge to take what I want now when everything is perfect and before it's too late consumes me sometimes," Uruha mumured softly and Aoi didn't laugh at him or frown, he merely nodded, and Uruha knew then that he understood what he was saying completely. Uruha took a deep breath as he sat back in his seat just as Aoi leaned over him and slid a hand behind the back of his neck. He let his breath out in a soft sigh as his skin prickled beneath Aoi's hand and Aoi kissed him, hard and demanding. He let Aoi push his tongue into his mouth as he was kissed with a fervor that he had missed since that night in the hotel. Uruha fisted his hand into the front of Aoi's shirt as Aoi's teeth pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and then he was kissed deeply again.

Uruha moaned softly into Aoi's needy mouth and felt that heat returning full force. If Aoi wasn't careful, Uruha would fuck him here on the plane with everyone just a few feet from them, that's how strong the pull to Aoi was at that moment. He wished that they were back at that hotel room right then because he knew without Aoi saying anything that Aoi would sleep with him, it was obvious in the tenseness of his body and his fervent kisses. And Aoi had gotten the message he had been trying to convey with what he had just said....it was useless waiting around, wondering what was right and what was wrong, and what would happen after they gave in...life was too damn short to worry. You just had to take the leap when things were going your way and hope for the best.

Aoi's kisses trailed to his neck and he groaned as Aoi's tongue traced a lazy pattern over where his previous marks had been, now long faded and gone. Uruha tried hard to hold back the quiet moans that wanted to escape from between his lips. Everyone was sleeping and oblivious to them but he knew they wouldnt be so inconspicious if he started making too much noise. Aoi's hands were sliding along the tops of his thighs now and sending red alerts to Uruha's brain. His own hands were sliding down Aoi's chest, wanting so much to take advantage and strip Aoi right there in the small space they were afforded between the seats. Aoi's kisses were moving lower, towards his collarbone and he knew that if they went lower to his chest Aoi was going to have a hell of a time keeping him quiet.

"Aoi," He whispered, finally pressing against Aoi's chest to push him back a little. Aoi looked up at him and rose an eyebrow, and somehow the look seemed entirely predatory. Uruha smirked and pushed Aoi farther back away from him.

"Unless you want to fuck me here and now and somehow keep me quiet, you might want to stop....." Uruha's smirk turned into a distateful frown because that wasn't at all what he really wanted. But now that they were on the same page, he knew it wouldn't be hard at all now to entice Aoi into bed with him. It was obvious, Aoi was already willing and ready as it was. Aoi gave Uruha a crest-fallen look but none-the-less, pulled away from him and sat back in his seat, eyes closing and breath coming out slow and deep as if he were trying to will his lust back into the dark recess it had come from, just as he had done after his confession. It took a long moment for Uruha to do the same and yet....his fingers still slid across his stomach and fingered another secret he had been keeping from Aoi for the right moment.

"Aoi..." He mumured and waited until Aoi had opened his eyes and looked over at him before he continued. "I have another secret...." Uruha chuckled at the way Aoi's face fell, obviously knowing that some form of sexual torture was hiding beneath this new 'secret' and he would have no way of finding release on this damn plane. Well Uruha was in the same exact position he was in, but he had been waiting a month to show Aoi....and he couldn't wait any longer, not with Aoi's attention back on him. He leaned back into his seat a little more and then carefully pulled his shirt up to show Aoi what he had gotten done after his suggestion in the hotel that night. Aoi's eyes honed in on his stomach and a small grin spread across his face. Uruha mirrored the grin and let Aoi touch the silver hanging navel piercing with curious fingers.

"When did you get this done?" Aoi asked softly, his thumb caressing more of Uruha's skin than the piercing.

"After you suggested it," Uruha answered, and Aoi looked up at him with one of those frustrating unreadable expressions. Uruha smiled up at him and then pushed Aoi's hand away from his stomach and pulled his back shirt down.

"You know what you have to do to get permission to play with it," Uruha muttered cheekily and laughed as Aoi looked even more dejected. Of course Aoi wanted to sleep with him, but there was now something deeper lurking between them that needed exploring, something that Uruha couldn’t seem to let go of now that he had gotten this involved and tangled in Aoi's complicated web.

“Let me know you…” Uruha lowered his voice until it was barely a whisper, but he knew Aoi had heard him because he nodded slightly, knowing that the sex was going to come with things that he knew Aoi was nervous about....or maybe more than nervous about. It was obvious Aoi hadn’t let many people….if anyone at all, into his inner dealings, being the private person he was. It had probably been a big stretch to tell Uruha what he had already revealed.

They could have easily agreed on a mutual sexual relationship with nothing attached, but it was obvious at this point that that wasn’t what they wanted. And perhaps Aoi had furtively wanted someone to know him deeper than what he had allowed his friends and family to experience. Everyone needed someone to hold secrets safely, someone who could be trusted to know you completely and it seemed Aoi was willing to risk it with Uruha. It gave Uruha some sense of pride that Aoi had chosen him. Pure sex would have been fun, but diving deeper would be even more exciting. Uruha crossed his leg over his knee again and rose a haughty eyebrow at Aoi.

“So cough it up Aoi….you never answered my question.” Uruha crossed his arms over his chest as Aoi played ignorant and gave him a quizzical look.

“Have you ever fucked a guy before?” Uruha bit into his bottom lip and waited for Aoi to answer him, but Aoi merely chuckled softly and shrugged.

“Actually I think it was your turn. So give me a secret Uruha and then I’ll answer you,” Aoi mumured and Uruha had to sigh in irritation at Aoi’s ever-present sneakiness. He was going to solve the mystery that was Aoi with whatever it took though.

"I just gave you a secret...my navel piercing," Uruha reminded him with a raised eyebrow. He wasn't going to back down so easily anymore, he couldn't if he wanted to know Aoi the way he promised himself he would. Aoi was obviously a tough mystery to break into and would need more than a little coaxing. But if Aoi thought it was going to be easy keeping that veil between them, he had another thing coming. Aoi didn't know him well enough if that were the case. Aoi leaned in close, putting his ear right next to Uruha's ear, and Uruha had to stop himself from shivering as he was prone to doing when Aoi was this close to him.

"I'm not sure that counted," Aoi whispered hotly against Uruha's ear and then pulled back to give him a playful frown, still hanging onto that tactic of feigned ignorance that was so frustrating.

“It sure as hell counted when it was your tongue ring," Uruha countered silkily, holding his stance against Aoi's maddening tact and heat. "The plane lands in three more hours, Aoi, and we’re sharing a hotel room again. Are you sure you want to tease me like this?" Uruha lowered his voice warningly, but a grin was on his face as Aoi leaned in close again, his own smirking lips so close to Uruha’s mouth, he could feel Aoi's warm breath and smell the faint scent of the fruit drink Aoi had been drinking earlier before Uruha had interrupted his alone time in the corner time.

"You have a lot to learn about me Uruha,” Aoi whispered, lips brushing against Uruha’s mouth, feather light, leaving Uruha wanting more as always.

“I could say the same,” He threw back playfully before kissing Aoi hard on the mouth, silently counting down the minutes in his mind until the plane would land and Aoi was his for the taking, body, secrets, and all.

END

******

A/N: I apologize right now for any typos, ect This thing may have. Sometimes I must multi-task taha I hope everyone enjoys the last part and I'm glad everyone's enjoyed it so far!

Part Two

2010-01-25T06:01:21Z

[ How I'm feeling| Refeshed
[ What I'm listening to| With U- Big Bang *sigh* and random G-dragon-ness....hurhur

Title: Tell me a secret (2/3)
Author: Life_giver
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha
Rating: NC-17 (when is it ever not? Taha)
Warning: Just your typical smut
Summary: He wanted Aoi to know him and all of his secrets and everything else he could know about him, because he wanted the same in return from Aoi.

“I think it’s your turn….” Uruha’s voice was soft and quiet, wanting more than anything to direct Aoi’s attention away from him and somehow disregard his very suggestive comment.

“Is it?” Aoi asked with a small smile and when Uruha frowned at Aoi’s neverending teasing, Aoi’s smile only widened. “Let me see….” Aoi trailed off, his eyes sliding over Uruha slowly, sensually. Uruha’s brow creased when he noticed Aoi’s gaze slipping down his body and then Aoi’s eyes were locking with his own curious stare. “I think you know there’s a reason I let that article be printed,” Aoi revealed with no hidden finese or tact, just open, raw honesty and it left Uruha swallowing against a dry throat. “If you wanted a big “dark” secret, that’s my biggest right now.”

“Aoi…” Uruha’s eyes narrowed as his mind scrambled for something to hang onto at Aoi’s confession. “Are you…just curious about me….or….” Aoi’s heated gaze told him enough, answered his trembling question better than mere words ever could.

“Your turn,” Aoi prompted, his face straight, no hint of the teasing smirk he had been sporting all night. Uruha was once again at a loss for words and he could only look at Aoi searchingly.

"I...." Uruha paused, taking a moment to think over what he could say next in response to Aoi's sudden confession.....and that sensual look he was being pinned with. 'I don't know what to say' was what Uruha wanted to blurt out with an embarrased, shaking laugh, but he knew now was not the time to make a fool of himself even though his nerves were on fire and he was slowly crumbling beneath Aoi's dark stare.

A sudden, bold idea came to mind and he wondered for a long moment if he really should....because the idea was something he would usually never go through with under any circumstance. But it seemed that Aoi had given him leeway to experiment, to be bolder than he had ever been before, with that one confession. After all, he was the one who had started this thing with reading the magazine and bringing it up to Aoi with accusations. He had obviously wanted something to come out of this, something more than mere secrets and getting to know one another....and Aoi was offering to continue what he had started, was offering to go father than he could have ever imagined going with Aoi.

Uruha smiled slyly as his thoughts wandered into more dangerous recesses, recesses where perhaps his mind shouldn't wander when it came to his friend and bandmate.

"Tell me," Aoi prompted, mirroring his sly smile perfectly. The nervousness and unfamiliar insecurity dimmed at Aoi's cheekiness. Aoi's teasing really needed to be put into place,Aoi needed to be put in his place was more to the point. Aoi confidence intruiged him, aroused him but he had to get control of himself and stop flustering like he had some schoolgirl crush on Aoi. He needed his own confidence and smooth sexual prowess back.

"Do you really want to know?" Uruha teased back easily, the boldness he had been groping for suddenly rising to the surface with a spark of adrenaline. He curled his finger at Aoi until he had his bandmate leaning closer once more. The bait was taken, and he took his time in smelling the scent of Aoi drifting around him lazily, in no hurry to indulge his friend just yet. He left Aoi in suspense as Aoi had left him only moments ago. Aoi could tell he had a good confession on the tip of his tongue, because he seemed genuinely interested. Uruha's gaze fell to Aoi's hand between them, Aoi's wrist pressed firmly against his thigh and the pressure sent a shiver of hidden pleasure down Uruha's spine. Uruha tilted his chin, reveling in the eagerness Aoi was obviously trying hard to conceal as he leaned away some and his gaze flitted away from Uruha in some form of slight embarrassment.

"Come back here and I'll tell you," Uruha prompted, his face heating as his cheekiness returned full force. He wanted to keep the heat of Aoi's body against him for as long as he could possibly could. Uruha loved the way Aoi's eyes widened slightly in surprise for a fraction of a second, and then Aoi was back to being smug and confident as he leaned close to Uruha once more....closer than before even until Uruha could feel Aoi's warm breath drifting down his neck, sending more chills down his traitorous spine. Aoi knew exactly what he was doing...and what Uruha was doing...

"Tell me," Aoi mumured again, and this time his voice was deeper and softer and Uruha almost....almost expected to feel Aoi's plush mouth against his skin with how close he was to him now. And maybe....he wanted that. To have that full mouth against him would feel amazing he was sure. Uruha let an equally smug grin touch his lips as he turned his face to Aoi and then leaned down so that he could whisper into Aoi's ear.

"I've never kissed anyone with a tongue ring before," Uruha indulged, making sure to put a depressed touch to his voice, his lips turning down forlornly as Aoi leaned away some and rose an eyebrow in a silent question...not at the confession he knew, but at what that confession was secretly asking, and at the boldness Uruha was exuding by even asking it.

"Is that so..." Aoi stated softly, his smug grin faltering a little as he took in Uruha's pouting face and he seemed to consider Uruha's unspoken offer carefully. He seemed confused for a moment by what he saw in Uruha for that split second in time, as if maybe his assumptions about Uruha hadn't been completely correct. Well Aoi wanted to know him, and he was letting the other man inside so that he could see the complexities of his character just as he was seeing the many different sides Aoi harbored.

"You've been deprived if that's the case." Aoi stated after a long bated moment and Uruha chuckled quietly, willing the nervousness away that was trying to force it's way back to the surface of his skin.

"I wish I wasn't so deprived." Uruha's pout turned into a devilish smile, and his confidence steadily crept up when Aoi's eyebrow rose higher and then Aoi moistened his lips in a gesture that was both slightly nervous in an uncharacteristic way and sexual, completely characteristic of Aoi at the same time. Aoi seemed to wait silently for a moment, and Uruha held his breath without even realizing it.

"Would you like to change that?" Aoi asked softly his face moving closer to Uruha, sending waves of heat through Uruha's body as he saw Aoi playing teasingly with his tongue ring once more in his mind's eye.

"Maybe..." Uruha whispered, moistening his lips just as Aoi had in anticipation and the next thing he knew, Aoi had leaned in closer and their mouths were pressed together gently. Uruha's eyes closed as Aoi's hand slipped behind his neck and he was kissed a little harder and he found his hand moving it's way to Aoi's thigh for some sort of leverage to reality. The shock had worn off earlier with Aoi's lewd confessions so the kiss wasn't so much of a surprise at that moment, he had known it was going to have to happen eventually with the turn their conversation had taken, it was just a wonder that Uruha had even had the courage to make it happen....and that Aoi was a willing participant in kissing him.

Aoi seemed to be a bit of a gentleman when it came to kissing him because he merely let their lips move against one another slowly without deepening the kiss and Uruha wanted...needed to change that. Uruha's hand pressed harder against Aoi's thigh as he parted his lips and let his teeth pull Aoi's bottom lip between them sensually. Uruha opened his hooded eyes as he pulled back and moved until he was on his hands and knees facing Aoi, his expression sexual and tempting. He couldn't even begin to understand how this side of him had suddenly taken over. In any other sexual situation it would have been completely normal for him to take over and completely submerge his partner in his own heat and sensualness. But this was Aoi....his friend...his bandmate, sexually confindent, mysterious Aoi who before tonight he thought he'd been invisible to for so many years. Aoi seemed somewhat overwhelmed by Uruha's sudden change from hesitant to bold to demanding all in the space of only a few moments. He couldn't understand it either, but he was going with it because this felt too good....and he needed Aoi to follow him.

Aoi opened his mouth slightly as if he wanted to say something, but Uruha gave him no time to speak as he leaned back in and caught Aoi's lips in a harder kiss, balancing himself with hands on Aoi's thighs. It was a stance of control, and yet he wanted Aoi to take that control back, to kiss him hard and sexual and intense the way he knew Aoi was capable of. The way Aoi had played with his tongue ring had let Uruha know just how good of a kisser he must be, and Uruha was adamant on finding that out personally. He wanted the confident, smooth Aoi to kiss him back and overwhelm him. A strong rush of sexual arousal swept through him as he heard Aoi moan against his lips, and the moan served to part Aoi's lips and let Uruha's tongue slip into his mouth. Persperation broke out on the edge of Uruha's hairline as the heat only intensified throughout his body as Aoi's hand tightened on the back of his neck and his tongue rubbed against Uruha's tongue sensually.

"Mmm yeah, like that..." Uruha groaned softly, surprising himself yet again at the eagerness behind his words as he pulled away from the kiss and then tilted his head and attacked Aoi's mouth once more. He was so aroused at that moment with Aoi's tongue in his mouth, all thoughts of propriety and friendly boundaries left him along with any insecurities or nervousness. He let one of his hands slip into Aoi's hair as they kissed and felt a very vital part of himself harden when Aoi flicked his tongue ring against his tongue and the roof of his mouth playfully.

Uruha bit down on Aoi's plush bottom lip again in the heat of the moment and opened his eyes to find Aoi pinning him with a look that was as sexual and aroused as he felt at that moment. Uruha sucked Aoi's tongue back into his mouth slowly and then raked his teeth against the metal stud in Aoi's mouth before pulling back for a gasp of air. But Aoi didn't let him breath for long because he pulled Uruha back down by his neck and let their tongues play once more.

Kissing Aoi was much more than he had expected or anticipated. He had known Aoi would be good, but he hadn't known Aoi's kisses would bring out this feral sexual desire in him...he hadn't expected to get hard this easily or want to push Aoi down on the bed and ravish him until Aoi was left breathless and flushed pink. The image that conjured in Uruha's mind had him kissing Aoi harder, his brow creased in desire and his hands moving from Aoi's neck and thigh to wander down Aoi's deeply breathing chest. He couldn't say he knew exactly where this was going or where he wanted it to go, but he knew now that their desires had been fully realized and released, it would be hard to stop them from going too far, whatever too far was between them.

"What do you want?" Aoi whispered raggedly between Uruha's consuming kisses, seeming to read Uruha's racing thoughts. Uruha slowed his kisses and finally leaned away, his breathing quick and labored and his hands still rested against Aoi's chest, his fingers stroking the bare skin of Aoi's chest.....contemplating what they wanted to do. What did he want anyway? He hadn't opened that magazine wanting anything really...or had he? Maybe he had wanted all of Aoi for awhile now....not just touches and brief kisses...and the magazine had only served to bring those hidden desires to the surface.

"I guess I'm not so deprived anymore," Uruha muttered playfully instead of answering Aoi's heated question because he didn't know exactly what he wanted from Aoi but he knew he wanted something more. Uruha pressed his body fully against Aoi until Aoi was forced to lean back on his elbows. Aoi looked up at Uruha on top of him and realization dawned in Aoi's dark eyes, realization that maybe Uruha was looking for more than tongue ring kisses and secrets from him. Uruha's hips settled comfortably against Aoi's and he leaned down slowly for another deep, hard kiss. He wasn't surprised at all to find that Aoi was in the same aroused state as he was. Uruha grinned into the kiss and dared to press his hips more firmly against Aoi before his mouth slipped away from Aoi's and slid to a pierced ear.

"Your turn," He mumured playfully and let a small moan vibrate in the back of his throat as Aoi thrust against him in answer. He tilted his head back as he felt Aoi's hands wandering down his back to grab his ass and pull their hips together even harder, their erections brushing against one another and making the arousal between them almost painful as it was pulled to its breaking point. Aoi kissed the side of his tilted neck and then bit it with a soft, barely perceptle growl that had Uruha shuddering.

"I haven't sucked anyone off with this tongue ring yet," Aoi admitted before running the flat of his tongue against Uruha's skin slowly. The juxtapostion of Aoi's warm, soft tongue and the cold hard metal against his skin and what Aoi had just said had Uruha groaning even deeper, his fingers clutching at Aoi's forearms desperately as the pleasure coursed through every part of his heated body. He knew what Aoi wanted to do to him at that lewd statement and he found himself wanting it more than anything, wanting more of Aoi's mouth and pierced tongue and heat.

"Is that so..." Uruha used Aoi's earlier teasing statement to his confession, but his voice was trembling slightly, his confidence taking a small hit...because he had never been with another man before. The only experience he had with another male had been the experimental kiss with Reita and that had been so innocent compared to what Aoi was wanting to do. He had definitely never let a guy suck him off, so Aoi had a headstart in that department. He wanted Aoi's mouth on him, wanted to experience what it would be like to be with Aoi, but he was nervous and somewhat unsure of the situation at the same time. It was the first time that night that doubt began to creep into his mind at what would happen after they did what they were wanting to do at that moment.

"I've never...." He cut his insecure statement short though, knowing Aoi already knew he was inexperienced when it came to being with another man, and at the same time, he didn't want Aoi to think of him as insecure. But Aoi had caught onto his nervousness, it was obvious by the way Aoi's face softened and he pulled Uruha back down for a kiss that consisted of teasing tongue and it helped to calm Uruha's nerves a bit.

"There's a first time for everything-" Aoi began after he had pulled away from the kiss and Uruha slyly finished his sentence with renewed confidence.

"And we’re only human, we’re always going to do things impulsively because it seems like the right thing to do at the time...." A grin lifted the corner of Uruha's mouth and he found that grin being kissed by Aoi, hard and greedy. Aoi's hands wandered from his ass to slip beneath his shirt and run along his back sensually.

"If you lay back we can work on christianing this tongue ring a little more," Aoi whispered against his mouth. Uruha groaned, his hands tightening around Aoi's forearms instinctinvely at his dirty words. He could still feel Aoi's erection pressed firmly against his thigh, and without a second thought or hesitation, he found one of his hands slipping down between them and exploring Aoi's lap like he had been wanting to do since Aoi had divulged that he had had his cock pierced all those years ago.

His fingers traced the outline of Aoi's cock through his thin pajama pants and he found his skin shivering in pleasure at the feel of hard warm flesh beneath flimsy cloth. Aoi released a pant of breath against Uruha's cheek as he took his time in feeling Aoi, faintly registering in the back of his mind that this was the very first time he had ever touched another man's cock and he was enjoying it immensely, mostly because it was Aoi's cock in particular. It being Aoi he was exploring only made the experience that much more intense and worthwhile because Aoi had been a subject of vast interest over the years they had known one another. He had never thought for a moment that he would ever be this close and personal with Aoi.

He felt Aoi harden even more beneath his palm as he rubbed him and then ran his fingers over the head of his cock and sure enough, he felt the hard metal bar of his piercing and had the intense urge to see it. He glanced at Aoi's face and saw that Aoi had closed his eyes and was moistening his lips periodically in pleasure. Uruha leaned forward and caught Aoi's lips as he peeled back his pajama pants just enough so that he would be able to see the piercing. Uruha broke away from the kiss and looked down to see the metal glinting erotically in the light.

"You weren't lieing," Uruha mumured, allowing a finger to trace over the bar piercing Aoi's flesh. The piercing looked more than a little painful, but was so erotic and enticing, he could see why Aoi had gotten it. He knew Aoi hadn't been lieing because having his cock pierced seemed like exactly what Aoi would do, but it was as if he still had needed to confirm Aoi's claims by seeing this for himself.

"Of course I wasn't." Aoi seemed affronted as he shifted his hips, pressing his cock more into Uruha's hand. "Do you like it?" For a moment Uruha thought he probably should have been just a little embarrased or have the decency to blush some at touching his bandmate's cock so easily and curiously, but at the moment, he felt nothing but wonder and lust. He was surprised he wasn't blushing but his body was heating in arousal as he let his finger circle the head of Aoi's cock and catch the moisture steadily gathering against the piercing. Uruha had the sudden urge to lean down and run his tongue against the piercing and experience the taste of Aoi. But he held back for now and merely explored with his hands. Aoi didn't seem uncomfortable at all either. He was just interested in Uruha's hands touching him and he was giving Uruha the most sultry look he had ever seen Aoi give anyone. With Aoi being the world's biggest crowd and camera whore, that was definitely saying something.

"It fits you," Uruha answered softly in reply to Aoi's earlier breathy question. He grinned as he slipped his hand more inside of Aoi's pants to wrap his hand around the base of his cock. Aoi groaned deep in his throat and he pulled Uruha down on top of him roughly by the back of his neck, their mouths pressing together in a harsh attack of lips and tongue. Uruha felt the strongest urge to please Aoi, to pull more of those groans from his full mouth. He wanted to have Aoi moaning beneath him and calling out his name, to see Aoi's usually calm demeanor shattered, and so he began to slowly but firmly stroke the base of his cock rythmically the way he himself liked to be touched. Aoi hissed and broke away from their kiss before burying his face in Uruha's neck. Uruha could feel the gentle nudge of Aoi's lips and teeth against his skin as he stroked him, marveling in the way his bandmate was coming undone beneath his hands. It gave him a rushing sense of empowerment and satisfaction to have Aoi unraveling under him like this.

"Uru...you're something..." Aoi mumured against his neck, moistening his skin with warm breath. Uruha caught his bottom lip between his teeth as smirked and let his thumb circle the head of Aoi's cock, paying particular attention to where the piercing went into his flesh. He knew it must have been sensitive there, and his assumptions were confirmed when Aoi's hips jerked slightly as Uruha rubbed over the metal in his cock.

"I'm something?" Uruha asked playfully, using his other hand to slide Aoi's pajama pants down over his hips to give his hand more room to move.

"I wanted to suck you off and you're teasing me like this," Aoi groaned into Uruha's neck, his body tensing and then relaxing in cycles as Uruha steadily got him off.

"I'm not teasing...."Uruha whispered next to Aoi's ear, his hand swiveling down to the base of his cock once more before sliding up and twisting near the head. "I'm giving you exactly what you want, and what I want is to make you feel good." He realized as the words left his mouth that that was exactly what he had always wanted. There had always been a taboo want in the back of his mind to see Aoi come undone under his hands. He had on more than one occassion imagined what Aoi looked like during sex, during an orgasm, and somehow in his mind's eye it had always been him giving Aoi that ecstacy.

He had always tried to block those unbidden thoughts from entereing his mind and denying them fervently, but he couldn't deny any longer that he had had those fantasies more than once. Uruha's gaze drifted down Aoi's body and stopped on his long, lean, hard stomach and he found particular pleasure in watching Aoi's stomach muscles contracting and tensing with each stroke of his hand. He could control Aoi's body with any little movement of his hands and fingers and he revelead in it like a kid having his way in a candy store.

"I want to see you come," Uruha revealed softly before turning his head and kissing Aoi deeply. Uruha began stroking faster at the thought of having Aoi come in his hand, but Aoi surprised him by wrapping a hand around his wrist and stopping him in mid-stroke.

"Not beforeyoucome for me." Aoi prompted firmly, pulling Uruha's hand away from his cock with a raised eyebrow. Uruha knew it must have taken all his strength to pull away from a handjob and he was frustrated that Aoi had stopped him, but a little admiration made it's self known as well. "I think I offered first," Aoi seemed the need to confirm and what else could Uruha do but agree with him? He wanted to please Aoi and get him off, but at the same time he was more than curious to find out what it felt like to be sucked off with a tongue ring by the man who had confused him and kept his attention for so long now.

Uruha let his body be pushed back to the bed by Aoi's gentle but insistent hands and that familiar nervousness dropped into the pit of his stomach as Aoi held himself above Uruha and smirked down at him almost victoriously. He somehow willed the nervousness away as Aoi leaned down to press a calming kiss to his lips. The kiss was a bit more gentle than their previous lust-filled, frenzied kisses, and served to calm Uruha's racing nerves. He closed his eyes as Aoi's kisses eventually moved away from his mouth and began spreading along his jawline to his neck, hot and moist, and arousing. He could feel Aoi's fingers unbuttoning his shirt slowly as his mouth attacked the side of his neck.

"You taste good," He heard Aoi mumur against the skin of his neck as he bit and sucked, working on a mark Uruha knew he'd be teased about by Reita for days to come because for some reason Aoi was creating it just under his jawline where it was sure to be noticed and where he'd have to choke himself with a scarf in order to attempt to cover it up. The act seemed purposeful and Uruha idly wondered why Aoi was being so mischeviously cruel as he tugged on strands of smooth black hair and tried to urge Aoi further down his neck. He could feel the cold metal of Aoi's tongue ring rubbing against his neck as Aoi sucked and Uruha felt himself grow harder at how incredibly good Aoi's mouth felt on him. Sooner than Uruha would have liked, Aoi's mouth began to wander away from his neck and move it's attention to his chest.

All inhibitions and hesitancy had evaporated from Uruha's mind as Aoi glanced up at him and Uruha slowly opened his eyes to catch Aoi's heated stare. The silent question was loud in Aoi's gaze and Uruha found himself answering with an insistant tug to Aoi's gorgeously smooth hair. The hair twined around Uruha's fingers was as soft as he had imagined it to be on many occasions as he had glanced at Aoi playing with it or tucking it behind his ear irritably when he was in one of his countless pissed off moods. He wasn't sure how Aoi was even able to stop and wonder if he wanted this or not. He wouldn't be laying on this hotel bed, trying desperately to hold back moans while he let Aoi neck him and touch him if he didn't truly want this.

"I wish you'd just get on with it and let me feel your tongue ring some more," He found himself groaning out loud before he could catch himself. He hadn't meant to speak his frenzied, wanton thoughts out loud, but he was instantly glad he did as Aoi laughed at his sudden, brash outburst and slid further down his body indulgently.

"Well then let me get on with it." Aoi chuckled softly before resuming his heated kisses down Uruha's torso. Uruha began to breathe faster the slower and more sensual Aoi's wandering kisses became on his stomach. Aoi stopped at his navel and seemed to take particular interest in it as his tongue circled his navel in a sensual spiral before dipping in and out in a lewd gesture that had Uruha moaning and grinning at the same time.

"You know...." Aoi whispered as he gave Uruha's navel a soft kiss and then pulled away. "If you ever did think of getting another piercing..." Uruha rose an eyebrow as Aoi's finger traced around his navel and then dipped inside, mocking what his tongue had done just a minute ago. "I would suggest you get one here. You'd look sexy with a navel piercing. I'm surprised you haven't gotten one by now." Aoi's finger left a trail of raised flesh as it moved away from his navel and brushed over his hip idly. Uruha shifted his hips as the arousal only heightened at Aoi's teasing display.

"I always thought that was your area," Uruha muttered with a slight smirk. He slipped one of his hands down his stomach to meet Aoi's wandering hand and boldly urged it to the waistband of his pants insistently.

"I wasn't aware we had areas," Aoi quipped with a raised eyebrow that mirrored Uruha's earlier cocky expression. Uruha let out a soft breath and moistened his lips as Aoi's fingers began undoing his pants with a calm Uruha envied. He mareveled at how Aoi could keep his hands from shaking when Uruha's body was thrumbing with desire, his breath coming in uneven wisps and his stomach shuddering with each inhale and exhale.

"Of course we do," Uruha found the breath and nerve to tease as he glanced up at Aoi cheekily and then dropped his gaze to the hands that were now slowly extracting his pants from his hips. Aoi tilted his chin and grinned down at him, urging him to elaborate on his 'theory' of areas. Uruha was only too happy to oblige as he lifted his hips for Aoi to pull his pants further down. Teasing served to ease his thrumming body and calm his racing nerves.

"You look fucking hot with all those piercings Aoi, as I'm sure you already know." He caught the self-satisfied chuckle Aoi gave under his breath at his comment as he pulled Uruha's pants the rest of the way off and tossed them to the ground, leaving Uruha in only his tented boxers. "It's what you're known for amoung other raucous antics." Uruha rolled his eyes heavenward in mock exasperation as Aoi smirked and visibly puffed his chest out in a manly pose that failed miserably.

"You're the band's piercing whore....I'm just the band's whore. I already look amazing, why push it with a navel piercing?" Uruha laughed as he said this but was caught off gaurd as Aoi leaned down quickly and pinned Uruha to the bed by his wrists, his leg pushing Uruha's thighs wider apart so that his hips could settle against Uruha's comfortably. Uruha couldn't hold back the sharp gasp mingled with a moan that left his lips at the sudden spike of pleasure at having Aoi between his legs, at having their erections pressed against one another so intimately. Aoi rocked his hips against Uruha's slowly and looked down at him with a smirk that could only be labeled as 'dangerous'.

"Band's whore?" Aoi growled softly before leaning down and giving Uruha a bruising kiss that left him breathless and just a little surprised at Aoi's sudden agressivness. "I wouldn't call you a whore. But you're right...you do look fucking amazing." Aoi's smirk lengethened as Uruha stared up at him wide-eyed for a moment before blinking and then glaring away the embarrasment at his own surprise.

"The navel piercing would only push you over board. So maybe it is best you stay the way you are." Aoi finished with a smug push of his hips that had Uruha groaning and pressing his head back into the pillows of the bed. He was glad he had a moment to close his eyes and rekindle himself, and just bask in the feeling of Aoi against him. Aoi's words were having a strange effect on him. Their teasing and yet sincere undertones confused him, but then again...Aoi had never failed to confuse him. Aoi was still a mystery that stretched on for miles even when he was between Uruha's legs ravishing him with an eagerness that surppassed even the best of Aoi's onstage performances. If this was going too far between them, he would gladly keep going with the way Aoi was making him feel at that moment.

His hands slipped down Aoi's warm naked back and smoothed over Aoi's ass as he rolled his hips to meet Aoi's aroused nudges. His breathing quickened again, and his pulse began racing as Aoi began kissing his way back down his neck and torso in a sensual trail. Uruha's hand slid into Aoi's hair as his lips and teasing tongue finally met his hip with renewed ferver. He tried to smother his tortured moans into his shoulder as he watched Aoi nipping at his hip while slowly pulling his boxers down over his erection.

For a moment he was pulled back into the reality that they were actually doing this, that his formerly anti-social bandmate and endlessly complicated friend was seducing him, was about to suck him off with his brand new tongue ring and Uruha was letting him....was practically begging for it as he finally let a groan slip from his lips when Aoi's fingers touched his cock. His fingers unconsciously tightened in Aoi's hair and he pulled without meaning to. He was sure his grip was hurting Aoi, but Aoi's fingers felt too good on him as Aoi stroked him experimentally for a long moment, his dark, confident gaze pinned to Uruha's lust filled, tortured face.

The tables had definitely been turned on him as Aoi smirked and leaned down until his lips were mere inches from the head of his cock and Uruha's mouth parted expectantly, his breath baited as Aoi lingered teasingly for a moment. Uruha had been so full of empowerment before, fueled by his irritation over Aoi letting that article be printed. He had been so ready to get answers from Aoi, to see him hang his head and apologize or confess sheepishly to something he hadn't understood at the time. But now it was Aoi who had him in the palm of his hand, literally, and he just knew that Aoi was getting off on making him come undone like this...

Uruha's waiting breath was let out in a rush as Aoi finally licked the head of his cock and purposefully ran the stud in his tongue over the most sensitive part of it. Uruha's hand in Aoi's hair jerked hard and Aoi's mouth slid away from his cock with a pained hiss.

"Sorry, I'm sorry," Uruha whispered breathlessly, his face heating at least ten degrees as Aoi shook his head and grinned knowingly. Uruha took his hand away from Aoi's hair, knowing it would be too dangerous to continue using it for leverage at this point. He was ashamed at how frenzied Aoi was making him and they had barely even done anything. It made it seem as if he had never had a blowjob before, but damn... Aoi's mouth felt different and so much better than anyone who had done this to him. He didn't know if it was the tongue ring, or Aoi's skill, or just Aoi himself...

"Sorry," Uruha apologized again as he closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing. He could hear Aoi chuckling softly and he started when he felt Aoi's hand wrap around his cock again. He opened his eyes to find Aoi looking at him with a raised eyebrow, his hand steadily stroking him once more.

"You're turning me on even more," Was all Aoi muttered with that sly grin that never failed to send shivers down Uruha's spine.

"Are you sure you haven't done this before?" Uruha questioned, his body thrumming with pent up desire that he wanted, no needed to release.

"Is that a compliment?" Aoi answered with another question, a cocky smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth, and his warm breath hitting Uruha's cock and sending another wave of desire through Uruha's body. Uruha threw caution and care to the wind as he wound his fingers around Aoi's hair and this time he pulled purprosefully to get Aoi to stop being a cocky bastard and just suck him off already. He half expected Aoi to laugh or throw some tease at him for his sudden demanding behavior, but instead he merely did exactly what Uruha wanted him to, he leaned back down and took the head of Uruha's cock into his mouth as he stroked him expertly.

Uruha's breath caught in his throat as he watched Aoi taking him down his throat slowly, and he even sat up on his elbows to watch, his body trembling and his mouth opened and panting at Aoi's display. This man was no novice when it came to cock-sucking. Aoi was hiding the fact that he probably returned that long ago highschool blowjob to his girlfriend's brother. It just made him even more determined to know all of Aoi, in every way possible. He wanted his deepest, darkest secrets, and his heated kisses, and his dirty words, and that fucking impossible smirk and stubborness, his horrible temper, his perfect touches, his lies and truthes, that shyness that probably wasn't shyness at all but something different that Uruha couldn't understand but wanted to understand...he wanted it all because he couldn't take Aoi being such a mystery to him anymore.

"God...fuck...Aoi, please...." Uruha's words were tangled and completely meaningless as Aoi's mouth slid back up his cock and then pushed back down just as he shifted his hips upwards, his hands pulling on black hair too roughly, but Aoi didn't seem to care. Aoi was using the tongue ring only Uruha knew about to the best of his advantage as he rubbed it against Uruha's cock in quick succesion with the rythm of his mouth and hand. Uruha bit hard into his bottom lip and sat up completely, his hands still tangled in Aoi's now complely mused hair. He let himself moan and say Aoi's name as loudly as he wanted to or under his breath. Whatever he wanted to do he was doing it without regard to anyone else, even though he knew that Ruki and Reita in the very next room was bound to hear him. He would play it off somehow in the morning, and that went for that bright cherry red mark near his jawline as well. But for now, it was just he and Aoi and that was all he could care about.

Aoi was looking up at him steadily as he took him back down his throat and swallowed like a seasoned expert and Uruha knew he was going to be intimidated when it came time to return the favor. Aoi winked at him cheekily as he gasped and shifted his hips forward to urge Aoi to take him down deeper. He knew he wasn't going to last long in Aoi's mouth and he wondered briefly if he should warn Aoi that he was close. Aoi slid back up his cock and swirled his tongue around the head of his cock as he stroked him hard and fast. Uruha was panting by now, breathless with pent up arousal, ready to be released, and he knew when it was time...Aoi just might be the first person to make him lose his voice.

"Aoi...." He preened low as Aoi slowed his pace down to run the metal stud in his tongue down the legnth of his cock. Then would have been a great time to let him know he was about to come and if Aoi didn't want a face full he had better just finish it with his hand, but Aoi was taking him back into his mouth and Uruha was throwing his head back and moaning, his mind going blank to anything but the pleasure.

What really sent him over the edge was the feeling of Aoi's free hand dipping lower and he felt a finger brushing his entrance with slow but firm deliberatness. The feeling was alien but he could feel his nerve endings firing and he unconciously thrust up into Aoi's mouth, his hands grasping Aoi's hair tighter as he came with a loud groan. Aoi surprised him further by not pulling back as he came and Uruha felt his body tremble as Aoi took all of him and even licked the head of his cock leisurely when he was done.

Uruha could feel the sweat on his brow beading and the heat in his face intensify as Aoi continued to stroke and lick him until his orgasm had completely left his body. Uruha dropped back down to his elbows and tilted his head back, swallowing hard as he marveled at how Aoi...his bandmate, his 'friend', had just given him the best blowjob he had ever gotten by anyone in his life. He didn't think he had ever come that fast from any of the women he had been with and that idea alone was a little nerve-wracking.

After a few minutes, he felt Aoi's warm lips and tongue move away from his softening cock and he felt the cool air like a shock to his heated skin. He let himself lay back on the bed completely as he watched Aoi licking his lips absent-mindedly, but the gesture was mind-numbingly lewd from Uruha's perspective after what they had just done. His eyes traveled lazily from Aoi's mouth, down his body and honed in on the erection he could still see through Aoi's light pajama pants that seemed just a bit more prominent now. He knew it was time to return the favor but after Aoi's performance, he wasn't sure he was quite ready to show off his lack of skills because he was definitely not up to par when it came to having another man's cock in his mouth. He wasn't a selfish person and would never leave anyone empty handed after recieving something as great as what Aoi had given him....and he knew he was too curious about Aoi's body not to explore it....So the thought of bailing had not once crossed his mind. He was just nervous with good reason...

"I've been told my sexual prowsess is amazing but I'm not sure that pertains to men." Uruha decided to let Aoi in on what he already knew. He could tell that Aoi sensed he was nervous about pleasing him because Aoi's smug grin at having Uruha come undone beneath his hands had been replaced by a slightly softer expression. Uruha recognized that expression from when Uruha had been able to witness Aoi in the company of one his family members or very close friends, the people he truly cared about. Aoi's eyes became softer and he smiled more easily and laughed and put his arms around the people he held some deep affection for and Uruha had always watched that from afar....wondering what it felt like to be the center of Aoi the great mystery's affection. Aoi was a completely different person around the people he had known the longest or loved, different from the slightly uptight, organized man that had a temper like a hurricane when things weren't going his way.

Uruha felt he had always gotten that cold side of Aoi, the side that held too many secrets and didn't like him very much until now...it wasn't cold and it wasn't deep affection, it was something in between. Like Aoi had let him inside, but only halfway. He had let Uruha over the threshold just enough to receive his lust and a fraction of the many secrets Uruha knew he must be holding. Compared to the cold side of Aoi, the stormy unpredictable side, this heated, unpredictable, and halfway hidden side was so much better. So that softening expression was rare and for some reason, Uruha felt his breath catch for just the slightest of moments.

"I dont think you understand how fucking sexual and irresistable you are Uruha. I have a feeling I'm going to like whatever you do. I've been wanting you to touch me for so long now.." Aoi mumured as he moved closer to Uruha. Uruha felt his face heat at Aoi's sincere words. They somehow struck a cord in Uruha that was more than purely sexual, but he couldn't yet piece it together to form anything he could clearly understand. He just knew at that moment that Aoi wanted to be touched by him and Aoi found himirrestible, the word itself making Uruha's pulse bound. Such a strong word tacked to him that he had to somehow live up to was intimidating

"Men will say anything to get what they want." Uruha covered his surprise with a cheeky tease as he was prone to do when he didn't want someone to see what he was really feeling. Aoi didn't need any more extra ammunition at this point to make him blush, Aoi was accomplishing that with just being near him. Uruha looked down between them at the mess Aoi had created across his stomach and inwardly groaned in arousal. He wasn't sure how he was going to manage sucking Aoi off in the current oversensitive state his body was in. When Uruha looked back up, Aoi was merely grinning at him, obviously amused at his tease because they both knew it didn't mean anything at all.

Uruha swallowed thickly as he finally made up his mind that he only could live once and this might be the only single moment he would get to do this....to be this intimate with his bandmate because who knew what would happen after tonight? He would at least try, and hell, if Aoi meant what he had said about liking whatever he did....Uruha would have him moaning and coming eventually.

Uruha reached foward as he had done earlier to explore Aoi's lap, but this time, his movements were more assured as his palm traced the outline of Aoi's cock through his thin pajama pants. Uruha reveled in the warmth emanating from Aoi's skin as he rubbed and at the same time kept his gaze locked to Aoi's face. Uruha felt his own cock coming back to life watching the nearly subtle changes in Aoi's face as his fingers slipped down and cupped his testicals before sliding up and rubbing with a firmer touch. He could see Aoi take a deep breath and let it out slowly, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly and his eyelids slipping down to close, his jaw clenching tightly. But Uruha wanted to make him groan and say his name as he had earlier, but on a higher level. He wanted to break the barriers between them, tear down that thin untouchable film Aoi had always had around him. Uruha wanted to annhilate everything that kept him seperated from his bandmate, and he would if it took him all night. Uruha slowly peeled away the flimsy material from Aoi's hips once more so that he could stroke Aoi in earnest.

Aoi's head dropped back and he let out another deep shuddering breath, but still none of the moans Uruha craved. Uruha used the moisture gathering at the tip of Aoi's cock as lubricant and even pulled his hand away to lick it to help ease the quick flicks of his wrist. He suddenly felt a sense of boldness rush through his body as he watched Aoi's deeply breathing chest and Aoi's strained throat as he kept his head tilted back in a gorgeous arch of bliss.

Uruha grinned as he leaned forward and ran his tongue against one of Aoi's dark nipples, a particular site of interest to Uruha. Uruha looked up as he swirled his tongue around the hardening flesh that tasted much like Aoi's neck had, fresh and straight from the shower. He found Aoi looking down at him with a curious raised eyebrow. He felt his old confidence settling back into place as he flicked his tongue playfully against Aoi's nipple and then drug it between his teeth slowly as he continued stroking Aoi. He didn't miss the way Aoi's steady gaze lost focus for the briefest of moments and his lips parted to let a pant of breath slip from between them. Uruha sucked the hardened flesh between his lips and groaned without meaning to, his hand pumping Aoi faster as he got himself more aroused the more he played with Aoi this way. He finally heard an answering groan in the back of Aoi's throat that almost parroted his own needy moan.

He eventually found the courage to let his kisses and licks travel down Aoi's chest. His lips slowed their pace as they brushed against Aoi's hard stomach. He let the fingers of his free hand touch Aoi's lower stomach, marveling at the strength he found there. He had known Aoi surfed and practiced Judo in his spare time when he wasn't composing music, but damn.....Uruha rose an eyebrow, impressed and feeling more aroused as he kissed Aoi's washboard abdomen slowly, almost worshipfully. Before discovering Aoi, he had never really found strength this sexual, this....arousing. But then again, Aoi was something competely different, a whole unique world he didn't know what to think of, but wanted to be let into. He took his time in stroking Aoi and kissing his clenching stomach before he decided to try mimicking what Aoi had done to him. He moistened his lips and then let them kiss the head of Aoi's cock.

The salty taste that hit his senses was not unpleasnat and he found his tongue flicking out to swirl around the head of Aoi's cock before he even knew what he was doing. It was as if his mischevious mouth and hand had taken the initiative to please Aoi before his indescisive, nervous mind had caught up with them. He knew what he liked being done to him and tried following the technique Aoi had used as he let his tongue slide down the length of Aoi's cock as he kept his gaze locked to Aoi's, feeling every vein and loving it so much he could feel shivers of excitement coursing through his body.

The smell of sex was heady and intoxicating as Uruha licked his way back up Aoi cock to suck on the head gently....maybe too gently. He felt Aoi nudge his hips forward insistently, and Uruha could read what he wanted all too clearly in his movements. He wanted more just as Uruha had needed more, so he pushed the reoccuring nervousness down into the pit of his stomach as he started to take Aoi further into his mouth, being careful not to nick him with his teeth. He was taking cues from Aoi's body and trying desperately to remember all the blowjobs he had ever gotten, including Aoi's perfectly amazing one just minutes ago. He was trying to please Aoi without making a fool of himself and so far he seemed to be doing alright.

"Fuck Uru, keep doing that," Aoi mumured low, his voice husky, and his dialect strange and almost inperceptible to Uruha's ears. At times when Aoi was talking excitedly about something or speaking to someone from his own area of the country, he would easily slip into the dialect he had been born and raised around, something that was nearly foreign to Uruha's ears, but it also sent shivers of excitement down his spine when he heard it. Uruha heard Aoi hiss sharply as Uruha took him as deep into his mouth as he could. He was sure he would choke with this being his first time at this but with some miracle, he was able to take at least half of Aoi without gagging.

He slid his mouth back up Aoi's cock and then tried taking him in again, determined to take him deeper. He wasn't sure where this fierce determination had come from...maybe the same place the detmerination to get Aoi to confess his guilt to the article had come from. But at that moment he really didn't care, didn't care at all about his nervousness or his lack of skill, he just cared about Aoi's pleasure and wanting him to come undone. It seemed he was doing something right at least as Aoi moaned and mumured something in that slang that Uruha couldn't understand. His gaze flickered to Aoi's dark, lustful gaze questioningly.

Aoi knew he couldn't understand all of what he was saying and still he mumured to him in that rough and yet rich dialect that sent shudders through Uruha's body. Uruha licked the head of Aoi's cock, keeping his gaze steadily on Aoi as Aoi purred to him in that tongue with a smirk that let Uruha know his companion was taking some perverted pleasure in Uruha not clearly understanding him. Uruha couldn't help but wonder what Aoi was saying to him, if it was as dark and dirty as it sounded. He found it erotic as well and continued to lick and suck the head of Aoi's cock with a ferver that surprised him, until Aoi reached down to hold the base of his cock and slipped it from Uruha's mouth.

Uruha's mouth turned down at the loss of Aoi's heated skin, and for a split second, the thought that Aoi wasn't happy with what he was doing crossed Uruha's mind before Aoi started to stroke his cock slowly and slide the head of it against Uruha's moist lips lewdly. Uruha's eyes slipped closed at Aoi's gesture, silently confirming everything he'd ever wondered and presumed about Aoi's sexual prowess in bed. He was untamed and lewd and definitely knew what to do to get another person off. Uruha's mind couldnt wrap itself around the idea that Aoi had to be ten times more heated and obscene when he was fucking than giving and recieving blowjobs.

Uruha's thoughts stopped dead though at the mention of fucking. Were they insane and aroused enough to go so far as to fuck tonight? Uruha felt his heart pound in some distant anticipation and fear. He could read that Aoi wanted to get off in those dark black eyes, but he couldn't tell if he wanted to fuck Uruha to get off. He wasn't sure what this night was supposed to mean...just that they knew a few dirty secrets about one another and were now sucking each other off. Uruha wanted to ask what exactly Aoi wanted from him but he knew he wouldn't. He wanted to ask if Aoi had even fucked another guy...but he knew he wouldn't ask this either. He would get Aoi off with his mouth and then let things fall where they would, as he had done with most things in his life. Even when this tactic got him in trouble a lot of the time, at least he knew he could take risks and trust that his life knew what it was doing, dragging him along for the ride. He idly wondered if Aoi felt the same way.

Uruha snaked his tongue out and licked the head of Aoi's cock as it passed over his bottom lip and then he let the hard flesh slip back into his mouth without complaint or hesitation. Aoi passed his free hand through Uruha's hair, and the touch was more gentle than Uruha's rough treatment of Aoi's hair must have been. Uruha broke the staring match between them first so that he could look down and watch his mouth taking in Aoi again. Uruha bobbed his head a little faster experimentally and felt Aoi's hand on the base of his cock catch up and match his speed perfectly.

"Are you sure you haven't done this before?" Aoi asked teasingly, switching back to a dialect Uruha could understand, and using his own words playfully. Aoi's voice was huskier than Uruha had ever heard it before and it went straight to his own cock. He felt his face and body heat at least ten degrees as he hardened again.

Instead of answering Aoi's question, Uruha merely swallowed around Aoi and heard a long keen come from the back of Aoi's throat. It was a sound that surprised Uruha in it's intensity. Uruha slid his mouth from Aoi's cock, wetness still clinging to it from Uruha's lips. Uruha loved the crudety of this act, couldn't seem to get enough of it, wanted this to be even more risque. He let his lips slid down Aoi's cock and dared to let his tongue lick his balls in a slow deliberate fashion, knowing just how much he enjoyed that being done to his own body. Of course not all men liked this being done to them, but then again, Aoi was a person that seemed wild and up for anything. Aoi's fingers tightened in his hair as he sucked the flesh into his mouth and was even bold enough to let his teeth scrape gently in a manner that wouldn't maim or hurt too much but would definitely put something more into Uruha's act.

"Do you like it?" Uruha asked low, his eyes catching Aoi's hooded gaze and keeping it. Uruha sucked the flesh into his mouth again and groaned when Aoi took the liberty of pulling his hair away from his face and out of the way for him.

"You don't know what you're doing to me," Aoi muttered softly as Uruha's tongue pressed against Aoi's cock in quick little flicks all the way back up to the head where he played with the metal piercing in his cock until he had Aoi hissing in pleasure.

"Maybe I do," Uruha purred before taking Aoi back into his throat again and bobbing his head, making sure he didn't take him too deeply to where he ruined his already very good reputation at first time cock-sucking with a slip up. He knew what he was doing to Aoi as surely as Aoi knew what he was making Uruha feel, pure unadultred lust and heat like he'd never felt before. He slid one of his hands against Aoi's stomach, giving into the strong urge to feel the muscles flexing and clenching there in anticipation. Uruha's own body was tense with expectance, knowing Aoi was close.

Aoi tilted his head back, his breathing coming quicker with each flick of tongue and press of lips, Aoi's own hand stroking quickly. Uruha pulled on Aoi's wrist though when he knew it wouldn't be long before Aoi came, so that he could stroke him himself. He wanted to be the one to get Aoi off completely. He wanted all of the glory of having the mystery unfurl in front of him.

"I'm..." Aoi gasped, his fingers tangling and tugging. Uruha subconsciously knew what he was going to do before he even realized it. His hand stroked Aoi with the sexual energy that was coursing through his own body. He was in control in that split moment as Aoi moaned low and rough and for a moment he was sure gentleman Aoi had stepped out of the room as Aoi pulled on his hair harshly and his hips jerked against Uruha until Uruha had to pull back just a bit to keep from choking. It was exactly what he had wanted.

"I know," Uruha groaned in answer to Aoi's earlier warning that he hadn't been able to finish completely. He couldn't help the urge that rose inside of him to taste Aoi when he came, to feel what it felt like to have his bandmate in his mouth in those last moments and so when Aoi finally did curse and his body shuddered beneath Uruha's hands, Uruha slid his mouth down Aoi's cock and created another little dirty secret to tuck beneath the other ones. He braced himself but the rush of fluid in his mouth still hit his senses in ways he couldn't explain and he found himself swallowing and continuing to stroke Aoi as Aoi had done to him in those final moments.

Uruha looked up to see Aoi swallowing thickly, his breath coming out in ragged pants, and Uruha let a small victorious smile slide onto his face at the thought that Aoi was panting because of him, that Aoi's body was trembling, because of him, and somehow he had achieved what he had always wanted....he had chipped away some of that mysteriousness, stripped some part of Aoi down bare until Uruha was able to see this raw passion from him. Uruha knew there was so much more than this though, that he had only chipped the surface, but at least he had chipped it, and he now wanted more. And he knew when he got more....he would keep taking until he had all of Aoi.

That train of thought took the breath from him as he let Aoi's softening cock slip from his mouth and he took a deep breath of air, filling his lungs completely and then letting it out in a rush. It was as if he had almost been drowning in these new unbidden ideas sifting through his mind.

Uruha sat up, his eyes downcast as he wiped the moisture from his mouth with the back of his hand, his heart racing again from everything that was happening. When he looked back up, Aoi was staring at him with those intense dark eyes that seemed to know too much about him already. He briefly wondered if Aoi knew what he was thinking at that moment, if he could sense that Uruha needed more and if Aoi didn't want that hidden side of him fully exposed, he was going to have a hell of time escaping Uruha. Uruha also wondered if Aoi had this kind of obsessive, completely ridiculous impression on everyone who met him, or was Uruha just finally losing his mind? His racing thoughts were interrupted when Aoi reached out and pulled him closer against his body by the open ends of his shirt.

TBC....

******

A/N: I dont know why but the kpop comments from you few amused me the most. I've been writing this story to loads of pop music for some odd reason. I usually listen to dark, sexual rock songs while writing LMAO But foreign pop is a secret (but not so secret now) indulgence of mine >< Next part will be up probably tommorow since I have two days off of work finally!! *rolls around on the keyboard grinning* You wont wait long hurhur And I'm glad this story has caught on like it has, I didn't know about it really when I started x___X!

Part One

2010-01-20T19:36:15Z

[ How I'm feeling| Hot]
[ What I'm listening to| It's a secret lmao (okay big bang...lollipop tahaha*slinks away*)

Title: Tell me a secret (1/3)
Author: Life_giver
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha
Rating: NC-17 (when is it ever not? Taha)
Warning: Just your typical smut
Summary: He wanted Aoi to know him and all of his secrets and everything else he could know about him, because he wanted the same in return from Aoi.

Uruha scanned the characters in the printed article carefully, slowly, contemplating each word as if it had some sort of hidden meaning. He had picked up the latest music magazine from the shelf of one of the street stands they had passed on their way from the airport a few days ago and the magazine just happened to feature an interview with Aoi. Uruha rose an eyebrow and cocked his head as his name was mentioned for the third time and he hadn’t even gotten past the middle of the interview yet. Uruha turned the page, his eyes scanning intently as if what he was reading was some of the most interesting things he had ever read, and in some way it was, in a complex, confusing way.

He reached into the bag of fruit candies Reita had picked up for him in the city yesterday and snuck to him before they had gone off into their separate hotel rooms. Reita knew the fruit candies were his favorite and he smiled as he indulgently tossed one into his mouth, his eyes never leaving the glossy pages in his hands. He would have much rather shared a room with his best friend of many years than the man he was currently reading the interview over. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Aoi, that definitely wasn’t it.

Aoi could be fun and amusing when he wanted to be and Aoi was usually civil to him despite his strange systematic personality. He and Aoi had bumped heads a few times over things, argued over solos and oddly music techniques, because even if they were completely opposite in personality where Uruha was in all kinds of disarray constantly in his daily life, he took his guitar playing to a serious methodical level that could rival Aoi’s daily life. He was strict on getting things down perfectly and not jarring or missing one single note, whereas Aoi was all over the place with his guitar playing. It was the one thing in Aoi’s life that he allowed himself to be completely loose and wild with if one didn’t count his affinity for putting holes in his body for jewelry. Aoi showed an entirely different person on stage that he usually decided not to show his band mates and close friends. Aoi joked and played around at times, and could have Uruha laughing at some of his random, silly antics, but he wasn’t the uninhibited person he was onstage when he was around the band…or at least around Uruha, and Uruha had had to share hotel rooms with him across the country.

So he’d seen Aoi behind closed doors and their conversations had always consisted of meager simple things, guitar technique arguments as he had stated earlier because Aoi threw him off kilter a lot of times when he missed a note while he was jumping around or air fucking his guitar. Uruha chuckled softly at the image that suddenly came to mind of the concert they had just finished with where Aoi had literally gyrated his fashionable but completely problematic guitar into the stage.

So considering all of those contradicting and tangled traits his friend possessed, anyone would be able to see how confusing and mysterious Aoi was to him most of the time. To make matters even more complex was that in the article Uruha had been reading so fixedly for the past twenty or so minutes, Aoi brought to light one of his hidden desires for he and Uruha to talk to one another about deeper subjects when they were in their hotel room. Uruha’s brow creased and he laid the magazine in his lap as he looked towards the closed bathroom door where Aoi was supposedly taking a shower to wash off the concert excitement of that night. Why had Aoi mentioned him so many times in the span of one interview?

He had noticed Aoi talk about him sometimes in other articles, but this one seemed suspicious. Aoi had never personally come up to him and asked to get to know him better and now he seemed offended that Uruha was better friends with other band’s members than he was with him. It wasn’t Uruha's fault that Aoi just seemed to never want to get to know him deeper than what their friendship expected of them. They had just so happened to end up in the same band and so they’d always been expected to be friendly to one another. They had a lot of the same interests from what Aoi had carefully indulged in Uruha from time to time, but when they talked, it was mostly about music and the band and Uruha had just come to accept that as what they could talk about and not think anymore of it.

He would have liked to get close to Aoi in a friendship that was more like he and Reita’s or the comfortable, caring, personal friendship Reita held with Ruki. But Aoi had always seemed content with holding him at arm’s distance, doing his own thing and leaving Uruha to his own devices in turn. Uruha shook his head, puzzled at what Aoi had allowed to be printed in this magazine when he’d never once talked about any of this to him face to face. He read on for a few lines and suddenly, he could feel his face heat a few degrees as he read what Aoi had said next.

In the interview, Aoi casually admitted that he thought about Uruha the most among their band members. That statement could have meant an array of different things, but the connotation was heavy even through the ink of the page. The interviewer even playfully rebuked Aoi about the comment which could ‘easily’ be taken out of context and twisted into something personal. Aoi seemed defensive in his response to the tease and Uruha suddenly snapped the magazine shut, cutting off the rest of Aoi’s uncomfortable struggle to cover up what he had said. Uruha let out a slow, even breath from between his lips and dropped the magazine into the waste bin beside the bed, with no intention what-so-ever of picking it back up to read the rest of the interview.

Well, that’s what he got for reading his band mates personal interviews, he usually didn’t do that, but when he’d seen Aoi’s, for some reason he couldn’t help but scan through it….or read it obsessively rather. Aoi was so untouchable and out of reach for him in all ways, and that’s what really made the interview strike him as so odd. Aoi wanted to get to know him or talk to him in more ways than just fanatical guitar talk or weather talk, and Aoi even seemed….jealous about the way Uruha paid more attention to other people. Uruha frowned and reached for another candy to suck on as he contemplated what he had just discovered by chance. If Aoi was so irritated by his lack of attention towards him and wanted a stronger friendship between them, then why the hell had he never said anything?

All the times they’d lain so close to one in their separate beds, divided by only a single lamp stand, talking about music, Aoi could have easily turned the subject into something more personal; problems, relationships, who the hell he was dating, which was one thing Uruha had secretly always wanted insight into because he’d never seen Aoi with anyone. The band was usually too busy for relationships, but even Kai brought back a woman once in a while to his hotel room. He knew Aoi definitely wasn’t celibate, not with the blush-worthy things he was prone to doing onstage, he was getting something somewhere behind closed doors, just not behind their hotel room’s closed doors. Wasn't that what friends talked about with one another?

He had sat through many sessions on the bus or plane listening to Reita describe his amazing night to him, if he got lucky, or even if he didn’t get lucky. Uruha had listened to it all from his best friend, and he’d offered a few adventures to entertain Reita in turn. But Aoi had never been that comfortable around him to tell him anything that intimate. Well….if that’s what Aoi wanted and he wasn’t going to say anything or try, Uruha was going to confront him about it because he had always furtively wished Aoi would pay more attention to him and actually talk to him and not about how fucking cloudy it was outside.

Uruha pulled himself to sit against the headboard and crossed his arms across his chest as he looked towards the bathroom door and waited. Aoi took hour long showers most of the time. Uruha had discovered this among a few of his other little quirks from the hotel room sharing. Uruha had been watching television when Aoi had first disappeared into the bathroom and that was just about…..Uruha checked his watch with a narrowed gaze….forty five minutes ago so Aoi was due out of the shower any time now.

He didn’t know why it bothered him so much that Aoi had told an interviewer things the guitarist had never confided in him about. If he had wanted to say something to Aoi, he would have said it to him and not have let the whole world know beforehand. But maybe he and Aoi were just too different from each other in their way of thinking. Where Uruha was blunt and unapologetic, Aoi was reserved and unapologetic. Uruha chuckled at the comparison but immediately regained his stiff narrowed gaze when the bathroom door suddenly creaked open and Aoi walked out wearing only pajama pants and drying his wet hair with one of the hotels terry cloth towels with the custom golden decal printed on it. Their manager had finally checked them into a classy hotel instead of the mediocre last minute hotels they were usually accustomed to.

Uruha almost averted his eyes in an uncharacteristic bout of reserve at the site of Aoi’s low strung pajama pants and the fact that it seemed Aoi had jumped out of the shower and forgot to dry most of his body. But Uruha remained stiff and composed as he watched Aoi cross the room, slinging the towel over one shoulder when he thought he’d dried his hair enough, even though he was basically still damp from head to toe. And for some reason, Uruha’s gaze was fixated on the tiny beads of water clinging to Aoi’s tan skin, suspended in place until Aoi moved a muscle, and then the beads would slowly trickle downward in unition, racing to hit the floor and ruin the carpet. Uruha unconsciously felt his brow crease as he studied Aoi’s perfectly smooth dark skin, realizing he’d never paid much attention to Aoi’s looks until just now. That wasn't true....he had looked....and admired, but hadn't admitted it until now.

He’d never admitted he had paied attention to anything having to do with Aoi until today when he had picked up that magazine and found him just a bit more complex and…interesting. Aoi still had his earrings in, lined against his lobe like little silver soldiers, dangling and scattering more droplets of water over his shoulders, catching in his damp ebony hair until Aoi brushed his hair behind his ears impatiently. A small silver glint caught Uruha’s eye and his gaze slid to the nose stud Aoi had neglected to take out as well. The guitarist was obviously a canvas of piercings and Uruha found that to be one of Aoi’s most intriguing assets.

Aoi stood at the small lamp stand that separated their twin sized beds and fumbled with his pack of cigarettes, extracting one and sticking it between his lips to light it up. Uruha immediately honed in on Aoi’s full lips sucking on the cigarette before the cigarette was pulled from between them. He and Uruha smoked the same brand which had come in handy when Uruha was still smoking and out of cigarettes because Aoi always seemed to be in stock, like a good convenience store and he knew all he had to do was smile and ask and he’d receive the addiction he had been trying to kick.

It was a moment before Uruha realized that Aoi was waving his pack of cigarettes back and forth in front of his face slowly and the mouth he was currently so interested in was grinning teasingly. Uruha blinked, feeling instant relief over his dry eyes and he recomposed himself enough to shake his head and wave the offer away. He had been trying to kick his addiction to cigarettes for the past week, and it definitely wasn't an easy task, especially at that moment, when all he wanted to do was grab for a pack and light up to calm his nerves.

Aoi rose a fine dark eyebrow and shrugged, tossing the pack of cigarettes back onto the nightstand, adding to the small clutter of paper, food wrappings, and loose change that had accumulated over the few hours they had been there, mostly thanks to Uruha. What could he say? He’d never been cut out for housekeeping, especially if the place wasn’t his. Aoi took another drag of his cigarette and then gestured to the bathroom with his burning cigarette.

“They have a bowl full of gold monogrammed soaps in there and there’s colored lights and jets in the bathtub. But I think our neighbors took all the hot water so you‘ll have to wait to take your shower.” Aoi commented and then sucked in another lungful of smoke deeply. Uruha hummed softly as Aoi turned back to look at him, and his eyes took in the nice way Aoi’s teeth showed when he was grinning or smirking and the little strands of escaped wet hair fell over one of his eyes…it was almost…sexy. Uruha felt his face flush slightly at the turn his thoughts were slowly taking. Aoi was fucking gorgeous and he was admitting it finally…and just now choosing to notice it, and why? Because he’d found out Aoi wanted to get to know him better? Because Aoi talked about him so damn much to other people and not to his face?

He didn’t know what it was, but he suddenly had the intense desire to know Aoi better as well. He wanted to somehow get close to this infinite fusion of mysteriousness and complexity. Aoi was suddenly very interesting to him and he almost felt guilty for not realizing this and practically ignoring him until now. It wasn’t all of his fault, because Aoi had always held him at arm’s length, but Uruha had never made much effort to create a comfortable milieu around them, so they were really both at fault.

“Our neighbors are Ruki and Reita, you should expect to take cold showers after them by now," Uruha muttered, hardly hearing his own voice because he was too busy taking in Aoi’s appearance and mannerisms and really noticing him. “Ruki’s worse than a woman.” Uruha chuckled softly because Aoi was even worse. “I thought you took a shower?” Uruha suddenly asked. Aoi’s brow creased as he stood rubbing the extravagant monogram towel back and forth across his neck languidly.

“I decided to take a bath when I saw the lights and jets.” Aoi laughed and then slung the towel into the corner of the room in a gesture that was out of characteristic to Aoi’s usual neat temperament. “Why do you care anyway?” Aoi tossed back with an amused, cocky smile. Uruha tried to shrug as casually as Aoi had just a moment ago and looked off to the side as Aoi studied him curiously, probably wondering why Uruha was suddenly giving him the time of day. The magazine sticking out of the small bedside trashcan caught the corner of his eye, and without thinking about it, he picked the magazine back out between thumb and forefinger and held it up in front of him, blocking Aoi’s probing study of him.

“What’s this?” Uruha asked, his voice hard and accusing and when Aoi’s smug grin slid from his face but he offered no explanation and only continued to stare at Uruha silently, Uruha shook the magazine insistently. Aoi looked as if he’d been caught doing something horrible as he shook his head and sat down on the edge of his bed without meeting Uruha’s questioning gaze.

Aoi looked guilty and Uruha felt a flood of satisfaction that at least Aoi knew he was wrong for letting the article get published and never once mentioning any of this to him at all. Uruha rose an eyebrow, mirroring Aoi’s familiar cocky expression as he opened the magazine and began reading out loud the highlights of the articles, the places where his name came up over and over again and the part where Aoi complained of not knowing Uruha.

“You want to know me?” Uruha stated more than asked when he was finished and he had closed the magazine and tossed it back into the trashcan. “Why the hell haven’t you ever said anything to me about this?” Uruha wondered. “We’re in the same damn band, we practically live together, and yet you treat me as if we’re just occasional acquaintances or something. I understand you’re reserved and like to keep to yourself, but if you wanted to get to know me better, you should have done something about it instead of telling some damn reporter about our communication problems.”

Uruha sat up on the side of the bed facing Aoi, feeling the heat of his argument rush through his limbs like a hit of adrenaline. He wasn’t angry, just irritated, and he wanted Aoi to open up and talk to him like a normal human being.

“I always thought you had something against me because you never seem to want to talk to me like more than a band mate. If I had never picked up that magazine and read that article I would have never known what you were really feeling. How am I supposed to take what you said?” Uruha asked, tilting his head inquisitively as Aoi continued to look off somewhere across the room instead of at Uruha directly.

“You can take it however you want.” Aoi’s reply was soft and calm, letting him know clearly that Uruha was in an argument that Aoi wasn’t even going to participate in.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Uruha wondered, flustered at the way Aoi turned his head and finally pinned him with a steady, composed gaze. Maybe Aoi really didn’t feel guilty about what he’d done and maybe Uruha was being a dramatic bitch about it, but Aoi had let him believe that Aoi just didn’t find him interesting enough to be close friends with and that had always been a sore spot which was probably why Uruha had chosen to stay out of Aoi’s way and ignore him for the past few years.

Uruha was quiet for a moment as they stared one another down. Uruha was the first to break the eye contact as he looked away and flushed again. He silently damned his skin for flushing so easily under Aoi’s steady, dark gaze. He wasn’t even sure why he was flushing or why he couldn’t hold Aoi’s stare. He had always been bold and blunt, but tonight...he felt the air change between them and they were both acting out of character in a way.

“You blush a lot. Have you noticed that?” Aoi commented as if reading Uruha’s racing thoughts and Uruha immediately shot him a hard unapologetic glare.

“Well thank you for pointing that out,” Uruha muttered sarcastically, turning away to sit back against the headboard so that the lamp between them obscured their view of each other and most importantly, blocked Aoi’s heated gaze.

“You even blushed when you kissed me onstage last year,” Aoi muttered and Uruha felt his heartbeat stop for a fraction of a second before it began pumping again, harder until it was a tiny flutter beneath the skin of his chest and a loud pounding in his ears. Aoi had noticed him blushing when he’d kissed him? He was more shocked that Aoi was still even thinking about that small lock of lips he had initiated out of the blue. Another thing he had no excuse or reason for doing. It almost seemed like they had been noticing each other for the past years without even realizing it, maybe only pretending to ignore each other for whatever reason.

“Why are you bringing that up now?” Uruha asked touchily as he leaned forward to look around the lamp at Aoi. The other guitarist only shrugged and Uruha noticed the corner of his mouth turn up slightly in the corner in a faint smirk that reached his eyes. Aoi almost looked as if he knew something Uruha didn’t and was trying hard not to blurt something out and it irritated Uruha beyond description. When Aoi offered him no answer, Uruha sat back against the headboard again and crossed his arms over his chest in the stance he took when he was annoyed.

“It was just a comment, you don’t have to get pissy about it.” Aoi replied after a moment of still silence, and there was laughter just under the surface of his voice, giving Uruha the impression that he was the center of some joke and that Aoi was amusing himself at his expense. Well…..at least they were communicating in some way and not talking about the temperature outside. That was one good thing that was coming from this childish, out of the blue argument between them.

“I didn’t know you were such an asshole until just now,” Uruha growled lowly and heard Aoi laugh in response but the lamp separating them like a boundary kept him from seeing the annoying cheeky grin he knew Aoi was sporting.

“Am I really an asshole, or are you just angry about something else?” Aoi wondered teasingly. Aoi liked to tease, that was something altogether new from his band mate.

“I have no idea why you said all those things in that damn magazine because it’s obvious you don’t want to know me. So if you don’t want to talk to me like a regular human being, just hand me the remote to the TV and leave me alone,” Uruha grunted derisively, feeling his cheeks slowly losing their flush as the heat and embarrassment ebbed away some and was replaced by annoyance and slight anger. He hoped his words would push Aoi into a corner by giving him the choice to really talk to him or just forever ignore him to death. Uruha held out his hand insistently for the remote to the television without even glancing Aoi’s way.

“We are talking,” Aoi insisted in amusement as if he found Uruha’s attitude the most hilarious thing he’d ever experienced. Uruha suddenly felt warm fingers cupping his hand and closing his fingers into the palm of his hand and when he looked to the side, Aoi was sitting on the edge of his bed leaned towards him cradling his hand. “I think we’ve watched enough tv between us to last a lifetime.” Aoi chuckled as Uruha took his hand back as if he’d been burned. Aoi’s touch had surprised him because it was rare Aoi ever initiated many touches between them. It was definitely not a common occurrence….

“Fine.” Uruha moved to sit on the edge of his bed directly in front of Aoi and leaned forward until their faces were only inches from one another. “Then let’s get to know each other if that’s really what you want. Tell me something about yourself that no one else knows,” Uruha prompted, his eyebrow raising in challenge, wondering if Aoi was actually going to indulge him with any deep dark secrets. But instead of answering the question, Aoi merely smiled and then opened his mouth and curled his tongue against his bottom lip, revealing a shiny metal stud in the center of his tongue that Uruha had somehow failed to notice before. Uruha’s eyes widened for just a second before Aoi closed his mouth and smirked.

“When the hell did you get that?” Uruha wondered, and then realization dawned on him as he thought back to a few days ago when Aoi had disappeared until just yesterday before the show. “Is that where you went? To go get more holes stuck in your body?” Uruha asked and couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Show me again,” He prompted curiously, and leaned forward closer as Aoi indulged him and even played with the piercing flauntingly with his teeth. Uruha’s earlier irritation about the magazine and Aoi’s lack of explanation for not talking to him faded some as Aoi grinned and showed off his new piercing. Aoi would have never done this with him before their little confrontation, maybe they were opening up to one another in a way.

“Yeah….I thought it was about time for a new one,” Aoi replied with a shrug. “No one’s noticed it just yet because we’ve all been so damn busy, so you’re the first to see it.”

“I feel so lucky.” Uruha chuckled and rolled his eyes playfully. “I like it….” Uruha murmured after a moment as an afterthought. Well he more than liked it, it added to Aoi’s sex appeal almost even more than the navel ring had. “Are you going to get anymore piercings?” Uruha wondered, already knowing the answer to that before the question had even slipped from his mouth.

“Of course,” Aoi laughed. “I have a whole canvas left to work with,” Aoi answered, and Uruha could have been imagining it, but he swore there was just the faintest mischievous glint in Aoi’s eyes before it was gone and Uruha started at the feeling of Aoi’s fingers brushing against the outer edges of his ear. Uruha’s brow creased as Aoi urged him to turn his head and his hair was gently tucked behind his ear so that Aoi could examine the many piercings he’d allowed along his ear. Aoi had never once touched him like this, so familiarly, it was almost nerve racking how gentle and attentive Aoi’s hands were as his thumb stroked the carteledge of his ear, naked of any jewelry at the moment.

“I like your piercings here.” Aoi commented, his voice soft spoken and deeper than usual and his breath warm against the side of Uruha’s face as he spoke. “Have you ever thought of getting anymore….anywhere else?” Aoi pulled back and it took a moment for Uruha to answer through the rapid fluttering his heart and the warmth radiating to his skin from Aoi. He didn’t know what it was…..this sudden attraction and electricity he felt from Aoi, when before there had been nothing like this…had there? Uruha shrugged his shoulders because he’d never really thought about getting anymore piercings than the ones in his ear.

“Mm….” Aoi hummed thoughtfully and the sound was maddening to Uruha’s ears because he sounded so calm so composed even when Uruha knew without a doubt he wasn’t missing the sudden temperature rise between them, the strange attraction that only opposites have, like the pull of magnets to one another. It was as if Aoi was reveling in feeding the fire and playing with it as he sat back on one of his hands and pinned Uruha with another one of those dark ‘looks’ that only Aoi could give someone.

“So I’ve told you something no one else knows about me….yet, now it’s your turn.” Aoi grinned as Uruha’s face immediately fell as his efforts to get Aoi to talk, turned on him.

“You showed me your tongue ring, that’s not exactly a dark secret,” Uruha mumbled under his breath but he knew Aoi had caught his mumble because that high octave laugh reverberated through the room again. Tonight was the most Uruha had ever heard Aoi laugh around him, it was too bad that Aoi was laughing at him.

“Oh we’re supposed to be telling our dark secrets?” Aoi’s eyes widened teasingly and Uruha had a sneaking suspicion that Aoi was mocking him a little. “I didn’t know. You should have made it clear that we were telling secrets.” Aoi chuckled and Uruha glared as he was laughed at again. Aoi was making him seem so juvenile at that moment and it was only serving to rile his nerves up even more.

“’You were the one that started this, you wanted to get to know me. So why am I getting mocked for trying to talk to you?” Uruha huffed as the irritation he had felt earlier flared some just beneath the sexual tension he was feeling….or sexual frustration was the better term for his fumbling emotions. Aoi seemed truly taken back for a moment and then his brow creased and his face went serious for a moment.

“I’m not mocking you Uruha….I’m just….trying to play around with you. I’m teasing you, trying to get close to you. That’s what you wanted isn’t it?” Aoi seemed slightly offended by Uruha’s accusations and he suddenly felt guilty and awkward. He didn’t know Aoi that well yet, had never been on the receiving end of his playfulness and he had accidentally mistaken it for Aoi mocking him. Aoi was probably just a cocky, teasing person by nature, but how was Uruha supposed to know that when Aoi had never before let him see that side of him?

“Who said I wanted it? You’re the one who said all those things in the magazine.” He couldn’t help but defend himself, lying through his teeth as he singled Aoi out. He knew he had wanted the same thing. He wanted to get to know Aoi because his fascination with his twin guitarist had always been simmering just beneath the surface, this hidden attraction had always been there, but he’d never allowed himself to realize it or act on it because Aoi seemed so disinterested with him most of the time.

“You wouldn’t have cared so much about what I said if you didn’t feel the same way,” Aoi murmured. That cold hard fact hit home smoothly and Uruha could only shrug helplessly, knowing he’d been caught. “So tell me something Uru….something not even Reita knows.” Aoi rose his eyebrow in that smug expression he wore so well.

Uruha sighed heavily and moved to sit back against the headboard of the bed again, shifting warily beneath Aoi’s waiting gaze. He had no idea what to say because Reita knew basically everything about him, every deep, dark secret, every quirk, every lay he’d ever had and the one night stands he was ashamed of, Reita knew of most of them. One thing that Reita definitely didn’t know was that Uruha was currently undressing Aoi with his eyes and getting hot over him for no apparent reason. It was like his hormones had suddenly noticed Aoi next to him and decided to have a wild party. Uruha smiled slightly at the mental image he was presented with. He most definitely wasn’t going to enlighten Aoi on that particular secret.

“What are you laughing about?” Aoi wondered, grinning himself, but Uruha just shook his head and waved his question away.

“I’m just thinking of what I haven’t told Reita. You might be out of luck.” Uruha frowned and traced the tiny gold designs on the cream colored blanket beneath him as he pretended to think of things he could tell Aoi.

“Oh come on Uru.” Aoi laughed and Uruha was surprised to hear his name shortened into a nickname suddenly by Aoi, as if they’d been the best of friends all along. “You know there’s at least one thing you haven’t told your other half.”

“My other half?” Uruha asked defensively, earning him another chuckle on Aoi’s part.

“If Reita isn’t glued to Ruki, he’s trailing after you. I know he’s known you since you were kids, but I’m sure you don’t tell him everything. Tell me something he doesn’t know and I’ll tell you something in return,” Aoi prompted, and his voice abruptly took on a mischievous glint as if he knew Uruha was holding back on telling him something deep and dark. Uruha thought for a long few moments, his finger still tracing designs on the bed casually, but on the inside he was racing to find something good to tell Aoi that didn’t particularly involve him being attracted to Aoi.

“Well…” He started off hesitantly. “I..uh… when I was a teenager I hit and injured a dog with my parent's car and didn’t stop to help it. I’ve never told anyone about , not even Reita,” Uruha blurted out quickly with a guilty expression plastered to his face. He knew it was a pitiful dark secret, but it was something he hadn’t told Reita yet and that was what Aoi wanted of him wasn’t it? Ah, but Aoi wanted something deeper and darker and more perverse, he could see it in Aoi’s face as he rose his eyebrow and then frowned in disappointment.

“That’s the darkest secret you have that you’ve never told anyone?” Aoi asked flatly and when Uruha shrugged helplessly Aoi just laughed into the back of his hand and shook his head. “Uru….” That nickname again. For some odd reason he was really enjoying the way that nickname rolled from Aoi’s pierced tongue like a bold sigh or even a moan if he let his sexually charged mind get away from him. “I know that hit and run incident has probably been haunting you your whole life…” Aoi replied, somehow keeping a straight serious face as he leaned forward on the bed and spoke to him. “But I know that’s not the best you can do.”

“I gave you something, now it’s your turn. Depending on what you give me, I might give you something better.” Uruha suddenly challenged boldly with a raised eyebrow that matched Aoi’s own . He was feeling some hidden sense of nerve washing through him. His usual audacity was somehow breaking through his battling mind and body and the fear that Aoi would somehow catch onto his sudden attraction, his ‘rediscovery’ of how much he’d always wanted to get close to Aoi.

“Reasonable enough offer,” Aoi muttered, his voice still heavy with irritated disappointment. Aoi hummed low in his throat, looking off out of the window behind Uruha as he supposedly thought of haunting past wrong doings or untold secrets. Uruha chewed on his bottom lip and waited, wondering if Aoi would really tell him something worth telling him or if he would divulge in some pitiful guilty memory the way Uruha had.

“Oh I know….” Aoi murmured after a moment, his gaze centering back on Uruha’s suddenly engrossed face. Uruha unconsciously sat up straighter and leaned toward Aoi again as if he would miss some delicious detail of the secret Aoi was about to tell him. Aoi paused for a moment, his eyes scanning Uruha’s tensed form, and Uruha realized he’d caught onto his eagerness and was teasing him again by keeping him in suspense.

“Aoi just fucking tell me already,” Uruha growled deeply with a glare and Aoi chuckled, once more laughing at his expense.

“Okay, okay,” Aoi muttered and then lowered his voice a few octaves so that Uruha had to move back to the side of the bed and lean more toward Aoi to hear him better. Aoi’s mouth twisted into a small smirk as he curled his finger for Uruha to come closer. Uruha frowned, knowing he was more than close enough to hear whatever Aoi had to say, but still Aoi urged him to move closer to him.

They were the only ones in the room so no one could have possibly heard them and Uruha thought this was all pretty ridiculous especially since being so close to Aoi sent floods of something he’d rather not be feeling towards his band mate, through his body. But he leaned closer anyway until he was just as close to Aoi as he had been earlier when Aoi had been examining his earrings. Aoi put his lips right next to Uruha’s ear and Uruha waited for him to reveal something he didn’t know already know about Aoi.

“I let my high school girlfriend’s brother suck me off a week after I got my cock pierced just to see what it would feel like.” Aoi whispered softly into Uruha’s ear, and Uruha’s face immediately flooded with pulsing heat and his eyes widened at what Aoi had just whispered to him. It was a moment before Uruha could find his voice again as he blinked and pulled away from Aoi quickly. Aoi leaned back on the bed slowly, sinuously, and he seemed to survey Uruha’s shocked expression with a smooth, unperturbed smile, as if he were pleased by Uruha’s reaction to his dirty secret.

“What?” Uruha finally choked out, not believing that Aoi had just gone so deep and personal with him. He hadn’t truly expected Aoi to tell him anything that private and seedy….that….perverse….Uruha felt another flood of excitement rush through his body as what Aoi had told him sunk in. He had let his girlfriend’s brother suck him off, and his cock was pierced. But why was he so surprised? Aoi had become a delicate canvas of carefully placed piercings over the years, so why shouldn’t he have his cock pierced? Maybe Uruha had even wondered…once or twice…if Aoi had really gotten up the nerve to get pierced between his legs.

“Are you serious?” He couldn’t help but ask even when he knew Aoi was completely serious, it was written on his face, laced in his voice, and he could honestly imagine Aoi getting his cock pierced and letting his girlfriend’s brother suck him off. He seemed pretty fearless despite his hesitance when it came to coming up to Uruha and getting to know him. It had taken Uruha discovering Aoi’s desires in a magazine and confronting him for it to even get Aoi to open up like this to him. Was he really that intimidating? What was it about him that had kept Aoi at arm’s length all this time?

Aoi had had so many chances to know him better, to get close to him in all the hotel rooms they had shared with one another, with all the private little practice sessions they had had at one another’s apartments. But it had always been about music, nothing at all like what Aoi was revealing to him now with such smooth confidence. It almost intimidated Uruha, this new sexually charged confidence that was pulsing from Aoi in waves. It only served to heat Uruha’s skin more and he could feel himself flushing more and not just in his face, but over the expanse of his whole body and he could tell that Aoi was noticing as his grin lengthened slightly, his eyes sweeping over Uruha slowly….appreciatively.

It was almost too much and Uruha suddenly felt like wishing the floor would swallow him whole and put him out of his misery from Aoi’s study of his embarrassingly flushed skin. He had never blushed this much, acted so damn coy and hesitant in front of anyone. He had always been confident, self-assured, bold, sexually secure with everything he did, but here in front of Aoi he seemed to be reduced to a mess of confused and shyly heated emotions. He quickly tried to grapple for that boldness he had felt just awhile ago when he had been challenging Aoi to tell him something good. He needed to recover from the shock of Aoi actually letting him in so quickly…..so easily. But he was still speechless and he didn’t know what to say…to do, as Aoi waited for him to hold up his part of their little deal and let him in on a deep dark….perverse secret. But his mind had went blank in the short time it had taken for Aoi to trip him from his bold streak.

An image of Reita holding the back of his neck and teaching him how to french kiss behind the soccer field in his school age days suddenly came to mind, and his face only flooded a darker red as that secret made itself known once again. Great. Aoi’s grin was widening smugly as if he knew Uruha had just thought of something good. He hadn’t thought of that day in a long while and he and Reita had some unspoken pact never to talk about that blotch on their memories.

It was a silent dirty secret between them that they only thought about in passing. Sometimes when they were alone together and sitting close, maybe watching a movie that triggered that old memory, they would look at one another and see the recollection in one another’s eyes before they quickly looked away in embarrassment and sometimes Uruha would even punch Reita playfully in the arm or push him away from him on the couch to keep the brotherly camaraderie heavy between them. Reita was his best friend and that had just been a one time thing, a learning experience as Reita had put it so lightly all those years ago. And it had helped Uruha when he’d had his first kiss with someone he was actually dating. But it wasn’t particularly something he wanted to let Aoi in on.

He wasn’t even sure it would count since Reita was in on the secret. He wasn’t about to tell Aoi that and have him laugh at him, tell him it didn’t count, and then that was just one more person in on a dirty secret he would rather keep to the back of his mind. It probably wasn’t a good idea to reveal to Aoi that he and Reita had once had each other’s tongues and spit in one another’s mouth, it was something that could definitely be held over their heads later on for any reason, it was pure blackmail material. And yet…he found himself considering telling Aoi since after all…..he’d divulged something just as dirty, something Uruha could hold over Aoi’s head, not that he would, but the fact was…that he could and he knew Aoi was perfectly aware of that. Aoi seemed to trust him with the secret so why shouldn’t he trust Aoi?

“I’m not sure if this counts…” He began carefully, glancing towards Aoi who had sat up and leaned forward in much the same manner as he had awhile ago when he had been waiting for Aoi to tell him his secret that had turned out to be more than dirty and personal. “It has to do with Reita…” He divulged in almost a whisper, and Aoi nodded as if he had already known something with Reita was going to come up.

“Just tell me, it’ll count if no one else knows,” Aoi smiled lazily and suddenly patted the space next to him on the bed. “Come sit by me and tell me. I’ve told you something private now it’s your turn.” Uruha swallowed down his nervousness, and pushed himself away from his bed to sit down slowly next to Aoi, and the space Aoi had given him was so small that their thighs were pressed against one another. Aoi turned to look at him and Uruha caught the scent of freshness, of soap and shampoo from Aoi’s skin and hair and he caught himself taking a deep breath of Aoi’s intoxicating scent before he could stop himself.

“I let…”Uruha murmured softly and sucked in a deep breath as Aoi leaned against him to hear him better. “I let Reita teach me how to french kiss when we were younger,” He uttered quickly and so low he was surprised that Aoi had heard him, and when he looked to the side, Aoi had that knowing smile on his face he had been giving Uruha all night.

“I knew something was bound to have happened between you two. It isn’t really shocking….” Aoi murmured and Uruha’s brow creased in confusion. How had Aoi caught onto something that had happened between him and Reita so long ago? They had never given any hints that would lead anyone to suspect they’d ever gotten closer than friends were meant to be.

“I can just tell sometimes that you have some dark, dirty secrets Uruha…..” Aoi answered him when seeing his questioning gaze. “I’ve….noticed a lot more about you, studied you a lot more than you know I’m sure…” Aoi’s voice had lowered to a soft murmur and Uruha would have liked to be as shocked at that moment as when Aoi had told him about his kinky rendezvous when he was younger, but the truth was…at this point in their odd conversation, he realized he wasn’t shocked at all from Aoi’s revelation because….he had done the same thing. He had noticed too much of Aoi, had caught himself studying Aoi’s habits on more than one occasion, had tried reading his expressions and wondering what was behind those deep dark eyes, wondering who those full lips had kissed in the past and who they were kissing in the present time, wondering what they would feel like kissing him…

“I want to know all those secrets Uru…” Aoi whispered and Uruha felt his heart skip a beat and then thud against the wall of his chest at Aoi’s soft, heated tone of voice. The warmth leaning against his arm and thigh, that calming scent Aoi carried around him….everything at that moment was too surreal, and for a moment he couldn’t understand how they had gone from barely talking to one another unless it was about music to sitting on the same bed against one another sharing secrets they had never told anyone before and…..sharing a heat Uruha wished Aoi would just acknowledge and maybe do something about soon.

“You don’t care that I’ve kissed Reita?” Uruha suddenly asked to break some of the heavy tension curling between them lazily. What he was really asking was “Do you feel uncomfortable knowing two of your band mates have put their tongues in each other‘s mouth? Do you think I’m strange for doing it?” But it was no more risky or unconventional as what Aoi had done and in actuality Aoi had done a whole lot worse than Uruha’s innocent little adolescent kiss. What Aoi had done had been far from innocent and he had definitely known what he’d been doing and obviously held no regrets towards it, which was the exact opposite of Uruha’s situation. Aoi didn’t immediately answer his nervous question and Uruha found it nerve wracking how calm and composed Aoi remained, as if he knew exactly what he was doing as he looked Uruha over probably not for the last time that night before smirking just the slightest.

“Did you like it?” Aoi asked seriously, his tone heavy with sexual innuendo and Uruha had to look away for a moment to reassure himself that he was still in control of his emotions and his hormones, that Aoi’s power over him was not really power just a strong attraction that was somehow leaving him fumbling and awkward like he had never been before.

“Yes,” Uruha found himself answering truthfully and somehow he controlled the shake that wanted to weave itself into his voice as he said this. “I loved it,” He added as an afterthought because that was also the truth and something about Aoi was pulling the truth out of him with an ease that was almost frightening.

He had went home after Reita had finished teaching him how to move his tongue in his mouth and what to do with his lips and hands in the process, and he had touched himself because he had gotten embarrassingly excited over the whole ordeal. Reita had been more than a decent kisser even at that young age. But knowing he had gotten off to the kiss and had loved it, only served to add to his embarrassment of the memory. And yet…Aoi just nodded in that maddeningly in control way of his, as if Uruha was a book he had already read and was just scanning over his pages to make sure he had gotten all the details correct. Aoi was taking all this so easily, seemed so comfortable with his sexuality, and it almost made Uruha wonder if that long ago memory should be so embarrassing or considered wrong.

“You kissed your friend and you liked it. That was years ago and you two seem to just be close friends and the kiss obviously didn’t ruin anything so I don’t see anything wrong with it. It is an interesting detail about you I have to admit.” Aoi grinned as he said this and Uruha suddenly felt his body relaxing slowly at Aoi’s words. “But you act like it’s something to be guilty about, like it’s dirty and wrong when it’s not really. Not compared to everything I’ve done in my past or what I'm bound to do in the future....” Aoi replied and his grin softened into understanding as Uruha dropped his head and nodded, admitting the truth to Aoi’s accusations, and at the same time agreeing that he shouldn’t feel so guilty about his hidden secrets.

“I like getting to know you Uru….seeing what’s under that pretty face because I know there’s a lot more to you than music notes and makeup,” Aoi commented with that ease that put Uruha’s nervous fumbling to shame. There was so many things in what Aoi had just said that caught Uruha’s breath that he didn’t know where to start. Aoi thought he was pretty…..Aoi liked delving deeper than his skin and knowing the dark recesses he kept locked from everyone else, Aoi knew there was more that Uruha wasn’t telling him, but was going to tell him eventually because he was hooked to Aoi’s attention on him. He wanted Aoi to know him and all of his secrets and everything else he could know about him, because he wanted the same in return from Aoi.

He was hungry and greedy for all of Aoi and it suddenly wasn’t so strange at all that they were here together, because it would have had to happen eventually. They were drawn to one another naturally somehow and this confrontation had been waiting in the wings just ambling around to take center stage for some time. Maybe ever since they had laid eyes on each other because Uruha knew that’s where the attraction had started for him. It hadn’t just suddenly crept up on him as he had earlier expected when Aoi had gotten out of the shower. He had been attracted to Aoi all along and it had taken knowing Aoi had an ounce of interest in him to awaken that hidden lust, another dark secret, and bring it back to roaring life.

He just didn’t know what to do with that untamed lust now that it was rushing through his body like wildfire, desperately seeking to fuse with Aoi’s quiet attraction to him but not knowing how. Aoi had just admitted that he found Uruha attractive, but it wasn’t exactly a confession to lust and Aoi had remained so calm this whole time, nothing like Uruha’s nervous energy. He suddenly wondered if Aoi was just merely attracted to him or if he wanted him the way Uruha did.

“Besides…” Aoi continued softly. “Kids are going to experiment, just like adults are prone to doing…” Aoi seemed to throw that last part out for consideration and Uruha could have sworn Aoi had put too much suggestion in his voice….too much candor. “There’s nothing wrong with anything you did….or anything you’re going to do.”

“What I’m going to do?” Uruha forced out as his throat threatened to close in on itself gradually.

“Well you know that isn’t the only taboo thing you’ve done and it won’t be the last. We’re only human, we’re always going to do things impulsively because it seems like the right thing to do at the time.” Aoi shrugged as if it were just common knowledge and actually it was. Uruha knew he was going to make a handful of mistakes, create more deep, dark secrets as the years wore on. He was weaving a dirty secret right at that moment, lusting after Aoi and thinking of the worst things they had the potential of doing to one another in their locked hotel room. Aoi was quiet for a long moment, letting Uruha process what he had just said.

TBC....

Part Three

2009-11-29T23:46:49Z

[ How I'm feeling| Sexual and Melancholy taha]
[ What I'm listening to| Adam Lambert- For your entertainment (Yes I do enjoy this song >< lmao)and Closer by NIN…but of course taha

Title: Experimentation (3/3)
Author: Life_giver
Pairings: Uruha/Aoi
Rating: NC-17 most definitely
Warning: Lots of naughty medical play. If this isn’t your cup of tea please skip.
Summary: Uruha was standing there right in front of him, tempting him with a lilting grin that held too much teasing, and yet….he knew that tonight was Uruha’s night….that Uruha wasn’t his for the taking…..he had agreed to be Uruha’s experimental toy for the entire evening.

“I know you can take me,” Uruha whispered and Aoi felt that surge of arousal travel down his spine at Uruha’s words, for some reason arched his back and tried closing his legs as he had seen Uruha do countless times when he was aroused beyond his senses and ready to be fucked and it was too much to wait for it. Uruha smoothed his hands down the inside of Aoi’s legs, caressed the skin he found there and left raised flesh trailing after his touches, sending small shivers traveling through Aoi’s body as he closed his eyes and just let Uruha touch him.

He barely even flinched when he felt the tentative finger stroking over the sensitive skin of his ass, not pressing in, just gliding over it, caressing it gently to get him accustomed to the sensation. Well he definitely would have to get used to the sensation of someone playing with ass….and sticking things inside of it.

Aoi squeezed his eyes closed tighter and instinctively felt his body stiffen in response to Uruha’s stroking. He knew he had to relax for them to get anywhere but he couldn’t seem to let his body unwind and let Uruha in. Uruha continued stroking him with that one lone finger and then took it away for a moment. Aoi let out a soft breath as Uruha’s finger began stroking him but this time wet.

“Open your legs more,” Uruha commanded him softly and Aoi obeyed, opening them as far as he could and pulling them up a little even, knowing it had always been easier for him when Uruha pulled his own legs up during this stage before sex. Aoi let out a tight lipped moan as he felt Uruha’s lips pressing against the underside of his cock even as his finger continued stroking slowly, circling the sensitive skin but not pressing in just yet.

He had to open his eyes to watch Uruha, had never been able to look away for more than a few seconds when Uruha was going down on him because Uruha made an art out of sucking his cock, could do it with such precision and skill he had always been intimidated when it came time to return the favor. Maybe what made Uruha so good at it was the fact that it was his favorite thing in the world to do. Even more than sex, Uruha loved going down on him and making him feel good. He could say the same about spreading Uruha’s legs and going down on his ass. They had both perfected special techniques in their preferred areas of one another’s bodies.

Uruha’s tongue curled against his skin and then slid against the entire length of his cock in a slow glide ending at the end which Uruha took into his mouth and sucked on, his eyes looking up towards Aoi, knowing how good he was and how fucking incredible he looked with his face between Aoi’s legs. He felt Uruha’s finger press just a bit harder against his skin, but the feeling of Uruha’s mouth sucking him, taking him down his throat served to distract him.

Aoi groaned and felt his legs tremble just the slightest as the pad of Uruha’s thumb began pressing against the skin between his ass and his testicals which Uruha was beginning to slowly draw into his mouth, sucking them in the way he knew Aoi liked. All the while Uruha’s finger was still circling, still pushing, and then finally…slipping inside of him as Uruha spit on his finger again to help the way. Aoi’s breathing caught in his throat at the intrusion but he tried hard to keep his focus on Uruha sucking him, rolling his skin in his mouth and then licking back up his cock with quick little flicks of his tongue.

Uruha slipped the finger from his body and then pressed it back in and Aoi frowned, wondering if this new sensation was bad…or enjoyable. It was neither at that moment actually, just new and peculiar. But just as soon as he almost thought he could get used to the feeling of Uruha’s finger, Uruha pulled away, finger, mouth, and all, and Aoi found himself groaning in frustration.

“What are you doing?” He asked, his voice rough and hoarse from arousal. Uruha was unbuttoning the white coat, his movements silky and erotic as Aoi’s gaze followed each of his fingers on their way down the buttons.

“I’m giving you something to do,” Uruha answered him shortly, without even a hint of the teasing smiles or wicked grins he had been giving Aoi all night. At that moment Uruha looked too heated and ready to fuck to waste his time on smiles and teases.

“Something to do?” Aoi asked with a raised eyebrow and Uruha matched his expression derisively as he slipped the very last button on his coat through the hole, but neglected to take it off, just left it open to reveal the slim smooth body Aoi had known was behind the white lab coat.

“You heard me Aoi,” Uruha muttered low. “Something to do,” And with that, he crawled back over Aoi’s body and then began to turn around into a position that was as familiar and natural to them as playing the guitar. It was definitely one of their more used positions…maybe even their favorite. Aoi groaned as Uruha gathered the coat around his waist and settled down with a thigh on each side of Aoi’s head and his own head down between Aoi’s legs.

“Can I at least have my hands back?” Aoi tried in a weak, pathetic voice, knowing the answer to that question even before Uruha looked back at him through his arms and scoffed as if Aoi had just asked the most ridiculous question in the world, and actually it was when he knew he would get no mercy from Uruha tonight unless it was Uruha who wanted to give it to him. He tugged on the restraints keeping his hands away from touching Uruha uselessly.

He wanted his hands back to grab onto Uruha’s ass and hold him in place so he could suck him properly. He wanted to hold onto Uruha’s smooth bare ass and lick him until he was moaning and clawing the sheets as he had done on so many occasions before. But having his hands back and grabbing at Uruha, holding him in place, would take the power away from Uruha’s dominance, and Aoi knew he wouldn’t be uncuffed for a long while.

Aoi barely had time to reflect on his unfortunate captivity because Uruha was back to licking his cock, taking him down his throat and stroking him with the finesse and skill of an expert. Aoi let the pleasure course through his body for a long breath, enjoying the wet velvety texture of Uruha’s mouth sucking him, the soft feel of Uruha’s lips brushing over the head of his cock, the feeling of Uruha’s fingers holding him and stroking.

After he was able to ground himself, he raised his head to take Uruha’s cock into his own mouth. Uruha immediately shifted his hips down and into the right angle to slide into Aoi’s mouth smoothly. He could feel more than hear Uruha moan around his cock. The deep vibrations caressed his skin where his cock slipped in and then out of Uruha’s throat in a steady rhythm now without the aid of his hips. He knew better at that moment than to risk Uruha pulling away from him, so he kept still and let Uruha do what he wanted while he focused his attention on Uruha’s cock sliding down his own throat.

“Mmm Aoi….” Uruha whispered, his lips pressing against the head of his cock as he shifted his hips and forced Aoi to take him deeper down his throat. Aoi relaxed his throat muscles, swallowed his gag reflex and let Uruha push as far as he wanted. “Aoi,” Uruha preened, his nails digging into the tops of Aoi’s legs hard enough to draw blood, his lips circling the head of Aoi’s cock lazily before he began sucking Aoi back into his mouth again.

Aoi’s wrists were beginning to ache and burn again as he held himself up by the chains and worked his mouth around Uruha, wanting him to come, his focus honing in on Uruha’s pleasure, even above his own. This had definitely served to distract him and ‘gave him something to do’ as Uruha had so elegantly put it. So the feeling of Uruha slipping his finger back into his ass and curling it was only a small thought in the back of his mind as he swallowed Uruha’s cock and felt Uruha doing the same to him. Uruha was releasing a steam of tiny moans and sighs as he slid his mouth against him, sucking and licking faster, his hips mirroring his mouth and pushing his cock deeper, faster into Aoi’s mouth. He had to work hard to keep his gag reflex under control as Uruha’s cock nearly choked him, but he liked the roughness…the feeling of having no control over sucking Uruha….

“There we go,” Uruha suddenly gasped out through a long, satisfied moan and it took a minute for Aoi to realize what he was referring to and what he was so happy about. He suddenly felt the unfamiliar sensation of being full, of being stretched as Uruha’s hips eased away from his face and he was allowed to breathe.

He took in lungfuls of air and his legs instinctively closed around Uruha’s hand, his muscles trying to expel the fingers Uruha had managed to push into him during their trade off. He could feel at least three of Uruha’s fingers inside of him and a burning sensation began to rush across his skin and his hips instinctively pulled away from Uruha’s hand. Uruha’s cock brushed against his lips and he felt the flesh twitch. Uruha had been so close to coming, he had felt it in Uruha’s movements, in his moans. Uruha pulled his fingers from Aoi’s body, granting him a moment of relief from the burning sensation before Uruha turned back around and kneeled on his knees just above Aoi‘s chest. Aoi’s eyes were cast up and fixed on Uruha’s damp and wild face. His lover’s eyes were hard and lidded, determined and feral, and his lips were parted and releasing soft pants of breath.

“I will fuck you Aoi,” Uruha stated with no room for argument and he knew at that moment that Uruha would fuck him whether he was ready or not, the more pain for him, the more pleasure for Uruha he was sure. But instead of flipping him over and fucking him the way Aoi had done to him countless times, Uruha wrapped one hand around his cock and wound his other hand tightly in Aoi’s hair until he had a black fistful of wild strands.

“Has anyone ever told you, you have the most perfect mouth for cock sucking?” Uruha murmured darkly, a sadistic grin quirking the corner of his mouth as his hands tightened in Aoi’s hair. Aoi felt his eyes water as Uruha pulled and forced his head up until his lips were pressing against the head of Uruha’s cock as he fisted himself, stroking himself with quick flicks of his wrist. Aoi merely took the pain, his eyes trained to Uruha’s bliss contorted, gorgeously sweating face. He was Uruha’s bitch tonight, his experiment, and whether he could admit that to Uruha or not, he loved it, could even see letting Uruha do this to him more often.

Uruha’s shoulder was nearly hunched to his ear as he stroked himself with the enthusiasm of an Olympic champion, hard and fast, and ‘determined’. Aoi couldn’t think of a time he’d ever enjoyed Uruha making him suck his cock than at this moment because here he had no control what-so-ever over the matter, was letting Uruha use him how he wanted, and couldn’t get away even if he had wanted to.

“Fuck Aoi, are you ready?” Uruha panted, tilting his head back, his body trembling the slightest with an impending orgasm Aoi could see was coming whether he was ready or not.

Uruha closed his eyes tight, bit on his bottom lip, and moaned as he finally allowed himself to cum after only a few minutes of touching himself in that wildly desperate way, as if his life depended on coming on Aoi. Aoi instinctively opened his mouth, catching the strands of salty sweet liquid against his lips and tongue and then licking the head of Uruha’s cock with an eagerness that even surprised himself. He had always enjoying swallowing for Uruha, was convinced he had never tasted anything better than the salty slightly sweet flavor of his lover. He felt Uruha’s hand tighten in his hair as he sucked on the head of his cock, sucking and licking any remaining liquid from Uruha’s heated skin. When he was done and Uruha’s orgasm began to ebb, he felt the hand in his hair loosen to let his head fall back against the pillow in exhaustion.

Uruha remained kneeling above him for some time, his eyes closed as his breathing began to slow to a more normal pace. When Uruha finally opened his eyes again, they seemed darker, held even more passion than before if that was possible. He moved back until his hips were level with Aoi’s and then dropped down to his hands and bent his face close to Aoi’s face. Uruha’s damp hair brushing his cheek, set his already exhilarated senses on fire.

A lazy smile crept onto Uruha’s face as he kissed Aoi’s mouth, close lipped and almost tender before his tongue licked his cheek and trailed down to his chin slowly, cleaning up the last traces of his own orgasm. Aoi shuddered, fists clenched, nails digging into the palms of his hands as Uruha cleaned himself from his skin. It was erotic and he could feel his cock getting harder each second that crept by. Teeth nipping at the skin of his jaw and neck only drove him deeper into a contented limbo between consciousness and sedation as Uruha played with him gently.

“Good boy,” Uruha whispered into his ear lewdly, his lips barely brushing against his skin before he drew the lobe of Aoi’s ear between his teeth slowly. He faintly registered that Uruha was probably praising for swallowing his cum and he groaned softly in response. ‘Good boy’, that statement would have clearly put him in his place if he hadn’t known where he stood …or knelt before. He was just a plaything tonight that would do anything Uruha wanted him to do gladly.

The only thing that roused him out of the serene bliss he was slowly sinking into, his body humming appreciatively towards Uruha’s attention, was the feeling of warmth flooding his hands. His eyes blinked open lazily and focused on the metal straps on the manacles around his wrists being loosened and then Uruha slipped one of his hands from the restraint and let it fall lifelessly down to the bed beside him.

Aoi felt like his hand wasn’t even connected to his body as he slowly picked it up from the bed and tried flexing his red tingling fingers as Uruha freed his other wrist for him. He vaguely had the sense to wonder why he was being unbound. Was Uruha already tired of playing this game? He held his other hand up in front of his face when it was freed and he clenched and unclenched his fingers to get them working again. He looked up at Uruha after he had finished examining his hands and making sure they could still work, and he let his expression ask the question for him.

Uruha grinned down at him and then moved away from his body and off to the side. Aoi lamented the damp heat of Uruha’s body he had been granted for almost thirty glorious minutes but Uruha reprimanded him with a hardening of his gaze and he pushed the yearning down, knowing he had to behave if he wanted more of that heat...more of that passionate attention from Uruha.

“Get up on your hands and knees,” Uruha demanded in that soft, husky voice that just begged to be defied so that he could gift Aoi with even more pain. Aoi pushed himself up to lean on his hands and realized that he was shaking slightly, from exertion….nervousness….pain….Aoi’s brow creased at how weak he felt just from laying there for so long, using most of his strength to pull against the manacles that had been around his wrist and fighting against Uruha entering his body without meaning to. Uruha grabbed one of his arms when he took too long in moving and helped him sit up.

He wasn’t sure if it was from compassion or just impatience that Uruha helped him to turn around and pulled him into a kneeling position with a quick ease that Aoi couldn’t have accomplished in his weakened state. Aoi fought to keep his arms straight and stiff, holding his body up, but eventually he found it more comfortable to rest on his elbows which curved his back and presented his ass to Uruha’s view clearly. Uruha didn’t seem to mind his shift in position because there was no hard voice commanding him to get back up or a sharp slap to his skin, though he imagined that a hard slap to his ass would feel as good and exhilarating beneath the pain as the slap to his cheek had felt, maybe it would feel even better with it being on his ass…

Aoi grinned as these thoughts trailed through his mind idly as he rested with his cheek pressed to the bed’s mattress and waited for whatever Uruha had in store for him. He wondered if Uruha was ever thinking crazy sadistic thoughts when he was in this vulnerable position….when their roles were reversed. Aoi almost laughed to himself because he knew that answer without even needing to ask himself. Uruha had a thousand taboo kinks to his handful, a million sadistic and masochistic thoughts to the rare few that were sifting through his mind, new and exciting. Uruha had been the mastermind behind this whole thing to begin with, had always been the one to plan and construct these sadistic fetishes for them to play out together.

“That’s perfect,” He heard Uruha breathe from somewhere behind him. He could feel Uruha’s eyes burning into his back and ass, raking roughly across his skin with his lethal gaze. He flinched as he felt Uruha’s warm breath against one of his as scheeks and then the press of wet cupid bow lips against his skin. He twisted his fist into the bed sheets as Uruha’s hands spread him open, exposed him even more than he had when he’d been lying prone on his back. The position he was in made it easier for Uruha to see him…and it made his face flush once again. He wasn’t accustomed to being so open and exposed like this. He swore under his breath at how wired and out of control his body had been that night to where it was flushing and burning at every little touch and prod.

“Aoi…” Uruha murmured, tone heavy with appreciation and Aoi closed his eyes and buried his face more into the bed, unable to say or do anything else at that moment. “I see your face isn’t the only thing that’s pretty.” Uruha chuckled lewdly, his fingers digging into Aoi’s skin and holding him open wide. Aoi sucked in a breath and rolled his hips, momentarily forgetting that he had been getting punished all night for disobeying Uruha and moving without his permission. He wasn’t surprised to feel the teeth sinking into the flesh of his ass, biting and then sucking the blood to the surface. Aoi moaned, loving the pain radiating around Uruha’s mouth as he was marked by his lover.

“Moan louder for me Aoi,” Uruha urged as his lips slid from the skin of his ass to the sensitive hole Uruha had been trying to breach for so long now and had finally stretched the smallest bit with his fingers. Aoi let out a startled breath and twisted the sheets tighter in his hands as Uruha’s tongue slid over his entrance and then just the tip played against it, pushing in and then flicking back out playfully.

Aoi unconsciously obeyed Uruha as he moaned into the mattress, his moan muffled, but still loud to his own ears. The sensation of Uruha’s wet warm tongue running over his ass was something…indescribable….it made his toes curl and he found he wanted Uruha to stick his tongue inside of him, to caress the sensitive nerves that had tremors running down his spine.

Uruha’s tongue felt significantly different than Uruha’s fingers had, less intrusive, and yet he felt he needed Uruha to push inside of him further to touch that spot he knew to hit when he was inside of Uruha’s body. He found himself groaning and pushing back onto Uruha’s tongue, silently begging to take Uruha’s tongue deeper. He heard and felt the vibration against his sensitive skin of Uruha laughing softly at his sudden eagerness.

“Tell me what you want Aoi,” Uruha murmured and the feeling of his tongue slowly trailing it’s way around his entrance without dipping in was tantalizing cruelty. Aoi slid his face from where it was currently buried into the sheets, nearly suffocating himself and dipping into some form asphyxiation he was sure, and looked over his shoulder at Uruha. He felt a surge of pleasure glide down his thighs at the sight of his lover’s face buried in his ass his eyes downcast as he worked.

Uruha was still licking him slowly, occasionally sucking the skin around his entrance teasingly, but he caught the gist that he wouldn’t dip his tongue back in until Aoi begged for it, pleaded for him to do it. Aoi bit on his bottom lip, his breath coming in short pants through his nose as he pushed down that inevitable pride and male ego the way Uruha had done for him so many nights to get what he wanted, and he spread his legs wider on the bed. Uruha’s eyes glanced up and caught his yearning gaze over the gentle swell of his ass. Uruha rose an eyebrow as he took one long lick from his perineum, over his entrance, and ended his trail with a brief kiss to his lower back.

“You have the best fucking ass Aoi. I should probably think about giving you a piercing here as well.” Uruha seemed to talk to himself, ignoring Aoi’s pleading look entirely as he ghosted his fingers over the small of his back, the touch tickling slightly, but luckily Uruha was the ticklish one. Aoi’s body had never been as receptive and sensitive as it had been tonight with Uruha teasing and denying him. Uruha looked to Aoi as he brushed the back of his fingers over his back, most likely to gauge his reaction to the piercing idea, but Aoi didn’t care if Uruha pierced him with a dozen more needles, he just wanted his tongue…or anything inside of him at this point.

“Lick me….” Aoi muttered, his voice soft and barely audible. Uruha tilted his head, his hands stopping their wandering gait to wrap around his hips possessively.

“What was that? I don’t think I heard you,” Uruha said and then smiled because he had heard Aoi perfectly, but just wanted to hear him say it louder. Aoi sighed and closed his eyes, his chin resting on his arched shoulder.

“Lick me Uru,” Aoi muttered a little louder, a moan overriding his words as he felt one of Uruha’s fingers playing with his entrance again, stroking it lightly. “Stick your tongue in me…..please,” He groaned, but Uruha merely continued to stroke him and occasionally stick just the tip of his nail inside of him.

“Fuck me,” He gasped loudly as Uruha slid the rest of his finger inside of him. That one statement seemed to have been what he had been waiting for because Aoi immediately felt Uruha’s tongue licking around the finger inside of him with quick flicks that seemed more enthusiastic now. He opened his eyes, wanting to see Uruha and what he saw was some renewed anticipation and thrill in Uruha’s brown eyes as he slipped his finger from Aoi’s ass and slid his tongue into it’s place smoothly. Aoi arched his back, found himself rocking back onto the tongue and it was as if his body were moving on it’s own accord without the help of his mind. Uruha’s tongue darted into him and slid back out, his motions quick and calculated to keep Aoi groaning and his body tensing and shuddering.

Aoi nearly ripped the sheets with how tightly he was gripping them and he tried smothering his moans into the bed but they still seemed too loud, too desperate. Uruha had begun slipping his fingers back into him as he licked, his fingers slick with spit. The burn and stretch wasn’t so evident now, and definitely not as uncomfortable as it had been before. He began to enjoy the feeling of being full, kept pushing back onto the fingers and tongue inside of him as Uruha stretched him open just to dart his tongue between his fingers and inside even deeper until his nose was buried against his skin.

Uruha was too good at this, had definitely done this many times before he had ever even met Aoi, it was obvious in how perfectly he was making Aoi moan and curse. He didn’t want to think of Uruha doing this to anyone else though so he clenched the sheets in his fists tighter and moaned louder, drowning out his thoughts and even Uruha’s pleased murmurs and sounds. He only stopped moaning and gasping when he felt the blunt tip of something cold and wet press against his ass where only seconds ago Uruha had been licking and pressing his fingers. He had almost been on the verge of coming, had been striving to reach that pinnacle before Uruha decided he couldn’t reach it. He should have known Uruha wouldn’t be letting him come until he had been thoroughly tortured and beyond the point of caring at all what was done to him.

Aoi looked back over his shoulder, his brow creasing as he saw Uruha holding a long cylindrical object that was made out of material that resembled the metal medical tray. It reminded him of the vibrators Uruha was always bringing home in those little black bags for Aoi to use on him….and which he was sure Uruha used constantly when he wasn’t around. Yet this object looked a little more dangerous with it’s raised but smooth ridges and glinting metal. He had to be grateful that it wasn’t too thick, but it was long, longer than his own cock. Uruha was pressing just the tip against his ass, easing it in while stroking the rest of the object with copious amounts of lubricant.

Aoi made a soft, surprised sound in the back of his throat as he began to feel the ridges slipping past the rings of his muscles slowly. He seemed more open and relaxed since the beginning of the night which was probably helping to ease the way, but there was still some slight discomfort so he willed himself to relax even more. Uruha’s face was intense and concentrated on the task of slipping the object carefully into him and then pulling back before coating the metal with even more lubricant. Aoi loved the way Uruha bit the corner of his mouth and his eyes trained themselves on what he was doing as if it was the most important task in the world.

He suddenly felt grateful that Uruha was being careful. He had been hurting him all night in little ways but at least he was being careful enough not to harm him and was getting him used to this with it being his first time. Aoi felt he’d be able to take something more rough and painful though after Uruha had gotten him accustomed to the feeling.

Uruha slipped the ridged object from his ass, then began slipping it back in and pumping it carefully, in, out, in, not too quickly or rough, but with enough pressure that Aoi began to feel that sliver of excitement and want for something deeper the way he had felt with Uruha’s tongue inside of him. He found himself pushing back on the object with almost imperceptible nudges of his hips. Uruha seemed to have caught on to the fact that there was no pain and he was wanting more because Uruha began to push the object deeper, twisting it before pulling out and then pushing it back in a little quicker.

“Do you like that?” He faintly heard Uruha ask through the haze of arousal and heat sifting around him and all he could do was nod and then groan as Uruha pushed hard against that spot that left him breathless and seeing white at the edges of his vision. He knew much more of this and he was going to come….and if Uruha wanted to keep him on edge and begging, he was going to have to stop soon because Aoi could feel the beginnings of an orgasm building steadily. He would have rathered Uruha’s cock inside of him. The cold harsh metal inside of him that was just now beginning to warm to his body and Uruha’s vigorous thrusting was not enough.

He wanted to feel the warm texture of Uruha’s cock sliding into him like the metal was…and he wanted to feel Uruha come inside of him. He had never experienced any of that before and he found himself craving it. He groaned loudly, his breath hitching as Uruha found that spot again inside of him and murdered it, hitting it dead on with each inward thrust. He dared to slip a hand over his ass and touch the object Uruha was steadily pumping with that same concentrated, lust filled expression. He was trying to warn him that he was close, that he wanted him to stop and use something other than the metal substitute for a cock. Tonight was all about what Uruha wanted, but Uruha had said he would fuck him, and if he was going to come, he wanted Uruha to execute his promise.

“I want you to fuck me Uru,” He forced out through a long groan as Uruha’s hand steadily slowed as they locked gazes. Uruha’s face was probably as sweaty as his own from all the exertion he was putting into teasing and pleasuring Aoi. His hair was sticking against his neck and temples and his lips were moist and reddened form him biting and sucking on them as he was known to do when he was absorbed and intent on something important. It made a surge of heat race through Aoi’s body just looking at Uruha. He shuddered as Uruha finally stopped moving the object inside of him and then carefully pulled it out. They had always understood one another without the use of many words. Uruha set the ‘toy’ aside on his table of torture devices and seemed to mull over the few other objects he hadn’t used yet.

There were still a few dangerous looking objects lying quietly beside the used syringes and Uruha suddenly picked one of those objects up, that evil glint in his eye renewing itself as he examined the object in his hands. Aoi was trembling from pent up need and the rejection of his orgasm as he examined the metal looking clamp device with Uruha. It was small but painful looking and he held his breath in anticipation as he had been doing all night when he knew Uruha was going to hurt him.

Uruha draped himself over his back and kissed his shoulder before kissing his temple chastely and then suddenly there was a painful pressure against the nipple that hadn’t been pierced. When he looked down, the metal clamp was attached to his nipple and Uruha’s fingers were playing with it, making it even more painful than it was supposed to be.

Aoi gasped and rocked back into Uruha’s body, half trying to get away from the clamp, half wanting Uruha to fuck him and take some of the pain away. He felt Uruha’s cock slide against his ass as he pushed back into Uruha’s body and moaned, burying his face into the sheets again as it heated. Uruha pulled on the clamp, eliciting a sharp cry from Aoi’s mouth just as the head of his cock pushed against him.

His body didn’t tense itself this time as Uruha began to guide his cock inside him and Aoi groaned at the hard, warm feeling of Uruha pushing into his body. If this was what Uruha felt each time he had fucked him, he wondered why he had waited so long to let Uruha do the same to him. Uruha’s lips were pressed against his shoulder and he felt him moan, could hear the desperate tenor in his voice as he slid all the way inside of his body.

Uruha hesitated a moment inside of him as if just reveling in the feeling of finally being inside of him, and Aoi contracted his muscles, wanting to feel Uruha as deep as he possibly could. His breath hitched when Uruha finally started moving, slow and careful at first. Uruha’s cock was thicker than the thin metal toy he had used earlier and he could feel the stretch, but the sensation of being stretched and filled was much more pleasant now that it was Uruha’s cock.

“Uru…..harder,” He groaned, not even realizing he had said this until he heard his voice, ragged and needy. He did want it harder, faster, rougher as he pushed back onto Uruha’s quickening thrusts. He was more than ready to come. He raised himself onto his hands, ignoring the trembling he felt in his arms and felt Uruha grab his hips to pull him back onto his thrusts, his nails digging painfully into his skin.

Uruha was panting behind him, groaning just as loudly as he was, maybe even louder as he was fucked into the bed. Uruha was purposefully drawing his nails down his hips in long scratches.He even felt Uruha drag his nails over the swell of his ass, the skin opening up slightly so that he could feel the sticky wetness of blood welling to the surface.

His body was rocked forward as Uruha’s thrusts steadily became quicker and rougher, and Aoi knew it wouldn’t be long before Uruha came for the second time that night, and maybe he would even be allowed to come as well, finally, if Uruha wanted him to.

Uruha brushed aside the long damp hair sticking to the nape of his neck so that he could bite his skin and mark him, imprinting reminders of tonight, of letting Uruha completely dominate him and take him. For one hazy, split second he was eternally grateful he had agreed to Uruha’s plans for tonight, that he had agreed to hand himself over because being fucked like this by Uruha was the equivalent of the first time he had ever fucked Uruha….it was mind-blowing, something he couldn’t quite clearly express. It was feral and untamed lust and pleasure, and it was all almost too much.

“Aoi, you feel so good right now,” Uruha panted against his shoulder as he nipped and kissed the skin there, still marking his territory possessively. Aoi closed his eyes tight, struggled to breathe through the heat of their bodies and then Uruha was suddenly pulling from his body and he was whining deep in his throat, a sound he had never heard himself make, as Uruha turned him over onto his back roughly and pinned his arms down to the bed.

Aoi stared up at Uruha’s wild face and thought he had never looked more gorgeous and untamed than now with the white coat still on but slipping down one shoulder disheveled carelessly, his skin still sleek and shining in the lamplight with perspiration. Aoi gasped as Uruha thrust back into him in one smooth hard jerk of his hips and then leaned down to bite on his neck as he began thrusting into him even rougher than before, his hands tightening around Aoi’s wrists and the sensation was even more painful than the restraints Uruha had put on them earlier. He wasn’t sure he’d ever been this rough with Uruha, fucked him so hard and ruthlessly, but he was loving every minute of Uruha’s released passion for him.

Uruha let go of his wrists after some time so that he could push one of his thighs up to get a deeper thrust. Aoi pressed his head back into the pillow and moaned as Uruha’s cock brushed against that spark of pleasure inside of him over and over again. Uruha’s fingers dug into his thigh hard and his mouth covered his lips in a rough, bruising kiss. Aoi tasted blood between their tongues and knew his lip had been split from either the slaps to the face he had received earlier or the hard kiss Uruha was giving him, or maybe a combination of both reasons.

“Hold it,” Uruha murmured harshly against his mouth and pressed his thigh to his chest in emphasis before trailing his tongue against Aoi’s lips lewdly. Aoi’s brow creased and he wrapped an arm around his thigh to hold it in place as Uruha knelt above him and started fucking him from a new angle.

Aoi couldn’t believe how commanding Uruha looked kneeling above him and looking down at him possessively, clearly relating to Aoi that he was Uruha’s and no one else could make him feel this way, could dominate him so utterly and completely. Aoi used his free hand to reach out and touch Uruha’s chest and then stomach admiringly, just wanting to feel all of Uruha that he could, and he was surprised when Uruha didn’t stop him in some painful way or pull away from him.. He just continued to look down at Aoi intensely but let a small teasing grin lift the corner of his mouth to let him know he was allowing Aoi a small mercy.

It seemed like hours but was probably only minutes before Uruha leaned back over him, his hands supporting him on either side of Aoi’s shoulders as he quickened his thrusts even more, clearly on the brink of the orgasm that had been waiting patiently for so long now. Aoi could feel his own brimming over even before Uruha was done with him.

He let the thigh he had been holding wrap around Uruha’s waist, his leg resting against Uruha’s flexing back as his body shifted upwards on the mattress with Uruha’s hard thrusts. Uruha went back to holding one of his wrists down by his head and this time supporting most of his weight on it as he used his other hand to pull on the clamp on Aoi’s nipple. The sudden surge of pain from both actions was instantaneous, taking his breath away, and at the same time pushing him from the brink of pleasure to an orgasm that was as close to a blackout that he had ever been.

“Uru!” He gasped, raising his head and searching for Uruha’s mouth as he finally came in a sudden rush. Uruha allowed him to kiss his grinning lips and even sucked and bit on his tongue as started to come as well. Aoi wrapped his free arm around Uruha’s back as he felt the warmth flooding inside of him and swallowed Uruha’s desperate moans as they kissed messily. Uruha’s body shuddered and trembled against him as his orgasm rushed through him.

Uruha’s body was trembling as he laid against Aoi for a long moment after he had finished coming . He heard Uruha’s long satisfied moan into his neck as he pulled out of Aoi’s body slowly. It was only then that Aoi began to feel the faint tendrils of pain from Uruha’s rough treatment of his body, but the pain was nothing compared to the incredible orgasm he had just been given. Aoi bit into his bottom lip at the mixture of pain and euphoria he was experiencing and inwardly smirked at the thought that Uruha had had so much fun fucking him that night. He had never seen Uruha quite this spent and drained. Aoi ran a hand down Uruha’s trembling back and gave his lips one more deep kiss that Uruha participated in half-heartedly.

It wasn’t until Uruha had dropped down beside Aoi on the bed with another exhausted but satisfied sigh that Aoi’s wrist was released and he was allowed to flex the aching tension out of it. His body was still thrumming with left over excitement and he could tell Uruha’s was too as he looked to the side and watched Uruha smiling lazily and brushing the sweaty strands of hair from his brow with a trembling hand. Aoi’s heartbeat was still racing wildly, his pulse beating in his neck as if it wanted to jump out of his skin.

“Fuck that was hot,” Uruha groaned, turning his head and catching Aoi’s gaze. Uruha’s grin widened considerably as Aoi’s face heated just a little at Uruha’s choice of words. He was obviously pleased with himself, his ego swelling as Aoi’s did after intense sex like this. He found he couldn’t even care that Uruha had just taken control of him so completely because he had liked it almost too much, and had already decided he was going to let Uruha do this as much as he wanted to.It had been amazing seeing Uruha come undone like this and wanted to see more of this side of Uruha as much as he could possibly take.

They laid in silence together for some time as they always did after these passionate encounters, just letting their bodies come down from that high. Uruha rubbed his thighs together, his hand stroking the inside of his thighs idly as he usually did after they had just fucked, it was as if he was trying to rub away the thrumming, sensitive feeling that lingered in the body after sex, or he didn’t know what to do with his hands. But Aoi had always found it sensual watching Uruha sated after an orgasm. Aoi rested his head back and closed his eyes when Uruha stopped touching himself. He was feeling satisfied and euphoric in the aftermath, but hissed as he felt the almost forgotten clamp around his nipple being tugged on. He opened his eyes and shot Uruha a tired glare as Uruha played with the clamp, that smug grin still dancing on his lips.

“You look nice with a nipple piercing,” Uruha commented offhandedly as he unfastened the clamp and dropped it onto the bedside table with a careless flick of his wrist. Aoi hadn’t noticed the clamp still attached to his nipple during the last remnants of his orgasm, but now that Uruha had taken it off and drawn attention to it, his nipple began to throb and protest the rough treatment it had been put through.

“Just nice?” Aoi asked begrudgingly, his fingers touching his reddened, aching nipple carefully. “After the pain I endured to get it?” He threw Uruha another forced glare but Uruha just chuckled and leaned down to press a ‘considerate’ kiss to the nipple he had tortured with the clamp. Aoi hissed at the sting that emanated from it with the press of Uruha’s damp lips.

“Let me rephrase that. You look fucking hot,” Uruha muttered huskily, his mouth turning it’s attention to his pierced nipple. He tugged the silver bar between his teeth teasingly before kissing it in turn.

“That’s no way to speak to a patient,” Aoi scolded him playfully, knowing their medical personas had completely flown out the window as soon as Uruha had begun fucking him.

“I guess it was rude of me to fuck you as well?” Uruha asked with a raised eyebrow, seeming to read Aoi’s wandering thoughts as he always did. Aoi just shrugged and ran a hand through Uruha’s tousled hair. He still had his disheveled white coat on, hanging from one shoulder sensually, adding to the picture of wild passion Uruha embodied at that moment. “I’m sorry….” Uruha’s apology was as fake and forged as his weekend promises of sobriety, it just wasn’t happening as Aoi liked to say.

“I just couldn’t help it….can you blame me?” Uruha’s lips pursed attractively, giving the impression of a guiltless pout. Aoi rolled his eyes towards the ceiling and felt Uruha bury his face into his neck, his lips kissing and nipping at his skin teasingly.

“So am I cured?” He couldn’t help but throw in with a wide grin as Uruha kissed his way up his neck and covered his grinning mouth with a deep kiss that was more enthusiastic than their last kiss.

“Mmm…” Uruha hummed thoughtfully as if he were seriously considering Aoi’s question as their lips pulled away from each other. Uruha’s hand crept across Aoi’s chest and let his fingers play idly with the bar piercing his nipple, causing a shiver to run through Aoi’s still over sensitive body.

“I wouldn’t say completely,” Uruha answered him with a straight, solemn face as he looked Aoi over and then tugged on the piercing sadistically just to see Aoi’s body tense and his breathing quicken at the pained pleasure he could initiate with just a touch. “I want to see you back in a few days for further treatment,” Uruha murmured, obviously trying hard not to let that familiar sly smile creep onto his face. Aoi didn’t hold back from grinning though as he turned over and draped an arm around Uruha’s waist.

“I’ll definitely be back. Should I set up an appointment now?” He mumbled teasingly, laying his head on Uruha’s shoulder and feeling his body protest the physical exertion he had forced it through tonight. He was exhausted but sated, still in some mild form of pained ecstacy from everything Uruha had done to his body but he was content and still high on the new experience Uruha had shown him. He felt Uruha laugh softly beneath him and then his body relaxed and the hand on his back smoothed over his shoulder soothingly.

“I think I can squeeze you into my schedule in a few days if you‘re up for it,” Uruha whispered, but Aoi barely caught the utterance because he was already steadily falling asleep and thinking about the next time he would allow Uruha to do this to him again. They still had so much to explore with this new-found fetish and this new….change of positions. And Aoi had seen a few interesting items Uruha hadn’t got the chance to use on his dangerous metal tray, objects he was sure he would have enjoyed.

They definitely had so much more to explore, so much more to experiment with when it came to this new fetish and Uruha dominating him. He couldn’t help but wonder when Uruha would surprise him again, and continue his ‘treatment’. Aoi laughed to himself at the thought of going to Uruha and asking him to finish the medicinal therapy they had started tonight, and felt Uruha shift beneath him restlessly as he woke him from his drowsy state. He was already craving more of the pain and pleasure Uruha had shown him tonight and sincerely hoped Uruha wouldn’t mind following through on his promise and maybe even consider making that ‘appointment’ for when they woke up in the morning. His condition was severe as Uruha had said earlier, something that definitely needed more attention….as soon as possible.

End

Author’s Note: Ah I thought I would have this out sooner but work and sleep have been my main focus these past few days. Have to get those overtime hours taha Well…maybe there will be another installment sometime exploring deeper into the fetish since this part only contained a very small fraction of it >< But I see some people got a little squeamish as it was with the needles lmao Understandable! I hate needles as well, but I think it’s hot when it’s smexy people sticking each other with them o____o!

Part Two

2009-11-25T01:05:53Z

[ How I'm feeling| Sexual and Melancholy taha]
[ What I'm listening to| More Radiohead

Title: Experimentation (2/3)
Author: Life_giver
Pairings: Uruha/Aoi
Rating: NC-17 most definitely
Warning: Lots of naughty medical play. If this isn’t your cup of tea please skip.
Summary: Uruha was standing there right in front of him, tempting him with a lilting grin that held too much teasing, and yet….he knew that tonight was Uruha’s night….that Uruha wasn’t his for the taking…..he had agreed to be Uruha’s experimental toy for the entire evening.

Aoi couldn’t help but hesitate as he slid his light jacket from his shoulders and let it flutter to the ground carelessly. Uruha’s eyes behind his glasses watched his every move darkly and when Aoi stopped for a second, his fingers dancing nervously along the edge of his shirt, Uruha’s gaze hardened and he tched softly in rebuke so that Aoi hurried the motions of his hands and slipped the shirt over his torso and head to let it drop to the floor alongside his jacket. He could almost visualize the invisible puppet strings jerking his wrists blindly as his fingers undid the button of his pants and slid the zipper down with a harsh tug. He was more than ready for Uruha to at least touch him, give him something tangible to work with as he was scrutinized and watched in his hurry to undress himself. But suddenly Uruha’s hand covered his own hands in the middle of moving them out of the way.

“What’s the hurry?” Uruha drawled softly, his pale fingers tightening around Aoi’s darker fingers. Aoi’s eyes flickered to meet Uruha’s amused gaze and he could read that gaze clearly. Uruha wanted to make this last, he wanted to tug the experience out for as long as possible, stretch it to it’s breaking point and make it all the sweeter in the end.

Uruha’s hand slid away from him before he could even think of pulling him forward and locking their mouthes together, as if Uruha was reading his mind…or at least his body’s mind at that moment. Uruha’s smirk lengthened victoriously, or was it smugly…. when Aoi’s hands slowed as they peeled the material of his pants down over his waist and let them slide down to the floor before stepping out of them. Aoi left his boxers in place as Uruha fixed the glasses on the bridge of his nose in a gesture that could only be described as ‘formally’, his eyes roaming over Aoi in a silent study.

“Hmm….” Uruha hummed thoughtfully and Aoi nearly started when Uruha’s hands slid over his shoulders slowly with a smooth grace that left his skin prickled. Uruha’s hands glided over his arms, his fingers stopping occasionally to grip a little firmer in some places as if Uruha was examining his muscles, testing their strength.

Aoi definitely felt scrutinized as Uruha’s fingers smoothed a trail back up his arms and then traced his collar bone, elegantly visible beneath his skin, especially when he flexed and moved a certain way. Uruha’s fingers were gentle and faint as he touched him, and Aoi found he enjoyed the scrutiny, enjoyed the idea of Uruha examining his body so closely. He began to feel the taboo streak as the back of Uruha’s fingers brushed down the middle of his chest, purposefully missing his nipples.

He had had countless physical examinations by a doctor, had been touched, poked, prodded, stuck with needles, had most orifices looked into with a pen light, and everything else under the sun. But the way Uruha was examining him had an underlying intimateness even when he refused to touch the vital places Aoi wanted him to touch. So in a sense, this was alike in some faint way to a formal examination and yet world’s different in more important ways. Uruha made another calculating sound in the back of his throat and when Aoi jumped a little as Uruha’s fingers brushed against his navel, his lover’s eyes flashed dangerously, as if daring him to move again without his express permission.

Aoi’s eyes fell to Uruha’s full lips as they were moistened slowly and nearly moaned as Uruha’s fingers played just over the waistband of his shorts, teasing him before flitting away over his smooth hipbones. Aoi felt that intense urge to lean forward and grab Uruha into a heated kiss. He couldn’t help the primal, natural urge to take control and push Uruha beneath him, to make him scream and claw at his back with those things he called nails.

It was animalistic, that feeling he felt every time Uruha turned those hooded eyes to him which seemed to beg him to be fucked. But he knew he had to push that instinctive urge back down into the pit of his stomach, ignore it as Uruha’s glistening lips smirked at him and whispered for him to turn around in a voice that was too husky…too sexual. He knew Uruha would give him nothing…leave him to fend for himself alone if he didn’t play by his rules. He had to be ‘good’ tonight.

Aoi somehow obeyed Uruha’s soft command and turned around beneath his lover’s watchful, heated gaze. And even though he couldn’t see Uruha, he could feel his eyes boring into his back, imagined him grinning wickedly as he planned the night ahead of them meticulously in his mind.

Uruha’s soft, warm hands examined his shoulders and back as they had inspected the rest of his body, searching for imperfections and flaws or something Aoi couldn’t fathom at that moment. The only things running through his mind was how good the sensation of Uruha’s hands running against his skin lightly felt and how it would feel to have Uruha against him…inside of him….

“You’re trembling…” Uruha’s husky voice was right next to his ear, his breath tickling his neck and wracking his body with an unconscious shudder. He realized in slight embarrassment or just wounded pride that he was trembling. The trembling was almost unnoticeable but he was definitely shaking lightly. He felt Uruha’s lips press against his shoulder in a soft kiss but he didn’t miss the evil smirk that accompanied it. He could feel it against his skin and he knew Uruha was enjoying this, loved watching him squirm and shake in unspoken fear.

“Maybe you should lay down,” Uruha murmured, a suggestion that was really a command, as was everything else that came from his pretty mouth.

“Are you scared?” Uruha asked, his voice soft and unassuming on the surface, but vindictive and amused underneath. Uruha allowed him to turn around and he wasn’t surprised to see Uruha’s mouth twitching in the corner as if he wanted to smirk at him…or maybe even laugh.

“There’s no need to be scared…” Uruha reassured, but the reassurance was as empty and forged as his soft voice. An empty smile finally flitted it’s way across Uruha’s smooth, almost porcelain face. It was almost frightening how much Uruha resembled a doll at that moment…a doll with evil intintions. He watched as Uruha moved around him and ran his hands over the top of his bed, his smile lengthening to a grin that couldn’t hide the evil inclinations just under the surface.

“Lay down?” Uruha rose an eyebrow and patted the bed from his bent over position, and Aoi’s gaze immediately caught the way Uruha purposefully shifted his weight from one leg to the other and the white coat he was wearing slipped over the swell of his smooth ass. Uruha had too many damn little advantages against him, weapons he imagined them as. Uruha knew exactly how to get what he wanted, knew his weaknesses and what could bring him to his knees the fastest, and Uruha knew all too well he could make him do anything when it came to his ass and that certain ‘fuck me’ look his eyes could take on at any given moment.

“Come here,” Uruha insisted, his voice deepening another octave as he curled a finger to urge him closer. Aoi found himself obeying Uruha as he stepped closer and then lowered himself down to the bed slowly, his gaze fixed on Uruha, almost afraid that if he took his eyes from his lover, Uruha would pull some nasty trick on him, or slip him another sudden surprise. But Uruha just remained bent over, his hands leaning on the bed, and his eyes following Aoi’s every movement as if he too were waiting for Aoi to step out of line just so he could do something wicked in return. Uruha turned and slid onto the bed beside him after a moment and then leaned towards him as if he were about to kiss him.

Aoi even started to close his eyes instinctively as Uruha’s lips came within inches of his mouth, but instead of kissing him, Uruha merely flashed him a sickly sweet smile and tucked a loose strand of his hair behind his ear. He could tell within that split second that Uruha was going to tease him mercilessly throughout the night and he would probably withhold even the simplest of pleasures like being able to kiss him.

Aoi’s brow creased as he dropped his eyes to those perfectly full cupid’s bow lips and thought about rebelling for the millionth time and just kissing them. But he knew Uruha could make this so much worse for him, and at the moment he would rather the playful teasing than a full blown torture session.

“You’re so gorgeous Aoi…” Uruha whispered, his finger twirling idly around the black strand of hair he had tucked behind his ear. Aoi’s brow unconsciously creased again at Uruha’s uncharacteristic compliment. Most often than not, it was Aoi who showered Uruha with sweet compliments and fed into his vanity by telling him how beautiful he was. Uruha usually told him how hot or great he was during the heat of sex, which was understandable, but gorgeous was something different. Aoi could feel the role reversal locking into place as Uruha treated him like Aoi would treat Uruha most of the time. Uruha’s fingers ghosted over the edge of his ear and then slid to cup the back of his neck, and the gesture was tender.

“You’re getting prettier than me even, have you noticed?” Uruha laughed softly, the comment was dripping with vanity and an obvious smugness, but those particular words coming from Uruha’s mouth was probably one of the best compliments he could give someone else. Aoi was getting prettier than Uruha? How and when did that start happening? He wasn’t even sure if that was even plausible. Aoi almost laughed at the idea until Uruha’s eyes narrowed as he began to smile.

“Is this how you treat all of your patients?” Aoi found the boldness to quip, even though he knew he would most likely get punished for the tease. But he was just playing along wasn’t he? He liked pulling Uruha’s chain and hoped he would get bitten for it. Aoi kept a completely straight face as he said this, but he could see the smile trying to tug at the corner of Uruha’s lips as his lover rose a haughty eyebrow at his remark.

Uruha tilted his head, considering Aoi’s question before he took a glance over his shoulder. Aoi followed his gaze to the glinting set of needles on the metal tray and he immediately regretted even opening his mouth. Uruha looked back at him and then smirked as he gave Aoi’s lock of hair a harsh little tug that had him wincing, and he could almost feel the moisture pricking at the corner of his eye. He liked the jolt of pain that shot along his hairline and he knew it was only the beginning of Uruha’s planned afflictions. He knew his lover was capable of doing so much worse.

“You’re one of the lucky ones,” Uruha murmured and then chuckled to himself as he let his finger uncoil itself from around Aoi’s hair. “Now lay down,” Uruha demanded in that soft, husky voice he had been using since Aoi had walked into the room. Aoi decided it would be best to do what Uruha told him to do to avoid any unnecessary dangers, and so he slowly moved back until he was in the center of the bed and then lowered himself down onto his back, his movements seeming stiff and unsure.

“Is this…” He trailed off, wondering if Uruha was planning on punishing him for every single time he spoke out loud without his insistence, but his lover merely gave him a lecherous grin as he stood from the bed.

“That’s perfect,” Uruha answered for him quickly, and for the first time that night, Aoi heard something more than just mischievousness and pure confidence in that low voice, he could hear how eager Uruha was and Aoi felt the faint claws of arousal grow just a little stronger, traveling from his fingers and legs to pool in his groin.

“So….Aoi,” Uruha began softly, the eagerness Aoi had just caught onto hidden somewhere in the deep recesses of his voice as he played the role of examiner flawlessly. Uruha turned his back to him and began messing with something on the metal tray. He could hear Uruha picking up an object, most likely a syringe he was sure since he had seen a vast array of syringes on the tray when he had come into the room, and then he heard Uruha set it back down and reach for something else.

“This is your first time?” Aoi was confused by the question for a short second. Of course this was the first time he had done something like this, but then it dawned on him that Uruha was talking about the other thing…the ‘major’ issue here.

“Yes…” Aoi murmured hesitantly, surprised that his voice came out thin and weak…unsure. He couldn’t deny that he was more nervous about being fucked than being stuck with needles, and he knew Uruha could sense that nervousness keenly…and probably enjoyed it with the sadistic streak he had always had and was honing in on tonight.

The smell of alcohol drifted to his nostrils once more, this time stronger and more pungent, accompanied by the sound of objects being picked up and set down again. Aoi tried craning his neck to see around Uruha and watch what he was doing, but after some time Uruha turned around and Aoi felt his breath catch in his throat as the site of Uruha holding a syringe with a long, thin, sharp needle in his hand. He was wiping the needle carefully in slow strokes with an alcohol swab. Uruha smiled innocently as he cleaned the needle leisurely and Aoi’s eyes followed the lazy strokes of Uruha’s hand, feeling his mouth suddenly go dry the more Uruha caressed the needle.

“Well don’t worry…” Uruha reassured, his smile widening at Aoi’s obvious distress. “You could say I’m an expert when it comes to this. Practice makes perfect doesn’t it?” Uruha asked sweetly and for extra emphasis, he gave Aoi a small little wink before turning and setting the needle down with the others on the tray. Aoi let out a slow breath once the needles were back out of site but immediately tensed up again when Uruha turned and gave him another speculating once over.

“You’re still so tense…..why? You have to relax,” Uruha murmured, moving closer to the bed and then climbing onto it lithely. “I told you I know exactly what I’m doing. You don’t trust me?” He asked, his voice taking on an insulted timber as if he was hurt Aoi didn’t have more faith in him.

“I…do trust you…” Aoi nearly whispered as Uruha crawled over him, but kept himself suspended above his body on hands and knees, still not allowing their bodies any more contact than brief, torturous brushes that were too fleeting. He did trust Uruha even though this was Uruha’s first time experimenting with this sort of fetish….wasn’t it? It almost seemed that Uruha had done this kind of thing before with how adept he was at playing his role…and handling those needles. He knew Uruha had likely been studying this fetish for a long while, but to Aoi…he seemed to fall into his role too perfectly.

“Then relax or we can’t go through with the….‘procedure’.” Uruha grinned on the last word, sharing with himself another wicked joke. Aoi let out a long, deep breath and tried to will his body to relax. He pictured the bed as the ocean and tried his hardest to sink down into the mattress, to let his muscles loosen and his body go slack, but as soon as he thought of what was going to happen, his body immediately tensed on itself instinctively. Uruha’s brow creased as he looked down at Aoi, and Aoi could almost imagine it was a look of sympathy before Uruha broke that delusion and laughed.

“It’s just cock Aoi, you should have known you’d have to take it sooner or later.” Uruha chuckled lewdly and then sat back down onto Aoi’s lap. He felt the prominent erection he had been sporting for a while now brush against Uruha’s naked ass and nearly groaned from deprival . It was too bad he still had his boxers on and couldn’t feel the skin to skin contact he craved, just another torture device, compliments of Uruha. “Now stop being a bitch about it and calm down.”

“Some doctor you are,” Aoi muttered snidely, annoyed by the fact that Uruha was denying him much contact at this point and then being insensitive about what was indefinitely going to happen. He couldn’t have anticipated the sharp sting against his cheek that was so strong his head was whipped to the side, because Uruha had never once slapped him…especially in the face.

Aoi felt the harsh slap through the whole right side of his face and even felt his right eye cloud over with moisture and the skin of his face burn red hot. He was sure he was sporting a nice flat, inflamed handprint on his cheek. When he was over the sudden shock of being slapped so abruptly, he turned his head and found Uruha grinned snidely down at him, unfazed at all that he’d just slapped Aoi for the first time….hell….he even looked like he’d just gotten another dose of supremacy from it to add to his power-hungry reign at that moment. Aoi felt like rearing up and slapping Uruha back while calling him every name under the sun, showing him the same courtesy he’d been given, but he held himself back and clenched his jaw, grinding his teeth back and forth on themselves as he glared at up at his morbidly delighted lover.

“I don’t allow any of my patients to talk to me like that,” Uruha informed him with a pretentious upward tilt of his chin, and Aoi glared harder at that trademark superior stance Uruha liked to take every occasion he could, especially when he had the upper hand in things like now.

“Maybe they should talk back to you more often with you being the bitch you are.” Aoi couldn’t help the victimized retort that came out of his abused mouth. Uruha’s eyebrow immediately shot up at Aoi’s stubborn careen into dangerous territory. He was like an obstinate idiot rushing into a line of fire hoping by some chance he wouldn’t get shot. He’d already been slapped and knew Uruha was planning on doing much worse before the night was over, and he was just making things harder on himself.

“I’m not the one taking it tonight, so I don’t know who you’re calling a bitch,” Uruha merely answered derogatively in reply. Aoi almost found it amusing beneath the sting on his face and his wounded pride as Uruha haughtily readjusted the glasses on the rim of his nose where they had been left slightly crooked from the force of the slap he had delivered to Aoi’s face.

“Well doctor,” Aoi put as much stress as he possibly could on the last word and held himself back from grinning as he did so. He could still feel the harsh sting on his cheek, and the irritation at Uruha’s sudden rough treatment was still there….but the slap had also excited him in a way. He enjoyed the slight pain and knew that if he wanted relief…or anything for that matter, he would have to play Uruha’s game Uruha’s way. “What’s the prognosis for me?” Aoi wondered and found he couldn’t help the tiny, masochistic smile that slid onto his face as Uruha merely rose an eyebrow and scanned over his body with critical eyes behind his now perfectly set glasses.

Uruha let out a soft sigh after a long moment of scrutinizing Aoi’s body and then he unexpectedly rolled his hips down against Aoi’s lap to where his ass effectively pressed into Aoi’s trapped erection. It was Uruha’s turn to grin as he set his hands against Aoi’s chest and rolled his hips once more and then tilted his head as if considering Aoi’s pitifully aroused state seriously.

Aoi hissed at the spike of pleasure that shot through his body straight to his cock and by habit, his hands slipped under Uruha’s white lab coat and grabbed his ass. That naked touch of skin was like a long sigh of relief, a brief rush of pleasure after Uruha denying him kisses and touches for most of the night. The silent ‘rules’ were non-existent in his mind at that single moment as he squeezed the bare flesh in his hands and held Uruha down in his lap to keep that warm, tingling sensation going for as long as he possibly could. He even let his eyes slip closed as he brushed his hips between Uruha’s legs and tightened his hold on him.

The abrupt, harsh sting against his unabused left cheek left his jaw throbbing, but he wasn’t surprised by it this time. The shock of being slapped in the face had faded with the last slap and so he could only wince and let Uruha grab his wrists in a harsh grip to pull his hands away from his ass. He was sure his face was bright red from the mistreatment it was receiving.

“Did I say you could touch me like that?” Uruha’s voice was harder than before, irritated and sharp and Aoi sucked in a breath at the pain shooting through his wrists as Uruha held them in a tight grip. He even struggled slightly, tugging against Uruha’s hold as he looked up at him through a rebellious glare. He knew he could easily break Uruha’s hold and flip him over, pin him down to the bed and ravish him the way he wanted to at any given moment. His judo lessons had not been in vain he’d been happy to discover on more than one occasion, but he held himself back and let Uruha hurt him because he knew his lover was getting off on this control and….he couldn’t deny he liked being held down and slapped around. Maybe he was some sort of masochist at heart, but whatever he was, he knew things were much better when Uruha was enjoying himself completely. It made things better for the both of them…

“Your ‘prognosis’,” Uruha growled, and he suddenly looked feral with his hair hanging loose around his face and his eyes flashing dangerously, challenging Aoi to keep pushing back against him and breaking those silent rules. “Is fair….as long as I take care of the problem as soon as possible.” Uruha raised a cocky eyebrow and tightened his hold on Aoi’s wrists if that was even possible.

Aoi gasped at the sharp pains in his wrists and thought about flipping Uruha over once more just to get the circulation going in his hands again. He could actually feel his fingers tingling and going numb. But still he just laid complacent and completely vulnerable beneath Uruha, letting him do whatever he wanted to his body, and just as he imagined grabbing Uruha and pushing him down to the bed once more, Uruha’s hands released his wrists and his hands immediately flooded with warmth as the blood rushed back to them.

“What’s the problem?” He asked through gritted teeth, his fingers curling against his palm and flexing away the tingling feeling in them. Uruha watched him with amused eyes and then dropped his gaze down to Aoi’s lap where he knelt just above it, careful not to make the same mistake of brushing against him.

Aoi’s top lip curled in aggravation at the thought of Uruha now denying him even more than before. He imagined Uruha was going to get up and leave him on the bed at any moment but instead, Uruha suddenly reached down and slipped his fingers under the waistband of his boxers and tugged them down lightly until they slipped over his erection, baring it to the cool temperature of the room.

The juxtaposition of coolness against his heated, blood flushed skin was an instant shock of pleasure. Uruha hummed low in appreciation as his gaze glided over Aoi’s hard cock and Aoi’s hips shifted just slightly beneath Uruha’s inspection. He was so damn aroused at this point that any little touch to some vital part of his body would have been appreciated….immensely. As if reading his mind, but twisting his desire into something warped, Uruha let the nail of his index finger scrape against the sensitive skin of his cock slowly from tip to base.

“Fuck….” Aoi swore loudly, his hands instinctively, once again, grabbing for Uruha’s hands as the shock of pain and pleasure traveled along his cock and left him breathless. “Uru….fuck….” He murmured, closing his eyes and holding Uruha’s hands in his own to keep him grounded as well as to keep Uruha from scratching him again. He felt Uruha slip his hands from his grasp and he half expected to feel another stinging slap against his cheek. He even closed his eyes to wait for the pain but when seconds passed without another shock of pain, he opened his eyes to find Uruha eyeing him lecherously.

“Seems you have a severe case of arousal that needs attention immediately,” Uruha concluded in a dead serious voice. “Unfortunately you’ve forced me to restrain you because you can’t seem to keep your hands to yourself.” Aoi frowned deeply, not taking the turn of situation that well. If he was restrained…that meant that Uruha would have complete control and he’d be forced to endure anything and everything Uruha wanted to do to him.

“Uru-” He began but shut his mouth as Uruha glared hard at him, daring him to defy him again and perhaps get something a lot worse than wrist restraints….or not get anything at all which was the equivalent of a slow painful death he was convinced, something he definitely didn’t want to experience. Uruha stayed silent as he carefully bent over Aoi’s body without touching him and reached under the sides of the mattress for the restraints Aoi had walked in on him setting up.

The white cloth wrist restraints with the metal strappings looked like something out of a psyche ward. Aoi’s heartbeat sped up a fraction as Uruha dangled the restraints playfully in front of his face, taunting him cruelly before grabbing one of his wrists and slipping his hand through the contraption smoothly.

Aoi could swear Uruha had done this before as his lover quickly tightened the complicated looking metal straps with an ease that spoke of experience. Uruha was done and working on his other wrist before he even knew what was happening. Uruha slipped the material of his boxers back over his neglected erection with a sadistic smile before Uruha’s body heat was taken away cruelly as his lover moved off of the bed and he was left trapped in the center of the bed alone. He could barely move his arms much less reach for Uruha now, but he supposed he was the only one to blame for that.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Uruha reprimanded him sternly as he went back to the needles on the tray and picked one up. Aoi’s brow creased deeper into a look of pained yearning and irritation all at once. “You brought this on yourself Aoi,” Uruha continued as he pulled the plunger back on the syringe in his hand and then glanced at Aoi mischievously. “You forced me to do this. I wasn’t planning on restraining you at first,” Uruha murmured as he tapped the needle against his wrist idly.

“Yeah, that’s why you spent so much time hooking this damn contraption to the bed,” Aoi blurted out boldly and Uruha just smiled at him slyly from beneath a light fringe of hair, making no attempt to deny the truth in Aoi’s statement. Aoi’s vision honed in on the needle glinting under the lamplight as it tapped against the milky skin of Uruha’s wrist and he watched as Uruha took another alcohol swab and cleaned the threatening little dagger carefully once more.

He knew exactly why Uruha was dousing the needle with alcohol and he clenched his teeth in preparation for the burn he knew would come with it. He hadn’t known medical play would be this painful and ruthless, but maybe he should have known with Uruha planning this tryst out and conducting it. Uruha could have little to no mercy when he really wanted to.

“So shall we begin the treatment?” Uruha asked sweetly, holding the needle up beside his evilly grinning face and Aoi could only stare and clench his fists and strain his wrists against their entrapment. Uruha advanced towards the bed and Aoi knew he had nowhere to run, couldn’t even move from the bed the slightest bit and he was utterly and completely Uruha’s victim and plaything for the night.

“Don’t worry Aoi….you’ll enjoy this…trust me.” Uruha grinned as he gracefully sat down beside Aoi on the edge of the bed. Uruha lightly ran his free hand from Aoi’s collarbone to the middle of his stomach slowly and then petted Aoi’s abdomen soothingly, a motion that was meant to be calming but only set Aoi more on edge because he knew what was in store for him now.

“We’ll start off easy shall we?” Uruha rose a fine eyebrow and then lowered the needle to just above the sensitive skin around his navel. He could almost feel the sharp cool edge touching him, but not quite. Aoi squeezed his eyes closed in preparation for the stick.

The needle was a nice small size which meant less pain but it was still pain none the less. But instead of a sting, he suddenly felt a cool wetness bathing his navel and the brush of soft hair against his skin. When he opened his eyes, he found Uruha bent over his stomach licking the skin of his navel in long circular sweeps of his tongue. He groaned in the back of his throat and tried bringing his hands down to tangle in Uruha’s hair as he usually would but his wrists were tugged back in mid-motion by the restraints around them and he groaned louder in frustration. Uruha looked up at him over his glasses as he continued to lick around his navel leisurely and he nearly came right then and there just from the sultry look Uruha was giving him behind those slutty glasses.

Uruha’s soft, plush lips pressed a lingering kiss to his navel when he was done running his tongue along his skin. Aoi shifted his hips, glad that he at least had the fortune to still move his lower body. But he knew not to push his luck and thrust against Uruha, so he merely shifted restlessly and pressed his cheek against his arm as he watched Uruha sitting up, hoping the begging look on his face would get him something…anything. But Uruha merely smiled at him in that sickly sweet way and brought out another alcohol pad from the front pocket of his coat.

Aoi groaned in the back of his throat in frustration as Uruha carefully tore the small package open and then bathed the area he had just licked so sensually with the acrid smelling alcohol. This time Uruha wasted no time in letting the alcohol dry, he simply lowered the needle down to Aoi’s skin and pushed it just under the surface without pause or warning. Aoi hissed and forced the urge down to jerk away because some distant part of his mind told him it would only hurt worse if he moved and shoved the needle deeper. The wet alcohol seeped into his skin with the needle and made his skin tingle and burn.

“How does it feel?” Uruha asked softly, his finger pressing and burying the needle just a little deeper. He knew damn well how it felt, or at least knew it wasn’t a pleasant walk in the park, but Aoi answered him anyway through gritted teeth because he knew that’s what Uruha wanted. Uruha wanted the verbal confirmation that Aoi was in pain.

“It feels like someone’s pressing a hot brand to my skin,” He muttered sourly, but he secretly enjoyed the pain that mingled with the unspent pleasure flooding his body. It was a curious sensation….and he liked it.

“You’re being dramatic. It’s not that bad,” Uruha tched and then slowly withdrew the needle after a few long torturous seconds. How would Uruha know that being stuck with a needle like this was ‘not that bad’ was what Aoi wanted to know. Minuscule drops of blood surfaced against the break in his skin and Aoi watched the scarlet red trickling in a small thin line down his stomach.

When he glanced up at Uruha’s face, he noticed his lover was watching it too with an expression that could only be described as lustful. Aoi sucked in his stomach as Uruha bent down once more, his lips hovering just above the thin line of blood before his tongue licked the blood trail up slowly. Aoi’s stomach shuddered and he once again tried reaching for Uruha only to remember that he had been fixed to the headboard earlier by psyche-ward restraints when a shot of pain accompanied his movement. Aoi reveled in the pain of the cuffs chaffing against his wrists and the feeling of Uruha’s teeth sinking lightly into the flesh of his stomach, nipping and then kissing the place he had just punctured with the needle.

“Uru…” he trailed off, knowing there was nothing at all he could say to persuade Uruha to give him any relief and he would just get himself into deeper trouble the more he tried. Uruha rose an eyebrow as he sat back up, letting the cool air of the room dry the wetness on his skin, causing it to prickle slightly.

“Hmm?” Uruha asked, seeming to take no interest whatsoever in Aoi’s pleading and only pretending to acknowledge him out of warped pity. Uruha didn’t even give him a chance to say anything more as he moved from the bed back to the metal tray and discarded the used needle before picking up a new one. The new needle seemed to glint more wickedly at him than the last one because this one was on a bigger scale than the tiny needle he had just been stuck with. Uruha uncapped this bigger needle and cleaned it with the alcohol before pulling the plunger back in the same routine in which he had prepared the previous one.

“You do want to be cured don’t you?” Uruha wondered in a forged innocent voice as he sat back down beside Aoi on the bed and lowered the needle down further away from his navel than the previous injection. It was closer to that vital part of him, the part that was begging for Uruha to put the needle down and pay attention to it, but definitely with the needle out of sight. He knew he had better prepare himself for an ample amount of pain given the sensitive location of the next needle stick and the fact that this needle was larger and more intimidating.

“How is this curing me? Shouldn’t you be getting down and-” Aoi began but Uruha’s crude laugh shut him up mid-sentence.

“I’m doing exactly what I should be doing Aoi. You’ve had me ‘down and busy’ for years now, I think it’s time for you to return the favor.” Uruha coated the area of skin he was planning on using with the burning alcohol and then he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth in concentration as he pressed the larger needle just beneath Aoi’s skin. This time Aoi couldn’t stop himself from jerking just the slightest bit and he gasped as the needle dug deeper into his flesh.

“Isn’t that right?” Uruha asked but Aoi couldn’t answer him as he squeezed his eyes closed and wished Uruha would just take the needle out already. “You’re gorgeous like this…” Uruha’s voice softened as he slowly withdrew the needle after a few agonizing seconds, and a bigger drop of blood began cascading down his hip bone, traveling along the curve of his waist to seep into the dark fabric of his boxers.

Uruha set the needle down beside him and instead of licking him this time, he caught the drop of blood with his finger and sucked it off with a soft muffled moan. Aoi felt his cock twitch in it’s clothed prison at the sound and display of Uruha sucking his blood from his finger. Uruha glanced at him and winked when he noticed that Aoi was watching him with a look of dazed lust he was sure.

“We can start if you want to,” Uruha murmured after one more lazy lick to his finger, his gaze still trained on Aoi, amusement flashing in his eyes. Aoi felt his heart rate speed up not for the first, and he knew, not for the last time that night. “I’m not sure you’re relaxed though.” Uruha tilted his head, seeming to consider something in his mind as his lidded eyes swept over Aoi. Of course he wasn’t relaxed. He had just been stuck with dangerous needles and Uruha expected him to be relaxed? Aoi swallowed thickly and inwardly gave up the struggle and decided that he would just be lucky to get any sort of respite at this point from Uruha.

After some time, Uruha seemed to resolve whatever he had been debating with himself and he moved more onto the bed and Aoi nearly sighed in relief as Uruha finally began slipping his boxers from his waist. Aoi lifted his hips and let Uruha slide the material down his legs and off. It felt so incredibly good to be fully naked at last. It was slightly intimidating to be the only one naked in the room, but at that particular moment, being naked meant that he might get some sort of relief at some point. He had a feeling he would be the only naked person in the room for a while to come anyway, so he decided to be thankful that his erection wasn’t trapped and being ignored at least.

“Mmm Aoi…” Uruha whispered, his hands spreading Aoi’s legs as Aoi had done countless times to Uruha when he was ready for a good, long fuck. Aoi’s face heated at the mental image that brought up of Uruha on his back, legs spread as far as he could spread them, face flushed pink and skin damp, begging Aoi to take him hard and fast. And now he was the one with his legs spread, silently begging with his eyes for Uruha to do anything to him, to fuck him even though he was still nervous about the whole ordeal.

His eyes drifted down Uruha’s long, lean body as Uruha admired him and stroked the insides of his thighs wantonly, and for the first time that night, he could see the outline of Uruha’s own erection behind the stark white cloth of his coat. Maybe it had been there all along and he just hadn’t noticed or maybe Uruha had only just now gotten hard after sticking him sadistically with needles and now that they were so close to going through with what Aoi had been fearing…

He wished, as he let his eyes take in Uruha’s body and excitement, that his hands were free so that he could touch him, kiss him….stroke him. He tugged on the manacles around his wrist and stared Uruha down, pleading for him to do anything….anything to him.

“What do you want Aoi?” Uruha asked, as if he had a choice or a say in this matter when he knew that he had no voice when it came to what Uruha wanted to do to him. It was all in Uruha’s hands tonight and he could only groan in the back of his throat in response, his pupils dilating as Uruha remained kneeling between his spread legs and reached off to the side to pick up a pair of latex gloves from his table of questionable medical supplies.

“You…” Aoi answered softly to Uruha’s earlier question. He wanted Uruha against him, inside him, and he wanted him now. Uruha glanced at him with hooded, sly eyes as he smoothly slipped the latex gloves over his hands and then picked up a tube of lubricant that had been hiding under the lip of the tray. His gaze caught the way Uruha hesitated for a moment as he held the lubricant in one hand and then he reached back for the tray and picked up another syringe and alcohol pad with his other hand. Aoi closed his eyes, tipped his head back, and swallowed thickly, his mouth dry from nervousness and maybe some faint hint of real fear and excitement. Fear of the pain he knew he was going to feel and excitement for the pleasure he was bound to receive.

Uruha’s laugh was low and rich, directed towards Aoi’s answer he was sure. But he couldn’t seem to care that Uruha was laughing at him, maybe mocking him, he just wanted his lover’s touch and that was the only thing in his scope of rambling thoughts. Aoi saw that this time, the needle in Uruha’s hand was slighter in size and length than the previous ones, which was a small surprise when the needles had seemed to get significantly larger as Uruha made his way down the metal tray.

Uruha crawled over his body, supplies clutched firmly in one hand, and held himself above Aoi as he had done before, their faces inches from one another and their bodies so close to touching that Aoi could shift his hips up and brush against Uruha, but he held himself back this time. He didn’t want to risk annoying Uruha any further at that particular moment and being denied any more than he was already being denied.

“Are you done fighting me?” Uruha whispered, his warm breath brushing against Aoi’s lips, a scent of something sweet sparking Aoi’s already electrified senses. Aoi felt himself relax under the familiar heat of Uruha’s body and he found himself nodded silently, giving himself over completely to his lover.

“Good,” Uruha murmured before leaning down and pressing his mouth to Aoi’s slightly parted lips for the first time that whole evening. Aoi hummed in appreciation as Uruha moved his mouth against him tentatively but deprived Aoi of deepening the kiss. Even so, he was still grateful for this little drink of water, this brief intimate contact of lips, and he reveled in what little he could taste of Uruha’s mouth. His fingers wrapped themselves around the chains connected to the restraints around his wrists as Uruha pulled away from him slowly, their lips seeming to cling to one another for a split second, reluctant to separate. Aoi let out a soft, pleased breath as Uruha’s lips kissed just below his jaw line and then a kiss was tucked seductively into the hollow of his collarbone.

“Is this part of the treatment?” He wondered, his voice lazy and slightly sedated….drunk on finally getting something tangible from Uruha’s teasing. Uruha seemed to ignore his playful question and instead focused his attention on one of his nipples, his full lips pressing against the raised dark flesh and then the sting of teeth sinking into it had Aoi gasping as he had when the needle had slid through his flesh. His cock responded to the way Uruha glanced at him over those devilish thin framed glasses as Uruha scraped his nipple none too gently between his teeth again.

Uruha’s tongue slid over his abused and now reddened nipple when he was done biting on it and Aoi was almost sure Uruha was done with it before his lover took it back into his mouth and sucked. He knew Uruha had always had a nipple fetish, could literally come from Aoi just rubbing on his nipples in the right way or sucking them the way Uruha was doing to him right at that moment. Aoi groaned deeply and spread his legs beneath Uruha’s sprawled body, feeling the sensitive skin of his cock brush painfully against the stiff material of Uruha’s coat.

“Uru,” He murmured and squeezed his eyes closed when Uruha answered his plea by biting down on his nipple again, harder this time, hard enough to draw blood maybe.

“Do you know how incredibly sexy you look like this Aoi?” Uruha’s breath caressed his throbbing nipple, bathing it in warmth and making it sting. Aoi groaned again in response, his cock twitching and pulsing even stronger than the nipple Uruha was currently engaged in torture with. Again with the compliments he rarely got. He felt his face flush with blood once more from arousal and some hidden coyness at Uruha talking to him this way.

Uruha licked over his nipple slowly, his tongue swirling around it and then flicking against it playfully as his other hand slid across his chest and fingers pinched his other nipple. Aoi hissed from the mix of pleasure and pain Uruha was wracking his senses with and he let his eyes slip closed as he enjoyed the mingling of threading sensations. He felt Uruha scraping a nail against the nipple he wasn’t currently sucking on. The nail through the latex glove felt blunted but still stung and added to Aoi’s blissful torture

“You’re the perfect toy,” Uruha whispered against his skin. Aoi’s brow creased and he tugged on the wrist restraints to ground himself, but mostly he just wanted to touch Uruha, to run his hands through his hair and pull the strands between his fingers because his hands were so accustomed to having things to do when they were having sex or messing around.

“You make me so hot Aoi,” Uruha continued his husky monologue between licks and bites to his chest and the words only served to arouse Aoi more, to push him towards the brink just so he could teeter there waiting for Uruha to allow him to fall. Aoi was so caught up in the feel of Uruha’s warm, wet mouth against his skin and the heated words coming from his lips that he barely felt the thin prick to the skin of his nipple. Or it might have been because Uruha had bitten and sucked the skin numb, but whatever the reason, he just so happened to open his eyes to find Uruha sliding the small needle he had been clutching in his hand straight through his nipple. It seemed that his mind raced to catch up with his pain receptors at seeing the needle settled perfectly through his nipple and he suddenly let out a small uncharacteristic cry.

“Ah fuck Uru,” He forced out through gritted teeth, his breathing coming faster as Uruha allowed the needle to sit there and even tapped it so that the needle bobbed slightly as it balanced secured in his skin, his eyes watching for Aoi’s reaction with morbid curiosity. Aoi only cursed under his breath, the need to have his hands free growing in that moment, because he just wanted to wrap his fingers around Uruha’s hair and yank him down on top of him, bite at his lips, be rough with him, give him the same pain he was receiving now. The same…..pleasured pain.

“Hmm?” Uruha hummed questioningly, eyebrow drawing up, as if he couldn’t for the life of him understand why Aoi was cursing and glaring at him as if he wanted to kill him. Uruha finally smiled and in some form of mercy pulled the needle from his skin slowly, drawing the pain out as much as he possibly could.

Aoi’s eyes immediately caught the small piece of silver Uruha suddenly revealed to him, hidden in the palm of his gloved hand. Aoi hadn’t noticed it before, hadn’t seen Uruha pick it up from the tray. He watched, fascinated by his lover, as Uruha grinned at him mischievously before slipping the thin silver bar through the small hole in his nipple and then secured it. He felt his skin stretch some around the piece of jewelry but for the most part he had experienced the worst of the pain…or so he thought….Uruha kept their gazes locked as he ripped open the alcohol package he’d picked up earlier and Aoi swore softly.

Uruha carefully bathed his newly pierced nipple with the burning alcohol as Aoi grinded his teeth down and pulled on the wrist restraints until his wrists and fingers ached from the useless effort. Uruha finally finished tormenting him after a few long, drawn out seconds and Aoi let out a relieved breath, the blood beginning to drain from his face with the fading sting.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for awhile,” Uruha confessed with a sheepish smile that really held no remorse or guilt. Uruha seemed to admire his work for a long moment, his eyes sweeping over the new piercing appraisingly and then the entire length of Aoi’s body with a gaze that could only be described as hungry. After his inspection, Uruha removed the gloves from his hands, balled the used gloves together, and tossed them into the wastebasket beneath the table beside the bed, the needle following the gloves after a second.

“I did a good job don’t you think?” Uruha asked sweetly, tilting his head and waiting for Aoi’s answer. Aoi glanced down at his new, unexpected piercing and merely raised a critical eyebrow at Uruha as if to ask what the fuck he thought he was doing and who the hell gave him permission to start stabbing holes in his body like he was a pin cushion and decorating him with jewelry.

He tried hard to convey those irritated accusations in his gaze, but he wasn’t going to open his mouth and give Uruha incentive to give him anymore piercings as ‘punishment‘. Uruha had surprisingly done a very good job, the bar sat nicely balanced in his skin…and Aoi actually liked the way the bar looked through his nipple. It was as good a job as the person who had pierced his lip, navel, and ears had done. He couldn’t say he hadn’t thought of getting his nipple once or twice, but hell…he never thought his own insane lover would do it for him. He wasn’t going to admit just yet that he liked it out of pure male pride, so he just scowled at Uruha until Uruha began laughing at his bad-tempered display.

“I love it when you’re angry with me. It makes me want to get you even angrier,” Uruha muttered low, his eyes dancing as they mocked Aoi and irritated him further.

“Are you a damn doctor or into the piercing business?” Aoi asked snidely, not caring that he was probably going to get a few more holes in his body for that little comment. Surprisingly though, Uruha just ignored his sarcastic remark and instead picked up the tube of lubricant from where he had left it near one of Aoi’s shoulders. As he leant over him to get the tube, he brushed his lips against the corner of Aoi’s mouth and then bit into his bottom lip…hard. Aoi sucked in a sharp breath at the tingling pain that shot through his lip as Uruha bit down in admonishment and then pulled away with a sly wink behind his hair that Aoi almost didn’t catch.

“I think you’re accustomed to the pain by now aren’t you?” Uruha wondered, a malicious laugh just under the surface of his question. “I know you can take it.” Uruha suddenly moistened his lips and his eyes dropped down to between Aoi’s spread legs to his cock resting just against the skin of his stomach, hard and twitching every now and then when Uruha caused a spike of arousal in his body with a look or a touch, and he noticed that Uruha’s eyes dropped down even lower to where he had allowed no one else before.

When it came down to it, he would rather Uruha be the one to introduce him to this, so in a way he was glad that this was his first time, and that the one person he trusted and truly cared for, no matter how crazy and unpredictable he was, was going to show him what he had only given to other people up until this point.

He wasn’t even sure they were still playing this medical game when Uruha dropped down to his hands and knees between his spread legs, Uruha’s face flushing pink for the first time that night. Aoi’s skin had been turning from pink to red in intervals when usually it was hard to even make him blush the slightest, but this was new to him, so he reveled in the way Uruha’s face filled with blood though he was sure it was out of excitement instead of nervousness in which Aoi’s own blushes were originating from. They were moving into very dangerous territory and Aoi was definitely nervous…but at the same time, he was ready for whatever Uruha had in store for him because Uruha could do anything to him as long as he was given release in the end.

TBC…

Authors Note: I’m sorry it took a bit for this part! I’m editing the last part right now and it will be out sooner >< Whose up for more medical play? o____o taha

EDIT: and the pesky italics have been fixed XD

Part One

2009-11-20T09:50:41Z

[ How I'm feeling| Sexual and Melancholy taha]
[ What I'm listening to| Change-deftones

Title: Experimentation (1/3)
Author: Life_giver
Pairings: Uruha/Aoi
Rating: NC-17 most definitely
Warning: Lots of naughty medical play. If this isn’t your cup of tea please skip.
Summary: Uruha was standing there right in front of him, tempting him with a lilting grin that held too much teasing, and yet….he knew that tonight was Uruha’s night….that Uruha wasn’t his for the taking…..he had agreed to be Uruha’s experimental toy for the entire evening.

The first thing Aoi noticed when he stepped onto the band’s tour bus was the long lean body laying across the one couch that occupied the bus, a book obscuring the face of the person claiming the couch without regard to who else might want to sit on it. But even with the book set firmly in front of the person’s face, he immediately knew who that body belonged to, not only because that body belonged to the one person in the band who always seemed to feel the need to take up the couch as if it personally belonged to him and no one else and who definitely had no regard for other human beings. But Aoi also recognized the body because he’d seen it naked behind closed doors countless times and had had the privilege of exploring whenever he wanted to, that was if the owner of the body was in a non-sadistic mood and didn’t feel like torturing him with abstinence from sex.

Aoi quietly closed the bus door behind him and frowned as Uruha shifted on the couch and turned a page of the book casually, seeming too interested in whatever he was reading to acknowledge his presence. It was rare that anyone saw Uruha with a book in his hand, so this was definitely something that needed further investigation and it was also the perfect opportunity to tease Uruha and give him the same treatment he was always graced with from his lover.

He slipped into the sitting space area of the bus and leaned against the table in front of the couch and just waited for a long moment, wondering if Uruha would look up and notice him without him saying anything. But after a few moments, it was apparent that Uruha was too preoccupied and so Aoi softly cleared his throat and then smirked as the book slowly lowered from in front of Uruha’s face to reveal a slightly startled, half calculating expression.

“Uruha’s actually reading?” Aoi teased silkily and received a narrowing of eyes and even a slight curl of the lip from Uruha at the snide remark.

“Are you trying to be funny?” Uruha asked irritably as he set the book he had been reading in his lap and looked up at Aoi through a glare. “Because I’m not laughing.”

“I can see that,” Aoi chuckled softly, giving Uruha a raised eyebrow before he went to the very end of the couch and lifted Uruha’s feet so that he could sit in the little space he was afforded. Uruha huffed indignantly at being disturbed from his lax position and curled his feet beneath him as he sat up. The book he had been reading slipped from his lap as he was getting comfortable on the other end of the couch and it fell open beside Aoi.

Aoi’s brow creased as he peered down at the picture on the page of the human body in the anatomical position, something he’d seen too many times in his anatomy books in high school for his own liking. The drawing had a mixture of different colors in it with each color representing a certain organ or body tissue and Aoi found himself reaching for the book to pick it up to study it more closely, but Uruha’s hands shot out and grabbed the book before he was even able to lay a finger on it. Aoi looked up curiously as Uruha clutched the book almost protectively against his chest and then slipped it behind him when he saw that Aoi was shooting him a questioning look.

“What was that?” Aoi asked without hesitation. “I didn’t know you were thinking about going back to school for your doctorates Uruha,” Aoi laughed at him much to Uruha’s displeasure. He received another sharp glare as Uruha tucked the book further behind him as if he were afraid Aoi would attack him for it suddenly. What was more perplexing to Aoi that Uruha was even taking the time to read instead of working out a new song on his guitar, was that Uruha was reading a ‘medical’ book over all of the other books he could have picked up to read.

Aoi knew too well where Uruha’s interests laid; sex, music, sex, music, and…sex. If anything, Aoi would expect Uruha would be reading about one of those two all-importan subjects if the subject of reading came up, but medical? What could Uruha possibly find so interesting about the medical field? He had never shown any interest in that area before now and that’s what made this particular scene so out of place.

“It was nothing,” Uruha was quick to mutter and even avoided Aoi’s probing gaze for a split second and Aoi knew instantly that Uruha was lying through his teeth to him. It was obvious it wasn’t just nothing if he was trying to hide that ‘nothing’ from his lover. It was so damn easy to catch Uruha in a white lie because he could never keep straight eye contact during a lie when usually he looked people dead on in the eyes when he wasn’t lying.

“So you suddenly just decided you had an interest in the body other than what sexual positions it can be contorted into in bed?” Aoi asked skeptically, knowing something suspicious was going on to have Uruha’s nose buried in a medical book, and then lying about what exactly he was doing. He was just waiting for Uruha to come out and tell him what was going on because he would eventually. Uruha was a bad liar but even worse at keeping secrets.

“Maybe,” Was all Uruha said in reply to Aoi’s skepticism, and then Uruha’s mouth slowly lengthened in the corner into a wicked smirk, and Aoi knew then that something was definitely going on, and he probably wouldn’t like it all that much , seeing as how Uruha was scheming evilly behind that smile.

“Just tell me and get it over with,” Aoi prompted with a heavy sigh, knowing it would be better to just know right off what Uruha was planning than get surprised by it later on, especially if it was something unpleasant. It was obvious Uruha wanted to tell him all about what he was hiding anyway, but was too hesitant for whatever reason or just too much of a scheming bitch to indulge him. But Uruha simply rose a fine eyebrow and offered him no explanation to the peculiar scene he had walked in on just a minute ago.

“Stop being so damn mysterious,” Aoi muttered when Uruha just shrugged and smiled innocently at him. Aoi narrowed his eyes as Uruha continued to play with him, urging him to play the guessing game with that blameless little smile.

But Aoi wasn’t in the mood to play, he wanted to know what Uruha was scheming about so he could prepare himself, and he’d get it out of Uruha one way or another. He leaned forward on the couch while Uruha’s eyebrow rose higher in challenge and when Aoi began crawling forward slowly, Uruha’s eyes instantly lit up in anticipation.

Uruha didn’t even try moving away playfully, just sat there at the other end of the couch, waiting for Aoi with a smug, eager look. Aoi reached Uruha after a few seconds of teasingly advancing towards him and Uruha bit into his bottom lip and then he even licked it slowly in a tease of his own. Aoi growled softly at Uruha’s tantalizing display and wasted no time in reaching for the cracked window blinds. He twisted the knob to close the window blinds before reaching into Uruha’s hair and pulling him forward into a deep rough kiss. Uruha moaned quietly into Aoi’s mouth as Aoi kissed him hard and slow.

“Now tell me,” Aoi whispered after he had pulled back from the kiss but Uruha only shook his head and leaned forward, expecting another kiss from him. But Aoi pulled back before Uruha’s lips could reach his mouth, loving the way Uruha’s lips instantly puckered into a spoiled pout at being denied what he wanted. It almost made Aoi actually want to give Uruha what he wanted, but he refrained himself from attacking Uruha’s plush mouth again and merely shrugged to mock his lover’s earlier carelessness.

“I’ll tell you later,” Uruha tried pitifully as he reached for the back of Aoi’s neck and tried pulling him forward, but Aoi locked his hand around Uruha’s wrist automatically and pulled his hand away with a shake of his head.

“Tell me now,” Aoi urged firmly with a haughty grin. Uruha’s pouted deepened at being snubbed once again and he seemed to ponder the notion of telling Aoi what he was planning for just a moment before he huffed indignantly and reached for the book behind him. Uruha was fully intent on getting up to leave since Aoi wasn’t playing with him, but Aoi was quick to catch the movement and he snatched the medical book from his hands and held it away from Uruha as he immediately tried grabbing it back.

“Aoi!” Uruha exclaimed irritably, trying in vain to grab at the book Aoi was holding behind him teasingly. Aoi kept the book firmly behind his back and leaned forward to steal a kiss from Uruha’s angrily down turned lips as he pressed against Aoi’s chest while trying to reach for the book. Uruha pulled away from the kiss and shot Aoi a hard glare, obviously not in the mood for kisses anymore now that his secret devious planning was being threatened.

“Just tell me Uruha, unless you want to wrestle all day instead of claiming the back room for a little while.” Aoi’s grin lengthened as Uruha immediately stopped struggling against him at the prospect of getting the one room the bus had that contained a good-sized bed, a luxury compared to the cramped bunk beds everyone usually slept in when they weren’t stopping at hotels. They usually took turns claiming ‘the room’ and tonight was Aoi’s turn to sleep in it, which meant it was also Uruha’s after everyone went to sleep.

Uruha hesitated, his arms still comically wrapped around Aoi’s waist in an attempt to get the book from behind Aoi’s back. After a moment he slowly moved away and sat back, his arms crossing against his chest in frustration but also defeat. Aoi sighed contentedly knowing Uruha would have to tell him now. He took the book from behind him and laid it open in his lap to a page that had pictures of an array of different medical equipment on it.

“I was going to talk to you about it in a few days after I was sure about everything,” Uruha suddenly blurted out in a serious tone of voice all playfulness gone from his demeanor. Aoi’s smug grin faltered for a moment at Uruha’s unexpected sincerity. He was almost afraid that Uruha’s ploy was even worse than what he was currently imagining it to be now that the teasing had ceased. He had been on the receiving end of some of the worst of Uruha’s schemes, so if Uruha was suddenly being serious about whatever he was planning….Aoi wasn’t sure what to think about it really.

“What are you talking about?” Aoi wondered as he studied Uruha’s creased brow and pursed lips and then glanced back down to the medical book in his lap in confusion. When he looked back up at Uruha, his hand had crept beneath his hair and he was rubbing the back of his neck almost nervously. It was rare that Uruha was ever truly nervous about anything around anyone, least of all around Aoi. There were no hidden secrets between them. They knew one another’s inner most dealings, and the darkest thoughts and desires they kept hidden from everyone else. But obviously Uruha was holding something back from him now and he was nervous about telling Aoi about it.

And then it suddenly dawned on Aoi as he tilted his head and examined the medical equipment on the page once more and then looked up to see Uruha studying the page as well with a gaze that could only be described as wanton, definitely not a look one could associate with a hunger for medical knowledge. That wasn’t why Uruha had been studying the book. Aoi rose an eyebrow as he recognized that look on Uruha’s face, it was an expression of lust and Aoi had an idea of why that look was on Uruha’s face. They had done some crazy things between them in the time they had been sleeping with one another, and they had never been afraid to try new things or experiment with taboo fetishes, but this was something that had never once come up between them at all….not even in a tease.

“You…want to do this….” Aoi stated more than asked as he pointed to the page of medical instruments and smiled slightly as Uruha looked up at him and shrugged slightly, which was answer enough for Aoi. Aoi hummed in the back of his throat thoughtfully as he closed the book and set it on the back of the couch out of the way, considering what Uruha was proposing out of the blue and if he really wanted to dive into something as extreme as medical play. He’d never thought about doing it, but he wasn’t ignorant on what it was all about.

“So….” Aoi trailed off, waiting for Uruha to elaborate on what exactly he wanted and how he wanted to go about doing it.

“I don’t know Aoi….it just came up….and I wanted to try it,” Uruha offered sheepishly, his fingers caressing the spine of the book between them idly. “What are you thinking? I hate it when you just look at me like that and don’t say anything,” Uruha muttered crossly as Aoi continued to study Uruha’s face, currently flushed with excitement and desire. Uruha had definitely been turning this notion over in his hands for a while. Aoi could see Uruha had had this fetish stashed away somewhere and he wondered why Uruha had only now come to him suggesting to experiment with it.

“I’ve never even thought about it,” Aoi answered truthfully. “But if it’s something you want to try out, I don’t really mind…” Aoi paused for a second and then shot Uruha a cautious look. “That is…if you know what you’re doing, because I sure as hell don’t.” Uruha’s posture immediately straightened and his eyes seemed to light up just a bit more and he even grinned as he took the medical book back into his hands and flipped it open to the page Aoi had been on that displayed the different array of stainless steel medical instruments.

“I’ve been doing a lot of research on it, both the fetish aspect and the actual medical aspect. I’ve been looking up all the equipment that’s used with the fetish and how to use the instruments and what I can and can’t do with them.” Uruha rose a mischievous eyebrow as his finger traced over a tool that Aoi faintly recognized as something used during a woman’s visit to the doctor for some very specific reasons.

Aoi’s eyes widened just a bit at the thought of all the wide possibilities attached to the medical fetish, how many different instruments could be used and what those instruments could be used for. Aoi knew he’d probably be the ginny pig for everything, seeing as how Uruha was the most educated on the fetish out of the two of them at that moment. It sent a thread of fear and faint arousal down Aoi’s spine to think of everything they could do with this particular fetish, or what all could be done to him if he gave Uruha free rein to do what he wanted, was more to the point.

“Why didn’t you tell me you wanted to do this before?” Aoi asked, still wondering why Uruha suddenly had an interest in some medical fetish and also pondering over what that meant for him.

“I wanted to make sure I knew what it was all about before I brought it to you to see if you wanted to try it out,” Uruha answered, not able to hide the small eager smile tugging at the corner of his lips. It was obvious how much Uruha wanted to do this and he couldn’t quite understand how Uruha had hidden this new interest from him being as eager as he was to try it out.

“Does it turn you on at all Aoi?” Uruha murmured softly and Aoi rose an eyebrow when Uruha slid closer to him on the couch and a hand slipped from his knee and caressed the inside of his thigh slowly. Uruha’s excitement over the fetish was gradually forcing Aoi to seriously consider the notion of playing doctor with Uruha just to see his lover this eager and turned on by something.

Uruha was definitely the world’s finest sex fiend and he spent one half of his life living for music and the other for sex, but it was only with something as special as this, like trying out some new fetish or sexual destination, that got Uruha this worked up. Uruha’s eager smile deepened into something more sensual and tempting as he leaned forward and kissed the corner of Aoi’s mouth, deliberately missing Aoi’s lips as a finger traced lazy patterns between Aoi’s legs.

“Yeah…it does…” Aoi whispered in a soft pant of breath as Uruha’s one lone finger was joined by four others and his jean trapped cock was palmed and kneaded gently. Uruha nipped at Aoi’s bottom lip and then pulled the flesh slowly between his teeth before opening his mouth on his lips and kissing him deeply. Aoi groaned softly as Uruha’s caressing hand pressed just a bit firmer between his legs.

“Then you’ll try it with me?” Uruha whispered against Aoi’s mouth, his hand regretfully moving away from between Aoi’s legs so that Uruha could push him down against the couch and climb over him. Aoi eyed Uruha as his lover smiled down at him conspiratorially and he would have been lying if he could say he wasn’t just a tad worried and cautious knowing what Uruha had the potential to do when things were solely in his hands. But just as things had the possibility to turn out disastrous with Uruha, most often than not, things turned out thrilling, and pleasurable.

Usually when Aoi ‘allowed’ Uruha to take ideas like this and run with them, he experienced bliss like he could never experience elsewhere. Aoi just nodded his agreement silently, letting his darkened grin speak for him. Just as long as Uruha delivered the ecstasy he craved, his lover could do anything in the world to him and he knew Uruha understood that unspoken deal perfectly.

“Good.” Uruha’s warm breath stroked Aoi’s mouth before Uruha’s lips were kissing their way down his neck leisurely. Aoi’s eyes drifted closed and he pressed his head back into the arm of the couch in anticipation of what Uruha’s drifting kisses entailed. His hands slid into Uruha’s already tousled hair and tugged on the strands restlessly as Uruha took his time in letting his lips press against his collarbone, every now and then stopping to lick a trail against his skin with a flickering, talented tongue.

“Don’t tease…” Aoi groaned as Uruha smiled impishly and sat back to push Aoi’s shirt up to his chest to expose his torso.

“But that’s what you love about me,” Uruha murmured confidently with a wink that had Aoi shifting wantonly against the couch, just wishing Uruha would stop the teasing and get right to the root of his desire. Though Uruha was right, the one thing he loved most about his lover was his ability to tease to the point of insanity and then give him the best orgasms he’d ever had the privilege to experience, but at that moment he just wanted to skip through to the end product.

“It is,” Aoi agreed with a low mutter as he reached up and tugged on Uruha’s shirt to bring him back down against him. “But right now I just want your mouth in a very specific place, during a very specific job.” Aoi gave Uruha a look that dared him to question his demand or continue teasing because Aoi could always refuse and deny Uruha the fetish adventure he was surely constructing in his mind right at that moment. Not that he really would deny Uruha anything he wanted, but the fact was that he could and Uruha just gave him a half-hearted glare that didn’t quite reach his excited eyes.

The last time they had been able to have sex was four days ago when it had been Uruha’s turn to claim ‘the room’ and they had had to be as quiet as humanly possible with their band mates sleeping just outside the door. Aoi could still see Uruha’s tortured face as he had held a hand over his mouth tightly as he came between their bodies.

It had been too much work concealing what they had been doing, and they now had at least an hour alone as the band was out drinking. They had both declined the offer to come along, knowing they could be alone for a little while this way without any interruptions at least. Luckily there wasn’t much of the current tour left and they could soon return to their apartments and be alone and as loud as they both wanted to be.

Uruha’s warm hands brushed over Aoi’s bare chest and he could only moisten his lips and close his eyes again, letting his lover touch him and decorate his neck with passion marks. Uruha’s hands slid themselves down his stomach and leisurely dipped beneath his pants to caress his trapped cock through his boxers, mouth still sucking and biting at the skin just beneath his jaw line.

Aoi hissed and pressed his hips into Uruha’s hand, silently urging him to do more than just caress him. He felt the roguish little smile against the skin of his neck before Uruha began trailing his kisses down his neck to the naked expanse of his chest, his hand still rubbing Aoi through irritably constricting cloth. Aoi let his eyes drift open so that he could watch Uruha kissing down his stomach, his lover’s tongue curling and flicking against his navel teasingly.

Uruha’s eyes were trained on his stomach as he licked and kissed lower, but when Aoi slipped a hand into Uruha’s hair those brown eyes flickered up and locked gazes with him as he began smoothly unbuttoning Aoi’s pants. Uruha’s wicked grin lengthened as he finally got Aoi’s pants undone and pushed out of the way before he took the waistband of Aoi’s boxers between his teeth and leisurely began pulling them down over his hard cock.

“Fuck Uru…” Aoi gasped, his hips pulling away for just a fraction of a second as Uruha tugged the boxers down lower, before his hips pressed forward, seeking more attention from his lover’s devious mouth. Uruha was still grinning in that self-satisfied way of his as his fingers wrapped around Aoi’s cock once the boxers were out of the way. Uruha let the fabric slip from between his teeth and he barely gave Aoi time to breathe before the flat of his tongue licked the underside of his cock from root to tip in a teasing show of cheekiness. Aoi pressed his head back into the arm of the couch and tightened his fingers in Uruha’s hair as he felt his lover’s tongue lick a wet trail around the head of his cock, those plush lips leaving soft damp kisses in their wake.

“This is what you wanted?” Uruha’s warm breath caressed Aoi’s skin in a whisper and then his tongue licked slowly against the head of Aoi’s cock again, making it twitch in Uruha’s palm in torturous arousal. Aoi tried to calm his harsh breathing as he watched Uruha’s lips part and his cock disappeared between them as Uruha took his cock into his mouth and then down his throat.

Uruha was too good at this, had always been a master at working him this way and he couldn’t help the long moan that crept from his throat as Uruha swallowed around him, his hand steadily stroking the base of his cock in perfect rhythm with his mouth. Uruha’s motions were always slow and sensual at first, careful to keep Aoi from tipping over the edge until he was ready for Aoi to. Aoi practiced breathing through his nose and calming his racing heart as the pleasure steadily rose and then ebbed some as Uruha gradually slid his mouth from his cock. Uruha placed a small, teasing little lick to Aoi’s cock before his lips were kissing back up Aoi’s stomach, teeth accompanying this time in the form of small bites that were soothed afterward by his tongue.

“I told you not to tease Uru…” Aoi growled low, warningly, his fingers wrapping around the golden strands in his hand and pulling some, not enough to hurt, but enough to have Uruha shoot him an annoyed look and shake his head free of Aoi’s hand.

“I thought you were about to have a heart attack,” Uruha murmured playfully, his hand sliding to Aoi’s chest and covering the place where Aoi’s heart was currently beating a wild rhythm against his skin. “And we’ve only just started. We have a whole night,” Uruha whispered as he settled down on top of Aoi and kissed him on the lips so that he was able to taste the faintly salty taste of the precum from his own cock. Uruha’s hand moved away from his chest as they kissed and resumed its rightful place around his erection as if he’d been reading Aoi’s mind.

Uruha groaned into the kiss as he began stroking Aoi with leisurely flicks of his wrist and Aoi’s hands occupied themselves on Uruha’s ass, sliding against his back as Uruha’s hips rubbed against him. Aoi’s hands eventually slipped away from Uruha’s ass after a long moment of being kissed and teased by his lover so that he could unbutton Uruha’s pants, wanting more than just a mouth or a hand now. He wanted Uruha and he could feel him so hard against his hip, begging to be touched.

“Take them off,” Aoi forced out between Uruha’s rough, deep kisses. Uruha’s hand tightened a little around his cock, stroking him more firmly, but making no move to help him slide his pants off. Uruha pulled away from his mouth and held himself up above him with his free hand, gazing down at Aoi predatorily, a look he knew well now after the countless times he’d been pinned with it. It was a look of pure lust, dominating authority, as if Uruha was commanding him to fuck him, and Aoi was only too happy to obey.

Aoi reached for Uruha to pull him back down but the quick hand that blocked his movement startled him for a moment. Uruha’s gaze hardened and seemed to challenge him as Aoi’s hand that had reached for Uruha slowly fell lifeless back down to the couch beside him. He’d never misread any of Uruha’s nonverbal signs and queues. This was definitely a first, he mused, as he stared at Uruha, speculating what his lover’s sudden refusal meant.

“Wh-” Aoi had begun to ask, but Uruha overrode his prying question in a soft, dark tone, a tone that was a world away from his earlier playful impishness or lustful murmurs.

“Why haven’t you ever let me fuck you?” Uruha asked, the words falling candidly from Uruha’s mouth like lead bricks on Aoi’s chest. “Why is it always me?” Uruha wondered, his voice still calm and soft and peculiar. The question was a small jolt of surprise for Aoi because it had never come up until now, and he’d realized he had never even really thought of the mechanics to what Uruha was asking. It seemed like Uruha was full of surprises that evening and he was starting to wonder what exactly that meant for him.

“Why-” Aoi tried sneaking the inquiry in, but Uruha was again too quick for him and stepped over him like he wasn’t even there. Uruha’s definite control over the situation at hand was apparent and Aoi could only close his mouth and raise his eyebrow to relay the question he couldn’t get out with his voice.

“You’ve never let me fuck you before Aoi,” Uruha murmured low. “Why is that?” It was a question that came from Uruha’s lips, but he could tell Uruha already knew the answer to it, knew what he was too embarrassed to say out loud.

“You don’t think you’d like it?” Uruha’s eyebrow rose in succession with the wicked smirk that crept onto his face as Aoi tried shrinking back into the couch at the scheming he saw in Uruha’s flashing eyes. “Even after you’ve seen how much I enjoy it?” Uruha wondered, his hand sneaking back down to Aoi’s lap and stroking his hardened cock with those lazy, painful flicks of his wrist, as if he had all night to get Aoi off and was in no hurry at all.

“Uru-” Aoi groaned, not knowing what else to say to Uruha’s pinpoint accurate discovery of why he’d never let his lover fuck him…the truth was, he had just never been fucked by anyone in his life. He had always taken the lead role when it came to sex. With Uruha, his lover was the more aggressive, but for some reason, Uruha had seemed to enjoy being held down and fucked and had never suggested switching roles, so Aoi had never thought it over….had never felt the desire to let Uruha give him his first experience with receiving instead of giving. But once again….Uruha had those slightly frightening but exhilarating deliberations sifting through his mind and he found himself weighing the pros of Uruha’s suggestion even over the cons.

“I don’t know…” Aoi answered truthfully to Uruha’s earlier question of whether he thought he’d like it or not, because honestly, he could visually see how much Uruha enjoyed being fucked and could see the appeal in it, but he was nervous to put himself in that position for reasons he couldn’t exactly explain. For one, it was definitely a new idea, and he knew there could be some pain involved but nothing he couldn’t take. He liked a little pain mixed with sex, which was part of the reason he was willing to let Uruha experiment with his medical fetish because he had a sneaking feeling some amount of pain would be involved. Maybe he would let Uruha experiment with both of his sudden suggestions…He found himself agreeing silently with a small nod.

Uruha’s mischievous grin softened just the smallest fraction as he leant down and kissed Aoi. Aoi leaned up to receive Uruha’s mouth and let a muffled moan slip past his lips as Uruha’s hand sped up its lazy rhythm some on his cock. It was another unspoken agreement Aoi had given his consent on . He trusted Uruha with taking the reins with these new ideas and just hoped Uruha knew exactly what he was doing.

“Now that that’s settled….” Uruha whispered against his mouth. “Where was I?” Aoi brushed his hand through Uruha’s hair and wound his fingers in the light strands once more before grinning slightly.

“Can we skip a few steps?” Aoi asked impishly, tugging at Uruha’s hair insistently as his lover gaze him an aggravated look. He was ready to either get off in Uruha’s mouth or fuck him against the couch, but either way, he didn’t think he could take the teasing any longer after being deprived of this for days on end. He wasn’t sure when Uruha would decide to initiate him into the world of being on the receiving end, but he could see that Uruha was just ready to be fucked and didn’t have the patience at that moment to show Aoi the ropes.

That was a slight comfort at least that he still had some time to prepare himself for Uruha’s scheming before he was cornered completely. Uruha tilted his head playfully as if thinking over his question for a moment before he leaned down and locked his mouth to Aoi’s, and Aoi could feel Uruha’s hand move away from his cock to begin pulling his own pants down and out of the way deftly, undressing himself, that teasing air that Uruha had created evaporating to make room for the wanton lust being stretched between them to the breaking point.

Uruha’s mouth was hard on his own, demanding, and his kisses left Aoi breathless as he reached down between them to try to help Uruha pull his pants down, knowing he wouldn’t even have to take off his own in order for them to do what they needed to do. Satisfaction would come in any form they could get it when their time alone like this was so limited. But as soon as Aoi had pulled Uruha’s pants down to his knees and Uruha had begun to pull away from him so that he could get his pants the rest of the way off, both of their gazes were torn away from each other as the latch on the door of the bus clicked, alerting them that it was about to be pulled open, and they were about to get their asses caught naked on the couch together.

“Oh fuck” Uruha cursed softly, his hands going into instant overdrive as he pulled his pants back up around his waist and fumbled with the zipper and button as quickly as he could. Aoi barely had time to pull his own boxers and pants back into place and sit up before the door to the bus opened and Reita came up the steps. Uruha moved to the other side of the couch quickly and ran a hand through the hair that Aoi had tousled with his hand. Reita took his time wiping his feet on the mat in front of the door and then he brushed imaginary dust from his jacket. The quick glance he gave Aoi and Uruha was slightly wary and Aoi knew Reita wasn’t even going to try asking them what had just been going on.

“You’re back early,” Aoi forced out through gritted teeth as he watched Reita make his way to the small table in front of them and grab a black wallet that had been sitting on top of it.

“Forgot my wallet,” Reita said, making it a point to wave the wallet in front of his face as if to justify barging in on them. Aoi took a quick glance at Uruha who was fidgeting with his shirt, pulling it down and back into place where Aoi had pulled it up during their heated session.

Aoi noticed the slick sheen on Uruha’s mouth from their kissing, a dead giveaway that something more than mere talking had been going on, though he was fairly certain that Reita knew exactly what they had been doing. He rose an eyebrow and made a small gesture to his mouth when Reita turned his back for a moment to count the money in his wallet, most likely to check if he had enough for drinks.

Uruha gave Aoi a questioning look but when Aoi went through the motions of wiping his mouth, Uruha’s eyes widened comically and he wiped his mouth dry with the back of his hand, his face flushing different shades of pink and red. When Reita finally turned back around, he tucked his wallet into his back pocket and shot Uruha a look that Aoi could only described as a look of warning. Maybe it was a warning to be more careful seeing as how this wasn’t the first time they had ‘nearly gotten caught’ by Reita.

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Uruha muttered darkly, shooting Reita an equally warning look, and Aoi just shrank back into the couch and faked ignorance to the exchange between his lover and their friend.

“Yeah….I do,” Was all Reita murmured, his eyes sweeping over Uruha and Aoi one more time, before he shook his head as if rebuking them in his mind and made his way to the door of the bus.

“Don’t worry,” Aoi heard Reita mutter before he slipped out of the door and silence filled the space of the bus for a long few moments after Reita’s departure. They were both waiting for the sound of the car engine that would alert them to Reita’s definite departure. When they heard the car leave, Uruha let out a long, loud sigh and dropped his head onto the back of the couch, his hand raking through his hair, the motion heavy with frustration.

Aoi smiled at the ridiculousness of their sneaking around when they both knew they’d been ‘nearly’ caught by their band mates on so many occasions that their friends would have to be complete idiots not to realize something was going on between them. Uruha turned his head towards Aoi, catching his smile and threw him an exasperated look.

“Shall we move to the bedroom?” Uruha suggested needlessly, and Aoi merely made a mocking sweeping gesture towards the back bedroom with his hand. Uruha rolled his eyes and then dropped his gaze down to Aoi’s lap, his frown pulling into a small smirk and Aoi shifted uncomfortably under Uruha’s sardonic stare.

“Well at least you’re still ready,” Uruha teased and then laughed as Aoi copied Uruha’s exasperated roll of the eyes. Not even getting caught could pull Aoi down from his high, and unfortunately his body had found it amusing to make it well known how aroused he still was. He’d somehow hid it with his arm with their band mate standing in front of them, but now that Reita was gone and it was only he and Uruha again, he just draped his arm over the back of the couch and shifted his hips suggestively under Uruha’s gaze, urging him to do something about his little ‘problem’.

Uruha’s eyes darkened as they always seemed to do when he was ready for it, and he even moistened his lips, and Aoi was almost sure he wasn’t even aware that he had licked his lips. His eyes followed every movement Uruha made as he stood from the couch and curled his finger at Aoi before he turned and started heading towards the bedroom.

Aoi let out a breath he hadn’t noticed he’d been holding and rubbed his palms over the tops of his thighs in anticipation of a night alone with Uruha after so long of having to sneak around and be quiet under everyone’s noses He was just hoping their band mates were getting trashed right at that moment which would give them a few more hours time because he sure as hell wasn’t going to hold back tonight. The sole objective for the next few hours was making Uruha moan his name as loud as he possibly could, and that was enough motivation to direct his attention away from those dangerous little surprises Uruha had brought up earlier. Those earlier suggestions seemed miniscule in comparison to the situation at hand.

“You’re wasting precious time…” He heard Uruha call out from the back of the bus, pulling him from his fleeting thoughts and his smirk widened as he stood and made his way to the back bedroom, fully intending to make the most of the night.

******

“Are you coming over tonight?” Uruha’s voice on the other end of the phone line held a strange undertone to it for some reason as Aoi slid the money over the top of the counter to pay for his cup of coffee at the little coffee shop he frequented near Uruha’s apartment.

“Do you want me to?” Aoi asked playfully as he was handed his change which he slipped into his pocket. He grabbed up his warm cup of coffee while simultaneously moving out of the way for the next customer, all the while pondering over Uruha’s odd tone of voice. Something was different and it made Aoi instantly wary.

“What do you think?” Uruha asked irritably, obviously not in the mood for teasing, which made Aoi chuckle because when he was on the receiving end of the teasing, Uruha was only too happy to torment him.

“Let me think about it…” Aoi continued the playfulness as he blew over the top of his coffee to cool it some before taking a sip. As the customer in front of him left, the woman at the register slipped him his forgotten receipt and he took it with a brief nod to her.

“Thank you,” He told her, before leaving the counter and walking towards the door.

“Where are you?” Uruha asked suspiciously, ignoring Aoi’s jibe completely. Aoi pushed open the glass door to the coffee shop and stepped out into the cool night air, cradling the phone between his shoulder and ear as he pulled the ends of his coat around himself against the chilly breeze. He was only about three blocks away from Uruha’s apartment because he had in fact been planning to show up at Uruha’s doorstep unannounced. He took another sip of his coffee and let Uruha’s mind wander for a bit sadistically.

“Aoi?” Uruha prompted, a hard edge was suddenly laced into his voice, making Aoi smile over the rim of his coffee cup as he stepped onto the sidewalk and began walking towards Uruha’s apartment with a slow, wandering gait.

“I’m walking towards your apartment right at this moment,” Aoi indulged him silkily. “Do you want me to come over that badly? You sound eager.” Aoi chuckled, warming his cold hands against his coffee cup as he took his time crossing the empty, dimly lit street to the apartment complexes on the next block. In fact Uruha sounded suspiciously impatient for him to come over, maybe eager wasn’t exactly the right word. “I was over just last night,” He threw in for kicks, knowing Uruha was steadily becoming aggravated by his taunting. He had fucked Uruha against the door of his bedroom after the unsuccessful attempt at opening the door to make it to the bed last night.

They hadn’t been able to have uninhibited, wild, vocal sex for weeks on end during their band’s latest tour, but the tour had ended a few days ago and they were now back in their home town and free to do whatever they wanted to. They had definitely taken advantage of their freedom last night and Aoi grinned wickedly at the memory of Uruha groaning his name as loudly as he possibly could as Aoi held him pinned against the door. He was surprised someone hadn’t called the law on them last night for disturbing the peace.

They had spent the entire night just catching up on all the sex they had missed out on during the tour and Uruha was usually eager for him to come over to his apartment most nights, but the sheer impatient tone in Uruha’s voice over the phone was puzzling because he was never really anxious for him to come over unless something important was going on. There was just something off about Uruha at that moment and it made him slow his walk even more as he neared Uruha’s place, suddenly wondering if Uruha was up to something mischievous. It was a definite possibility.

“Are you almost here?” Uruha asked edgily and Aoi frowned, a million different horrible scenarios suddenly rushing through his mind as he punched in the code he knew by heart to get into Uruha’s apartment building. He threw the rest of his cooling coffee into the waste bin just inside of the door and began climbing the steps slowly.

“I’m in the building. Why-” Aoi began to question Uruha on his impatience, but his lover overrode him as he was prone to do when he didn’t like what Aoi was saying…or trying to say at least.

“Okay good. I’ll see you in a minute,” Uruha quickly muttered before Aoi heard the click of the phone as it was hung up and then the lonely hum of the dial tone.

“What the fuck?” Aoi cursed out loud as he took the phone away from his ear and held it out in front of him, frowning at it as if it would somehow answer his confused train of thoughts if he glared at it hard enough. A woman passing him on the stairs shot him a hard, disapproving look at his use of language, but he just sighed heavily and snapped his phone shut before slipping it back into his pocket, ignoring the woman, and coming to the conclusion that he would find out what Uruha’s problem was in just a moment’s time.

When he got to Uruha’s door, he didn’t even take the time to knock, he just let himself in as he usually did, and the first thing he noticed was the emptiness of the whole expanse of the apartment. He shut the door behind him and stood for a moment looking around cautiously, knowing something was definitely going on now. Uruha was usually sprawled out on the couch watching tv and snacking, messing with his guitar, or on his computer at this time of night, or usually if he knew Aoi was coming over and he was ready for some action, Aoi was attacked at the door by an eager Uruha and his clothes most often than not, magically never made it pass the threshold.

But Uruha wasn’t waiting on him and was nowhere to be seen. Aoi rose an eyebrow as he surveyed the emptiness in front of him and contemplated turning around and leaving to save himself from whatever Uruha was planning. But curiosity got the better of him, and he perhaps foolishly honed in on Uruha’s bedroom, the one place that Uruha could be if he wasn’t anywhere in the main space of the apartment. That or the bathroom, but the bedroom seemed the more likely place considering the suspicious situation. It was definitely the red zone at that moment and Aoi felt a tingle of excitement rush down his spine unwittingly in anticipation.

He felt that rush of excitement turn to slight hesitation as he made it to Uruha’s bedroom and stood there with his hand on the doorknob, knowing that when he turned that knob and pushed open the door, he could either walk in on a perfectly normal scene of Uruha lounging in bed waiting for him, or he could walk in on something altogether crazy and something he would rather not partake in. Uruha had been known to do some crazy shit over the years they had been together and Aoi had been the unwilling victim each of those times. Aoi quirked an eyebrow as he turned the knob of the bedroom door and pushed it open, not noticing he was holding his breath until he let it out in a loud gasp as he walked in on Uruha kneeling on the bed, bent over with his ass in the air, some sort of stark white jacket or overcoat hitched over his waist to show off the silky naked skin of his hips and the swell of his ass.

Aoi stood in the open doorway frozen for a few long seconds as he watched Uruha struggling with something he was attaching to the headboard. His grunts and huffs of frustration as he struggled with whatever he was fixing to the headboard would have been endearing to Aoi and he would have been teasing him about it at any other moment in time, but at that particular moment, he knew he was in for something and he wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing yet.

When he saw the glint of metal under the lamplight beside the bed, he knew he definitely had reason to be wary. Uruha finally sat back after a long few minutes of struggling with the headboard and let a set of metal restraints fall from his hands and knock against the wooden frame of the bed. Aoi could see they weren’t exactly handcuffs, but just metal wrist restraints attached to each end of the bed posts and all he could do was stand there dumbly in the open doorway cursing inwardly and feeling his body flush slowly with a sense of dread…and yet still….some sense of excitement…anticipation. Even with Uruha’s worst, most painful ploys, he had enjoyed them all in some way or another.

When Uruha sat back on his heels, his white coat slipped back into place to cover his naked ass, and Aoi heard him sigh in contentment after his tough struggle with the restraints and headboard. Aoi took a quick glance beside the bed and felt his hands tighten around the doorframe, his knuckles turning red then white as he clenched it in a death grip when he noticed the metal tray sitting on one of the side tables. It was a metal tray full of…..Aoi actually took a step back out of the door at the sight of an array of syringes with uncapped needles and some other metal objects he couldn’t exactly discern. Uruha must have heard the small creak his foot made on the floorboards when he stepped back because his lover whipped around quickly and pinned him with a steady, hard gaze behind….his glasses.

Uruha was always complaining about his bad vision but Aoi rarely saw him wearing his glasses even in the most dangerous situation like driving. They seemed to irritate him more than anything. They gave him a more authoritarian, almost studious look, and Aoi nearly took another step back out of the door at how intimidating his lover seemed then, but Uruha’s intense gaze held him there with his hand glued to the doorframe.

He had completely forgotten about Uruha’s medical fantasy because they hadn’t talked about it or mentioned it in the least since that first time Uruha had brought it up weeks ago. There had only been one suspicious encounter he should have questioned, involving a mysterious bulky black bag that had been propped against Uruha’s closet door for a whole day and night, the ends tied neatly and securely to keep him from prying. He hadn’t questioned Uruha’s mysterious black bag though, since his lover was prone to bringing bags of ‘interesting’ things home, and besides…he had been too preoccupied with more important issues since they had been home from the tour. Issues like how to keep the neighbors from calling the cops on them as he made Uruha scream his name or how to undress Uruha in the quickest and easiest way possible to get down to business. He now knew he probably should have done some detective work and figured out that he was in for something tonight.

“Umm…” Was all he could say as Uruha stared him down and he suddenly felt like an idiot who couldn’t speak or move because he was shocked, or surprised, or terrified, or maybe all of that combined. “I didn’t know-” Aoi began, not even aware of what he was about to say before Uruha cut in and slid off the bed silkily, his eyes still trained to Aoi, and the harder he stared, the more cemented Aoi’s feet were to the floor. He wasn’t prepared for this….didn’t think he could ever be prepared for Uruha dressed as some slutty lab assistant or doctor promising a night of pain and torture with his tray of needles and medical equipment. It almost seemed unreal in a way, because they’d never gone to this sort of extreme.

“Come in and close the door.” The voice that came from Uruha’s perfectly pursed lips was heavier, duskier than usual and held that strange tint it had held over the phone. It was more demanding than usual, harder like the gaze Aoi was being pinned with and he found himself obeying it without question or even hesitance. He somehow found the courage to step back inside of the room despite the heaviness weighing his feet to the floor. He let the door swing closed behind him, his movements seeming completely controlled by Uruha’s heated gaze.

“Uru…”Aoi nearly whispered, but let Uruha’s name hang in the air uselessly for a long held breath as Uruha shot him a dark look and crooked a finger at him, beckoning him forward. At that moment with Uruha’s glasses balanced so meticulously against the bridge of his nose, his streaked blonde hair falling into his eyes, and his lips parted just so that Aoi could see his tongue dancing against the corner of his mouth, Uruha had never looked more sexual and arousing…and dangerous.

“You agreed didn’t you?” Uruha asked, his head tilting questioningly, daring Aoi to say something against this or to try backing out. Aoi stood rooted to the ground and for some reason had the intense urge to just shrug helplessly and try to make a quick exit to save himself from what Uruha had up his sleeve. But he knew he wouldn’t be going anywhere. He had agreed to experiment with this, had told Uruha he found it arousing, and in truth he did, but he was still nervous about the part where Uruha wanted to hold him down and fuck him for the first time.

Aoi knew he couldn’t protest….perhaps didn’t really want to protest with how Uruha was currently undressing him with his dark hooded eyes, his tongue still dancing demurely just behind his lips as if he couldn’t wait to put his mouth on Aoi. And that was most likely the deciding factor for him as he finally shrugged helplessly and took another step towards Uruha.

“Well Mr. Shiroyama, please step closer….and take off your clothes.” Uruha’s voice dropped on the last part, and his tongue finally slipped from playing with the corner of his mouth and glossed over his bottom lip smoothly. Aoi had no idea how to play this game or how he was meant to act but as long as Uruha was in charge and led the way, he was sure he could fall into the role of the vulnerable patient easily enough. Uruha had always dominated him from beneath him in bed anyway as much as he hated to admit it. His lover just held that certain demanding, intense quality to him that dared to be defied.

Aoi almost let himself smirk as Uruha curled his finger for him to come even closer. This definitely had the potential to be one of their better trysts as long as he wasn’t put through anything too dangerous. His eyes slipped momentarily to the needles glinting wickedly under the lamplight on their silver tray and he nearly backed out again, but Uruha cleared his throat impatiently and he once more found himself being drawn by some invisible string to his lover until he was standing just in front of him. The sharp scent of sterile alcohol drifted to him as Uruha leaned close, his whispered breath caressing Aoi’s ear sweetly.

“Get undressed,” Uruha murmured his eyebrow raising and his eyes glinting wickedly behind his studiously perched glasses. More than getting undressed at that moment, Aoi wanted to grab Uruha and press his mouth to those sinfully pursed lips. He wanted to pull Uruha down to the bed and rip open the flimsy white overcoat that seemed to creep higher against Uruha’s thighs each time he shifted sinuously. He wanted to see Uruha sucking his cock with those innocently sexual glasses partly obscuring lidded brown eyes. Uruha was the perfect sex kitten at that very moment. He was the epitome of every male’s most sinful, delectable fantasy come to life.

Uruha was standing there right in front of him, tempting him with a lilting grin that held too much teasing, and yet….he knew that tonight was Uruha’s night….that Uruha wasn’t his for the taking…..he had agreed to be Uruha’s experimental toy for the entire evening. It was ironic how their roles were switched on this one night Uruha had dressed up like a slut for him. Uruha would be the one in charge and he’d be the doll being played with and teased…and fucked…..

Go to Part Two

Authors Note: Yes I am still alive! Just busy with life, not the greatest excuse eh? >< Aah....well I've actually had this done for several months. It was written for a certain someone and I've just never gotten around to posting it for several different reasons. The theme and style is a bit different from my usual but I sort of like how it turned out. I've been needing to do some different fetishes o__o Hopefully it will be somewhat enjoyable? I knew eventually those damn anatomy classes would come in handy taha The next two parts will be up as soon as I’m done editing them.

Random Drabbles

2009-03-23T19:22:10Z

[ How I'm feeling| Thankful]
[ What I'm listening to| Get me off- Basement Jaxx

Title: Random drabbles
Author: Life_giver
Pairings: Aoi/Uruha, Reita/Ruki, Reita/Uruha
Rating: R-NC17
Summary: These are just random drabbles I did for a meme that’s been floating around LJ since forever 0_0

The meme:
1. Pick a character, pairing, or fandom you like.
2. Turn on your music player and put it on random/shuffle.
3. Write a drabble related to each song that plays. You only have the time frame of the song to finish the drabble; you start when the song starts, and stop when it's over. No lingering afterwards!
4. Do ten of these, then post them.

So of course I picked Gazette taha And just used a few different pairings. And I cheated and did one extra drabble because I felt like it *laugh* Oh yeah….and also drabbles are generally up to 100 words, but I find it difficult to write just 100 words when writing anything really, and when I used the whole space of a song, these ‘drabbles’ were much longer than normal drabble material taha So these are ‘my’ versions of drabbles *chuckle*

******

Rough Hands- Alexis on fire

It had been like this for weeks, the heavy tension, the knowing looks that dripped with too much iciness and regret, the words that still sting and throb in his temples long after they were first spoken. But the revulsion he could see in those serious dark eyes was the worst part, the part that forced him to feel the revulsion in turn whether he wanted to or not. The look in those eyes that had once held such emotion and heat for him was even worse than the late rough nights when he came home with too much resentment and Uruha was left standing directly in it’s path.

“Why?” A cold demand. His voice became more emotionless and less the person Uruha had once loved as the nights wore on.

“I don’t know,” A tearful reply and then came the sting and the hurt of something that had once been everything he had lived for and yearned for. Nothing was the same anymore. Nothing would ever be like it had once been. The gentle passion was forever shattered and nothing would be enough to bring it back again. He yearned for what he had ruined with his carelessness, his confused and naïve feelings, and he was a fool for thinking he deserved anything more than the emptiness that laid down in bed with him at night.

“You’re mine, do you hear me? What does he give you that I can’t? Why Uruha?” A harsh whisper in his ear. His arm is gripped in a cold rough grip, devoid of the gentle warmth he had once known from the man against him, and Uruha can only turn his face into the sheets and shudder from the emptiness of it all.

“I don’t know,” He whispers into the mattress, and maybe not knowing why is the only thing worse than those accusing dark irises boring into his back.

******

The words ‘best friend’ become redefined- The Chiodos

“Are you sure about this?” He hated the tremble in his voice. He sounded so nervous ….afraid, and actually….that’s just what he was, utterly terrified.

“No,” Came the whisper, that matched his own perfectly, nervous tenor, jittery quiver and all. They were leaning so close towards one another that the whisper from his friend kissed his lips before his mouth had the courage to follow suit. He wasn’t sure he could do it. He wanted to. He had wanted to for so long, and there was nothing he had ever wanted more. But…a kiss could change everything. It would change everything. Friends didn’t kiss, but lovers did.

“Reita.” His name caressed his lips in that sweet candy flavored breath not for the first time that evening. It was an unsure whisper, an urging whisper that he didn’t know how to answer.

“Ruki,” He muttered back teasingly and tried to smile through the nervousness but his racing pulse and embarrassingly sweaty palms bearing his weight on Ruki’s jean clothed knees wouldn’t let him maintain an ounce of dignity.

“Do you really want this?” His friend wondered, and suddenly Ruki’s eyes looked strangely innocent in the fading half light here on this remote rooftop. The surrounding city light danced and reflected across the pale skin of Ruki’s face, turned his dark hair red, and then green, and then yellow in a dizzying pattern. Reita felt his pulse race faster as Ruki covered his hand and decided for him.

Before he could even explain how Ruki was making his heart skip and race like some naïve schoolboy on a first date, before he could whisper how much his best friend had always meant to him, and how much more he wanted him to be, Ruki closed the distance between them and cut off any useless words he could have uttered.

This was all that mattered. Suddenly things had changed. They weren’t best friends anymore.

******

Strange and beautiful- Aqualung

You don’t even notice how inherently beautiful you are, how utterly gorgeous you are in other people‘s eyes. You don’t seem to catch the second looks and stares that trail after you, even as I follow your wandering steps from afar. I don’t know you, but I’d like to know you. Everything about you is a sensual mystery, from the way you walk with that steady, wandering gait that is still somehow sexual, to the poignant way you stop to look into a shop window and then turn away from your reflection as if it haunts you. Unusual is the first word that comes to mind as I watch you, pursuing you like some sort of twisted admirer, just waiting to be noticed.

I’ve pitifully wanted you to turn around and look at me with those warm brown eyes, the same color as the mocha drink you sipped in the café this morning, your concentration solely on your fluttering hand, writing wisps of secrecy, adding to your fluid mysteriousness. You had me the moment you looked up from your notebook and blew a stray strand of blonde hair from your eyes with a tired, satisfied little sigh, as if you’d just accomplished some exhausting task.

Your pen outlined the full shape of your pretty lips as you seemed lost in thought for some time. It could have been a trick of the eyes, it was a trick of the eyes I’m sure, but I almost….could have sworn that your gaze flitted to me for the briefest of seconds, and in that second, your hand covered your notebook protectively as if hiding something. But a trick of the eyes or even the mind was all that must have been. But whatever it had been, it had been too fleeting, and I wanted to know you from that moment on.

Your drink was left cold and barely touched and I foolishly hurried to trail after you, the ribbon of intrigue and obsession you had tied around me pulled me after you blindly. And here I still linger, too cowardly to make you notice me, just waiting for you to look up again with those eyes that hold so much that I don’t understand and just….let me inside.

******

The sacrifice- Piano by Michael Nyman

Uruha felt the soft gentle hands before they even touched his neck. He closed his eyes and he tilted his head as the fingers brushed against his skin, and he swallowed down the hope, the ghostly pain, the remorse, the fear. The sting behind his eyes held hands with the ache in his chest that nearly left him breathless with yearning.

He brushed his cheek against the hand, darker than his own skin, as it slid over his shoulder and moved the material of his shirt out of the way. His body begged for this touch that confused him and terrified him and excited him all at once. Uruha sucked in a breath as fingertips explored his lips, danced themselves across the full supple lines and then cupped his flushed cheek, a lover’s touch, a lover’s language without words.

“Don’t,” He finally forced out behind the encouragements and pleas that struggled to make themselves known. The material of his shirt yielded to the hand that slipped away from his cheek at his soft command and the material fluttered uselessly, traitorously down his arms. He swallowed down the confused tumble of emotions once more as he tilted his head back and rested it against the hard chest behind him as those torturous hands found their way back to his neck.

“Please….” He whispered even as lips joined the hands and kissed the gentle line of his jaw and trailed slowly behind his ear, a touch as light as the whisper that had fallen from his lips. Please stop. Please touch me. Please leave me. Please love me. His mind and his heart had never agreed with one another, tonight was no exception.

“This is all I want. Just let me be with you.” The words spoken into his ear only made the sting behind his eyes, the fear in his throat more fervent. “Be with me Uruha……be with me.” Uruha caught his bottom lip between his teeth and let only one single drop of evidence to his regret slip down his cheek before the fingers he worshipped brushed it away.

“You know I can’t,” He murmured, but even as he said this, he let his shirt fall to the floor and he laid down on the bed, his face turned towards the door, the escape he knew he would never take willingly. He needed this too much, wanted this more than anything. That full soft mouth left it’s passionate mark on his shoulder blades and down his spine while he released his desire in soft pants of breath and whispers for more.

The golden hair as light as his own that rested against his back at the end of the night was testimony to everything he had never wanted to do. Steal a heart, break one in return, flay himself alive…..touch what should have never been touched in the first place.

******

Get me off- Basement Jaxx

“Oops. I think I spilt it on the rug.” The chuckle that followed was a lot less steady and clear than it had been thirty minutes ago. But each minute that passed by seemed to bring more clumsy hands and legs and loud laughter, and even slightly slurred speech. With each drop of that expensive Bourbon, the more hair that was let down, and the looser their tongues became. And Uruha had a sneaking suspicion that the wiring that connected thinking to the motion of bodies….and the placement of hands was faulty or at least misfiring. Because how the hell did Aoi get from the chair to down on the floor near the table with Uruha?

This was Uruha’s rightful place. He’d already claimed it. He’d tripped and fell coming from the bathroom and this is where he had stayed for over an hour because he had been too lazy and shit faced drunk to get up and move. He had just been laying there on the ground holding up his glass for Aoi to pour more alcohol into and then they would clink glasses, toast to something ridiculous and not pertaining to good health, because they sure as hell were not adding years to their life smoking and drinking the way they were. For some reason, that faulty wiring of the brain probably, Aoi’s hand was on his knee and Aoi was leaning so close to him, that when Uruha sat up to receive the toast Aoi was offering him, he could smell the bourbon heavy on Aoi’s breath, could feel the warm sensation of Aoi nearly breathing against his cheek as Aoi laughed and clinked their glasses together.

“I hope you’re cleaning that up…” Uruha’s brow knitted as he rubbed with his shoe at the nasty stain in front of him that Aoi had just created by tipping his glass over onto the rug.

“It’s my rug, I’ll ruin it the way I want…..alright Uru?” Aoi leaned closer and narrowed his eyes, his face working to remain serious even as his lips twitched in the corner, and when Uruha began laughing at him, Aoi couldn’t hold his composure a second longer and laughed with him.

“Here’s to…” Uruha clinked their glasses together and paused thoughtfully, his head tilted as Aoi watched him with wide comically concentrated eyes. “Here’s to friends getting shit-faced drunk with each other for no damn particular reas-” Uruha chuckled as Aoi clinked their glasses together again and spilt more of his drink on Uruha’s shirt. It seemed more of Aoi’s alcohol was going everywhere else than in his mouth. “You’re messing up my toast you bastard,” Uruha scolded playfully. “And ruining my shirt….”

“Here’s to me ruining your shirt,” Aoi suddenly toasted with a small grin, but instead of clinking his glass against Uruha’s and taking a drink, he set his glass on the table above them with only minimal clumsiness and then suddenly Aoi’s fingers were unbuttoning the top buttons of his shirt. Uruha’s mind couldn’t quite comprehend Aoi’s sudden movement, and his thoughts were sluggish to organize themselves and warn him that his best friend was currently sliding his shirt from his shoulders and off of him. What he did comprehend was the warm feeling of Aoi’s hands caressing over his shoulders and down his arms as he rid Uruha of his ruined garment.

The sudden spike of arousal in the pit of his stomach was also something Uruha’s drunken and hazy mind was the quickest to catch onto. At the moment, his body definitely overrode his logic, if logic even existed at this point. Uruha’s eyes followed Aoi’s movements closely as Aoi turned and threw the shirt under the table and when he turned back, their faces were almost too close together and their hooded eyes locked in some sort of heated spell for a long moment and Uruha suddenly wanted something to happen, anything to take advantage of this strange heat between them. And then Aoi looked down and broke it with an awkward alcohol scented laugh.

“You….I wasn’t going to let you wear a wet shirt…” Aoi reasoned as he grinned drunkenly and laid down on his back the way Uruha had been laying on the floor for a good part of the evening. Uruha licked the corner of his mouth, Aoi’s silly smile somehow not returned, as he reached up and took down the half empty bottle of Bourbon. Aoi rested his head on his crossed arms and looked up at Uruha curiously and Uruha couldn’t say what came over him that night except, of course….it was just the alcohol. Just the alcohol wasn’t it?

Uruha grinned wickedly as he tipped his head back and took a long drink of the strong alcohol and then let the cold glass of the neck rest against his lips as his tongue circled around it lazily. Aoi’s eyes darkened several shades if that was even possible and Uruha waved goodbye to logic and reasoning and all that other useless shit, and welcomed his excusable state of mind with open arms as he leaned over Aoi and tipped the bottle of bourbon all over Aoi’s nice shirt.

“I’m not sure I can let you wear a wet shirt either Aoi…” Uruha murmured silkily with a blameless shrug to his shoulders. He had one hell of a good excuse tonight. They both did.

******

Erotic- Razed In Black

“This doesn’t seem like such a good idea,” Was the first thing out of Reita’s mouth. Of course it wasn’t a good idea, nothing was ever a good idea when it came to them. Together they were just trouble waiting to happen and especially with that heavy ‘something’ that lay dormant between them, sleeping but always with one eye open, just waiting for that right opportunity to wake and spring.

When would the right opportunity arise? Who knew, maybe in a week, in a month, maybe even never, or maybe tonight. One was allowed to delude themselves right? It was Ruki’s choice if he wanted to foolishly hope and wait for things to fall into place when they decided the time was right. But when would the time be right? That was always the question lingering in the back of his mind as he played the loyal friend and confidante. Who were they kidding? They’d never really been friends, no, that was definitely not a label that could be so carelessly tacked to them. They had been on the verge of a heated session in some dark enclosed room for years now, always on the brink, but never taking that one daring step into the alleyway of possibilities.

The farthest they had gotten so far was a drunken kiss and shy grope in an empty movie theater that they later blamed on the alcohol and every other thing they possibly could. Even though they both knew better. That was the trouble of it, they both knew, but were waiting for the right time to strike or for the sky to fall…Ruki could never be sure which of these they were sitting around twiddling their thumbs for. They were both stubborn men that didn’t want to be the first to admit it, to step up and confess out loud what they both knew to be the glaring truth. So if Ruki wanted to fool himself into thinking tonight would be the night Reita stopped being such a man and pushed him into some secluded room, then he was going to fool himself, but he wasn’t going to be the one to crack first. That was for damn sure.

Trouble was heavy in the cold air that evening, heavier than usual even as Reita swung open the door of the club and led them inside some seedy building where Ruki knew the beer would be flowing in heavenly quantities, good for confessions, and the music would be too loud for protests. The setting was perfect but was the timing? He would definitely find out tonight.

“I’m telling you….we should have just ordered in,” Reita had to nearly shout to be heard over the blaring music in the speakers around the dance floor as he looked back at Ruki who was quick to make sure he wiped the scheming grin from his face before his ‘friend’ could catch it. “You know we don’t do well with alcohol….” Reita’s voice lowered as Ruki caught up to him and leaned in close so that they would be able to hear each other better above the noise of the club. ‘That’s the whole point of this ridiculous plan isn’t it?’ Was what he was tempted to mutter, but he only shrugged and bumped his shoulder against Reita’s playfully, a forced ‘buddy’ gesture that was almost more ridiculous than this dance they were encumbered in. He hated pretending. If he’d wanted to make believe and lie, he’d have become an actor instead of a musician.

“I know.” Was what he finally responded with as a tall glass of beer was pushed into his hand eagerly. He hadn’t even noticed Reita ordering drinks for them, but he grinned slightly none the less, as Reita tipped his own glass back and downed half of his beer in seconds before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

Reita stood watching Ruki for a long moment, his eyes wide and his feet shifting the weight of his body nervously as if waiting for Ruki to tip his own glass back. For someone so adamant about this whole deal being ridiculous, he was obviously trying to hurry everything along. Was he finally stepping up? Ruki couldn’t be sure, but just in case, he scoped out a darkened hallway that seemed to be unoccupied before raising an eyebrow and downing the bitter liquid in his glass with a pleased sigh. Well, something was bound to go right tonight with that sense of trouble wafting around them and that empty hallway beckoning them with dark intentions. Whatever was bound to happen, at least they both knew it was their choice entirely.

******

Eyes on fire- Blue Foundation

“Just kiss me,” Aoi whispered and watched the blush creep from Uruha’s neck to flood his already flustered face in gorgeous colored tendrils. Uruha had always blushed too easily over the smallest, diminutive things, but with Aoi boldly requesting a kiss, Uruha was nearly folding in on himself from the embarrassing heat flooding his usually pale face.

A small grin touched the outer edged of his full lips, fluttering there for just a minute before spreading wider as Uruha’s brow knitted and he looked away over his shoulder as if searching for something else, or ‘someone’ else to focus his attention on, even though they were completely alone in Aoi’s apartment….or in his room to be more exact. Aoi’s hand cupped the softly rounded chin hidden beneath Uruha’s flyaway blonde hair, so that he could turn his friend’s face back towards him. Uruha’s eyes were downcast and when he finally looked up, his gaze focused on the window over Aoi’s shoulder almost desperately before Aoi tilted his head to get Uruha to look at him directly.

“We’re not in high school anymore Uruha. We’re adults who can touch and kiss each other without caring what anyone else thinks. We can make decisions for ourselves now you know….” Aoi murmured gently, his eyes flitted down to Uruha’s tempting lips, nearly as flushed with color as his face was. The heat beneath the palm of Aoi’s hand seemed to intensify with his words and the urge to kiss Uruha seemed all the stronger at the moment.

“You promised me a kiss,” Aoi reminded him and he laughed as Uruha caught his bottom lip between his teeth and frowned at him intently.

“I was joking, I didn’t think you’d take me seriously.” Uruha’s voice was soft and shaking faintly, a tenor Aoi had never in his life heard from Uruha’s usually confident, husky voice. Aoi’s thumb stroked over the smooth skin of Uruha’s cheek and down over the bottom lip Uruha was worrying between his teeth anxiously.

“Nine times out of ten, when people say they’re joking, they really aren’t.” Aoi revealed with a sly raise of his eyebrow. He could have sworn that when Uruha looked down between them quickly with dancing brown eyes, he was trying urgently to find a hole in the floor to slip through and disappear.

“Are you teasing me Aoi?” Uruha suddenly asked, his eyes closing as Aoi’s hand drifted into his hair and stroked the strands with a quiet leisure. Aoi staved off his answer for a moment to let Uruha calm down and reassess the situation. Aoi wasn’t here to play with Uruha and embarrass him, he’d been promised a kiss during a card game, and since Uruha had lost their bet, he was only asking for his compensation. He knew Uruha wanted this just as much as he wanted it, which was why they had both agreed to the terms of their bet so readily.

“No…I’m not teasing you Uruha.” Aoi leaned in close and tilted Uruha’s chin up so that Uruha was looking at him again before smiling. “I swear.” He caught Uruha taking a deep, shaky breath as he leaned down and pressed their lips together. The kiss started out innocently enough with Uruha’s tense, cautious mouth against Aoi’s lazy half-formed kisses which were meant to relax him. Their one kiss bet, turned into much more than one simple kiss as Uruha finally began to relax beneath Aoi once he realized that Aoi wasn’t out to get him, but was kissing him in earnest.

Aoi moved his body closer to Uruha’s as his hand slipped from Uruha’s hair and cradled the back of his neck to deepen the kiss. Uruha’s lips shyly parted for his tongue and the first curls of heat began twisting in Aoi’s stomach as Uruha began slowly kissing him back with gentle nudges of his tongue and presses of his lips. Aoi was surprised to hear Uruha even sigh into the kiss and hesitantly touch the side of his neck with cautious fingers. Aoi pulled away after a long, blissful moment of kissing his friend, something he had been wanting to do, planning and scheming to do for too long now.

“I’m not going to bite….” Aoi chuckled softly and wound his fingers through Uruha’s as they brushed against the side of his neck. Aoi guided Uruha’s hand to the back of his neck and when Uruha nodded slightly, his face flushing with more than just embarrassment now, he leaned forward for another sinful taste of heaven.

******

Loretta Young Silks- Sneaker Pimps

Aoi leaned against the back wall of the club and surveyed the desolate scene before him of drunken bodies looking for sex or drugs or both concoctions at once. He had only come here for one reason and one reason only, to torture himself. The clawing pain never failed to make itself known in the form of kisses that were too brief and a body against him that held no warmth for him. He yearned for something tangible, something he could keep for his own, but even though his hands touched smooth silky skin, and his mouth pressed against plush lips, and his hands buried in hair that was too soft and too fragrant for any normal human being, those fleeting moments of bliss were anything but tangible.

He could never truly keep those moments, could never truly have the person those moments were connected to. His phone vibrated against his leg and he slipped the sleek black device from his pocket to flip open and briefly scan the message that had appeared. He knew who it was and what it would say before he even read it.

“I’m right outside.” The words boldly pulsed on the small screen of his phone and already his skin was flushing with heat in anticipation at what those words entailed. His fingers glided over the flat keys of his phone, answering the message with a statement to start the night off right.

“Then come inside.” Aoi snapped the phone shut and slipped the device that usually determined if he was going to spend a night in ecstasy or alone, back into his pocket. Aoi took out a stick of one of his second worst addictions, his first being the man he was currently waiting for, and lit it up. He took a long drag and let the smoke out in a relieved sigh, his body immediately relaxing from it’s stiff pose as the nicotine began flooding his veins like poison. He didn’t care that he was slowly killing himself because if the man that had just appeared in the club’s doorway had his way, he’d be in an early grave nevertheless.

Too much perfection were the first words that always came to mind when he saw Uruha, when anyone saw him he was sure. Flawless, an airbrushed picture from a magazine, death in the form of poisonous beauty. To Aoi, he was deadlier than the cigarette he was currently sucking on with a slightly shaking hand. His reaction to this maelstrom of perfection was always the same, Uruha’s reaction was always the same as well, a small careless little smile as if he knew what he did to people but didn’t have a concern in the world at how many hearts he must have broken, how many people he must have left waiting for him…..that were maybe still waiting for him to come back to them.

Aoi was smarter than these people Uruha must have hurt in the past, he knew what Uruha was going to do to him, what he was doing to him at this moment. He knew he’d be left yearning for something he could never truly have and he’d been bracing himself for that since the first time Uruha had looked at him and gave him that wicked smile cloaked in forged innocence. He had become Uruha’s new target in the split instant of locked gazes and there had been nothing Aoi could do about it. And here he was, chained and ensnared, loving and hating it simultaneously.

“Hey…” The deep, husky voice that had never matched the pretty porcelain face, the hooded brown eyes, and the glossed lips, that voice was a whisper next to his ear. Aoi blew out a stream of smoke, watching it curl in tendrils, playing with the flashing colored lights that made everyone’s movements appear jerky and unreal. He felt the firm pressure of lips on the back of his neck and then the cool stickiness that the gloss left behind on his skin. Aoi was silent as a long fingered hand with perfectly black painted nails slid over his shoulder, down his chest, and then smoothly slipped the cigarette from his hand.

Aoi finally turned his head and the impact of that perfect face was always the same, never failed to have the same effect…it was like someone pushing you down hard, stealing your breath from you and then maybe even kicking you in the gut because you knew you weren’t good enough for the perfection of it all. Uruha’s eyes smiled lazily for him as he took a drag of Aoi’s cigarette while keeping their gazes locked and then he handed Aoi back his infatuation with death and leaned forward to kiss him with a hand on the back of his neck.

Aoi’s heart jumped into his throat as it always did in these first salutations between them and then Uruha’s hand was slipping into his and he was pulled through the crowd of people who seemed to open up for Uruha as they had never done for him. The cold air of the outside hit him full on, stinging his warm skin mercilessly as he was lead down death row by a devil cloaked as the sweetest angel. But he couldn’t care too much about his fate as he sucked on his cigarette, tasting sticky cherry against the bitterness of tobacco. He was going to bite the dust either way, maybe it was better to have a little fun before the poison settled into place.

******

Last High- The dandy warhols

“Put your fingers like this. Play the open and major chords I’ve been showing you,” Reita instructed, curling his fingers around Ruki’s on the neck of the guitar he was holding. Ruki placed his fingers in the position to play the C chord and strummed, the noise coming out jarred and not at all how it had sounded when Reita had played it.

Ruki swore under his breath and nearly dropped the guitar, fed up with practicing for hours and getting no closer to sounding any better than the worst possible beginner at guitar and they were still just on the very simple basics. He only had a few months to learn how to play a few parts of one of their songs at least half decently and it was starting to look bleak that he would ever get past flat notes and clumsy fingers.

“Ruki you’re going to get it,” Reita reassured him with a chuckle and carefully rearranged his fingers on the frets and pressed them down more firmly. “Just be sure to press down hard, it’s going to hurt because you’re not used to holding the strings, but you have to hold them firmly to get the sound out right. Your fingers are pretty small so you’re going to have to work harder at this-”

“Oh thanks,” Ruki growled, throwing a glare to the bassist. “You’re not helping, you’re just insulting my ego.” Reita just rolled his eyes and held Ruki’s hand in place for him. “Just strum,” He instructed and this time when Ruki brought the pick down, the sound came out much better. “See?” Reita rose an eyebrow reproachfully and Ruki had to refrain from slapping the smug look off of his face. When he couldn’t get something down perfectly being the perfectionist he was, he became irritated, and he didn’t care who he lashed out at, even if it was at Reita who was only just trying to help. He’d come over early that morning and they hadn’t stopped for a break yet and the sun was already inching lower in the sky, down past the tops of the buildings.

“Well maybe you can just stand behind me and hold my hand on the guitar during the concert. That would work out perfectly,” Ruki muttered sarcastically, but of course Reita remained amused and calm and just moved closer to him on the couch and bumped his shoulder against his own playfully.

“That would make an interesting scene, but whose going to play the bass during that arrangement may I ask?” Reita laughed and this time Ruki really did slap him, not on the face of course, but on his arm.

“Stop being an asshole,” Ruki growled and rearranged the heavy guitar in his lap, preparing himself for another hour of sore fingers, even sorer ears, and a cloud of frustration.

“You stop being an asshole,” Reita corrected him and his voice suddenly sounded less playful and easygoing and Ruki immediately shrank down into the back of the couch, feeling the guilt wash through him. Reita had been trying to help him all day and all he could do was bite his head off and complain because he was so damn horrible on guitar. It wasn’t Reita’s fault he was having such a hard time learning.

“I’ve been trying to teach you all day Ruki. You aren’t going to learn it in a day, but maybe you should have asked Uruha or Aoi to help you. They’d probably be able to teach you better.” Reita seemed irritated and maybe even offended and Ruki sighed heavily and set the guitar down on the couch beside him and shook his head.

“I’m sorry Rei…..I’m just frustrated. I’m worried I’m not going to get it in time,” Ruki muttered and leaned into Reita’s body as he wrapped an arm around him. He was exhausted from playing that damn guitar all day and Reita’s touch, his soothing caress against his shoulders felt too good.

“Maybe you won‘t, but we can try. Maybe you should call Uruha or Aoi though, you don’t seem to be learning much with me,” Reita suggested again with a slight frown, but Ruki gave him a hard look.

“I asked you to teach me for a reason.” Ruki’s voice was hard and he cut off any argument they might have started as he leaned forward and kissed Reita firmly on the lips. Ruki felt Reita relax beneath him and after a moment, Reita’s mouth opened beneath his and he was able to deepen the kiss familiarly. Ruki felt his own body relax as Reita slid a hand against his neck and held the back of his neck as they kissed. Ruki felt his face flood with heat as Reita’s free hand wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer.

A small stream of excitement began threading through him, the feeling he only felt when kissing Reita, and he couldn’t help but push Reita down onto his back on the couch in his rush of excitement. Ruki moaned into the kiss and slid his hands beneath Reita’s shirt as he settled comfortably between his legs. He felt one of his legs hit the guitar at the end of the couch and Reita suddenly broke their kiss and nearly pushed him to the side as he grabbed for the guitar. Ruki rose an amused eyebrow as he watched Reita catch the guitar neck right before it hit the ground, a smooth just in time save. Reita let out a sigh of relief as he carefully laid the guitar on the coffee table and then looked back at Ruki grinning at him.

“Careful,” Reita muttered before laying back down on the couch and waiting for Ruki to settle back down on top of him.

“You love that guitar more than me don’t you?” Ruki questioned in mock annoyance as he crawled back over Reita and began loosening the silver studded belt around his lover’s waist. Reita shifted beneath him in arousal and leaned up for another deep kiss. “I’ll never understand guitarists and bassists and their damn instruments,” Ruki hissed softly as he slid Reita’s belt from it’s loops and dropped it carelessly onto the ground, their mouths still peppering one another with half formed, heated kisses.

“You’re just angry the guitar isn’t agreeing with you,” Reita teased cockily and shifted his hips which earned him a soft moan from Ruki’s lips. Ruki tried his hardest to frown through the heated pleasure of Reita rubbing against him, but he finally just gave up and buried his face into Reita's neck and finished unbuttoning his lover’s pants. He knew what Reita had said was true. He was bitter and angry at the moment because he couldn’t learn the fucking guitar and just felt like throwing it from the fifth story window of Reita’s apartment. Not that he would harm the guitar Reita had personally bought for him and had had designed with a decal Ruki had drawn himself. At the moment he just had a love hate relationship with that damn instrument and he’d master it even if it was the last thing he did. He just needed to get his frustration out at the moment and Reita was offering him the perfect opportunity.

“I think it’s time for a small break,” Reita suggested unnecessarily, voicing Ruki’s thoughts in perfect synchronization. Ruki let a grin touch the corners of his lips as he sat up and slipped his shirt off, tossing it over the back of the couch with a casual flick of his wrist.

“I agree completely,” Ruki murmured in a low voice, before sliding back down Reita’s body and finally pulling the zipper down to Reita’s pants with his teeth.

******

You look so fine- Garbage

Uruha closed his eyes and felt the soft press of lips against his mouth again, still not believing that this was truly happening, that he was letting this happen….that he had initiated all this because he couldn’t keep his hands to himself. He hissed and buried his hands in mused blonde hair, relaxed from it’s usually wild style. Here in his bed Reita was natural, bare to him in all ways. He was gorgeous this way, naked against Uruha’s body, worshiping him with his mouth. The man he’d known since childhood, the one who knew everything about him down to the smallest detail and quirk, his closest friend, Uruha had seduced him…..he had done everything he possibly could to get Reita here like this, naked against him, kissing him, wanting more than just soft kisses and touches.

“Rei,” He groaned softly, using the nickname he had given his friend so many years ago when they had just been boys meeting on the soccer field shyly, somehow forming a link between them that had remained strong for all these years….that was now being threatened by Uruha’s desperate lust for his friend. He hadn’t been able to satisfy that yearning with anyone else, he’d only ever wanted Reita, and now that he had him, he knew he was ruining everything. Nothing was ever the same after sex, especially when it was between friends. Sex seemed to ruin even the strongest ties.

It was true that sometimes it served to strengthen some relationships, but most often than not it was like a storm raging through a calm space, exciting for a few frozen moments in time, but after it was gone, it left a mess of confusing chaos and destruction in it’s wake. Uruha knew all this perfectly and yet still he let Reita kiss him, still he shuddered and enjoyed the way Reita’s lips trailed down his neck, kissing the hollow space of his neck and collarbone worshipfully.

Despite the imminent danger of ruining everything they had built between them, knowing there was only a slim chance that their friendship would survive or turn into something more, still he ran his hands through Reita’s hair, tugged on the golden strands and arched his back as lips slid further down his stomach. He was loving every second of this blissful tryst and hating himself somewhere deep and hidden because he was selfish in his lust, risking everything for a tumble that might not last the space of an hour.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” He heard Reita whisper, felt the warm breath against his navel as Reita spoke and then lightly licked the skin there with a faint smile. Uruha watched Reita kissing his stomach, watched the afternoon light streaming through the tall windows casting rays of light on his back, playing with Reita’s hair and making it shine and glint as he let the soft strands slip through his fingers lazily.

Did Reita know what they were really doing? Did he understand how clumsy they were being, how reckless this all was? Reita rose his head from his stomach and he smiled, and the smile was so genuine , devoid of any worry and fear, nothing like the forced smile that met Uruha’s lips in return. He knew his fears were written on his face, probably screamed his guilt in volumes. And yet still Reita smiled, calm and content with everything taking place as he leaned over Uruha’s body and kissed him softly on the mouth.

“I love you Uru,” Reita whispered, and Uruha closed his eyes tight against the sting, panic gripping his stomach like so many sharp claws. He wrapped his arms around Reita’s shoulders and held him close to his body, afraid to let him go, afraid to lose his best friend because of this moment, and just….hoping he hadn’t just made the biggest mistake of his life.

“I love you too,” The whisper barely touched his lips before Reita was kissing him again, deep and feverishly, and he could almost feel a hint of insecurity beneath Reita’s heated kiss, as if he too were trying to convince himself that everything would be alright when it was all over, when they’d satisfied their lust and were left with no more excuses or the cloak of sex to hide beneath.

******

Talking bird- Death Cab For Cutie

“Uru…” Aoi murmured, resting his cheek against the slim shoulder that was shaking. “Uru please…” The sounds that were muffled into the pillow were unfamiliar, foreign to Aoi’s ears. He’d never heard Uruha crying before, never seen him so torn and confused. It broke Aoi’s heart and he felt helpless as he rubbed his cheek against Uruha’s bare shoulder, his hand brushing the hair away from Uruha’s damp forehead. Aoi moved to lay beside him and gently swept away the stray strands of dark blond hair that were sticking to his temple from the salty tears he’d been soaking his pillow with for the past few hours.

“I don’t know what I did wrong,” Uruha gasped and his fingers grasped the material of the pillow in a tight fist, his knuckles turning red and then white as he turned his face towards Aoi and then shook his head slowly before burying his flushed face back into the pillow, and his body was wracked by a new wave of shudders. “I don’t know what I did…” Uruha groaned weakly. “I don’t know…” He repeated, his voice muffled and broken and Aoi closed his eyes and wrapped his arm around his friend, holding him close as he cried his heart out. Aoi felt his own heart swell and then deflate as Uruha continued shredding it completely the more he cried and ranted.

“I loved him, I love him….” Uruha muttered hoarsely, and Aoi knew that Uruha wouldn’t have even noticed if he had left at that moment, not that he would leave….he would always stay beside Uruha, would never think of leaving him. To Uruha, he wasn’t even there holding him, trying to comfort him, wiping his tears away and hurting silently.

All that mattered was him, the one that had hurt him, and that was how it had always been, how could he have expected anything else? Even after Uruha had just gotten his heart broken and Aoi was the one still standing beside him, he didn’t exist in that moment.

After a long moment, Uruha’s sobs finally quieted and Aoi wiped the last remnants of Uruha’s tears from his temple and then kissed his cheek gently, glad at least that Uruha was safe from the hurt for a little while as he steadily feel asleep as he hadn’t done for days on end. The hurt would always be raw for Aoi, he had never felt any relief from it, but he had never wished that same fate on the person he cared about most in the world.

“I’ll always love you,” He whispered softly against Uruha’s cheek, knowing Uruha hadn’t heard him….had never heard him.

*******

I hope these were somewhat enjoyable? Most of them were pretty angsty because I have a ton of angst-filled songs on my player and they came up in succession even while on shuffle lmao I’m really sorry I’ve been MIA for so long now x.X I’ve just been extremely busy and haven’t had time to actually finish any full length stories. I do have things I’m working on, but I can’t say when they’ll be posted or when I’ll be able to post regularly again. I hope these drabbles will suffice until I can’t get something out though o.o

PART THREE

2009-01-13T05:50:03Z

[ How I'm feeling| Thankful]
[ What I'm listening to| Get me off- Basement Jaxx

Title: Settling scores
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha
Author: Life_giver
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Do not own anyone in this story, only the dirty plotline is mine.
Warnings: More dirty, porn-ish sex
Summary: He wouldn’t have left the door unlocked for just anyone to walk in since Uruha had shown him that little bit of kindness at his parent’s house. But next time, not if, but when Uruha got him back for this and he was shown no mercy, Uruha would be getting the exact same treatment in return. Perhaps they’d always go in circles around one another ….perhaps they wanted it that way. Settling scores with one another seemed to be the highlight of their life, and what a fun highlight it was.
Notes: This is the third story following The games we play but can be read as a stand-alone.

Aoi felt his breath catch as Uruha pressed his foot against one of the conference chairs and pushed it away and then without a moment’s hesitation, he bent over and rested with his elbows against the table, his ass tilted just the slightest bit as he dipped the small of his back teasingly. And then Uruha turned his head and gave Aoi a questioning look, and the look was so convincing that Aoi suddenly felt like sticking his hands in his pockets and looking around lost because he couldn’t understand why he was still standing there and not fucking Uruha against the conference table. Aoi walked forward and stopped just a few feet away from Uruha near the table and glared at him hard, trying desperately to regain a thread of the control he had almost had.

“You’re going to fuck me,” Uruha stated confidently without room for argument. Aoi was surprised he didn’t come immediately as Uruha continued to stare him down with those dark eyes as he reached back and pulled his skirt up until it pooled around his waist and gave Aoi’s eyes the best feast imaginable.

“Oh am I?” Aoi asked in amused irritation. Uruha just pulled aside the dark damp hair clinging gorgeously to his neck and shrugged casually.

“Yes you are,” Uruha murmured wickedly. “Or I’m going to get myself off against this table and you’re not going to be invited.” Uruha let a slow grin slip onto his face as he bent his back just a little so that his perfect ass was just a bit more inviting than it had been before. It was a tempting offer, a sinful indulgence Aoi could never turn down. But damnit…..Aoi had planned everything so carefully. How was Uruha still able to meticulously undo his work with confident, flawless fingers, fingers that already held too much privilege in their relationship as it was.

“How can you be so sure about that?” Aoi muttered, but even as he said that, his hands were slowly creeping into his pockets, a safety net when Uruha made him feel about three inches tall, and he knew he was about to get stepped on.

“Well…” Uruha’s voice dropped to a near whisper as he laid his cheek against the conference table and smiled like the cat who got the cream. The heat emanating from Uruha’s body seemed to reach Aoi even from his frozen position near the door. And the way he looked bent over that table, fucking Aoi with his eyes….Aoi had never seen anything more tempting in his life.

“You really only have two choices don’t you? You can either have this….” Uruha purred, his hand running over the smooth naked curve of his hip and then the swell of his tempting ass. “Or you can go jack off in the bathroom without me.” Uruha laughed throatily as Aoi’s face contorted in annoyed pain.

“It’s your call Aoi. I’m done playing your little game. It was fun while it lasted, but I have things to do, and I can’t play your subservient whore all day long. That’s really not in my nature to do anyway.” Uruha cocked his head and waited for Aoi to answer him, but all Aoi could do was quietly fume and seethe beneath the surface. His lover was the biggest bitch he’d ever met, and yet it only made him want him more.

“You were actually pretty hot pushing me around the way you were. But there’s no one here to embarrass me in front of anymore, and I’m ready for a fuck.” And Uruha’s eyes said something else in their dark wicked depths. “I’m also going to get you back for this when you least expect it”. And when Uruha got him back, Aoi was sure hell was going to be following his heels. Aoi closed his eyes and almost pinched the bridge of his nose the way he did when he was tired or he could feel his temper rising to a boiling point. At the moment, the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose was a mix of both of those sources.

“It’s a very easy decision Aoi, why the hesitation?” Uruha wondered with mock innocence even as he turned around and slid onto the sleek black conference table and spread his legs wide in invitation for Aoi. Aoi clenched his fists at his sides and he knew his nostrils were flaring, but Uruha had the potential to infuriate him and tempt him to the point of murder. His temper was horrible and could be set off by the slightest things on a normal day, so when it came to Uruha purposefully jabbing at it and laughing, he could get furious. He couldn’t believe Uruha had managed to lure him into a corner after all of the careful plans he had been forming in his head over the past few nights while Uruha laid sleeping obliviously beside him. Uruha was too damn sexual and enticing, he was the fucking apple in the garden of eve to Aoi, and it drove him crazy. Uruha could get whatever he wanted with a flash of skin or a lick of his lips, or even a certain look from his hooded eyes. It wasn’t fair and it angered Aoi that Uruha was luring him in so easily just because he was splaying himself across a goddamn table and demanding to be fucked.

“Are you getting angry Aoi? Truly angry?” Uruha murmured, and Aoi noticed the pleased little smirk ghosting at the corner of his lips. Uruha slid a hand between his thighs and rubbed slowly, his tongue sliding over the full pink flesh of his bottom lip temptingly. “You’re going to fuck me Aoi,” Uruha repeated with a soft laugh and crooked a finger at him with a raised eyebrow.

Aoi slid the damp palm of one of his hands down the front of his pants as he watched Uruha shift fluidly on the table, touching himself, and shaking the sweaty strings of dark black hair out of his eyes with an evil smirk. Uruha’s breathing quickened after a moment, and as Aoi watched, Uruha slid a finger down between his legs and pushed it inside of himself slowly, the way Aoi had done only half an hour ago. Aoi could see Uruha’s finger slipping in and out smoothly as Uruha’s cheeks flooded with feverish color, but then the dark material of his skirt fluttered down from the movements of his wrist, and Aoi’s view was unfortunately blocked.

“Don’t just stand there watching,” Uruha whispered, and Aoi nearly groaned out loud when Uruha slid his hand from between his legs and licked at his fingers lewdly while keeping his hooded eyes locked to Aoi’s gaze. “I’d rather you than my fingers….” Uruha smiled as he slipped his middle finger out of his mouth and then wiped it on his skirt meticulously. “I dressed up like a little whore for you, and this is what I get?” Uruha gave Aoi an affronted look and then sat up and began unbuttoning his favorite white dress shirt with that famous arrogant tilt to his chin. At that point, Aoi was boiling with arousal and irritation and it was almost all too much. He couldn’t let Uruha and his arrogant attitude win what he had been working for half the day. All of his planning and effort would give him what he wanted no matter how hard Uruha fought or tried to play with him like he was doing now. He couldn’t just stand there watching Uruha take his victory away with each button he undid on his shirt and each shift of his slender hips to show Aoi just a little more milky pale thigh.

“Fine. I’ll just play with myself if you’re going to act that way-” Uruha complained, but was cut off mid-sentence when that last shred of self control was sliced through by Uruha’s sharp tongue. Aoi made it to the conference table and between Uruha’s spread legs faster than Uruha could react, and Aoi laughed inwardly to see that Uruha was truly surprised. Uruha’s eyes widened for a second and his hands flew from his shirt and gripped the edge of the table hard to keep his balance as Aoi hooked his hands beneath his knees and pulled him forward roughly until he could feel Uruha hard and warm against his waist.

The corner of Aoi’s lip curled as he looked down at the man he almost hated to love so damn much, the one person in the world that could drive him out of his mind, and give him the greatest pleasure he had ever experienced all in the same breath. They were the best example of polar opposites. Aoi the workaholic, meticulously clean and ordered man, the one who had a schedule for every little thing and lost his temper if something of his was moved or touched in the slightest, had fallen head over hills for a bundle of sexual, distorted, infuriating energy, a person who was predictable as much as he was unpredictable and confusing, and ultimately irritating. Uruha maddened him and drove him crazy with lust, and Aoi just loved him all the more for that.

Maybe he was masochistic in that sense but at that moment he could have cared less. Uruha could drop his clothes all over his clean floor, and play his prized guitars, or cook and burn his expensive set of pots, just as long as Uruha slipped into his bed at night and rolled into his arms. Uruha was allowed to infuriate Aoi, and only Aoi. And the anger Aoi could feel pulsing through him at that very moment, only spurred him on to take back the control Uruha was trying so desperately to hang onto.

Aoi let a wicked grin touch his lips as he wrapped his fingers tightly into Uruha’s silky black hair and pulled his head back possessively. Uruha looked up at him and his gaze was calm and knowing, even as a small tear escaped from the corner of his eye and slipped down his temple from the pain of how hard Aoi was holding his hair. Uruha offered him no more catty remarks or self-satisfied smirks, he must have known how determined Aoi was to dominate him, determined to the point that he’d do anything to get Uruha to bend to his will.

“No, the game isn’t over Uru,” Aoi murmured steadily. “Because I still haven’t won, and I won’t stop until I do.” That was one of the only things they had in common, their wills and their stubbornness, and they nearly always clashed against one another until one of them reigned victorious. Most often than not it was Uruha, but Aoi was going to fight until he conquered, no matter what Uruha did to stop him.

Uruha’s eyes slipped closed as Aoi leaned down and kissed him roughly, his fingers tugging at the strands of hair between his fingers so that Uruha groaned into his mouth. “Beg me,” Aoi whispered breathlessly against Uruha’s moist lips, their foreheads pressed together and their warm breath mingling against each other‘s mouths.

Uruha was visibly warring with himself, warring with his dominant streak, the streak that hardly ever let Aoi this close to pushing him to his knees. Yes, Uruha would drop down to the floor in a minute to suck him off, but Uruha still held so much control when he did that. He wanted to slide down to the floor and suck Aoi so he did and he controlled Aoi with masterful fingers. If he didn’t want to, he wouldn’t.

Uruha’s brow creased at Aoi's command and of course he shook his head and of course he tried twisting his hips away petulantly. But Aoi pushed him back down and kept his hips pinned to the table with strength he had brought up from some hidden place within him.

“Beg me,” He repeated with more force and he even pressed his mouth forward and drew Uruha’s bottom lip between his teeth for a heated moment. But still Uruha hesitated and tried to struggle away, and Aoi could tell that Uruha was truly using most of his strength to try to get away, but somehow Aoi was still holding him down. It could have been the situation, the marked adrenaline he felt that gave him this new power, but whatever it was, Aoi was savoring the sweetness of it and using it to his advantage.

Aoi rose a questioning eyebrow at Uruha and narrowed his eyes as Uruha clenched his teeth and tried to push Aoi away from him with his hips. Uruha wanted it so badly, had been demanding Aoi fuck him just a minute ago, but now that he saw that Aoi still had his footing and was going to fuck him when he pleased, Uruha was trying to get away. If it wasn’t his way, it was no way, obviously.

“Here,” Aoi murmured darkly and leaned back just the smallest bit and hooked his hands on either side of Uruha’s partially unbuttoned shirt. “Let me help you with this.” Aoi smirked slightly as he pulled the ends apart rough and quick. There was an audible sound of ripping cloth and the ting of buttons hitting the glossed black table and scattering like so many small white pearls around Uruha.

Uruha’s mouth opened in shock as he stared up at Aoi and then looked back down at his ripped shirt now revealing his heaving chest, pale except for the flushed dusking of his hardened nipples. His skin even shimmered just the slightest with damp sweat. He was too gorgeous, too unbelievably sexy leaning back with spread legs in a whorish skirt and his shirt now ripped and slipping down one fine elegant shoulder. But the appreciation Aoi was bestowing on Uruha only lasted a few seconds. Aoi knew the storm was coming even before it broke onto the shore.

“That was my fucking favorite shirt Aoi!” Uruha all but screamed, breaking that eerie calm he had slipped into when Aoi had stepped up and shown him he was still in control. And god, if Aoi was anymore aroused at that moment, he would have been in an early grave.

“Oh that got something out of you,” Aoi muttered silkily and knew just enough to push Uruha down onto the table completely, his forearm resting across Uruha’s naked chest as a restraint. Uruha growled and shifted uselessly beneath Aoi’s body, but he must have known he wouldn’t get away. Uruha had always been the stronger, but it seemed that lately Uruha’s body was steadily becoming smaller, his arms and hips slimmer, while Aoi’s strength accumulated from these strenuous activities. Plus there was that inner strength steadily building inside of him, fed by Uruha’s arrogant ways and his fiery temper.

“Now beg me,” Aoi demanded, his voice deepening and drawing out the command like the richest red wine. Aoi smirked as he peered down at Uruha’s flushed and angry face, his narrowed eyes, and clenched jaw. He had never had Uruha this powerless before, and he was loving it more each second that ticked by as Uruha worked his jaw back and forth and glared up at Aoi the hardest he could, as if the more he glared, the better chance he would have of Aoi letting him go. How sadly mistaken he was. The more he glared and fought, the more excited and powerful Aoi felt.

“Aoi…” That husky warning voice Aoi knew so well by now came from deep within Uruha’s throat. “Let me go.” Aoi moistened his lips and instead of answering Uruha’s rude order, he merely hiked Uruha’s skirt back above his waist until the dark fabric pooled against the milky skin of his panting stomach and Aoi even chanced to brush his hips testily between Uruha’s spread legs.

Aoi felt as if his cock would rip the fabric of his pants at any moment at how completely gorgeous and sexualized Uruha looked, so debauched and wanton against the sleek black conference table, underneath Aoi, spread eagle and half naked, like some typical office slut. Aoi heard the sharp intake of breath, noticed how the tiny pulse at the base of Uruha’s elegant neck began fluttering wildly, and Aoi was almost certain that the flush from Uruha’s face and neck had crept down to his chest.

“We’ve never teased this much before have we?” Aoi murmured and when he was sure Uruha wouldn’t fight him, he let his fingers ghost over the hard peaks of Uruha’s nipples and felt the way Uruha’s cock twitched against their stomachs at the feather light touch. Uruha remained mute as Aoi played with him, running his hands down over Uruha’s chest and shuddering stomach and dancing across his hips playfully.

“And all you have to do is beg me a little and I’ll give you what we both want. Like you said, you really only have two choices.” Aoi kept himself leaning above Uruha with his hands on the table on either side of Uruha’s head, his long dark hair framing both of their faces and brushing against Uruha’s temples in damp shivers. Uruha’s glare became harder if that was possible as his words were playfully thrown back into his face.

“You can either have this….” Aoi bit into his full bottom lip and thrust against Uruha the way he had when he’d had Uruha hiked against the wall. “Or…you can go jack off in the bathroom, alone.” Aoi rose one fine dark eyebrow, throwing down the challenge and waiting to see if Uruha would pick it up and fight or give in and feed his desire. Uruha’s eyes slipped closed and he pushed his head back against the table in his own world of teased pleasure as Aoi thrust against him again.

“Just beg me Uru, that’s all you have to do.” Uruha had never truly begged Aoi for anything. Uruha had always demanded and ordered but never truly begged, and Aoi wasn’t going to give up until he had Uruha begging for it, begging for him to go faster, harder, to fuck him, to slow down, against the table, or the chair, the damn floor, or wherever and however the hell Uruha wanted it. He would get it all if he just begged Aoi for it.

“Is it so hard?” Aoi wondered as he kissed Uruha’s pouting mouth that stubbornly stayed closed when he ran his tongue over it insistently. It was obviously extremely hard for Uruha to beg or take orders. It was definitely not in his nature as Uruha himself had stated earlier. “You don’t want to get fucked Uru? Is that what it is?” Aoi growled, his temper flaring just the tiniest bit at Uruha’s unchanging refusal, and so he suddenly pulled Uruha up roughly by his arms until he was sitting on the edge of the table again.

“Aoi,” Uruha muttered warily, his eyes hard and accusing beneath his fringe of mussed black hair.

“Get on the ground and suck me off then Uru. If you don’t want it, then I’ll take what I want. Put that fucking mouth of yours to better use than annoying me.” Uruha’s brow creased as Aoi wrapped his hand around the strands of Uruha’s black hair and pulled. Uruha’s face visibly contorted in pain, and he even rose a hand to try to pull Aoi’s fingers away, but Aoi tugged harshly and Uruha was forced to slide off of the table and onto the ground. It was definitely time to indulge in Uruha’s mouth as he had said he would earlier.

“Fuck Aoi,” Uruha cursed. “I’m not going to fucking beg you, you damn bastard. I’m not the bitch in the relationship if you can remember,” Uruha hissed and tried pulling Aoi’s hand away again, but Aoi tugged harshly and Uruha was forced down to his hands and knees in front of Aoi. If Aoi had seen anything hotter than Uruha being forced to his knees against his will and crying out because Aoi was tugging his hair too hard, he would definitely be lying. Uruha was just becoming increasingly more enticing as the day wore on.

“That‘s a laugh Uru. There’s almost tears coming from my eyes it’s so damn funny.” But Aoi wasn’t laughing or even smiling, he was staring down at Uruha hard, aroused, ready to come, and if it would be in Uruha’s mouth because Uruha wouldn’t beg him for it to get fucked, then so be it. It damn sure wasn’t his fault his lover’s spine was so stiff and he couldn‘t take losing.

Aoi crouched down in front of Uruha where he was on his hands and knees panting as Aoi held tight to his hair. Aoi held Uruha’s head up to look directly into his sweaty face. Uruha’s nostrils were flaring and he was visibly shivering a little as he looked up at Aoi rebelliously and that only fueled Aoi’s determination.

Uruha didn’t know how much he was helping Aoi by being so stubborn and defiant. It only made Aoi want to hold him down more, push him around, make him cry for once, be in control. He was in control. For the very first time in all the years they had been together, Aoi had taken control of Uruha by sheer determination. He had tried so many things today to conquer Uruha and the real trick to it was if one thing didn’t work, try another. Something was bound to click or Uruha would get tired of fighting, either way, Aoi genuinely held the reins now. He was drunk off of this new power, teeming with it, and there was definitely no turning back now. Uruha was his for the taking.

“I wish you could see how fucking hot you look right now Uru, on your knees for me, because I want you here. The more you act like a bitch and deny me, the more you’re going to be treated like one, and the more I’m going to take.” Aoi kept his gaze locked to Uruha’s insolent face, the face that was as gorgeous as it was deadly. It was so much easier to look into that face and feel no mercy when there was no longer any trace left of forged innocence. Aoi stood back up after a long moment of establishing control, and he kept his hand hooked firmly in Uruha’s hair as he did so.

“You know what to do,” Aoi muttered as he pulled on Uruha’s hair again until Uruha was forced to rise to his knees and hold onto the front of Aoi’s pants to keep a steady balance. Uruha had never liked his hair being pulled, probably because hair pulling could be used as a sign of control, just like it was being used as right at that moment. Aoi grinned at that idea, and was surprised Uruha wasn’t kicking and screaming against the hair pulling and the rough treatment. Instead of fighting it, his lover just seemed angry and in pain. Uruha knelt looking up at Aoi and holding onto the waistband of his pants with dark, murderous eyes and Aoi just raised an eyebrow questioningly down at him.

“What are you waiting for? Get to it.” Aoi chuckled as Uruha’s lips curled in displeasure, but another tug from Aoi’s hand tangled in mussed strands of hair, and Uruha was hissing and fumbling with Aoi’s belt shakily. “We could have taken the easy way, but you’ve always been so difficult.” Aoi grinned and tilted his head mockingly to the side as Uruha looked up at him and growled softly deep in his throat. Displeased was such a light word for what Uruha was at that moment. Lethally angry might have been a better description for what that murderous glare and clenched teeth intoned. “That’s why I love you.” Aoi scrunched up his nose playfully as Uruha scowled and tugged Aoi’s belt from it’s loopholes roughly and slung the belt nearly across the room.

“Bastard,” Uruha muttered softly as his trembling fingers unbuttoned Aoi’s pants and then slid the zipper down slowly. Aoi ignored the juvenile name calling and instead of doing anything about it, he just tilted Uruha’s head back more until his adam’s apple bobbed harshly under the skin of his throat.

“I know what you’re thinking, and if you bite….you’ll just make it even harder on yourself. Do you understand?” Aoi rose an inquisitive eyebrow until Uruha tched and looked away. It was the only affirmative answer he would get from Uruha, so he just hoped Uruha wouldn’t be bold enough to do anything like that. Uruha was bold, but he wasn’t necessarily cruel. Aoi would only make things ten times worse for him if Uruha tried anything risky like that anyway.

Aoi pushed his hips forward into Uruha’s hand as he begrudgingly peeled the clinging material over Aoi’s slender hips and out of the way. Uruha’s long fingers dipped beneath his boxers and pushed those down and out of the way as well, and Aoi would have been blind not to catch the faintest flicker of interest in Uruha’s downcast eyes. Uruha had always enjoyed this particular act, got off from sucking cock, and he was so damn good at it with that perfect mouth of his. Aoi had even seen Uruha rub and finger himself while sucking his cock. That was how aroused Uruha usually got from being on his knees.

Aoi’s cock was hard and slick from all the delirious torture they had just gone through with each other and Aoi noticed the way one of Uruha’s hand slid up the top of his thigh and moved his skirt out of the way as he stared at Aoi’s erection in front of him.

“Suck it Uru, I know you want to,” Aoi murmured and his voice had mysteriously dropped about two octaves and had acquired a rough edge to it, as if he had just woken up with a sore throat. He was so fucking aroused at that moment that he wasn’t sure he’d even be able to last through one of Uruha’s amazing blowjobs, it didn’t seem like a possible goal to even try to work towards. Uruha was breathing hard and his hand was steadily rubbing his thigh as he looked up at Aoi and then back down to his cock, wanting to suck him, but also wanting to fight for his beloved control. An idea suddenly formed as Aoi watched Uruha rubbing his thigh and he grinned.

“Spread your legs baby,” Aoi whispered and marveled in the way Uruha’s face flooded an even darker shade of red at the command, but surprisingly he didn’t protest, he kept his kneeling position but let his legs slide further apart on the hardwood floor and then he leaned forward until his mouth was against the head of Aoi’s cock and his ass was sticking out behind him, bare to Aoi’s view and oh so gorgeous. “Open your mouth.” Aoi groaned as Uruha’s soft lips parted obligingly and Uruha looked up at him, eyes still angry, but a little more accepting. He knew that fighting would get him nowhere, but obedience would at least get him pleasure of his own.

Aoi held his breath and let it out in a loud rush as he slid easily into Uruha’s mouth as Uruha opened it wide and then closed his lips over the hard flesh of his erection. Aoi still held Uruha’s hair in his hand and he used that advantage to pull Uruha’s face toward him just as he pushed his hips forward. Uruha’s gag reflex was almost nonexistent at this point in their relationship but Uruha still choked a little as Aoi thrust to the back of his throat a little more roughly than he usually would. But today wasn’t a typical day, and Uruha deserved it rough and relentless just now.

Uruha squeezed his eyes closed and pushed on Aoi’s hips until Aoi slowly pulled back and let Uruha’s mouth slide off of him so that he could breathe for a moment. Uruha panted and wiped his mouth of the moisture clinging gorgeously to it. He rested for only a few seconds before looking up at Aoi, and that was a sort of cue for Aoi to continue. Aoi smirked and pulled Uruha’s face back towards him and his cock slid back home between Uruha’s parted lips, and this time, he didn’t push as far back, he just let Uruha suck him the way he knew how to best.

Aoi moistened his lips and tried to keep his eyes on Uruha, loving the way Uruha’s mouth slid back and forth on his cock and his tongue circled the head and played with the slit before his lips slipped back onto him, but eventually he let his eyes fall closed and he tilted his head back and just savored his lover’s skills.

“Do you like this better than getting fucked?” Aoi asked throatily, his eyes still closed and his head still back as Uruha worked him. He felt Uruha’s hand speed up on his cock, stroking hard at the question they both knew the answer to. Uruha’s love for sucking cock could almost over ride his love for getting bent over and fucked senseless. Aoi heard Uruha groan softly, and he knew he’d finally broken through Uruha’s defiant countenance. He felt Uruha’s hand twisting deliciously near the head of his cock while he licked and sucked at it and performed that perfect little trick with his tongue. It was almost too much for Aoi to handle. Aoi looked down and had to clench his stomach to keep from coming right then and there at the sight of Uruha working excitedly on his cock, his legs spread, his ass exposed….

Aoi leaned over, his cock slipping deeper into Uruha’s mouth, so that he could run a hand over the smooth, pale swell of Uruha’s ass. He heard Uruha moan and pant around his cock as he slid into his lover’s mouth nearly to the base just as he let his middle finger dip down the swell of Uruha’s ass and press into him. He felt Uruha clench around him tightly and he slid a second finger in to join the first. He moaned deeply as Uruha’s mouth left his cock and Uruha pressed his damp cheek to Aoi’s stomach, breathless.

“Aoi,” He groaned, pressing back into Aoi’s hand, trying to fuck himself, but Aoi slipped his fingers out before Uruha could get any real pleasure from them and went back to grabbing Uruha’s hair. “Finish it,” Aoi murmured heatedly as he guided Uruha’s plush mouth back to his cock. Uruha looked up at Aoi as he took him back down his throat and this time Aoi didn’t care if he was rough. He took charge again and guided Uruha’s mouth and set a fast pace that was sure to push him over the edge even quicker. Uruha’s mouth was slick as he sucked Aoi and rubbed quickly, and all the while, he kept a steady heavy gaze on Aoi, wanting him to come, wanting to be used this way.

Aoi was so much beyond that brink of bliss and ecstasy even as he groaned and tugged Uruha’s hair closer towards him, even as his cock twitched in Uruha’s mouth and he cursed as he spilled down his lover’s throat. He had already been there over that edge even before he had come. Aoi hissed as he pulled his hips back and took himself in hand to finish the last bit over Uruha’s lips and chin. And even through all of this Uruha continued to look up at him and let him and even licked his lips afterwards.

Aoi shuddered as Uruha leaned forward and licked the last remnants of his orgasm from the head of his cock lazily and then slid his lips along the side of it with a small smile. Aoi’s brow creased in renewed arousal. He couldn’t believe that he was getting excited again so soon after an orgasm, but then again, this was Uruha he was dealing with, so he shouldn’t have been so surprised. Uruha surprised him further by rising up on his knees and pushing Aoi’s shirt up so that he could press his mouth to the skin he found there in slow, soft kisses.

“Fuck me Aoi,” Uruha whispered. “Please fuck me.” There came the beg Aoi had been waiting for for too long, and the beg reached Uruha’s eyes as he gazed up at Aoi, his fingers curling in the opened ends of his pants. He definitely felt himself harden again at Uruha’s sudden change of attitude. It was as if Uruha had laid down his scepter of power and even if it was just for the time being just so Aoi would fuck him, Aoi couldn’t have been any happier. It was still a personal victory to have Uruha being so submissive towards him.

Aoi’s hand slipped from Uruha’s now thoroughly mussed hair and he pulled Uruha up roughly by the collar of his torn shirt. Uruha whimpered slightly as Aoi grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him hard and deep, his free hand ripping the rest of Uruha’s shirt down his arms and then off of him. Uruha’s hands grappled at the front of Aoi’s own shirt as Aoi dominated the kiss, but after a moment, Aoi pulled Uruha’s hands away from his shirt and held them behind his back as he stepped forward and pushed Uruha back with his body.

“You want me to fuck you?” Aoi murmured against Uruha’s mouth as he pushed Uruha back against the conference table. Uruha moaned into the kiss as he was forced to slide onto the table again. Aoi opened his legs roughly and slipped between them. He bit and sucked on Uruha’s bottom lip as he rolled his hips between Uruha’s legs and reveled in the way Uruha groaned throatily.

Uruha eventually slipped down to his elbows as Aoi broke off their kissing and Aoi wasted no time in pushing Uruha’s skirt up around his waist and pressing his fingers between Uruha’s legs just to make sure Uruha was still ready for him. Uruha closed his eyes again and arched his back off of the table with a small gasp as Aoi dipped three of his fingers inside of him without warning. Uruha was still so damn tight, but he’d still be able to take Aoi’s cock, and the tightness would just make everything even better.

“Aoi…..” Uruha groaned as his hand slipped down to rub over where Aoi’s fingers pressed into him. Aoi felt Uruha’s body shudder and tighten around his fingers and Aoi clenched his teeth together and had to pull his hand back before he came before he even began fucking Uruha. Aoi leaned down and pushed Uruha’s thighs further apart so that he could lick between Uruha’s rubbing fingers and over his entrance. As soon as Aoi’s tongue touched Uruha’s skin, Uruha groaned loudly and slipped one of his hands into Aoi’s hair.

“Tell me how much you want it,” Aoi prompted as he licked over Uruha’s entrance slowly while keeping his gaze focused on Uruha’s flushed and sweaty face. Uruha rolled his hips and tried to pull Aoi’s face closer by his hair but Aoi growled and locked his hand around Uruha’s wrist to pull his hand away. “Tell me,” Aoi muttered once more, his voice deep and husky from arousal. He let the flat of his tongue brush over Uruha’s skin once more and over Uruha’s fingers as they stroked and massaged the skin around his entrance. Aoi felt Uruha’s body jerk in response to his ministrations and he grinned against Uruha’s fingers as they touched his lips searchingly.

“God Aoi…..” Uruha gasped and arched his back gorgeously once more.

“Not quite but close,” Aoi quipped with a haughty smirk as he spread Uruha with his thumbs and then dipped his tongue inside of him as far as it would possibly go. The sound that came from Uruha’s mouth could only have been described as a throaty cry and Aoi took pleasure in the way Uruha tightened around his tongue and pulled on his hair simultaneously. Aoi always loved doing this, enjoyed the taste of Uruha’s body, reveled in the way Uruha panted and writhed beneath him as he worked his mouth on him. He enjoyed the taste and the tight sensation against his mouth for a few moments, but as soon as Uruha’s hips began pushing more towards his face as he pulled his tongue out before pushing it back in deep again, he knew he’d have to stop or risk Uruha coming again too early. And so he pulled his face away regretfully and stood up to lean over Uruha’s lazily writhing body.

Uruha was so wanton and whorish and desperate beneath him that Aoi knew he would have to finally give in and give them both what they wanted, because he wasn’t going to last very much longer. It was a miracle he was still holding himself back at this point. Aoi’s lip curled predatorily as he leant over Uruha and watched him touching himself and he hissed when Uruha’s hand slid into his pants and started stroking his painfully hard cock.

“Give it to me Aoi, please…..Aoi,” Uruha pleaded, drawing out Aoi’s name with a throaty groan. His eyes were desperate and nearly coal black as he looked up at Aoi, his hand steadily stroking him, and Aoi was sure if he held back anymore he was going to let go in Uruha’s hand. He had finally gotten what he had wanted from his lover, true submission, something that had never been part of the game when it came to Uruha. Uruha wasn’t pretending just to please Aoi, he was begging for release and it was up to Aoi to give it to him. Aoi leaned down and pressed his lips to the curve of Uruha’s ear with a small smile.

“If you want it, get it for yourself,” Aoi whispered, his eyes closing as Uruha’s body arched into him urgently. Uruha seemed to understand Aoi’s prompt because the next thing Aoi knew, one of Uruha’s hands had snuck down between their bodies and was carefully guiding Aoi’s cock inside of his body.

“Yes….” Aoi hissed as he buried his face against Uruha’s neck and pressed his hips forward once he was halfway in. He slid inside easily with all of the teasing Uruha had endured over the past hour or more. He knew it would hurt Uruha some to fuck him like this without more preparation than what his tongue and fingers could offer, but it wasn't anything Uruha couldn't handle. Uruha was already pressing against his body and begging for more as it was. And in a way, Aoi wanted it to hurt a little, needed Uruha to claw his back as he was fucked rough and relentless.

“You feel so good Uru….” Aoi groaned, his hips pulling back just the slightest before his cock slipped back in smoothly, eliciting a spark of excruciating pleasure on Aoi’s part, and a sweet moan into Aoi’s ear from Uruha that let him know that Uruha was definitely enjoying this as much as he was.

“Fuck me….” Uruha gasped between a hitched cry as Aoi pressed into him a bit harder on his next thrust. Uruha’s legs tightened around his waist as he straightened his arms so that he could look down at Uruha as he fucked him. Aoi enjoyed the way Uruha’s gaze became unfocused and his neck flushed with color each time Aoi rolled his hips at just the right angle with just the right amount of pressure.

Aoi knew exactly where to push to have Uruha’s toes curling and his body shuddering. Years of practice had made him an expert on Uruha’s body and he could illicit a certain moan or shudder if he touched or kissed or thrust the right way.

Aoi stood up completely after a long moment of thrusting into Uruha while leaning over him, and he pulled Uruha’s lower body slightly off of the table towards his body as he continued fucking him. Uruha would let anything humanely possible be done to his body at that moment, molded, twisted, bent into positions, whatever Aoi wanted, just as long as Uruha was able to get off. Aoi bit into the corner of his mouth as he brushed his fingers against one of Uruha’s nipples to make Uruha tighten around his cock.

Uruha’s back arched into that lovely little bow and the pressure on Aoi’s cock was almost too much, almost painful. He even dared to twist one of Uruha’s nipples slightly between thumb and forefinger just to hear Uruha gasp and the arch in his back became just a bit more defined from the bliss he must have felt. Uruha’s face contorted gorgeously and his body tensed and then trembled around him as Aoi tightened his hold on his nipple and when he took his hand away, Uruha’s body relaxed and his back slowly curved back down to the table. Aoi’s brow creased at how excited Uruha could get from the smallest touches to his chest, it was too arousing, and Aoi was sure his cock jerked and throbbed inside of Uruha’s body at the sight.

“It’s too good Aoi,” Uruha hissed, his hands running through his hair and pulling almost deliriously as Aoi picked up the pace of his thrusts until Uruha’s body slid slickly against the table top. The position they were in almost made it too hard to fuck as roughly as Aoi wanted to.

“I know it is.” Aoi haughtily primped his own feathers at Uruha’s compliment in the heat of sex. He knew he was the only one that could get Uruha this worked up, the only one that knew how to give it this good to Uruha, the only one that could manage to make Uruha beg for it like this. It was why Uruha came to him for this, and Aoi felt the pleasure of that thought shoot straight through his spine and he jerked inside of Uruha’s body and nearly came.

“Fuck,” Aoi gasped and stopped moving for a second to stave off his orgasm for just a little longer. Uruha whined…..whined as Aoi stopped moving. Uruha barely ever whined during anything, bitched yes, but never whined desperately like that. Aoi must have been doing a damn good job.

“Baby come on,” Uruha groaned, his hand tugging at the opened waist band of Aoi’s pants urgently. “Keep fucking me, please…..” Aoi’s mouth twitched at Uruha’s rare use of the word ‘please’. Since when was Uruha ever polite when trying to get what he wanted? And that personal little endearment Uruha lavished on him was used sparingly on occasions when he wanted something from Aoi or was trying to get on his good side after he had done something wicked. Aoi knew if Uruha kept stroking his ego like this, it was going to get too big to fit inside the room. Perhaps it would even get bigger than Uruha’s own ego.

Aoi chuckled and slipped his hands beneath Uruha’s lower back and urged him to sit up. Uruha’s arms slid around his shoulders and Uruha’s hips began to roll lazily against him. Aoi could feel that defined pout pressed against his neck as Uruha’s face nuzzled his shoulder. Aoi hissed as Uruha tried to fuck himself on his cock, desperate for any sort of friction, but eventually he pulled Uruha’s arms from around his shoulders and tapped his ass insistently for him to stand up. Uruha gave him a disgruntled, tired look at the slap, but none the less slid from the table and off of his cock.

“Turn around so we can finish this,” Aoi whispered hoarsely. He’d be able to fuck Uruha harder, more ‘appropriately’ from behind. Uruha wasted no time in turning around and bending over the table, his ass pushing back against Aoi’s waist adamantly. He knew exactly what Aoi wanted. Uruha looked back over his shoulder at Aoi through mussed sweaty black strands of hair, his gaze heavy and shameless, submissive. Aoi growled deeply and pushed back into Uruha’s body in one smooth, sharp stroke.

“Yes…” Uruha drew out in a long hiss as Aoi at once picked up the quick rough pace that had been interrupted earlier by the threat of an early orgasm. Uruha’s fingers clawed at the table as Aoi pushed into him hard and relentless and he pulled Uruha back against him roughly by the waist on each of his harsh thrusts. Uruha felt too good, hot and slick and tight even after all of the fucking he was accustomed to. Aoi gasped as Uruha began pressing his palms into the table and pushing back forcefully on his thrusts.

“Keep doing that,” Aoi groaned, his hands tangling in Uruha’s hair and pulling in a now familiar gesture. “That’s it,” He whispered when Uruha pushed back harder, panting harshly as if he were running a marathon, and perhaps he was. They were both rushing to the finish line, wondering who would break through that ribbon of ecstasy first. As with everything, they were competing in some small way as they each tried to reach for an orgasm before the other did.

Aoi sucked in a breath through his teeth as the pleasure mounted and his hands tightened their hold on Uruha’s hair and pulled his head back as his long hard thrusts became quick and erratic. Uruha cried out as Aoi worked to hit that spot over and over again inside of his body and he even slipped one of his knees onto the table as Aoi roughly pushed him against the hard edge of it, a motion that was going to leave bruises all along Uruha’s waistline. But they were both so far gone that they could have been doing anything to each other and not have cared as long as they made it to that golden finish line. Aoi leaned over Uruha’s back as the pleasure became too intense and his stomach tightened in anticipation.

“Ready?” Aoi groaned into Uruha’s ear, and when Uruha nodded desperately, his body shuddering and pushing back roughly into Aoi, Aoi let his hand slip down Uruha’s stomach and he took his cock in hand to stroke in time with his thrusts. They had been ready for awhile now, but Aoi was finally letting them both reach for that pinnacle. Uruha reached down and helped Aoi stroke as they thrust against one another and when Uruha turned his head, Aoi leaned down and kissed him hard just as he shuddered and let his orgasm rip through him. Another unspoken point for him.

“Uru….” His moan was muffled against Uruha’s mouth as he finished coming, still pressed deep inside of Uruha’s body. He let his hips continue to lazily press against Uruha’s body even after his orgasm had finished it‘s course through his body. It only took a few more strokes for Uruha to follow after him.

Aoi felt his lover tense against him and Uruha broke their kiss to moan and lay his head back on Aoi’s shoulder as he came in their joined hands. Liquid warmth spread over Aoi’s fingers and wrist and it felt too good, adding to the euphoria sifting around him as he leaned against Uruha and Uruha slipped down to lean against the table. Aoi’s body was trembling slightly from the exertion he had just put himself through and he could feel the tremors of Uruha’s own body beneath him as his lover rested his cheek against the table and tried to calm his breathing. It had been a while since he and Uruha had had that sort of encounter.

“Oh…..fuck Aoi…..” Uruha let out a long, exhausted, shaky breath. “I can’t believe…we just….did we really just…” Uruha panted softly and Aoi grinned against the skin of Uruha’s damp shoulder in satisfaction.

“Yes we did,” Aoi finished for him as he stroked Uruha’s hips lazily, idly wondering if he was going to be able to stand up enough to slip out of Uruha’s body or if he was going to be too stiff and sore to accomplish that feat.

“On the conference table….where our band and staff sit around and drink coffee….you just fucked my ass on it….” Uruha muttered against the table and then chuckled at the absurdity of what they had just done. Aoi laughed softly against his shoulder before slowly pulling back and attempting to stand up. It was worth a try at least. Aoi winced at the soreness in his legs and hips as he succeeded in pushing himself up and carefully slipping his cock from Uruha’s body. Uruha groaned softly at the ache he must have been feeling as Aoi pulled away.

“No one has to know, it can just be our little secret,” Aoi teased with a drained smile. Aoi used the end of his shirt to wipe off the remnants of Uruha’s orgasm from his hand and wrist and then he helped his lover turn around and sit carefully on the edge of the table. Uruha’s mouth opened in silent pain as he was made to sit and Aoi gave him a pitying look. Well he’d had it coming so there was a limit to the pity Aoi felt.

“Well I’ll know every time we sit down for a meeting now. I’m going to be imagining your naked ass on top of me.” Uruha laughed at Aoi’s affronted look and then gazed at his lap helplessly. His skirt was wrinkled and stained and his shirt was torn and ruined, discarded somewhere on the floor. He was definitely a mess to be reckoned with.

“I didn’t hear you complaining while I was fucking you into the table, so why start now?” Aoi rolled his eyes as Uruha reverted back to his post sex self and shot him an icy glare.

“You forced me to do this Aoi, it wasn’t my idea,” Uruha huffed as he tried smoothing down the material of his skirt hopelessly, a fidgeting gesture that had Aoi giving Uruha a lopsided, knowing grin.

“I didn’t get you caught did I? I locked the door since you gave me that one small courtesy last time,” Aoi reminded him needlessly. Aoi had wanted them to get caught, had wanted to win so badly it nearly hurt, but he’d won over Uruha in a different sense, so at least he had the courtesy enough to show Uruha a little respect and not embarrass him entirely. He wouldn’t have left the door unlocked for just anyone to walk in since Uruha had shown him that little bit of kindness at his parent’s house. But next time, not if, but when Uruha got him back for this and he was shown no mercy, Uruha would be getting the exact same treatment in return. Perhaps they’d always go in circles around one another ….perhaps they wanted it that way. Settling scores with one another seemed to be the highlight of their life, and what a fun highlight it was.

“Well Ruki knew something was going on, Aoi. So basically you did get me caught,” Uruha muttered and refused to look at Aoi. His eyes were trained to his lap and his ruined skirt. Aoi moved closer to Uruha until he was standing between his legs again and he tilted Uruha’s face up to his with a finger under his proud chin.

“I’m sorry I beat you Uru, but that’s the way it is. And you’re going to have to accept that and learn not to be such a sore loser.” Aoi chuckled as Uruha sneered and slapped Aoi’s hand away from his face.

“I’m not a sore loser.” Uruha grunted resentfully. Aoi rose an amused eyebrow and stepped back out of Uruha’s way as Uruha sniffed disconcertingly and stood from the table slowly, trying hard not to wince and show Aoi how much pain he was in at that moment. Aoi saw the way Uruha’s jaw line clenched and he sucked in a sharp breath. Aoi tried to hold Uruha’s elbow and help him but Uruha yanked his arm away and pushed past him so that he could carefully bend down to pick up the remains of his favorite dress shirt.

“Just a minute ago you were telling me how good I was at fucking you, and now you’re being a bitch to me again.” Aoi shook his head disbelievingly as Uruha refused his helping hand again and stood up by himself and slipped on his shirt irritably, pulling the loose ends around himself in rough jerks since there were no buttons any longer to keep the shirt closed.

“Just a minute ago you were giving me an orgasm, it doesn’t mean that what you did was any less evil. The way you went about fucking me was cruel, even for you Aoi.” Uruha narrowed his eyes at Aoi, and Aoi tightened his lips, trying hard to hold back a laugh at how comical Uruha’s attempt at intimidating him was at that moment. Uruha’s hair was mussed and sticking to his damp neck in places, and his clothes were in such disarray that it almost looked like Uruha had just gotten into a fight and lost miserably.

“Oh ho ho Uru….” Aoi laughed sarcastically. “And what you do to me constantly isn’t evil? I’m not the one with the cruel mind here. As soon as we leave, you’re going to be thinking up ways to get me back ten times worse if you haven’t already thought of something yet. But you know what? I don’t even care anymore” Aoi held up his hands and shrugged. “I got you good this time and that’s all that matters. So you can go on with your evil plans, but you’ll never have anything as good as this.” Aoi sighed as Uruha frowned and clutched his shirt tighter around himself as if for protection because he knew what Aoi had said was true and maybe he felt a little ashamed of his ruthless ways of setting Aoi up to get caught.

“Come on,” Aoi muttered, motioning with his hand for Uruha to step closer to him. But Uruha just gave him a suspicious glare and remained standing where he was, clutching his ripped shirt around him as a flimsy shield of some sort. Aoi sighed heavily again and picked his jacket from the floor and shook it at Uruha insistently. “Come on, I’m going to take you home.” Aoi rose his eyebrows and hardened his face in the look he gave Uruha when he was being serious about something.

“Home as in where?” Uruha asked cautiously as he hesitantly went to Aoi and let him help him into the jacket.

“My place if you want. I’m not sure I trust going to your apartment at the moment.” Aoi grinned as he turned Uruha around and buttoned his jacket up to Uruha’s chin teasingly. Uruha’s thighs were still very much exposed but he would live until they got to Aoi’s place. Though Uruha would probably just be naked again once they stepped over the threshold. The fun between them never seemed to truly stop. Uruha broke down at Aoi’s little quip that they both knew held too much truth and he buried his face into Aoi’s shoulder and laughed softly. Aoi grinned and held Uruha to him as he was forgiven for his ruthless tactics just the tiniest bit.

“I think I want to change my hair color back to blonde.” Uruha muttered into Aoi’s shirt as Aoi wrapped an arm around his waist and chuckled at Uruha’s sudden decision.

“Already?” Aoi wondered in amusement, his fingers curling the ends of Uruha’s silky black hair around them idly. “And why would you want to dye your hair back anyway? I like it this way….” Aoi took a moment to admire the soft dark strands sliding over his hand before frowning down at Uruha as his lover shook his head in answer.

“Of course you like it this way, but I got my way more when I was blonde.” Aoi’s frown deepened as he felt Uruha’s laugh reverberate under his hand. Of course Uruha had gotten his way more when he was blonde. He was more devious under the protection of that crooked halo and blameless smile. Aoi had come to love the new black hair in the time that it had taken him to conquer Uruha completely. It had been a sort of stepping stone or a helping hand in his plight to win. It was an external reminder of how completely wicked and sly Uruha was on the inside and it had reigned him in when he had started to feel any ounce of clemency on Uruha’s part. But it seemed that Uruha was trying to take his fun away sooner than expected. Once the blonde hair was back, it would be harder for Aoi to be ruthless. Aoi tched under his breath at this newfound dilemma. But he should have known Uruha would never keep the game easy for him, he enjoyed power too much to let Aoi keep the scepter for himself.

“And you’re right to be a little wary Aoi,” Uruha murmured into Aoi’s shirt and then looked up at him with a raised eyebrow that was as much a tease as it was a warning.

“Yeah….” Aoi muttered begrudgingly as he wrapped an arm around Uruha’s shoulder and led him to the door, hoping they’d be able to sneak past any lingering personnel in the hallways in their sorry disheveled, just fucked on a public conference table, state. “I know,” He admitted with only a slight feeling of sinking dread in the pit of his stomach. He knew Uruha would eventually get him back in some sneaky way later on when his back was turned. For now, at least he knew he had settled scores with Uruha, conquered his lover the way no one had ever been able to do before, and ultimately he had won the war.

END

Finished! Phew, sorry for the small wait, classes started again *groans* and it took me a bit to finish editing >.> I’m glad everyone enjoyed the first two parts! I hope the last part did them justice 0__0

PART TWO

2009-01-09T07:42:31Z

[ How I'm feeling| Sleepy]
[ What I'm listening to| Music is my hot hot sex

Title: Settling scores (2/3)
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha
Author: Life_giver
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Do not own anyone in this story, only the dirty plotline is mine.
Warnings: More dirty, porn-ish sex
Summary: He wouldn’t have left the door unlocked for just anyone to walk in since Uruha had shown him that little bit of kindness at his parent’s house. But next time, not if, but when Uruha got him back for this and he was shown no mercy, Uruha would be getting the exact same treatment in return. Perhaps they’d always go in circles around one another ….perhaps they wanted it that way. Settling scores with one another seemed to be the highlight of their life, and what a fun highlight it was.
Notes: This is the third story following The games we play but can be read as a stand-alone.

Uruha would just have to bite his tongue and deal with the tables being turned on him. Uruha was so used to getting his way that Aoi knew it was killing him to be submissive to what Aoi wanted of him, but so far Uruha was being more docile and compliant than Aoi had ever seen him in all the years they had been together, even with all of the angry glares and sour remarks. It was nearly disconcerting how easily it had been to get Uruha to agree with his plan. It was almost as though Uruha had stepped into his carefully designed trap too quickly and without much of a fight.

Aoi had anticipated working to get Uruha to agree to his plans for at least a day or two and had even thought of backup bribes and enticements Uruha wouldn’t have been able to turn down just in case. Uruha’s surrender made Aoi slightly wary, or at least he was on his toes and ready for anything Uruha might be planning because his lover could be sneaky and vindictive when the circumstances were right. Uruha didn’t like losing when it came to most things but this was Aoi’s chance for revenge and maybe even sweet victory and Uruha was going to get what had been coming to him for years if it was the last thing Aoi did. Uruha threw another stinging glare at Aoi as Aoi drew his hand back away from between his legs as if he had been burned. It was like holding a snarling animal back and tying not to get bitten but at least Aoi was holding on and Uruha was only growling.

“I thought I told you to leave the shorts at home? I wanted you naked underneath the skirt…for obvious reasons,” Aoi hissed low next to Uruha’s ear. Uruha’s cologne was heady and intoxicating as Aoi leaned close to him to avoid drawing too much attention as they spoke to one another. Aoi was annoyed, and he let his irritation be known by the way his hand gripped Uruha’s knee for a second and his mouth tightened into a hard line.

“I wasn’t going to go naked beneath this damn skirt,” Uruha protested obstinately.

Aoi was almost tempted to lean forward and kiss away Uruha’s own angry frown because he looked so incredibly sexy when he was upset but he was caught off guard as Uruha suddenly smiled lazily and reached down to stroke his hand in soothing strokes. Aoi knew that Uruha was trying to play with him and he was scared for a moment that Uruha had caught onto what he was doing. Uruha had taken the bait too smoothly and he had been waiting for Uruha to realize what he was doing and turn the game against him.

“Don’t be mad at me,” Uruha murmured, his lips turning down conveniently in the corners and his fingers even squeezed Aoi’s fingers for effect. “I’m sorry…” Uruha whispered softly. “It’s just…you’ve already asked too much of me with this whole skirt ordeal, I thought you’d give me a break with the shorts underneath.” Aoi could have sworn that Uruha’s eyes deepened apologetically right on cue just as his pout lengthened.

Uruha was too good at getting what he wanted and Aoi realized that Uruha hadn’t caught onto his evil scheme but was just trying to deter Aoi from molesting him under the table and somehow be let off the hook with wearing shorts beneath his skirt. Aoi was quick to catch onto Uruha’s ploy to pout his way out of his own wicked plot and he definitely wasn’t going to fall for Uruha’s usually potent tactics. Aoi shot Uruha a smile dripping with sugary sweetness and slipped his hand out from under Uruha’s grasp and patted the back of his hand reassuringly.

“What makes you think I’m angry with you?” Aoi asked, his voice echoing with false comfort even to his own ears. The way Uruha’s face immediately fell from a pout into a suspicious frown was evidence enough that Uruha had caught the false sincerity in his tone and smile as well. Uruha’s eyes narrowed and Aoi chuckled, his fingers sliding back up the tops of Uruha’s thighs and under his skirt.

“I’m not angry, but I can’t say I’m happy you wore shorts. It would have been easier for both of us if you had left them at home.” Aoi lowered his voice as he spoke, his eyes fixed on Ruki who was almost too close to them for comfort. But Ruki remained turned away from them in his seat a few feet from Uruha and he was currently engaged in another heated debate with their manager so he was pitifully oblivious to anything that was going on next to him.

“I guess we’ll just have to remedy that,” Aoi finished with a haughty scrunch of his nose. Uruha’s mouth opened in disbelief at how he was being treated. He definitely wasn’t used to taking orders from anyone, and he had never been in a situation in which his opinions and wishes hadn’t mattered. Well now he knew how Aoi felt most of the time when it came to Uruha having his way.

Uruha had naively given his sense of power over to Aoi when he had agreed on wearing a skirt to the band meeting. Something so small and seemingly insignificant and in some sense, ridiculous, was now Aoi’s biggest weapon. Since Uruha was in the vulnerable position of wearing a skirt and trying not to get caught, Aoi could do whatever he wanted and Uruha would just have to sit back and obey him or risk being exposed. Aoi could easily get Uruha caught and Uruha knew that and that was the only reason he wasn’t slapping Aoi across the face and storming out of the room. Aoi would deal with the consequences later, but for now, power felt too sinfully good with the ability to be addictive.

“Remedy?” Uruha repeated warily, that hint of panic evident in his voice once again. Aoi knew he could definitely get used to Uruha’s vulnerable disposition. Uruha’s fingers wrapped around the edges of his seat anxiously, his knuckles bone white from his death grip, but Aoi only grinned and casually rolled the pen he had been using to write down notes and other tidbits of important information down, until it was just at the edge of the table. Uruha’s eyes followed the movement of the pen suspiciously as if waiting for it to suddenly jump at him and bite him. Well the pen was a nice accomplice to his scheme, but Uruha had much more to worry about than Aoi’s office supplies.

Aoi looked out across the table to see that everyone was still in their own little worlds and then he discretely let the edge of his elbow hit the pen and sent it clattering to the ground with a small indiscernible clink. The meeting continued as it had for the past hour or so without anyone noticing Aoi’s little slip, but Uruha’s eyes shot from the pen on the ground to Aoi’s face in confusion. It was all too obvious Aoi had done that on purpose and Uruha was just trying to figure out the reason for it.

“Oops,” Aoi replied softly, his shoulders shrugging innocently. “Dropped my pen,” Aoi mouthed to Uruha, even though his lover was painfully aware of that fact. Aoi pushed his chair out from under him and back a little as he bent down to the ground until he was nearly under the table and out of sight from the rest of the band and staff around the table. Aoi grinned wickedly up at Uruha from his kneeling position just eye level with his lover’s lap. Uruha’s eyes were wide and mortified as he peered down at Aoi under the table.

“What are you doing?” Uruha ground out lowly between his clenched teeth, his fingers tightening around the arms of his chair until Aoi was sure he would snap them in half if he gripped them any harder. Aoi rose an eyebrow as Uruha visibly pressed his thighs closer together in defense, and Aoi felt his cock twitch in the confines of his pants at the enhanced view he was given from under the table. Uruha’s lips tightened and Aoi just caught sight of Uruha swinging his foot back to kick him and barely had time to stop him.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Aoi whispered, holding Uruha’s leg and caressing it affectionately. Uruha looked like he was ready to strangle Aoi to death as he glared down at him menacingly.

“The thing is, you’re not me,” Uruha growled, his leg trying vainly to slip from Aoi’s grasp.

“This will be easier for the both of us if you just sit back and enjoy what I’m going to do,” Aoi whispered with a smug smile, warning clear in his eyes he was sure. Uruha’s brow creased and he stayed rigid and tense but stopped struggling to free his leg and even let Aoi wedge his hands between his knees that were tightly pressed together and Aoi was able to spread his thighs once more. Uruha knew how much harder Aoi could make this little game, how dangerous it had the potential to get.

“Aoi,” Uruha huffed, but said nothing else as he leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest in that petulant pose that amused Aoi so much.

“Uruha,” Aoi mocked him with the same annoyed huff that Uruha had used. “If you had done what I told you to do and left these damn shorts at home, I wouldn’t have to do this,” Aoi whispered, his eyes sliding to the side to see that Ruki’s back was still turned towards them and it was obvious that he was going to be preoccupied with his argument for a while longer, so they were still safe.

Uruha’s leg twitched a little beneath Aoi’s arm, giving the impression that he was aching to try to kick Aoi again. Thankfully he didn’t, saving Aoi a great deal of pain, because when Uruha truly wanted to hurt someone, he definitely didn’t hold back. Aoi knew this from experience unfortunately. His arm and his ego throbbed at some distant memory from saying something he shouldn’t have said and getting punished for it. That memory only served to spurn him on, because for once, Aoi was holding the reins and Uruha was helpless to do anything about it.

Aoi grinned lecherously and slipped his fingers across the tops of Uruha’s thighs, leaving raised flesh behind. He pushed Uruha’s short skirt up until it bunched around his waist once more, but instead of caressing what Uruha wanted him to caress, he hooked his fingers into the waistband of Uruha’s shorts and began to pull them down. Uruha gasped softly and tried to pull his hips away as far as his chair allowed him to, but it did no good because Aoi was still able to pull the shorts down halfway.

“Raise your hips,” Aoi whispered and when Uruha hesitated and then shook his head, Aoi rose an eyebrow as if to challenge Uruha on his impudence.

“Aoi….please…” Uruha begged softly, his expression tortured, and his cheeks flaming from embarrassment but mostly from arousal Aoi was certain, because he had had to pull his shorts over a very prominent erection. Aoi rose his eyebrow higher without saying one word, knowing Uruha would listen to him under the threat of exposure, and sure enough Uruha finally closed his eyes and turned his face away from Aoi as he lifted his hips from the chair slightly so that Aoi could slide the shorts the rest of the way down.

Uruha even lifted his thighs a little without being told and Aoi was able to pull the skin tight shorts over his knees, down his smooth calves, and then off. Aoi found it minutely amusing that Uruha’s legs were smooth even though he had taken a break from those torturous shorts. It seemed some habits stayed with his lover and Aoi was secretly pleased with that.

Aoi kicked the shorts further beneath the table without even looking because his focus was glued to how vulgar Uruha looked in front of him with his skirt still pushed over his lap too high and a very prominent part of him now teasingly visible beneath the flimsy black fabric. Uruha was wearing the loose white button down business shirt he always wore to these formal meetings, and the contrast of the business shirt over the barely there black skirt was amusingly striking.

Uruha’s current get-up reminded him of some warped version of a naughty schoolboy and that brought back Uruha’s earlier comment about Aoi possibly having a schoolgirl fetish. Uruha’s meticulously styled black hair where half of his bangs nearly covered one of his hooded eyes just helped to send Uruha’s image spiraling towards overly-sexual and lewd. Aoi had to stifle a laugh behind the back of his arm at where his thoughts were heading. He felt like a pervert hiding under the table trying to sneak a peek beneath a skirt…well actually, he was a pervert under the table trying to get a look or cope a feel, but that was beside the point, if there had even been a point to his thoughts…

Maybe he did have some sort of unspoken fetish, but all he knew was that Uruha looked too extremely tempting and he couldn’t wait to get through with the tedious teasing so that he could bend Uruha over and fuck him senseless and let the whole damn building know who Uruha belonged to.

Payback was a bitch, but Uruha was a bigger one and so sadly there seemed to be no mercy in sight for his lover. Uruha’s face was flushed and he refused to look down at Aoi as Aoi walked his fingers up his thighs and then spent some time letting his thumbs brush over his hips gently, his gaze fixed solely on Uruha’s enticing lap. He had the strongest urge to lean forward and put his mouth to work, but he knew that that would end the game immediately. Uruha could never keep quiet with Aoi’s face in his lap, and he was sure that would hold true even in a roomful of close associates.

Uruha was loud during sex, something Aoi usually didn’t complain about, because he liked to know how he was doing and Uruha’s throaty moans had the potential to throw anyone into a premature orgasm, but at that moment it wouldn’t have been wise to risk Uruha making noise. He wanted the game to last as long as possible and the only way to make that happen, was to keep teasing Uruha this way until he was just on the brink of breaking and begging Aoi to fuck him, before he actually gave in to both of their needs.

Uruha pursed his lips, the pout that held no power at that moment without the help of innocent blonde hair and imitated brown eyes, quivered at the corners of his mouth. Aoi watched Uruha’s face in amusement as it went through a myriad of upset and frustrated emotions as he teased just between his thighs but never truly touched what Uruha wanted him to. It was no secret that Uruha wanted to be satisfied with his noticeably tented skirt and the way his thighs unconsciously rubbed together when Aoi’s hands ghosted over them. Uruha was just in the mode of pretending he didn’t want Aoi to touch him because he was angry that he wasn’t the one in charge of what was happening.

Uruha’s power had been taken away and now he was just a spoilt, pissed off child, sulking in the corner waiting for Aoi to give up and let him have his way again. But Uruha could wait all he wanted, Aoi was having too much damn fun to give the reins back just yet. If it were the other way around and it was Aoi sitting half naked in the chair, Uruha would only be too willing to molest him under the table. Uruha wouldn’t even blink an eye to risk exposing him in front of their band and staff, so why should he show any mercy, when Uruha definitely wouldn’t if their positions were changed? Uruha’s quivering bottom lip and the way his chin tilted slightly up and away from him, his arms hugging his chest tighter, made Aoi want to lean up and kiss him despite how ungrateful Uruha was being at that moment.

“Aoi?” Aoi suddenly heard his name being called from somewhere above him and Uruha’s petulant gaze quickly shifted down to him and turned vindictive, a small sneer catching the edges of his mouth victoriously. “Where did Aoi go?” Their manager asked and Uruha’s sneer became more defined as he slipped his bare leg smoothly from within Aoi’s grasp, a dark eyebrow raising for good measure. Aoi had everything planned out though and just because their manager had missed his presence didn’t mean they were going to get caught just yet. That’s where the pen came into play.

Aoi matched Uruha’s triumphant grin with one of his own as he quickly placed a deceptively sweet kiss to the inside of one of Uruha’s thighs much to his lover’s displeasure, and then he picked up the forgotten pen from beside him on the floor. He was just in time as Ruki swiveled around in his chair next to them to see where he had gone.

Aoi chuckled inwardly as Uruha’s hands flew to his lap and tried desperately to hide his erection with his folded arms. He no longer had Aoi’s jacket to hide his skirt behind, so it was a futile attempt to even try covering his naked thighs. But Ruki wasn’t even looking at Uruha’s lap, he was staring down at Aoi with confused and suspicious eyes.

“Why are you under the table?” Ruki asked with a perplexed expression that was humorous in itself. Ruki’s top lip curled upwards with his eyebrows, as if he didn’t know whether to be frightened or just confused over Aoi’s strange behavior. Aoi held up his fallen pen with a shrug of his shoulders, as if to laugh at himself for his ‘clumsiness’.

“Dropped my pen.” He delivered his line perfectly, with just the right amount of shame to be believable. He caught Uruha’s open mouthed look of shock and disgust at his act as he crawled from under the table and slipped back into his seat smoothly, no stuttering, no sweat drops, no tripping up at all. He definitely had the potential to be good at this. It was exhilarating to be wicked and controlling and utterly deceptive for once. He now knew how Uruha usually felt.

“I think you were asked a question,” Uruha all but growled softly next to Aoi. Aoi just smiled and set his pen back down next to his pad of note taking paper, his focus shifting fluidly to the manager in question. He ignored the sharp jab in his ribs from Uruha’s elbow. It was painful, but he bore it with a clenched, fake smile towards their manager and just a slight tightening of his fingers on his chair arms.

“Oops. My arm slipped,” Uruha whispered sarcastically beside him. ‘Bitch’, His mind muttered right back. It was too bad everyone’s eyes were on him and he wasn’t able to say it aloud just to get under Uruha’s skin a little more.

“This was your design for your personal necklace….as I was saying before.” One of their designers held up a drawing Aoi had originally sketched and several other people had sketched over and revised time and again. He didn‘t miss the ironic past tense of the woman‘s statement.

“We were thinking-” The woman’s suggestions and revisions became background noise as he tuned her out, knowing the whole band would go with their own original designs in the end no matter how many suggestions and money savers and conveniences were thrown at them. There were more important things on his mind at the moment anyway, he didn’t have time to deal with pushy designers, annoyed managers, and puzzled band mates.

Uruha was practically laughing beside him, enjoying the momentary distraction, and probably assuming Aoi would give up and leave him alone now that he’d nearly gotten himself caught. He couldn’t wait to wipe the smug look off of Uruha’s pretty face. If he only knew how far he was from being done. Aoi watched the woman’s bare plain lips, so much smaller and insignificant than his lover’s full mouth, and he nodded and agreed to every little thing she said that he didn’t hear at all until she turned her attention to Ruki and thankfully stole his attention from them.

Just as soon as everyone’s eyes were off of them, Aoi turned in his chair and slid his hand between Uruha’s soft pliant thighs once more and felt Uruha’s body tense immediately, his thighs closing tight around Aoi’s hand in surprise. Uruha had been staring straight ahead grinning like he’d just won some sort of prize but as soon as Aoi touched him, he flashed dark angry eyes on Aoi and his smile was replaced by a hard glare.

“When you said easy access, I didn’t think you meant a free show for everyone,” Uruha hissed scathingly as they leaned towards one another. “Why are you doing this here Aoi? Why can’t we go somewhere private? We can sneak away and-” The words coming from Uruha’s mouth in desperate whispers sounded oddly familiar, like pitiful pleading he had once had to go through to try to stop Uruha from molesting him only a few feet away from his own family. But when you were settling scores, things like pleading and begging didn’t seem to amount to much.

He couldn’t be a cold bitch like Uruha could be when he really wanted to torture someone. He didn’t have the wicked gene that Uruha had, or the gene that somehow made you a fucking crazy bitch. Uruha had once tied him up and gave him one of the best damn blowjobs that his perfect mouth could give and then before he could even come, Uruha had left him, just left him tied to the bedposts in a hotel room, blind folded for good measure, and sporting a painful erection. Housecleaning had been thoroughly traumatized by the time they had gotten Uruha’s seasoned, complex rope ties from his wrists. Uruha hadn’t even been compassionate enough to use something a little less harsh than chaffing rope.

Aoi had walked around for a week with raw, red wrists and all Uruha could do was laugh every time they saw each other. He never once offered an apology for his wickedness. That little horrifying event didn’t count as being caught per say in Aoi‘s mind, no matter what Uruha thought, because…well because it had been unethical and wrong in too many ways to count as being anything but pure evilness. He would have to make a rule after he tormented Uruha duly, that all this vindictive scheming had to stop. But first, Uruha would get what he deserved. And since Aoi knew how ruthless his lover had the potential to be, there would definitely not be compassion or leniency involved.

“Aoi….” Uruha pleaded, using those begging eyes Aoi saw so rarely and Aoi took the time to enjoy the desperate fear in Uruha’s eyes that he himself knew so personally. Aoi moistened his bottom lip as Uruha shifted in his chair and caused his hand to slip further between his legs until Aoi could feel the soft skin of Uruha’s erection against the back of his hand.

“Don’t do this.” Uruha shook his head and squeezed his eyes closed as Aoi brushed his fingers against his erection and then lithely slipped down to search further. Uruha let out a soft breathless gasp and one of his hands flew to Aoi’s arm and grasped the material of his shirt in tight desperate bunches as Aoi’s finger finally found what it was looking for. Aoi let a lazy satisfied grin grow on his face as he felt Uruha’s entrance tighten and then loosen beneath his finger. Aoi rubbed gently for a long moment and then leaned closer to Uruha until his lips were pressed just to the curve of Uruha’s ear once more. Uruha was breathing fast, his eyes still closed tight, and his lips were parted and moist, his hand still holding tight to Aoi’s arm to steady himself, the perfect picture of arousal.

“You know I can make you come in minutes like this. So at least I’m kind enough to make it quick,” Aoi whispered low. Uruha’s eyes slipped open and he took a wary, sidelong glance at Aoi, but seemed to accept his fate, because there was nothing he could do, and because Aoi could have made this situation much worse. He could have drawn it out for hours, or exposed him in the blink of an eye, and he had planned to, but then again, he wasn’t as evil as Uruha was.

Uruha knew he should be grateful for the little clemency he was being given. But after this, Aoi wanted to see Uruha bringing him breakfast in bed naked, and rubbing his shoulders after a long, hard day, and actually thinking of his needs first in bed. Aoi wanted to see Uruha on his knees with his mouth too full to complain, and he wanted Uruha to for once just let him have the upper hand at times.

Aoi snorted inwardly. Uruha being a submissive and dutiful lover was like waiting for the sky to fall, but Aoi expected at least a few of those far-fetched fantasies to be carried out, or he’d have to organize another one of these episodes and the next one wouldn’t be so generous.

Aoi bit into the corner of his mouth as he pressed and the tip of his finger slid into Uruha. He kept his eyes trained on Uruha’s face and the way his nostrils flared and his cheeks turned a darker shade. Aoi pressed his finger in fully, dry, but Uruha was used to anything being done to his body at this point. He wanted so badly at that moment to kiss Uruha’s full moist lips, catch his panting breath and fuck his mouth with his tongue as he watched Uruha panting softly, but that little open display would definitely out both of them, and Uruha was the only one that deserved to be caught at that moment.

They were safe for now and if their manager or Ruki looked back to check on them, Uruha could always fake a panic attack, or something along those lines. He was so good at pretending, he could make anything believable. Aoi would indulge in Uruha’s mouth after the meeting, that was a cemented fact, so he distracted himself from looking at Uruha’s full lips by watching his hand move beneath Uruha’s skirt as he pressed his finger in and pulled it out. Aoi slipped his finger out when the dry slide began to obviously be uncomfortable for Uruha, he wasn’t a cold-hearted bitch as stated earlier. Uruha let out a small, smothered sound of pain, but luckily didn’t catch anyone’s attention.

“Sorry about that,” Aoi murmured without real remorse and then raised the finger he had just fucked Uruha with and slipped it into his mouth. Aoi sucked on his finger and wet it thoroughly before slipping another finger into his mouth, the only lubricant he needed at that moment. He wasn’t sure if Uruha qualified for the high-quality stuff just yet. He watched sadistically as Uruha’s temple literally broke out into a sweat at Aoi’s open display. Uruha’s eyes were trained on the fingers pressing into and then sliding from between Aoi’s lips and Aoi felt another flood of satisfaction wash through him. Uruha’s brow visibly creased when Aoi finally grinned and slipped his hand back down between those deliciously spread legs.

“I could hate you right now,” Uruha muttered under his breath, his gaze positively murderous beneath his fringe of dark hair and Aoi only chuckled softly and trailed his fingers along the insides of Uruha’s milky thighs.

“But you don’t,” Aoi stated matter of factly and then without warning, his newly moistened fingers found Uruha’s entrance and pressed in slowly once more. Uruha let out an exhale of breath and his fingers tightened around the edges of his chair again until Aoi was sure he was cutting off circulation to his hands. Uruha sat back into his chair, his legs falling open more much to Aoi’s satisfaction, but the chair made a creaking sound as Uruha shifted in it, and it was a creak that was almost too loud. Aoi felt his heart skip a beat as he saw Ruki turn his head some at the sound.

Uruha had his eyes closed and his head was tilted back a little, seeming beyond care now with Aoi’s hand between his legs. Uruha would have dived under the table Aoi was sure at the first sign of Ruki turning towards them. Aoi kept his hand still as Ruki looked halfway over his shoulder, but he didn’t even look towards them, he glanced at the clock above the table and then turned back around with a heavy sigh that Aoi mirrored as the coast was cleared again.

“Aoi…” Uruha whimpered so softly that Aoi almost didn’t hear him. But when he tore his gaze away from Uruha’s legs and glanced up at his face, he knew for certain that Uruha had called his name, and it hadn’t been an angry exclamation. Uruha’s eyes slowly opened and he fixed Aoi with a look that could only be described as shameless begging.

Aoi let a small smile tug at the corner of his mouth as Uruha bit into his bottom lip and rolled his hips forward to get Aoi’s fingers deeper inside of himself. Aoi had been waiting for Uruha to come around and start enjoying his ministrations, he just hadn’t expected Uruha to give in so easily. But then again, Uruha had always been a whore for Aoi’s fingers and mouth on his body.

“Changed your mind?” Aoi couldn’t help but tease softly as he leaned closer and began moving his fingers inside of Uruha slowly; in, a barely perceptible moan from Uruha, out, a quiet murmur, in again, and Uruha was water in his hands. Aoi suddenly wished that they were back in his bed, tangled in the messy bed sheets, just so he could have Uruha writhing and calling out his name until his throat was sore. He could see that scene clearly in his mind because they had had that session many, many times before. But they were here surrounded by a roomful of people and Aoi had his hand pressed between Uruha’s legs under the conference table, how many perfect opportunities would they have to do this? They had a handful of mornings they could waste away playing in bed and being as loud as they wanted to, today was an adventure and Aoi was going to milk it for all it was worth.

Uruha let out a shaky breath and nearly slid down in his seat, the perfect picture of languid debauchery and Aoi felt his cock twitch and try to stand at attention when Uruha draped one of those long legs over one of his knees to spread his legs more. They definitely didn’t have a good enough excuse at this point for the way Uruha was presenting himself if someone suddenly took notice of them in their little corner of the table.

“When they leave…” Aoi whispered next to Uruha’s ear and delighted in the way Uruha’s skin prickled along his neck and the traces of collarbone he could see through the unbuttoned collar of Uruha’s shirt. Uruha’s hooded eyes slid to the side to look at him as he spoke into his ear, and Aoi kept his fingers pushing a steady rhythm in and out of Uruha’s body to keep Uruha on edge and wanton. “I’m going to fuck you over this table until you scream so loud it’s impossible that we won’t get caught.” Aoi smirked and placed a soft, deceptively sweet kiss to Uruha’s cheek, the kind of kiss Uruha had perfected and had made his trade name over the years.

Uruha’s breathing suddenly sped up and Aoi knew exactly what was about to happen. Uruha let out a short groan and grabbed Aoi’s wrist and even closed his legs around Aoi’s hand as he grasped the edge of the table and held on for dear life with his free hand. Uruha was about to come and Aoi hadn’t even touched his cock. He knew his lover too well, knew the little tricks and certain touches that could have Uruha orgasming like this at any time he wanted to.

Aoi licked his lips and marveled at the way Uruha panted and Uruha’s heated entrance clenched around his still steadily moving fingers and suddenly there was a seep of wetness down his wrist. Aoi rose a cocky eyebrow and watched the black fabric of Uruha’s skirt steadily become a bit darker around his lap as moisture soaked through the skirt and ran down Aoi’s hand.

“Fuck!” Uruha gasped out loudly, and Aoi knew in that instant that the whole table had heard him. Aoi slipped his hand away from Uruha’s lap and moved away from him so fast he was sure his movement was almost invisible. Uruha remained bent over the table, breathing hard as if trying to catch his breath, and he never moved an inch to compose himself or fake innocence even as the whole entire table turned in their seats to see what the matter was.

Aoi found the many intermingling sounds of creaking chairs turning, ominous and yet oddly amusing at the same time. There was dead silence for what seemed like minutes to Aoi but could have only been seconds before someone around the table cleared their throat nervously. Aoi caught Ruki shooting them that perplexed, annoyed look over Uruha’s bent over back for a fraction of one of those minute long seconds.

“Did you have something to add Uruha?” Their manager wondered, his tone unsure and his eyes wide and anxious as he gazed at Uruha’s doubled over form. “Are…you alright?”

“Okay….I’m not even going to ask this time,” Ruki muttered and threw up his hands, obviously fed up with he and Uruha’s puzzling behavior. “If this meeting is over, I’d like to just….leave…” Ruki’s brow creased as he threw another strange glance at Uruha who was still trying to calm his shaky breathing with his forehead resting on his arms. Ruki grabbed his coat from the back of his chair and when he passed them, his nose crinkled as he looked down at Uruha and Aoi distinctly heard Ruki’s aggravated mutter.

“And you are wearing a skirt. I knew it. You two are so fucking weird.” Aoi chuckled inwardly at Ruki’s comment. Even after the door slammed to announce Ruki’s departure the whole table still remained frozen and staring at Uruha for what seemed another handful of long, drawn out minutes before Uruha surprised them all by sitting up slowly. Aoi almost laughed at how calm Uruha seemed as he carefully pushed the mused and slightly sweaty strands of hair away from his face and crossed his arms in front of him as he if were about to conduct some sort of business and then looked at their manager.

“I’m alright,” He stated evenly much to everyone’s utter confusion. Aoi just pressed the back of his hand to his mouth and tried to keep himself from laughing as the table slowly began dispersing with a soft murmur of voices after Uruha’s strange outburst and then calm recomposure.

“Are you sure? What was all that about?” Their manager asked as he passed by them. Aoi took some ounce of pity on his lover and slipped his jacket back over Uruha’s lap to cover his naked thighs, but Uruha didn’t seem to care anymore as he just shrugged and smiled lazily up at their manager. Aoi suspected that Uruha was in the mindset that enough damage had been done and whatever else happened from that point on couldn’t do much more harm or just maybe his orgasm had overshadowed all of the murderous intentions he had been teeming with beforehand. But either way, maybe Aoi was saved from the yelling he had been so sure he was going to have to endure when they got back home this evening.

“It was nothing. I just forgot about something important I need to take care of…at home.” Uruha’s voice suddenly lowered a pitch and Aoi’s stomach dropped when Uruha’s gaze slid to the side and pierced through him. Aoi thought he finally understood the saying ‘if looks could kill’ in that moment. The murderous intentions were obviously still very much there.

“Was it so important that you had to interrupt the meeting with profanity? I‘m sure those designers just left without any intention of ever coming back,” Their manager rose an eyebrow but Uruha only gave Aoi one last blood-curdling look, the sort of look from the eyes that could chill someone instantly. Aoi was surprised he wasn’t shuddering.

Uruha was too good at making a person feel completely safe and then attacking them in cold blooded vengeance when least expected. But this was still Aoi‘s game, still Aoi’s imminent victory and Uruha was just going to have to accept that. Aoi swallowed down the dread that had somehow lodged itself in his throat at Uruha‘s lethal gaze and reformed his plans for winning, because he still wasn’t done with Uruha and this time, Uruha wasn‘t going to turn the game around. He just hoped he would survive long enough to carry through with his plans.

“I’m sorry I interrupted the meeting that way. My personal life will never come into the work room again.” Uruha’s voice rose an octave and settled back into it’s normal tone as he smiled disarmingly at their manager. “I promise.” Their manager’s brow creased with deeper confusion, but he only shook his head and stuck his hands in his pockets as he walked away.

“And you were doing so well before the outburst,” Aoi heard their manager mutter. Compared to other meetings, Uruha had been on his best behavior, and that’s what made Uruha’s little episode all the more amusing. When the door clicked one last time to announce that everyone had left the meeting room and he and Uruha were now all alone, Aoi draped his arm over the back of his chair and turned to Uruha with a self-satisfied grin.

“Uru that was an amazing performance,” Aoi drawled, knowing he was only feeding the fire, but at the same time, he knew how good Uruha fucked when he was furious. And so he pushed on, knowing how much deeper he was wading into danger, but loving every second of it. Uruha was going to bend to his will today, no matter how furious he got, and how bitchy he became. Aoi was tired of always being the one that played nice, while he got nothing of the sort in return, unless Uruha was in a rare generous mood.

“You definitely deserve an academy for that one.” Aoi tugged the corner of his mouth between his teeth as he watched Uruha rub the back of his neck and then roll his shoulders, as if relieving tension after doing something strenuous. Aoi found it amusing that Uruha didn’t glance at him once not even to glare at him as Uruha finally stood from the table. Uruha sighed softly and turned as if about to walk away but Aoi’s loud laugh stopped Uruha in his tracks with his back turned.

“Is this your version of the silent treatment? I don’t think I’ve ever done something bad enough to deserve that until now. I guess I must have done something right this time-” Aoi’s condescending chuckle was cut off abruptly as Uruha whipped around and his hands came down hard on the table in front of Aoi. Aoi flinched and moved back a little as Uruha invaded his personal space until their faces were mere inches from each other, and Aoi could clearly feel the heat of Uruha’s anger radiating from his skin and reflecting in his dark eyes.

“You fucking bastard Aoi. How could you?” Uruha growled, his voice loud in Aoi’s ear. “Do you know that you could have lost me my job? That wasn’t funny at all.” Uruha’s breathing was hard and labored through his nostrils as he clenched his teeth and balled his hands into fists on the table as if he would have liked nothing more than to throttle or pound Aoi right then and there. It had been awhile since Aoi had seen Uruha this truly angry, but Aoi enjoyed the anger radiating from his lover. He loved the adrenaline he could feel rushing through his veins as Uruha zeroed in on him like a wild animal, ready to attack and ultimately devour. Uruha definitely needed to be tamed, and Aoi would do that if it was the last thing he was capable of doing.

“Stop being such a dramatic bitch-” Aoi muttered low, and that seemed to spur Uruha on towards a quick spiraling descent into fury.

“And stop calling me a fucking bitch!” Uruha’s fist came down hard on the black lacquer table, and Aoi was surprised by Uruha’s strength as the table vibrated distantly under his elbow. “I’m your lover, not a fucking whore,” Uruha breathed desperately and he suddenly sounded very vulnerable and hurt.

The romantic in Aoi wanted to jump up at that moment and pull Uruha into his arms and comfort him and tell him how much he loved him and that he was sorry for condescending him. But the new control in him reined him back and made him look at the situation for what it truly was. Every time Aoi wanted to seize some control or take over a little, Uruha made him feel repentant and he would always step back down.

Uruha wasn’t bothered by the name calling, because they both knew it wasn’t as if Aoi was truly demeaning him. Uruha knew Aoi’s true feelings for him. Aoi would never look down on Uruha, it was just ‘strategy’ to get what he wanted for the first time. And Uruha must have known that, but was still looking to gain back his power in any way possible, and he knew that the easiest way had always been to aim straight towards Aoi’s heart, his ultimate weakness.

“Does that make you angry?” Obviously. Aoi grinned from the corner of his mouth and tilted his chin up in that haughty way Uruha usually had about him. “You’re just pissed off because things aren’t going your way for once. You have no control over what I’m doing to you, and you can’t stand that. You want that control back. Well Uru, tough luck, because it’s my turn now. It’s time to lose for once.” Aoi leaned back in his chair as Uruha’s face suddenly fell and Aoi could visibly see the hope draining from his face.

“Careful, you were so close to winning that academy award Uru. I think you’re losing your touch.” Aoi knew it was harsh, but it served to get that desperate anger back into Uruha’s eyes. “You know you would never get fired from the band unless you went out and committed a murder. You’re too important to the band, and as much as I hate to admit it, you’re sometimes better than me on guitar.” Aoi mumbled the last bit but Uruha was still too angry to even catch that small compliment because he shook his head and muttered a small string of profanity under his breath.

“I feel like murdering someone right now,” Aoi thought he heard Uruha growl under his breath, but he ignored the comment and continued teasing Uruha with cruel insistence.

“And you enjoyed it, you can’t lie about that. You practically purred under my hands when you came. So don’t try to pull that reverse psychology shit on me. You’re angry because you’re not having your way right now not because you were scared you’d get fired. Why don’t you own up to your power hungry personality?” Aoi chuckled under his breath as Uruha just flipped him off and turned to walk away again with brisk long strides.

“Fuck you Aoi,” Uruha growled as he made it to the door and he was nearly about to swing it open to get away from Aoi, but Aoi was up and out of his seat in seconds. He grabbed Uruha’s wrist and pulled his hand away from the door and Uruha immediately growled and pushed him away roughly before going for the door again.

“Leave me alone Aoi, I don’t want to be with you right now,” Uruha hissed, and struggled when Aoi pulled him away from the door again. “Let me go,” Uruha yelled, but in a sudden rush of excitement from the way Uruha was struggling against him and growling, Aoi pushed Uruha against the door hard and kept him pinned there with his hands on his shoulders.

“You’re such a bastard!” Uruha shouted, and to shut him up so they wouldn’t get caught just yet, Aoi leaned forward and crushed his mouth against Uruha’s lips and kissed him rough and relentless. Even through the kiss, Uruha still tried to curse at Aoi, his words coming out muffled and unintelligible as Aoi held the back of his head and kissed him long and hard. As soon as Aoi broke away for air, he felt the sudden hard sting of Uruha’s hand against his cheek, and the sound of the hit was audibly loud in the empty room. Uruha had only slapped him in anger a few times in the while that they had been together, and he had loved it each time.

Instead of matching Uruha’s anger over the slap, he just grinned and ran the back of his hand over his cheek to feel the radiating heat on his skin. There was something so deliciously erotic about Uruha slapping him and if that made him a masochist then so be it. He wanted Uruha to get angry enough to hit him, just so he could hold Uruha down and fight to fuck him. The angry, wild sex had always been some of their best exploits together.

“That was fucking hot Uru…” Aoi growled as he advanced on Uruha again, even as Uruha tried to push him off. The arousal in the pit of his stomach was boiling hot now, and he was ready to hike Uruha up against the wall if he had to, to get what he wanted.

“Leave me the fuck alone Aoi. I don’t want you to touch me right now. You embarrassed me in front of the band!” Uruha hissed, venom seeping from each word as he struggled to move past Aoi, but Aoi eventually pinned him against the wall again, their fingers intertwined with Aoi’s hands forcing Uruha’s to the wall on either side of his head. Aoi leaned in close, his mouth mere inches from Uruha’s cupid bow lips. The way Uruha was panting from the exertion of the struggle, his breath caressing Aoi’s mouth in small wisps of peppermint scent only added to the erotic aura weaving in sensual tendrils around them.

Aoi dared to lessen some of the force that was holding Uruha against the wall by taking their twined hands and using them to brush away the strands of hair sticking to Uruha’s damp cheek. Aoi noticed the way Uruha swallowed hard, the adam’s apple, that had always been a red flag to his sexual identity in times of confusion for those few poor souls that lusted after him unknowingly, bobbed slightly. Uruha’s gaze slid to the side and watched their joined hands brushing his cheek, and then those dark accusing irises settled back on Aoi’s face and that defiant little tilt of the chin, the Uruha trademark, showed itself in full dignity.

“And you embarrassed me in front of my family Uru. Don’t you think that deserves some sort of retribution?” Aoi wondered with a dark chuckle, and this time he used their joined hands to lightly chuck Uruha beneath his defiant chin, a playful little tease that was also a ‘gotcha’ remark stand-in.

“It wasn’t right in front of them, like you just did to me Aoi,” Uruha muttered with a poisonous glare. “I would never do that to you.” Uruha tried another one of his sneaky little tactics, this time the famed ‘guilt trip’. But Aoi was anything but remorseful, because he knew better….oh he knew Uruha much better than that.

“You can give that one up right now Uru.” Aoi laughed quietly much to Uruha’s irritation. “You would love to switch places right now wouldn’t you? You’d give everything to have this good of a plan, where I’d have no escape….just like you have no way out right now….” A grin twitched at the corner of Aoi’s lips as Uruha’s mouth opened in spoiled petulance. The truth always hurt some.

“I bet you’re thinking up ways to get back at me aren’t you? Wondering when I’m going to visit my parents again?” The laughter was heavy in Aoi’s voice as Uruha turned his head to the side, his cheeks flaming from the truth of those words. Aoi turned his head back with their joined hands and made him look at him eye to eye.

“Maybe you’re making up a scheme to get me drunk and naked and lock me out of my apartment? You always have so many evil ideas.” Aoi shook his head in amusement, but suddenly his face became serious and he visibly saw Uruha try to shrink into the wallpaper behind him, his shoulders hunching nearly to his ears, his face contorted adorably, as if Aoi was going to attack him again. That was definitely a sight worth capturing. The usually dominant vixen, now just a helpless victim was too priceless. Aoi suddenly wished he had thought to bring a camera….

“Truth is Uru…you know I’ve won. You’ll never think up something this good, and that’s just a fact.” Aoi shrugged carelessly. “If I have to, that key I made you is going in my safe, and I’m never bringing you to another family dinner again.”

“Thank god,” Uruha suddenly blurted out with a small sneer. Uruha still had the nerve to be catty even under the threat of exposure. Aoi’s eyes narrowed, the only acknowledgment to Uruha’s snide comment, but he continued on in a low, threatening voice.

“My parents already think you’re too much of a crazy bitch to even be my friend, what the hell would they think if they knew I was fucking you? I’m really not sure I need them to know that part.” Aoi kept his face completely straight as Uruha’s sneer suddenly slipped off, and there was that wide open, hurt expression that always reminded Aoi of a child after they’ve been scolded.

“You would never tell them what I really am to you?” Uruha whispered, his hands suddenly going slack in Aoi’s grip, his eyes wide and searching on Aoi’s face for the lie. Of course Aoi was lying through his teeth. He had always wanted people to know about his relationship with Uruha, it was just a matter of the right timing, and the fact that Uruha needed to learn to behave himself in front of his family before he could let them know what they really were to each other, was something that needed to be dealt with fast. Uruha was just so easy to lure into traps if he went straight to those unspoken little subjects of the heart that lay between them. Perhaps that was both of their weakness, and maybe Aoi was being cruel by using that against Uruha, but Uruha had done it to him many a time, and right now he was feeling little mercy.

“I’m too much of a whore for them? Too much of a snide bitch? Oh I’ll fucking show them what a bitch really is.” Uruha’s hurt turned back into boiling anger in the blink of an eye, even before Aoi’s mind’s could switch gears to accompany Uruha‘s swift mood changes. “I knew you were never going to tell them Aoi, I knew it! I’m just a fuck to you aren’t I?” Uruha began struggling against him once more, and Aoi knew his purpose had achieved it’s goal, but in the next minute, he wasn’t so sure as Uruha suddenly leaned back and brought his knee up into Aoi’s stomach. The pain that shot through Aoi’s stomach was instantaneous and ruthless.

“Why do I let you do this to me Aoi?!” Uruha bellowed as Aoi glared up at Uruha from his doubled over position of clutching his abused stomach. “That’s it. You’re never touching me again!”

Aoi rolled his eyes and stood back up, even through the pain from Uruha’s forceful blow. He once again damned his lover’s strength as he held Uruha away from him as Uruha tried to hit him again. Some would wonder why he would go through so much trouble to get Uruha mad and risk the potential for injury, but when Uruha was angry and wild, nothing in the entire world could match him. Nothing was as heated, or erotic, or sensual, as when their personalities clashed and they fought against one another until ultimately absorbing one another and blending for the ultimate end.

“I’m never touching you again am I?” Aoi teased as he held Uruha’s hands back, and wasn’t at all surprised when Uruha pulled one of his hands harshly out of his grip and slapped him across the face for the second time that day, and this time the slap seemed a bit harsher. His cheek stung and pulsed from the abuse, but his arousal was rushing through his body like fire, growing even hotter from Uruha’s struggle. That fire was pressing back against Uruha’s freezing tidal wave of refusal, and that was all his mind could register. He only wanted more, and Uruha was promising that to him with his heavy breathing and those angry hooded eyes. Uruha was just as aroused as Aoi was, only…Aoi wasn’t trying to hide it…at all.

Aoi advanced on Uruha faster than Uruha could raise his hand for another slap or even punch, and this time, Aoi used his body to pin Uruha against the wall. Their bodies always molded together perfectly, their hips, accompanying one another flawlessly. Aoi’s knee slipped smoothly between the thighs that parted for him automatically, a natural movement, even with Uruha pretending so hard that he didn’t want it. Aoi felt Uruha suck in his stomach and try to press back against the wall, but Aoi’s hips followed his and that movement only served to press them more tightly against one another.

Aoi grinned slightly at the feeling of one of Uruha’s fingers slipping into one of his belt loopholes unconsciously. Motions and intimacies between them were now so instinctive that they sometimes fell into touching one another without consciously realizing what they were doing, which had always posed as somewhat of a problem in public or in front of the band.

Uruha had hooked his arm around Aoi’s waist or slipped his finger through one of his belt holes too many times to count just under the band’s nose, but miraculously they had never gotten caught , even despite their few close calls. So even though Uruha wanted so badly to act like he despised Aoi at that moment and didn’t want him to touch him, it was obvious in his body language and the sex written all over his face that he needed this. The body definitely didn’t lie when it came to Uruha’s at least. Aoi slid a hand against the soft line of Uruha’s jaw and tangled his fingers in the hair at the nape of Uruha’s neck and kept their gazes locked.

“You’ll always want me to touch you Uru,” Aoi murmured, raising his eyebrow as his free hand slid up the outside of one of Uruha’s thighs in a slow, leisure brush and he felt the arousal spike in the pit of his stomach as the skin beneath his hand prickled slightly and Uruha’s hips pressed forward in an almost imperceptible movement. Yes, Uruha was begging for it beneath his stubborn act.

“Don’t stop fighting now,” Aoi whispered into the shell of Uruha’s ear as his hand slipped beneath Uruha’s skirt and cupped his naked ass. Aoi kissed the curve of Uruha’s ear and pulled Uruha’s hips closer against his own until he could distinctly feel how much Uruha was enjoying this little ordeal.

“Are you giving up?” Aoi asked softly, his teeth nipping at the curve of Uruha’s ear, before he kissed the skin just behind it. Uruha suddenly let his head fall back against the wall, his eyes closed tightly and his teeth clenched as he slid a hand between them and tried rubbing himself through the fabric in his lap. The movement of his hand caused him to brush against Aoi’s trapped erection as well and Aoi couldn’t hold back the muted groan he breathed against the skin of Uruha’s jaw. He didn’t want Uruha to stop struggling and fighting to get away, but fuck…..he loved it when Uruha wanted it this badly.

Uruha moistened his lips with the tip of his tongue as he pulled his skirt out of the way and began to touch himself in earnest, his hand brushing harder against Aoi’s lap in the process. Aoi felt a sudden feral urge come over him as he rested his forehead against Uruha’s damp neck and watched his lover’s pale hand stroking the hard flesh between them almost desperately, rushing towards the finish line without him, and Aoi was letting him because it looked and felt too damn good.

“Just….let me…” Uruha breathed. He had definitely given up the act. He just wanted relief, and he thought that Aoi was just going to give up his plight for revenge and let him get himself off between them. Well, Aoi had slipped up by allowing Uruha to touch himself like this and he had let it go on long enough. This was his game now, and Uruha wasn’t going to get off that easily, no matter how much he wanted Uruha to get them both off right then and there.

Aoi suddenly growled and grabbed Uruha’s flexing wrist to stop his movements and then he pulled Uruha’s hand away and made him hook his arm around his neck. Uruha frowned, a look of frustrated pain washing over his face as he was denied yet again what he wanted, but he wasn’t fighting anymore and he actually helped Aoi by hooking both of his arms around Aoi’s neck as one of his thighs was hoisted around a slender waist. Aoi pushed him back against the wall roughly at the feeling of Uruha‘s thigh against his hip.

It felt like a thousand electric currents were rushing through his stomach as he held onto Uruha’s waist and fucked him through their clothes against the wall, their mouths crushed together messily with Uruha moaning like the sweetest whore against his lips. How was it this damn intense and mind-blowing between them every single time they touched? How was this even real?

“Aoi, just fuck me already. Just fuck me,” Uruha gasped desperately into Aoi’s mouth, before his tongue slipped back against Aoi’s and curled against the underside in a mimic of a little trick that was unique to Uruha when he was sucking Aoi’s cock. Aoi groaned loudly at the teasing hint and nipped at Uruha’s bottom lip, before sucking his tongue back into his mouth and at the same time, pressing Uruha’s hips back against the wall repeatedly with his own in forceful imitations of what he was going to do when they were able to navigate away from the wall.

Uruha’s nails scraped down his arms in a moment of frantic lust and Aoi hissed and bit the corner of his lover’s mouth in a reprimand even though he liked the sting. It was fucking hot and Aoi couldn’t help but revert back to the times that had gotten so rough that Uruha would leave long red scratches along his back and bite marks up and down his neck by the end of the night. He adored getting marked by his lover, couldn’t imagine anyone else touching him and putting their marks on him so personally, no one but Uruha.

Uruha’s mouth slipped away from him as Uruha let his head fall back against the wall again so that he could groan and curse out a string of filthy, blush worthy phrases that only drove Aoi on more passionately. Aoi held Uruha up against the wall more firmly, one arm around his waist and the other hand on his ass, and Aoi suddenly knew where those new arm muscles that had mysteriously started forming were coming from.

“Aoi, I need….just.…” Uruha swallowed, cutting off his pleading mantra, and his fingers squeezed Aoi’s arms as if to finish what he was trying to say, but in the next moment, Uruha’s hands were against Aoi’s chest trying to push him away. Aoi’s brow creased and he tore his mouth away from Uruha’s neck where he was trying to leave his own brand of possession.

“What the fuck are you doing Uruha?” Aoi growled in a low voice, heavy with unspent lust and a nasty tendril of irritation curled around his gruff words. Aoi pushed his hips forward one more time and kept them locked there against Uruha’s to keep him firmly against the wall as Uruha tried to hold him at arms length with his hands on his chest.

Uruha’s head was still resting back against the wall, his eyes tightly closed, cheeks tinted the most gorgeously flushed color, and his were lips parted and releasing panting breaths. Aoi snarled and grabbed hold of Uruha’s wrists to pull his hands away and felt a spike of unbridled arousal shoot straight through his body as Uruha licked the corner of his mouth slowly, a lazy….sensual gesture.

“You want it don’t you? You were just begging for it like a whore-” Aoi muttered nastily, but trailed off as Uruha lifted his head and his dark heavy eyes fixed Aoi with one of the most wanton gazes he’d ever seen Uruha give him, and then Uruha calmly locked his wrists and pulled them out of Aoi’s grasp easily.

Aoi knew Uruha had always been stronger than him in some sense, but more often than not, Uruha pretended to let Aoi hold him down because it made the game so much more interesting, but other times, times like this, Uruha let him know he wasn’t going to take it. It meant that Uruha was truly desperate for a fuck and that meant that there was little chance he would be able to continue teasing.

“Move,” Uruha murmured with a raise of a cocky eyebrow, and his voice was just soft enough with a hint of steel behind it that Aoi’s face contorted angrily but he stepped aside enough for Uruha to push himself away from the wall and move around him.

Aoi's hands remained comically poised in the same frozen position they had been in when holding Uruha’s wrists, but after a moment of recollecting himself from Uruha’s sudden change in attitude, he dropped his hands and turned on his heel to watch Uruha walking towards the conference table. Aoi’s eyes narrowed and his lip curled in true annoyance that was definitely not forced. Uruha might start to fight him in earnest but he was still going to do everything he could to keep the game in his own hands.

Go to Part Three

A/N: Great place to cut right? Taha I hope everyone’s enjoying this! I know someone requested more slapping some time ago lmao Next part will be up very soon! I definitely won‘t make you wait long ><

PART ONE

2009-01-08T06:05:14Z

[ How I'm feeling| Thoughtful]
[ What I'm listening to| Change- Deftones

Title: Settling scores (1/3)
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha
Author: Life_giver
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Do not own anyone in this story, only the dirty plotline is mine.
Warnings: More dirty, porn-ish sex
Summary: He wouldn’t have left the door unlocked for just anyone to walk in since Uruha had shown him that little bit of kindness at his parent’s house. But next time, not if, but when Uruha got him back for this and he was shown no mercy, Uruha would be getting the exact same treatment in return. Perhaps they’d always go in circles around one another ….perhaps they wanted it that way. Settling scores with one another seemed to be the highlight of their life, and what a fun highlight it was.
Notes: This is the third story following The games we play but can be read as a stand-alone.

Uruha groaned and kept his arm hooked around Aoi’s neck as he shifted his hips in Aoi’s lap. He sucked in a sharp breath as Aoi drew his nails down his damp back and hissed out his own pleasure. Uruha drew his bottom lip between his teeth as the ecstasy pulsed through him in waves and held onto the back of Aoi’s neck as he moved faster. He let his other hand grip the chair behind Aoi for better leverage. The chair groaned in protest against their combined weight and frenzied movement, but if the damn thing broke on them now, Aoi had an idea that they would still be fucking on the floor with how desperate they had become in the last few moments.

Uruha released a stream of short moans, each punctuated by Aoi thrusting into him and his hips pushed down on Aoi hard and fast with each thrust. Uruha grit his teeth and kept one hand on the back of Aoi’s neck and placed the other one on Aoi’s knee as he leaned back and continued fucking himself on Aoi as if the world were ending and it was their last time to go wild on each other.

Aoi moistened his lips and slowed the steady roll of his hips as he watched Uruha’s stomach moving in waves that suddenly became less hurried and hard, toning their fucking down to something slow and torturous. Uruha moaned and tilted his head back as he moved, and Aoi’s eyes remained fixed on how incredibly gorgeous and sultry Uruha looked then as his lover teased him into submission.

Uruha’s skin was flushed and damp and with every movement, the sweat on his skin caught the light and shimmered just slightly. The lines in Uruha’s arms and neck were tense as he kept himself leaned back on Aoi’s lap and his hips continued to shift fluidly, elegantly as if he were almost creating an art out of his movements.

Uruha’s eyes were hooded and still darkly lined from the show earlier that night, and his lips were fuller than usual and nearly red from the hard, messy kisses Aoi had been administering to them all evening. But the most dramatic effect was the strands of jet black hair, as dark as Aoi’s own, sticking to his neck and cheek, a perfect picture of debauchery. Uruha no longer looked the part of someone innocent and naive. With his sudden change of hair color, he now seemed to wear his true colors boldly.

Uruha was sexual, daring, teasingly witty and sometimes vindictive and impish. He was wild and mischievous and willful, a handful for Aoi, and completely and utterly dirty both physically and mentally. Uruha had always been an absolute devil under that blonde hair and playful pout, and only Aoi had ever been allowed to experience his true nature. But now he had stripped himself of that faulty façade for the whole world to see.

How long the sensual black hair would last was beyond Aoi. Uruha would probably go back to playing innocent before long, but as long as he kept the true vixen that he was out in the open, Aoi was going to enjoy it…and ultimately use it to his advantage. He still hadn’t forgotten how ruthless and wicked Uruha had been so many months ago at his parent’s house. Uruha had cheated to win and well…Aoi could play at that game just as well.

Aoi’s lip curled in the corner in a haughty smirk at the idea that Uruha was going to get what had been coming to him for so long, and also at how Uruha was sliding a hand over his slick chest and playing with his nipples as he pushed down on Aoi’s cock. Aoi grinned and held onto Uruha’s slender hips, delighting in how skilled Uruha was and how delicious he looked.

Uruha released a breathy moan as Aoi pressed against him, letting his cock slide slowly out before pushing back in with torturous ease. Aoi had to tighten his stomach and work hard to keep from coming too soon as Uruha licked his lips and sat back up in his lap and he watched Uruha sink down onto his cock fully. Uruha continued riding him slowly, intent on keeping Aoi on edge and teasing him mercilessly. But Aoi didn’t mind the teasing, in fact he preferred Uruha drawing it out, so that everything would be more intense at the very end.

Aoi grunted heavily as Uruha placed his hands on both of Aoi’s shoulders and pressed down so that he could lift himself up, his head bent as he watched Aoi’s cock sliding out of him before he slowly sunk down again with a sinful smile. Aoi’s mouth opened to release another low moan as a strong wave of arousal shot through him at how incredibly dirty Uruha could be sometimes.

Uruha continued raising and lowering himself leisurely in this way for a long moment and Aoi’s eyes fell down to watch himself slipping out and pushing back into Uruha’s body just as Uruha was watching. The sight was so arousing and sensual that Aoi had to finally wrap his arms around Uruha’s grinding hips to stop his motions and keep him still in his lap. He was so near to coming that anymore movement was going to pull an orgasm from him instantly. He wanted a little more time to revel the feeling of being inside of Uruha, the warm slickness, the tight constriction around his cock, the hot damp heat of Uruha’s skin against him, the way Uruha’s lithe body felt in his arms. He wanted to experience all of this for a few minutes more before everything they had been building up between them would come crashing down in a maelstrom of fervent lust.

“Aoi…” Uruha whimpered as Aoi prevented him from moving, his hips vainly trying to shift in Aoi’s lap and illicit any kind of pleasure he could get. Aoi chuckled and slid his hand from Uruha’s waist, trailed it along the ridge of his gently curved spine, and then pulled him forward until his chest was pressed to Aoi’s lips. Uruha’s hands immediately left Aoi’s shoulders and tangled in Aoi’s dark hair at the first sign of Aoi’s tongue sliding along the skin of his collarbone. Uruha was extremely sensitive around his chest and Aoi could have his lover writhing and moaning underneath him if he paid a little extra attention to Uruha’s nipples.

Uruha’s fingers tightened in Aoi’s hair and pulled him forward more as Aoi opened his mouth and let his teeth scrap against one of Uruha’s flushed nipples before sucking it into his mouth firmly. Uruha cried out and his hips jerked in Aoi’s lap, but he didn’t stop Uruha this time and simply let him grind slowly as he licked and kissed his way over Uruha’s nipples.

Uruha’s hips began to quicken their pace steadily as Aoi’s lips left his chest and traveled along his neck where he bit and sucked, working the blood to the surface of his pale skin as he always did. It was a sort of marking of Aoi’s territory if one wanted to look at it that way, and Aoi always took pleasure in watching Uruha squirm in his seat at band practice, his collar lifted ridiculously high in a hopeless attempt to hide his bite marks, and the reddish purple stains that could only indicate a passionate sexcapade to anyone and everyone that happened to look at Uruha’s neck.

Uruha always received a few curious looks or lewd grins from the rest of the band at how frequent his neck was mysteriously marred by teeth marks. Uruha had fun leaving his own marks on Aoi, but Aoi secretly enjoyed the whispers and probing looks. It gave him a certain sense of pride that it was Uruha who had given him his marks and also amusement that no one else would ever know it was Uruha unless they just happened to walk in on them having sex one day. This wasn’t an impossible scenario since he and Uruha strived to have sex in the most public of places, each furtively hoping one day they’d get caught with their pants around their ankles and sporting guilty grins.

They pretended to dislike one another’s public advances and dangerous assaults where anyone could walk in and see them fucking, but in actuality it excited them and gave them a high like nothing else could. One day they would get caught and that day would probably be the best day of their lives, because then they’d really have something to grin and laugh and blush about. It was what their battles were about-who could get them caught first, and at that moment Uruha was ahead in the game with his little devious exploit at Aoi’s parent’s house. They had been so close to getting caught that day that Aoi growled to think about how proud Uruha would have been if Aoi’s bedroom door had opened on them naked and panting against one another. Well Uruha wasn’t going to win because Aoi had a plan and revenge was sweeter when sex was involved.

Aoi spread kisses along Uruha’s clenched jaw line while his hands slid down Uruha’s supple back and grabbed his ass so that he could urge Uruha to go faster. He was ready to finally cum after all the teasing he had had to endure that night. Between walking in on Uruha naked, his legs spread wide and inviting on a chair he had dragged into the bedroom from the kitchen, and the way Uruha had been riding him fast and then slow and then fast again for the past hour, Aoi was more than ready to let himself go between Uruha’s thighs.

The excitement of the live that night would have been more than enough to rile them up even without Uruha putting on a show for him like this. Maybe it was a tacit, vulgar way of apologizing for nearly ruining Aoi’s relationship with his family months ago. Uruha had always said he was sorry in the most outlandish ways Aoi had ever been fortunate enough to experience. That wasn’t going to save him from Aoi’s evil scheme though because he was too hell-bent on vengeance and winning to call it quits just because Uruha had decided to give him a mind-blowing fuck in an unsteady chair.

Uruha immediately began grinding against Aoi faster at Aoi’s insistence and the chair began creaking ominously once more under Uruha’s rough movements. Aoi’s hands kneaded and held onto Uruha’s ass as Uruha lifted himself from Aoi and pushed back down hard and Aoi even felt a spurt of pre-cum leave his cock and trickle down Uruha’s thighs from the excitement that was threatening to boil over. Aoi knew Uruha was going to come even before he did as Uruha threw his head back and his hips jerked against Aoi hard and fast, striving for some sort of completion, and Aoi didn’t have to be prompted to slip a hand between them and rub Uruha’s cock to help him along.

Aoi felt a bead of sweat trickle down his temple as he thrust into Uruha just as hard as Uruha was pushing down onto him. His hand continued to quickly stroke Uruha between them until he felt wetness on his chest and stomach and looked down just in time to see Uruha coming in thick spurts. Uruha shuddered, his brow furrowed in a look of pained pleasure as he continued rolling his hips for Aoi and watching his release seep down Aoi’s hand and wrist to drip onto their already damp and messy thighs.

Just the sight of Uruha coming so intensely between them had Aoi following him with a loud groan and a stiff thrust of his hips. Uruha fell forward and clung to Aoi, his arms wrapped tightly around Aoi’s back as Aoi held him down to his lap and finally let his release go. Aoi’s hips moved in small tight thrusts until his orgasm was over and his heartbeat had slowed to it’s normal pace. Aoi settled back heavily into the chair and it groaned one last protest that had Uruha laughing into his shoulder over. Aoi titled his head to the side and closed his eyes lazily as he felt the soft brush and press of Uruha’s wet lips against his neck and he rubbed Uruha’s back soothingly as Uruha began to relax against him.

“Mmm…that was good Aoi…” Uruha murmured as his lips left a wet trail over Aoi’s already damp neck and jaw line until they were kissing deeply, a kiss that was no less passionate than their previous kisses that night, but was gentler and much less harsh than when they had been in the heat of dirty sex. Aoi slid his hands into Uruha’s soft dark hair, pulling the silky strings between his fingers as he kissed Uruha and ran his tongue over Uruha’s lips to steal every bit of his lover’s taste for himself.

“When is it never good?” Aoi wondered with an amused chuckle as their lips separated at last. Uruha tilted his head to the side and seemed to think this over shortly before shooting Aoi a mischievous smirk.

“Well the times you’re so eager to fuck me it’s over in less then two min-” Uruha began, but Aoi quickly leaned forward and shut his feisty lover’s mouth with a firm, rebuke of a kiss. Aoi let out a low growl when he finally let Uruha pull away from the kiss.

“I was only teasing you baby.” Uruha rose an eyebrow, mocking Aoi’s own reprimanding glare with a soft laugh. “You know you’re so good I could spend a day and then some just trying to explain how good you are.” Uruha carefully stroked Aoi’s wounded ego, careful to hide those sharp talons he called nails. Aoi knew Uruha was only doing that so he’d get another round out of him before bed because Uruha knew if he was too catty and impertinent Aoi would deny him sex if he possibly could.

It was hard turning Uruha down for anything, especially sex, but when it came to Aoi’s pride, he knew that Uruha was aware that his pretty ass would definitely be left begging in vain. Uruha chewed on his bottom lip, working to look as innocent as possible as he leaned back on Aoi’s lap and held himself up with a hand on Aoi’s knee. The innocent act didn’t work as well…or actually not at all now that Uruha had such dark hair and the whorish makeup he was still wearing from the concert didn’t help in his plight to look blameless at all.

“You know…” Aoi hid a cheeky grin as he tilted his head to the side as Uruha had just done when teasing Aoi about his bedroom skills. “Now that you’ve gotten rid of the blonde hair, you look like the bitch you really you are. That innocent act doesn’t work anymore Uru.” Aoi shook his head and grinned, his nose scrunched up playfully in distaste. Uruha’s mouth opened in surprise and then indignation before his eyes narrowed resentfully and his mouth turned down in a hard glare.

“Well I was born a bitch any way you look at it, whether you’re talking about my hair color or my personality so I guess it doesn’t matter does it?” Uruha hissed scathingly and Aoi only smirked smugly until Uruha reached down between them and wrapped a hand around Aoi’s cock which was still partly inside of Uruha‘s body. Aoi’s smug look immediately slipped away and he cringed as Uruha’s fingers tightened harshly around his softening cock.

“Ah, fuck!” Aoi cursed and tried pulling away but Uruha only grinned with a haughty tilt to his chin and held him tighter.

“Does it?” Uruha prompted cruelly, his fingers holding him even more firmly until Aoi gasped loudly.

“Okay, no, no it doesn’t matter Uru, just let my fucking dick go!” Aoi hissed and Uruha finally let go of his tight grip on Aoi’s cock and seemed satisfied with the answer he had tortured out of Aoi. Aoi threw Uruha a scornful look and promptly wrapped his hands around Uruha’s waist so that he could lift him off of his abused cock before he got mistreated anymore.

“And you wonder why I just called you a bitch.” Aoi rolled his eyes as Uruha sniffed derisively and stood from his lap, and he moved away impertinently when Aoi tried stroking his hip just because it was so temptingly close to his face.

“I can’t help it if I own your cock Aoi,” Uruha replied wickedly, a haughty eyebrow raising in challenge. Aoi felt a flare of irritation rise up inside of him and he stood and nearly kicked back the chair at Uruha’s audacious comment. Uruha was his lover and Aoi would cut off his right foot if Uruha needed it, but when it came to comparing their egos and masculinity, they always scuffled because Aoi liked to be in charge of things and feel dominant, but it was usually Uruha who held the reigns in their relationship.

It always maddened Aoi every time Uruha felt the need to cheekily point out who the real boss was. Aoi was still a man first and foremost and anything pertaining to someone else owning his cock would have to be dealt with accordingly no matter how true it was. Aoi took a step forward and Uruha grinned playfully as he took a step back. Uruha wasn’t at all afraid of Aoi’s cross growl or his angry frown because he knew he’d get what he wanted out of Aoi’s annoyance.

“You’re going to fucking pay for that little remark you know,” Aoi snarled and took another threatening step forward and Uruha only bit the corner of his mouth and winked mockingly at Aoi, which only served to infuriate him more.

“Oh I hope I do,” Uruha drew out slowly, a teasing lilt to his voice that suddenly spurned Aoi to lurch forward but Uruha anticipated his movement and darted from his reach. Aoi growled and found himself chasing Uruha across the room. Uruha laughed as he raced around to the other side of the bed and stood there waiting for Aoi to pursue him. Aoi stood on the other side of the bed and moved to slink around to the other side but as he did so, Uruha slipped onto the bed, and when Aoi moved back and tried crawling onto the bed with him, Uruha slid back down to the floor and moved away.

Aoi cursed and glared at Uruha as his lover laughed at him. But after several long moments of going back and forth around the bed and not getting any closer to catching Uruha, he finally just launched himself over the bed, rolling momentarily like some sort of karate master from a film and Uruha’s eyes widened as he realized he didn’t have time to hurry around to the other side of the bed. He was finally caught from behind as he tried making a quick escape even when he knew escape was futile.

Aoi grinned victoriously as he held Uruha tightly around his stomach and enjoyed the way Uruha struggled against him to free himself. After a few seconds of resistance, Uruha finally just relaxed in Aoi’s hold and once Aoi felt that Uruha wouldn’t fight him anymore he backed them up to the bed and roughly pushed Uruha down onto it.

Uruha quickly struggled to sit up on his elbows as he looked up at Aoi, his face gorgeously flushed and his black hair tousled and his lips releasing soft, arousing pants of exertion from their struggle. Uruha didn’t offer him anymore defiant or naughty smiles, just looked up at Aoi ‘submissively‘, as if Aoi had captured him justly and he was all Aoi’s for the taking. Of course Uruha wasn’t really submitting, but Aoi liked it when he pretended to at least. Uruha moistened his lips slowly and drew one of his legs up on the bed, bending it at the knee and putting his thigh on display, something he knew Aoi went wild over.

“I think I need to be taught a lesson,” Uruha whispered humbly, a playact, because Aoi knew deep down Uruha was anything but regretful or docile about his catty remark about owning Aoi. They both knew it was true and they were only doing this for the exhilaration of the anger and the chase.

“Oh you’re going to get punished Uru, punished until you know who you belong to,” Aoi hissed and Uruha rose his eyebrows at Aoi’s threat, pleasantly amused.

“I know who I belong to,” Uruha replied confidently with a proud tilt of his chin, his back arching just the slightest bit to make his body look even more enticing, offering himself to Aoi to show him that his body and everything that came with it, mind and heart belonged to Aoi completely. Aoi’s stern gaze faltered for a moment at Uruha’s open display of devotion to him.

It wasn’t very often Uruha admitted that he was only Aoi’s even though they both knew that nothing and no one would ever be able to come between them. It just felt nice having his lover say it aloud and he savored every moment Uruha offered himself so willingly like this.

Aoi crawled onto the bed and held the back of Uruha’s neck as he kissed his lover long and hard, feeling another wave of arousal harden within him as Uruha whimpered into his mouth needily. He was going to give Uruha whatever he wanted for the rest of the night even though he had been so wicked and vindictive, because in the end, Aoi could never resist Uruha…who was the epitome of temptation and sin. He was only too willing a victim and it was why he kept coming back for more.

******

“I want you to wear a skirt,” Aoi suddenly intoned over breakfast that morning and was met with much forced laughter and then choking from Uruha. Aoi immediately reached over to pat Uruha on the back, but Uruha quickly recovered and pushed Aoi’s helping hand away with a small disbelieving glare. Uruha’s eyes darted around the small breakfast shop for a moment to make sure no one had witnessed his near death experience and then he sent another hard glare to Aoi that nearly had him laughing. But he knew not to laugh or risk a food fight. Uruha’s mature level was non-existent when it came to arguments between them.

“And uh…” Uruha rose an inquisitive eyebrow, obviously meant to be derisive towards Aoi’s absurd demand. “When and where do you suppose I wear this skirt?” Uruha dabbed a napkin around his mouth and looked over it at Aoi, still tacking him with sharp daggers for even suggesting something like wearing a skirt to him. “You do realize that outside of my profession, I don’t run around in little skirts and short shorts don’t you? Or have you finally lost all touch with reality Aoi?” Aoi dabbed at his mouth with a napkin in much the same way as Uruha had just done, but behind the napkin he was hiding an amused smirk instead of a glare.

“I don’t expect you to wear skirts and shorts Uru, though you do look good in them, no one can deny that.” Aoi visibly licked his bottom lip at the mention of Uruha in clothes that exposed too much skin, especially if they were clothes that flaunted Uruha’s greatest asset. Uruha’s eyes were quick to catch Aoi’s tongue running along his lips and his gaze darkened just the tiniest bit from either lust or just plain irritation.

“Well then, what the hell are you asking? Are you into some kinky role play I should know about? Some schoolgirl fantasies you’ve failed to tell me about?” Uruha let a small grin touch the edge of his lips and Aoi knew then that the darkening of Uruha’s eyes had been because of arousal. That was a good sign and so Aoi pressed on with his mischievous scheme.

“But…just for today….I want to see you in one of your skirts.” Aoi smirked as Uruha’s brow creased immediately and he seemed to struggle with some sort of inner turmoil.

“Aoi…we have a band meeting today at noon. I‘m not going to wear a skirt. Are you insane?” Uruha nearly sputtered, aghast at the idea of wearing a skirt around his band mates, even though he had done it countless times in the past for photo shoots and shows. Uruha wore shorts that crept indecently up his thighs almost everyday when they were on tour. Aoi knew there was a big difference between wearing these skimpy costumes during work and during real life, but he just wanted to see Uruha in something revealing outside of work. Well there was more to it than that, like the embarrassing factor and such, but Uruha needn’t know that part of the plan.

Uruha had virtually never worn anything skimpy for Aoi even in the bedroom because Uruha took advantage of the times he didn’t have to wear such uncomfortable clothing. His style leaned more towards Aoi, casual yet still blatantly stylish and altogether more masculine than the costumes they wore for work.

The only times Aoi had gotten to fuck Uruha in his revealing costumes was after shows and photo shoots, and that was never as fun as what it would be like to have Uruha purposefully dress up just for him…and in a public place no less. Uruha still couldn’t seem to work his way around the fact that Aoi was asking him to dress up for a band meeting as his face went through a myriad of confused and tortured expressions.

“Aoi, are you serious?” Uruha asked even though he must have known that Aoi was completely and utterly serious.

“It’ll only be for a few hours.” Aoi shrugged and delighted in how Uruha’s face suddenly turned ten different shades of red at how casual he was being about everything. Aoi was usually the one being humiliated and teased to death by Uruha’s impishness, it felt nice to make Uruha sputter and blush in front of him in embarrassment and anger.

“If you loved me you would do it,” Aoi tried with an innocent pout, using Uruha’s usually fail-proof tactic on him. But Uruha only looked more disgusted and crossed his arms across his chest petulantly, his refusal stance. “You’ve never dressed up for me before. I thought you’d do anything for me?” Aoi murmured low so that the people in the table behind them that kept turning to look at them wouldn’t hear what he was saying.

“Okay Aoi.” Uruha suddenly tilted his head, his mouth twisted into a sarcastic smile. “Would you dress up in a little skirt and garter belt for me and paint your lips red? Would you be willing to do that for me?” Uruha’s jaw worked from side to side, his smile plastered fakely to his mouth. Aoi just shrugged again.

“If you wanted me to,” Aoi replied simply with a chuckle. “I mean, we’ve been dressed worse by our designers in the past for the whole country to witness. This is just me and you-”

“And the band,” Uruha finished for him. “That’s going to see me in a fucking skirt. I don’t want them to think I dress like a whore outside of work!” Uruha’s voice rose and they received another ripple of shocked stares passed their way. Aoi shook his head and tried to subtly hide behind his napkin when Uruha shot the neighboring tables a very rude gesture with his hand. “You say you’d dress that way for me if I wanted you to, but this is coming from the man who was offended by one little comment against his manhood last night.” Uruha rolled his eyes and Aoi leaned forward and glared.

“You were talking about owning my fucking cock Uruha!” This time it was Aoi’s voice that rose, and they received more wide eyed stares and whispers. Instead of flipping everyone off though, Uruha simply snickered, since the stares were on Aoi’s behalf. “What if I said that to you?” Aoi muttered more quietly with a wary shifting glance around him.

“But I do own your cock.” Uruha grinned and quickly sat back in his booth as Aoi tried reaching for him, his hands in a menacing throttle gesture. “We both know it. I don’t know why you try to deny it. But I guess it just adds more truth to it the more you make such a big deal out of it.” Uruha tched and Aoi let out a slow, calming breath. Uruha was going to wear that damn skirt now if it was the last thing he did, and Uruha was going to finally know the meaning of losing. “You can say you owned my ass or my cock, Aoi, and I wouldn’t be such a woman about it. But that would just cement the truth of who’s the bigger man in this relationship-”

“Oh you just had to throw that in didn’t you? You know damn good and well you‘d never let me say something like that you.” Aoi sighed and looked away from Uruha, his chin resting in the open palm of his hand and his mouth set in a deep frown. Aoi didn’t even flinch or move when he felt Uruha’s soft cool hands against his face, caressing and tickling slightly, and then sliding away to play with his hair. Aoi remained silent and gave Uruha the cold shoulder. Uruha wasn’t the only one that could play at being childish and spoiled to get what he wanted.

“Aoi, seriously.” Uruha laughed and kissed the tip of Aoi’s nose which only crinkled in irritation at Uruha’s attempt on reconciling after his uncalled for remarks. “Well…why can’t I just wear a skirt for you tonight? Would that make you happy?” Uruha tried in a softer tone, but Aoi only shook his head stubbornly.

“It isn’t the same…I want you to wear one today…for the meeting,” Aoi mumbled grudgingly, layering on the act thickly to let Uruha know how displeased he was.

“Aoi…” Uruha urged forlornly, brushing the back of his fingers against Aoi’s cheek, and the touch felt so soft and soothing that Aoi nearly lost his sulky composure and closed his eyes in pleasure. Uruha had always known the right ways to touch him and kiss him to make up for something or convince him to do what he wanted. As of right now, Uruha’s soothing touches were working hard to convince Aoi that wearing a skirt was not on the agenda. But in Aoi’s mind, Uruha wearing a skirt was the main priority of the day. “Is this some strange taboo you’re trying to explore? Can you at least tell me what you’re going to get out of me wearing a skirt to the band meeting?” Uruha asked, his lips brushing against Aoi’s chin with a definite pout.

“Please?” Uruha pressed, but Aoi remained obstinately silent and ignored Uruha, which was one of the worst things he could have done to his lover. One of the things Uruha hated even almost above no sex for a whole day, was someone deliberately ignoring him the way Aoi was at that moment. So finally after several more attempts of trying to get Aoi to talk to him and let him off the hook with sweet kisses and caresses, Uruha finally just sighed in exasperation.

“Oh alright, I’ll wear the fucking skirt for you! But where do you think I’m going to get a skirt anyway?” Aoi looked up and smiled knowingly, immediately cheered by Uruha’s annoyed acceptance to his suggestion. He knew the cold-shoulder tactic would eventually work, knowing Uruha and his pet peeve for being disregarded.

“I know you’ve kept a few of your older costumes haven’t you? The whole band has some of our outfits from before we got big. You used to wear skirts all the time back then.” Aoi’s eyes swept appraisingly over Uruha’s slender form, knowing he’d definitely still fit into his old clothes, and wishing in the back of his mind that Uruha would still wear outfits like that once in awhile these days. The color seeping into Uruha’s cheeks was answer enough that he still indeed had some skimpy clothing hidden away in the back of his closet.

“Anyway, just think…” Aoi rose a mischievous eyebrow. “A skirt means easier access.” Aoi grinned widely as Uruha’s irritated countenance seemed to slowly dissolve at the mention of sex and Aoi knew then that Uruha had walked right into his trap. It hadn’t been that hard to convince Uruha when their minds were always so perfectly synchronized on the same dirty subject.

******

“Dammit. Fuck, Aoi, it‘s not going down.” Aoi watched Uruha curse and fuss with the indecently short hem of the tiny black skirt he had chosen to wear to the band meeting. Uruha looked up at Aoi helplessly as he nearly crouched down to the floor and smoothed the slinky black fabric over his ass and thighs. “It’s not really covering my ass. I can’t do this.” Uruha shook his head, and for the first time since they had been together, and after all of the risky adventures they had been through, Aoi thought he saw a flicker of real fear in Uruha‘s face. At least he knew now what Aoi had felt when being faced with getting caught by his parents.

“Just stand up,” Aoi urged him, but when Uruha refused to, he bent down and grabbed Uruha’s elbow to help him up and turned him around to examine the skirt that was nearly riding up behind him. Aoi tugged the fabric down some and then patted Uruha on his firm ass for good emphasis. “It’s really not that short, I think you’re exaggerating a little,” Aoi lied with a grin. The skirt was only a centimeter from showing the beginning of Uruha’s ass and was probably the most lewd garment Aoi had seen in a while. Aoi could already feel his stomach beginning to swirl with the first signs of arousal.

“I don’t remember it ever being this short.” Uruha frowned and turned this way and that as he checked himself out in the tall mirror of the bathroom they had been in for the past twenty minutes. Uruha had refused to wear the skirt to walk down the street to the building where the band met frequently to discuss business. So Uruha had packed the skirt and changed into it in the bathroom and now he was fretting over it and showed dangerous signs of bailing out on Aoi.

“Well I’m sure you grew a little taller since the last time you wore it. I think your ass filled out also-” Aoi chuckled.

“What?” Uruha nearly shrieked and Aoi held up his hands in self defense as Uruha bent down to pick up the bag he had carried the offending skirt in and chucked it at Aoi’s head angrily. “I’m wearing this damn thing for you and you have to go and insult me-”

“I wasn’t insulting you!” Aoi reassured quickly and threw his arms over his head when Uruha picked up the bag from the floor to throw again. “It was a compliment! It’s a good thing. Your ass looks even more amazing now. Uru, please don’t hit me again, that really did hurt.” Aoi pleaded and cowered pitifully until Uruha just growled and threw the bag back down on the floor by his feet.

“You’d think you would be a little more appreciative that I even thought about doing this for you. You better be thankful that I love you this damn much.” Uruha huffed and turned around to check out his backside one last time.

“I’m sorry, you know I’m happy you’re doing this. These little things you do for me is what makes me love you even more if that‘s possible.” Aoi leaned forward and gave Uruha a soft kiss that seemed to calm Uruha’s anger and jittering nerves a little at least.

“I don’t even know why I’m doing this. Just give me your jacket,” Uruha demanded when their lips had parted, his hand waving between them insistently. Aoi slid out of his light jacket and handed it to Uruha, momentarily lamenting that he had not thought about the chilly weather today and how uncomfortable Uruha might be in something so thin and revealing. But at least it wasn’t winter quite yet and the building was warm enough to keep the chill away. And after what Aoi planned on doing to Uruha, they’d both wish they’d worn just a little less clothing anyway.

“Let’s go and get this over with,” Uruha grumbled, Aoi’s jacket placed modestly in front of him to cover as much of his naked thighs as he possibly could. Aoi followed with a bowed head, trying hard to keep from laughing at how desperate Uruha seemed to keep himself covered as they walked across the hallway to the meeting room. They had come early on Uruha’s insistence so that they would be the first ones there and Uruha wouldn’t have to suffer through walking into a room full of staring faces while wearing the skimpy outfit he had been forced to put on that morning. But as soon as they had opened the door, Aoi knew they had miscalculated the time everyone would show up because the room was nearly full with the band and various members of their staff sitting around a large table in the center of the room and on chairs scattered here and there.

Aoi felt Uruha instantly stiffen beneath his hand as he rested it on the small of Uruha’s back. The whispered curse that left Uruha’s lips had a small satisfied smirk playing on Aoi’s mouth. He knew he was evil for taking pleasure in the way Uruha visibly squirmed under the few stares directed his way from the people paying attention to who was coming into the room. Uruha nearly bolted into the room and staked out a seat far away from everyone at the end of the table. Aoi followed behind him more slowly, and when he had taken a seat beside Uruha, he heard Ruki whispering from the other side of Uruha with wide eyes.

“Are you wearing a skirt?” Ruki asked incredulously. Aoi chuckled as Uruha rearranged his jacket over his lap to cover his bare thighs, his posture straight and stiff, and his gaze staring directly ahead of him, furious and terrified at the same time. Aoi was surprised smoke hadn’t started pouring from Uruha’s ears yet.

Instead of answering Ruki’s horrified question, Uruha only sniffed in derision, most likely towards Aoi for putting him into this predicament. Aoi patted Uruha’s knee consolingly and only chuckled when Uruha primly pushed his hand away, his gaze still firmly set on their manager as he went through the proceedings of their previous recording. Denied. Well Uruha had another thing coming if he thought he was going to be let off that easily. Aoi was getting him back for every single time Uruha had made him squirm and turn red in public. He could be just as evil and vindictive as Uruha when it came to vengeance. Ruki luckily eventually lost interest in trying to figure out if Uruha was really wearing a skirt because Uruha refused to relax from his statuistic pose and he continued to ignore everyone around him.

The meeting droned on without much event or enthusiasm for the rest of the day. Papers were passed around, opinions were batted back and forth, grievances were heard, and Reita nearly fell asleep in the middle of it all until Kai roughly shoved him nearly out of his seat. Ruki sat playing with one of his pens and arguing against nearly everything their manager suggested for the next tour coming up. Ruki liked having things his way despite the fact that Kai was the appointed ‘leader’ of the band and ultimately made the final decisions on everything.

There was no real leader since everyone was entitled to their say about what went on with the band, but when it came to business and handling important things, it was usually Kai who took over and spoke for everyone. Ruki just liked to argue and push for things especially set designs and costumes to be his choice. And actually Ruki got his way most of the time if he disagreed enough. Today was one of those days Ruki had decided to have his way, and he, Kai, and the manager had been in a heated argument for the better part of the meeting. Aoi felt his eyelids become heavy and his hand slip from his face until he was startled back awake when his face nearly hit the table.

The meeting continued to drag as Aoi fought to stay awake, and he was surprised that when he looked over to the side, he found Uruha still sitting ramrod straight, appearing to be listening to everything going on around him. He probably wasn’t listening but was just too nervous and angry to move for fear of exposing his skirt again. Uruha was never this well behaved during meetings, he usually always did something to ruin the meeting, whether it was joking or fidgeting constantly until someone threw some sort of office supplies at him to make him stop. Everyone seemed to be engrossed in their current dispute to even notice Uruha’s quiet, rigid countenance. Aoi noticed though, and he was going to take full advantage of everyone’s distraction to break Uruha’s stiff composure.

Aoi peered down past the table to where his jacket covered Uruha’s thighs modestly, Uruha hand’s placed flat on top of it to keep it in place. He would have to remedy that. He hadn’t made Uruha wear a skirt just to have it covered completely. Aoi took a sly glance around, making sure that everyone was still lost in their own worlds and then he discreetly slipped his hand beneath the table and tugged at the end of his jacket until it slid from beneath Uruha’s hands. It was only then that Uruha broke his rigid stance to throw a sharp glare over at Aoi as he took the jacket completely from his lover’s thighs and dropped it down to the floor beside his own chair so that Uruha would have no way of getting his jacket back without standing up and exposing the skirt again.

“What are you doing?” Uruha demanded in a harsh whisper and immediately tried tugging his skirt down over his thighs uselessly. The skirt barely even came down to the middle of his lap. Aoi just smirked and took Uruha’s hands away so that he could push the skirt up to the top of Uruha’s thighs, as far as it would go without exposing anything too good. Uruha looked scandalized that Aoi was trying to feel him up right under their band and staff’s noses. It wasn’t the first time they’d done something dirty near the band, but it was the first time that they had been in the same room with their friends and so close and exposed while doing this. Uruha wanted excitement and danger during their escapades, well Aoi was just amping the volume up a little on the danger factor.

“Aoi,” Uruha hissed scathingly, his eyes darting around to see that no one was watching them as Aoi began caressing the top of Uruha’s thighs affectionately.

“What? I’m just showing you how much I love you,” Aoi replied innocently but when Uruha fixed Aoi with a look that had the potential to kill, and tried pushing Aoi’s hand away, Aoi grabbed both of Uruha’s wrists and tugged Uruha’s arms down to either side of him. “But if you try to stop me, I’ll make sure everyone sees your naked ass in that little skirt.” Aoi looked questionably at Uruha, giving him the option to either let him have his fun, or stop him and be embarrassed in front of a room full of associates and close friends. Uruha’s face remained hard for a moment longer before he finally sat back in his chair and sighed helplessly, his expression tortured.

“I’m going to kill you when this is all over Aoi,” Was all Uruha muttered darkly before he relinquished most of his control, a rare occurrence, but one Aoi thrilled in whenever possible.

“No you’re not, because you’re going to love this just as much as I am. Probably even more, knowing you.” Aoi winked at Uruha deviously and then let his hand slip down between Uruha’s thighs so that he could part Uruha’s legs some.

Aoi stole another quick glance around the table to see that everyone was still either arguing or falling asleep before he began stroking the inside of Uruha’s thighs in slow, languid motions. Uruha shifted in his seat and his thighs pressed together for a second, trapping Aoi’s hand between them before he spread them again and let out a soft breath. Uruha was already getting hot from the caresses and Aoi wondered with a wicked smirk if Uruha was going to be able to keep quiet or if he was going to give them away and ultimately give Aoi the victory he had been working towards for so long.

Aoi drew light spirals and trails along the inside of Uruha’s thighs with the tips of his fingers, inching closer and closer to the root of Uruha’s desire, and all the while, Uruha squirmed in his seat restlessly, either trying to pull away from Aoi’s hands or push his hips forward to try to get Aoi’s hand to slip between his legs more. He couldn’t think of a time that Uruha had looked more like a wanton whore than that moment, and he was loving every second of it.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Uruha breathed softly, his eyes pleading both for Aoi to stop and to keep going. Aoi leaned over and pressed his lips to the curve of Uruha’s ear, his gaze fixed to the people around the table to make sure that no one happened to glance their way. He still had a lot more fun to partake in before getting caught.

“Because I love to see you squirm and beg for it,” Aoi whispered and even dared to let his tongue touch the edge of Uruha’s ear for a split moment. “Because I like how nervous your body feels and how your face looks so desperate and terrified right now.” Aoi’s hand crept high between Uruha’s legs as he spoke, and Uruha’s breath quickened and his face flushed with color. “Because I love the way you pant and writhe beneath my touch….all the while trying to keep quiet, when you know it’s not possible.”

“Fuck you,” Uruha gasped when Aoi’s hand touched his cock that was trapped beneath the tight black fabric of the shorts he always wore under his skirts. Aoi had strictly forbade Uruha to wear the shorts under the skirt, and even though Aoi had no idea how it was to wear a barely there skirt, Uruha was definitely making it known how uncomfortable it obviously was.

Aoi also knew that there were certain ‘complications’ that arose when a man was aroused while wearing an article of clothing that barely covered anything. But that still didn’t alleviate Aoi’s desire to see him in a skirt with nothing underneath. The fact that Uruha was clearly hot and aroused only cemented Aoi’s want to feel beneath the flimsy material on Uruha’s thigh that was trying to pass for a whole garment and no amount of pleading on Uruha’s part was going to deter him from his ultimate goal; winning the game by making Uruha lose control and heightening the chances of getting caught. They were going to get caught sooner than later and Aoi wanted to be the first to make it happen, just as Uruha was racing towards the finish line with the same aspiration in mind.

Go to Part Two

A/N: Long time no see eh? -_- Sorry that I’ve been missing in action to the people still following this journal. I should have posted a message saying updates would be slow or nonexistent for some months while I trudged through school. My schedule has been the most hectic it’s ever been lately. But I’ve been writing this story in parts for yabeh_yo for awhile now. She gave me lots of inspiration and ideas so this is definitely dedicated to her ^^ and I know some people were requesting skirts and rough sex so you should be happy with this as well I hope 0__0 Ah and of course Uru's black hair in this was prompted by his photoshoot some time ago with the black hair *chuckles* I‘ll post the other two parts when I‘m done editing over the next few days!

Part Two

2008-10-18T00:33:36Z

[ How I'm feeling| Naughty]
[ What I'm listening to| How long

Title: All for the thrill (2/2)
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha
Author: Life_giver
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Do not own anyone in this story of course -_-
Warnings: Dirty, porn-ish sex
Summary: If Aoi was truly worried about getting caught, then there was a real sense of danger that gave what they were about to do so much more substance and thrill. They lived for the thrills, and Aoi would soon realize how exhilarating this experience was going to be once Uruha was able to get inside of his pants.
Notes: This is a sequel/companion fic to The games we play but can be read as a stand-alone.

Aoi was accepting what was about to happen finally and Uruha’s prompting and promises had only fueled a lust that was never truly dormant between them. Uruha finally got Aoi’s pants undone and Aoi took his hands away and watched through fallen strands of hair as Uruha slid his pants and boxers down over his hips.

Aoi ran a hand along Uruha’s cheek and into his hair while Uruha looked up at him seductively and pulled Aoi’s pants down and then off. Uruha was quick to rid himself of his own pants with a little help from Aoi. Uruha grinned and laid back, pulling Aoi down on top of him by the hips when they were both finally naked.

Uruha moaned his appreciation softly, remembering his promise to keep quiet though he knew he wouldn’t last long once Aoi was inside of him…there had never been a moment when Aoi hadn’t made him moan or whine loud enough for them to get caught because Aoi was good….almost too good in bed. Uruha felt the tingles of pleasures shoot through his body and even travel down to his fingertips as Aoi rubbed against him as if they were already fucking.

“Is this what you wanted?” Aoi breathed against Uruha’s ear and Uruha’s eyes closed tight, his shoulders hunching nearly to his ears as Aoi’s cock brushed against his own. Uruha’s back arched off the bed and his hips rolled slowly into Aoi’s dry thrusts, gasping when the head of Aoi’s cock bumped and brushed between his legs promisingly.

One of Aoi’s hands grasped Uruha’s thigh and hiked it against his waist, his fingers holding so tight they left red marks on Uruha’s creamy skin as Aoi continued to tease Uruha. Aoi was mimicking the motions of fucking Uruha as he brushed their hips against each other and their cocks slid together and wet their stomachs. Aoi coaxed Uruha’s tongue into his mouth and gave Uruha a kiss that only Aoi could give; open-mouthed and dirty. Uruha had wanted hard, messy sex, and Aoi was going to give it to him, it was obvious by how roguish Aoi was suddenly being.

“Aoi, fuck me,” Uruha groaned, wrapping both legs around Aoi’s hips and urging him to keep moving against him. Aoi chuckled and dipped his hand down between them, but instead of sliding his fingers into Uruha for some sort of relief, Uruha suddenly felt the bump of Aoi’s cock against him and Aoi smirked down at him as he rubbed the head of his cock back and forth over his entrance until Uruha was open-mouthed and tugging on his own hair, his legs tightening around Aoi and then spreading in feverish pleasure.

“Put it in….” Uruha panted. “Stick it in Aoi….please-” Uruha’s pleading words were choked off as Aoi laughed softly and slid just the head of his cock inside of him. Uruha tried pressing his hips into Aoi’s body but Aoi pressed a hand to his lower stomach and held his hips down, keeping him immobile as Aoi pulled his cock back out and rose an eyebrow as if questioning Uruha if he wanted more. Uruha growled, his lip curling in the corner in answer.

“Fuck me.” Uruha’s voice was rough and commanding, but it was obvious Aoi had taken the cards from Uruha and was currently holding them. Aoi decided when to fuck him and Uruha was nearly in tears at how cruel Aoi was being. He knew he had been cruel to Aoi downstairs and too many times in the past, but did he really deserve to be teased mercilessly like this?

“Please Aoi,” Uruha begged, his hips pressing down into the bed and then up into Aoi’s hand wantonly. “I want you in me. Give me your cock…” Uruha groaned, tilting his head back into the pillows behind him and feeling his hair sticking to the damp skin of his neck. He was already sweating and panting and they hadn’t even started yet. When Uruha looked back up at Aoi, Aoi’s jaw muscles were working and clenching and Aoi’s fingers were holding his thigh in a tighter grip. Aoi was clearly holding back, making Uruha work for it for being so impish earlier.

“I’m not fucking you dry,” Aoi suddenly uttered as the head of his cock brushed against Uruha once more. Uruha wanted to tell Aoi to get down and use his mouth to make things less dry because he had always loved Aoi’s head between his legs, loved pulling silky onyx hair between his fingers and trying to keep his thighs open while Aoi worked to make his toes curl and his voice hoarse, but they were on limited time, and Uruha was already so hot and ready, he was nearly ready to come just from Aoi’s cock brushing against him lightly. Besides, Uruha had come equipped….he was never one to leave the house unprepared.

They’d have to do without a rubber, but Aoi was definitely not fucking him dry that afternoon. Uruha let out a low breath and smiled at Aoi before reaching beneath the pillow under his head and pulling out the tube that came in handy so often with them. It was always Uruha who remembered to bring it, lucky for them.

Aoi only let a momentary startled look pass over his face, and then he narrowed his gaze, silently reprimanding Uruha for planning everything out beforehand. Though Uruha secretly knew Aoi should have been thanking him. Aoi was going to get a good fuck out of the whole ordeal after all. Uruha had sneakily took the tube from his pocket and slipped it under the pillow as Aoi had been looking around the room. He hadn’t wanted Aoi to find it too early or it would have ruined his whole plan of seducing Aoi to where they were now; naked and rubbing against one another. Uruha twisted the cap off of the tube and grabbed Aoi’s hand, leaving no more room for anymore nuisances, and wet Aoi’s fingers for him.

Aoi let out an amused breath and then leaned back a little and dropped his hand down between Uruha’s spread legs. Uruha hissed and his hips unconsciously shifted fluidly against the bed as Aoi rubbed his middle finger against Uruha, keeping their gazes locked as he did so. They were already fucking each other with their eyes so it made Uruha’s skin feel hotter as Aoi watched him even as his finger slid in and began thrusting into him. Uruha put on a show for Aoi as well as he pressed his hips down against Aoi’s hand while more fingers joined the first, and Uruha imagined climbing on top of Aoi and riding his cock hard until they were both so exhausted they could only collapse against one another.

Uruha blew a stream of air between his full lips and then sucked in the breath between his teeth in a hiss and continued rolling and pressing his hips into Aoi’s working hand. Aoi’s fingers were long and knew exactly what to do as they curved and rubbed and sent Uruha into a fit of moans that were louder than Uruha had meant them to be. Aoi didn’t stop him from moaning amazingly and only pushed his fingers in harder and faster until Uruha shuddered and had to reach down and grab Aoi’s wrist to keep himself from coming.

Uruha kept Aoi’s fingers inside of him and his hand wrapped tightly around Aoi’s wrist until the wave of arousal had passed, and he didn’t feel like he was about to orgasm too soon, and then he rested back down against the pillows and let Aoi slip his fingers out. Uruha calmed his breathing and that feeling of nearly coming came back in a rush as Aoi brought the fingers he had just fucked Uruha with to his lips and sucked on them.

“God Aoi….” Uruha moaned, rubbing his thighs together to try to will that excited feeling away again, though he knew it wouldn’t help at all. Aoi sucked on his fingers and then licked them as he eyed Uruha on the bed. Uruha reached up and took Aoi’s hand away from his mouth and brought his lover’s fingers to his own lips and kissed them before sucking them too.

Aoi hissed and laid back down between Uruha’s legs so that he could kiss Uruha’s kiss bruised lips even as Uruha continued to suck on Aoi’s fingers, licking off the last bit of himself and the sweet flavor of Aoi’s mouth. Uruha smiled as Aoi pulled his hand away from his mouth, but Uruha’s smile slipped as he saw that Aoi wasn’t smiling, but was looking down at him as if he wanted nothing better than to fuck Uruha into the bed, it was a look of complete lust and desire. Uruha kissed Aoi’s knuckles and then leaned up to catch Aoi’s mouth in a deep kiss. As they kissed, Uruha’s brow knitted as he felt Aoi’s hips shifting between his legs and then he felt Aoi’s cock pressing against him and finally slipping in inch by torturous inch.

Uruha had to break away from their kiss to moan and felt Aoi’s lips kiss his neck and then suck his skin, working the blood to the surface just under his jaw line where everyone would see, an impossible place to hide, even with a scarf. But Uruha couldn’t care much at that moment because Aoi’s cock was sinking into him and he could feel the hardness of it and each vein and he clenched his muscles to help bring Aoi deeper and give Aoi as much pleasure as he possibly could.

Even Aoi couldn’t hold back from moaning into Uruha’s neck as he pressed his hips forward and then dragged them back. Uruha hooked his long legs against Aoi’s back, not wanting Aoi to pull out even a little. He wanted Aoi to fuck him to the headboard. He wanted to sit in Aoi’s lap and take Aoi as deep as he was able to. But Aoi wanted to fuck him this way, it was obvious by the way Aoi growled and held him down to the bed when Uruha tried twisting his hips to turn them over. Aoi’s thrusts instantly became faster at the first hint of Uruha trying to change their positions.

Aoi pressed his palms flat against the bed on either side of Uruha’s shoulders as he began thrusting into Uruha so hard that Uruha nearly slid on the bed. Uruha couldn’t help but let little half formed moans slip, each one pronounced and forced out by each one of Aoi’s thrusts. Uruha grabbed the sheets near his head to keep from slipping too far up on the bed. The bed was old to say the least and he could hear it creaking slightly under their movement and the springs beneath Uruha’s back even made some echo of noise but it only added to how dirty and decadent they were being at that moment.

Uruha moaned Aoi’s name, letting him know just how good he was making Uruha feel, encouraging Aoi to fuck him into the bed. Aoi tried suppressing his own groans and sounds against Uruha’s neck to keep quiet, and he even placed his hand over Uruha’s mouth to stop him from crying out so loud when Aoi began pushing deeper and brushing the spot inside of Uruha that nearly made him come. Uruha closed his eyes, his moans muffled against Aoi’s hand as Aoi fucked him harder.

“I thought you promised to be quiet,” Aoi grunted and took his hand away from Uruha’s mouth so that he could kiss him. When they broke away from each other, panting, Uruha grinned.

“I lied,” Uruha forced out between a breath of air. “Besides…you’re not being very quiet either.” Uruha rose an eyebrow haughtily but then he hissed in displeasure as he felt Aoi accidentally slip out of him. Aoi had to stop moving to reach down for his cock, and Uruha helped him guide it back inside of his body. Aoi immediately began moving again but Uruha tried twisting his hips once more much to Aoi’s disapproval. Uruha knew that it would be easier for Aoi to go deeper and they wouldn’t have to worry about Aoi slipping out with Aoi thrusting so hard and fast if Uruha were to get on top.

“Let me get on top of you,” Uruha suggested breathlessly as Aoi bit into his bottom lip and continued fucking him as if it were their last time together. Aoi didn’t seem keen on the idea, but when Uruha rolled his hips suggestively against Aoi’s stomach, Aoi seemed to catch what he wanted to do. “I want you deeper,” Uruha murmured huskily. “I’ll do all the work. You look like you need a rest.” Uruha grinned and brushed Aoi’s damp hair back as Aoi’s thrusts slowed. Aoi’s face was flushed and damp and he looked ready to fall against Uruha, so Uruha was sure it was a good idea to change positions, that way they would still be able to fuck hard and fast, but Aoi would be able to lay back and let Uruha go wild on him.

Uruha smiled giddily when Aoi finally allowed him to twist his hips and turn them over so that Uruha was straddling Aoi’s waist. Uruha groaned throatily as he slid down onto Aoi’s cock until Aoi was inside of him as far as he could possibly go. Uruha licked the corner of his mouth, tasting the mints Aoi was so fond of sucking on, and pressed his hand to his stomach, imagining that he could feel Aoi there because Aoi was so deep inside of him. He heard Aoi moan and press his hips up. Uruha knew that Aoi liked it when he pressed against his stomach while they were fucking, there was something so incredibly erotic about that, and even Uruha noticed it.

Uruha moved his hips a little to get used to the new position and then leaned forward over Aoi, feeling Aoi’s cock slipping from him and then he pressed back and felt Aoi slide smoothly back inside. Aoi wound his arms around Uruha’s back and grabbed his ass as Uruha slid up and down his cock slowly at first, and then gradually began picking up the speed.

“Feels good?” Uruha breathed as he rolled his hips easily and enjoyed the feeling of Aoi’s cock pressing against that pleasure spot inside of him when he moved just the right way. In this position, he could move his body and guide Aoi’s cock where he wanted it, and control the speed of their thrusts.

Aoi’s hands squeezed his ass and then Aoi pushed his hips into him, lifting him to his knees for a moment before settling back down and Uruha chuckled, taking that answer as a very evident ‘yes’. Uruha moved against Aoi steadily and tried holding back the moans working to slip past his lips, but eventually he was moaning loud once more and Aoi gave up on trying to keep him quiet because Aoi couldn’t even keep himself quiet. Uruha pressed his hands to Aoi’s chest as he lifted and lowered himself and felt the vibrations from Aoi’s groans against his palms.

“You’re right, I was thinking about someone like you in this bed.” Aoi smirked as he reached up with one hand and fingered a lock of Uruha’s damp, flyaway hair and caressed Uruha’s ass and waist with his other hand. “Someone blond and beautiful with perfect thighs, a cute ass, and full lips, someone who knew what they were doing in bed.” Uruha moaned as he felt an electric sense of pleasure sweep through his body at Aoi’s words. “Someone that would know how to get on top of me and ride my cock and groan my name. Someone who would let me do anything to them and show me what it’s like to really fuck,” Aoi growled low and thrust up into Uruha’s moving body. Uruha fell to his elbows as another wave of stabbing arousal shot through his stomach to his arms and made them weak, but he continued to thrust against Aoi, their chests rubbing and stimulating Uruha’s sensitive chest as they moved against one another.

“You know how to fuck me Uruha,” Aoi whispered against Uruha’s ear, his lips sliding against Uruha’s skin as they fucked. “You’re the only one that knows what I like….that can be this dirty for me and give me exactly what I want.” Aoi’s hands laid flat against Uruha’s back and held him as Uruha moaned and moved faster, excited at what Aoi was telling him. “You fuck me so good….you’re perfect.” Uruha’s brow creased and he felt so close to coming at how good Aoi felt inside of him and Aoi’s whispered words in his ear almost made him let go before he caught himself and willed his orgasm to wait a little longer. He wanted Aoi to come first. He wanted to feel Aoi come inside of him because he knew that that would be the thing to send him over the edge. Uruha leaned back, nearly bouncing obscenely in Aoi’s lap as he worked to make Aoi come and satisfy the swirling arousal in the pit of his own stomach.

“Let’s change again,” Aoi suddenly grunted, his words choppy and breathless as Uruha moved on top of him. It took Uruha a moment to realize that Aoi wanted to change positions again because his mind was too hazy and bent on achieving some sort of relief, but when he caught onto Aoi’s words, he looked down at his lover questionably.

“What?” They weren’t usually one to change positions too many times in a night unless they were being particularly adventurous and working to stave off an inevitable orgasm. Uruha wouldn’t think Aoi would try for more than one or two positions when they were trying to keep quiet and not get caught. They needed to fuck fast and get it over with before someone walked in on them. It was also odd because Aoi had been so against them even touching each other intimately only an hour ago. But if Aoi wanted to keep fucking, Uruha was definitely not going to complain. It seemed the wild side of Aoi had persevered over the conservative, moralistic Aoi.

“Get up and turn around,” Aoi instructed Uruha as he took Uruha’s hips in his hands and stopped their motions against one another. Uruha obediently rose to his knees, letting Aoi slip out of him, and then moved off of Aoi. Uruha instinctively knew what position Aoi wanted because it was one of Aoi’s favorite’s, just like Uruha’s favorite position was the one they had just finished with. Uruha dropped down to his hands and knees and looked over his shoulder to Aoi who was rolling over and moving behind him. Uruha moved his hips from side to side teasingly, grinning in a sassy manner when Aoi wrapped his hands around his hips and pulled him back against his body roughly.

“I was so close,” Uruha pouted, but gasped when Aoi pushed his cock back into him without warning or a moment‘s hesitation.

“I know, that’s why we had to change.” Aoi chuckled, guiding Uruha back against him and then drawing his hips away. Uruha grinned and pressed back, following Aoi’s cock, not wanting to lose contact. He heard Aoi laugh softly at his eagerness and Aoi’s hand pressed against Uruha’s lower back as Uruha rolled his hips back into him.

“Mmm….” Uruha moaned at the feeling of Aoi moving inside of him again. “Fuck me harder,” Uruha urged, stretching his arms out on the bed in front of him and pushing himself back roughly against Aoi in emphasis. He wanted Aoi to fuck him like they had just been doing a minute ago. He didn’t want to lose that lustful momentum. There were times to take it slow and grind against one another, but now wasn’t one of them.

“Come on Aoi,” Uruha pressed, his hips pulling away from Aoi and then pushing back without Aoi’s help at all. He knew Aoi liked it when he fucked himself on him, but he still wanted Aoi to drive into him hard and relentless, he wanted to bite the sheets and hear the bed creak and the headboard knock against the wall. He wanted the sort of dirty sex you could secretly smile about and feel a little bit guilty over in the morning.

He felt Aoi lean over him and kiss his shoulder, smiling against his skin and tugging playfully on his hair. Uruha secretly hoped Aoi would start to pull on his hair when they started again because Uruha found it extremely arousing when Aoi did that. It satisfied that part of him that liked a bit of pain with pleasure. Aoi nipped at his shoulder and Uruha began rocking back into Aoi rhythmically, working to resume their earlier fervor.

“That’s it,” Aoi whispered as Uruha pushed back against him. Aoi held Uruha around the waist and after a long moment of letting Uruha fuck himself, Aoi began thrusting into him with a pace that was quicker than his earlier slow, teasing movements. Uruha hissed and pulled aside his hair so that Aoi could kiss and suck on his neck as they began fucking in earnest once more. Uruha let his back dip and curve as he spread his legs wider for Aoi and felt Aoi begin pressing into him faster and deeper. Uruha’s body was rocked forward on the bed and Uruha had to steady himself to keep from slipping down to his elbows. He could hear Aoi grunting and groaning softly behind him and the distinct, vulgar sound of damp skin against damp skin and he threw his head back and moaned long and uninhibited along with Aoi.

Uruha’s fingers curled against the bed and he dipped his lower back to press his ass closer to Aoi and get a deeper angle and was not disappointed when Aoi’s cock slipped in to the hilt before pulling out and pushing back in quickly. Uruha bit into his cheek as the pleasure intensified and he reached back with one hand to grab one of Aoi’s thighs to pull them closer together, wanting Aoi deeper even though Aoi was as deep as was anatomically possible.

“Aoi…” Uruha gasped as he was pushed forward and nearly slipped on the sheets, but Aoi caught him with an arm around his stomach and hoisted him into a kneeling position. Uruha groaned as he sat back in Aoi’s lap as Aoi kept up his hard thrusting. He would have fallen forward again with how fast and rough Aoi was fucking him, but luckily Aoi kept an arm around his stomach to hold him up, and for extra leverage or when the pleasure got too intense, Uruha reached back and grabbed a handful of Aoi’s dark hair. Aoi had been growing his hair out lately and it was the perfect length for Uruha to wrap around his fingers and pull when they were fucking like this. He felt Aoi’s teeth sink into his neck and he only pulled Aoi’s head down closer by his hair, wanting more pain.

Uruha tilted his head back, letting his own hair fall over Aoi’s shoulder, trembling and bouncing as his body was rocked up and down by Aoi’s movements. Aoi’s teeth left his neck suddenly and trailed to his jaw line and then Aoi was turning Uruha’s face with fingers under his chin and they were sharing a messy kiss between them. They swallowed each other’s moans and whimpers until they were too breathless to kiss any longer. Uruha licked Aoi’s tongue as Aoi pulled away and grinned lazily as Aoi groaned.

Aoi’s next thrusts increased in speed and roughness to where even with Aoi’s arm around him Uruha was forced forward once more, but instead of going back down to his hands and knees, he grabbed onto the railing posts of the headboard in front of him and held on as Aoi worked to bring them to some sort of blinding conclusion.

The headboard made more noise with Uruha holding on and being rocked by each of Aoi’s firm thrusts, and Uruha’s moans only got louder, until his voice was nearly echoing around the room. At least Aoi knew what a great job he was doing with Uruha’s loud broadcast to the world. Uruha’s knuckles turned white as he gripped the headboard and squeezed his eyes shut and he felt the perspiration slipping down his temple and catching the corner of his mouth.

Aoi slapped his ass hard and Uruha knew he would have a red handprint on his skin for at least a day or two because of it, but it served to only urge him on and he pushed back into Aoi harder. He could feel the pleasure coiling and swirling in the pit of his stomach. That excited feeling was sweeping over him again and he knew Aoi would let him come this time and that only excited him more.

“Almost there,” Uruha gasped, resting his cheek on his arm and trying to keep his hands from slipping down the headboard posts. Aoi released a few groans of acknowledgment but other than that, he was too busy to say anything to Uruha, and Uruha moaned louder just to fill Aoi’s nearly silent grunts.

But the sudden knock on the bedroom door had Uruha’s heart catching in his throat and he wasn‘t able to come as soon as he thought he would. His moans were choked off into a small sound of surprise at the sudden rude interruption. He fully expected Aoi to stop fucking him and jump for his clothes, but Aoi amazingly kept fucking him but when Uruha turned around, Aoi rose a finger to his lips for Uruha to keep quiet.

“Don’t stop….” Uruha whispered needlessly. Aoi didn’t seem like he was going to stop until they were both coming and he was extremely glad of that.

“Aoi, are you alright in there? I heard noises coming from in here….” Aoi’s mother’s muffled voice came from behind the door and Uruha laughed silently as he watched Aoi glare over his shoulder. Uruha’s hands slid down the poles on the headboard, making a slight screeching noise as they slipped because his hands were so damp.

“Oops,” Uruha mouthed as he placed his hands on the mattress to reduce the noise. Aoi shot him another death glare but kept thrusting into him.

“I’m okay, just dropped something on my foot,” Aoi called back breathlessly.

“Classic.” Uruha chuckled, winking at Aoi. “You obviously dropped a ton of bricks on your feet.”

“Shut up and let me fuck you,” Aoi growled low as he leaned over Uruha’s back and to try to keep the bed from squeaking.

“You are fucking me. You’re fucking me so good Aoi…” Uruha grinned and turned his head to kiss Aoi. “I bet this is the first time you’ve gotten caught like this.” Uruha chuckled as Aoi gave him a hard thrust and nearly sent him sliding forward. Uruha reached back and took hold of Aoi’s chin to give him another kiss to smother his lover’s irritated scowl.

“Are you sure you’re alright? I can bring you some ice if you need it.” The sound of the door handle being tried had both Uruha and Aoi’s eyes widening a bit as they broke away from their kiss.

“I’m okay, really! I’ll be down in a minute!” Aoi said through gritted teeth, annoyance coming through his voice sharply.

“Aren’t you glad I made you lock the door?” Uruha rose an eyebrow cockily but was reprimanded as Aoi pushed into him hard again and he nearly let a loud moan slip, but Aoi’s hand was back in front of his mouth, keeping him quiet.

“Well alright…just be careful next time. I’ll have a bag of ice ready when you come down.” Aoi’s mother’s worried voice filtered through the door much to Uruha’s irritation now as well as Aoi‘s. The fun of nearly getting caught was over and now all Uruha wanted was for Aoi to fuck him good and hard without anymore ‘interruptions’. Uruha felt Aoi sigh in relief as they heard the thankfully retreating footsteps going back down the stairs and only then did Aoi pull his hand away from Uruha’s mouth.

“Just don’t make anymore noise. That was a close call,” Aoi hissed softly as he leaned back up and resumed his earlier position. Uruha made a zipping gesture across his closed mouth but he eventually had to bury his face in the pillows to keep from crying out as Aoi built up the momentum once more. He had been so close when they had been interrupted but it didn’t take very long for both he and Aoi to reach that pinnacle once more. Uruha twisted the sheets beneath his hands and bit into the material of the pillow and he squeezed his eyes closed as Aoi thrust into him with even more fervor than before the interruption.

Behind him Aoi took to biting into his shoulder to keep himself from moaning too loudly and Uruha reveled in the sting of Aoi’s mouth on his skin. It only added to the desperate feeling between them, reaching for the same goal, and not caring what they had to do to get there, just as long as they got there the quickest way possible. Uruha moaned long and low into the pillow, his voice coming out soft and muffled fortunately, and he reached back with one hand to tangle in Aoi’s hair and keep his mouth to his shoulder as he felt the tension between them finally snap. It only took a few more rough thrusts to finish what they had started.

“Uru…” Aoi groaned, his fingers tightening around Uruha’s waist and pulling him flush back against him as he came. Aoi stopped moving for the briefest moment as he let his orgasm wash over him in waves and then he thrust a few more times to allow Uruha to come as well, but Uruha was already there and definitely didn’t need any prompting.

Uruha shuddered and his body tightened as he came harder than he had come in awhile. It had been too long since they’d done something this dangerous and got off to it like this. They hadn’t been so vigorous and bold since that night in the backroom after their last concert months ago. It was a relief that all of their pent up needs for adventure and wild sex that had been steadily building between them for weeks on end, had finally come to fruition. They would be satisfied for a little while at least, until that tension started building again and then they would have to find another perfect opportunity to do something taboo and publicly shameful.

Uruha was breathing so hard at that moment that his chest hurt and he rested with his cheek pushed against the pillow beneath him, his ass still pressed against Aoi until Aoi slowly slipped out of him. He could feel Aoi’s release trickling down the inside of his thigh in small rivulets when Aoi pulled out of him and it only added to the sense of euphoria he was suddenly encased in. He had just been fucked thoroughly and he was so satisfied, all he could do was stay where he was and smile. He shivered slightly as the air of the room caught the moisture on his skin and chilled him.

He heard Aoi chuckle behind him and flinched when he felt Aoi’s tongue running up his thigh and licking away his release. Uruha whined softly and his fingers twisted half-heartedly in the sheets as Aoi’s tongue licked over his entrance teasingly. He had no energy left for another round, but Aoi’s tongue on his skin still elicited the smallest bit of excitement in the pit of his stomach that he willed away for another time. Aoi caressed the small of his back and then made him turn over, which he did with the laziness of someone extremely exhausted but pleased. Uruha left out a huffed breath and let his eyes close and he sunk back into the bed comfortably as Aoi laid down beside him and kissed his shoulder. He heard and felt Aoi laugh softly again his skin at his state of exhaustion.

“Point for me,” Uruha murmured drowsily.

“That isn’t fair,” Aoi protested but Uruha shook his head.

“We were nearly caught, so that’s one for me. Besides, you got what you wanted. You got to fuck a blond sex fiend in your bed and it was amazingly dirty. You fulfilled a childhood dream.” Uruha turned his head and grinned over at Aoi. “So don’t complain,” Uruha scolded and Aoi only sighed and buried his face into Uruha’s neck against his cooling skin.

“Why do we even do this?” Aoi wondered aloud and Uruha smiled inwardly at the distress in Aoi’s voice. “You nearly got us caught. I can’t believe I let you talk me into this. Do you know what would have happened if we had been caught?” Aoi rose his head to look at Uruha imploringly and Uruha just shrugged, hiding the amused smile that threatened to surface at Aoi’s fretting.

“You mother would have found out that you liked cock?” Uruha guessed impishly but when Aoi frowned at him in exasperation, Uruha tched and stroked back Aoi’s hair affectionately. “It doesn’t matter anyway. We almost got caught but we didn‘t, that’s the whole point of the game. We do it for the thrill. We had fun…it was obvious by how sticky my thighs still are.” Aoi stole a quick glance at Uruha’s thighs and when he looked back up, Uruha was laughing at him. “You loved it, I loved it, and we’re going to do it again somewhere else and we’re going to nearly get caught and then we’ll do everything all over once more because we live for the excitement.”

Uruha grinned as Aoi sighed in defeat and laid his head back down on Uruha’s shoulder. Aoi knew he was right, and Uruha didn’t feel ashamed at all that they had been nearly caught. It only added to his sense of accomplishment. Uruha settled back down into the pillows and felt sleep threatening to overcome him. He knew they would have to go back downstairs and figure out how to make Aoi’s ‘hurt foot’ believable in only a moment’s time, but he wanted to relish his victory over Aoi for a little while longer.

“You’re still cruel for doing this to me Uru no matter how great the sex was. This calls for extreme payback I think,” Aoi mumbled into Uruha’s neck, it was just too bad that Uruha barely caught what Aoi had said as he began to doze off without meaning to, otherwise he would have been weary of Aoi’s talent for nasty revenge.

END

A/N: This was for all the people who wanted more public, dirty sex! XD As you can see, it’s been left off for another story…because I originally had another scene/setting to add. I’m already writing it into a sequel. I’m just not sure when it will be posted. This has actually been done for months but I haven’t had time to polish it and proofread it until now. I’m still deathly busy and updates will be snail paced. But I haven’t forgotten the continuing stories of the Kai series or any of the requests I’ve gotten. They’ll be written one of these days ><

Part One

2008-10-18T00:18:37Z

[ How I'm feeling| Naughty]
[ What I'm listening to|How long

Title: All for the thrill (1/2)
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha
Author: Life_giver
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Do not own anyone in this story of course -_-
Warnings: Dirty, porn-ish sex
Summary: If Aoi was truly worried about getting caught, then there was a real sense of danger that gave what they were about to do so much more substance and thrill. They lived for the thrills, and Aoi would soon realize how exhilarating this experience was going to be once Uruha was able to get inside of his pants.
Notes: This is a sequel/companion fic to The games we play but can be read as a stand-alone.

Uruha had always hated family dinners, hated the formality, and the forced laughter, and the general awkwardness of relatives, but he was here on Aoi’s insistence and had been warned to play nice. So he smiled politely and passed the bowls of food to the person on his side who just happened to be Aoi’s loud brother, and endured the tedious conversation that flitted around the table. He was always one to make his lover happy and he pretended to enjoy the dinner, grinning over at Aoi who sat on the other side of him, and received an encouraging wink. But he nearly jumped from the table the moment Aoi’s mother announced the ending of the dinner and gladly left the dining room along with everyone else who began to migrate towards the backyard and other scattered places around the house.

He and Aoi were only supposed to stay another few hours, and Uruha was counting down the minutes, unashamed by his readiness to leave. Aoi’s family was nice enough, but family gatherings had never been a favorite event of his, even with his own family, and Aoi usually agreed with him. He would much rather be at home playing beneath the sheets with his lover…but he couldn’t have everything, he knew. At least he was privileged enough to have Aoi. He would have to suffer through this event to get to the more enjoyable affairs.

Uruha found himself behind the crowd somehow, because everyone had already dispersed ahead of him and went their separate ways. Aoi had passed him, saying something about talking to his brother in the living room, and Uruha was left to wander out of the dining room and down the hallway. Uruha checked his watch as he simultaneously peeked into the open doors of the rooms he passed. Only a few more hours, he could make it. There was nothing interesting about the rooms he passed, but he did find the bathroom, a hurried escape plan in case he was cornered by Aoi’s mother or father. He hated dealing with parents, especially when he was fucking their son without their knowledge.

Uruha minutely wondered where Aoi’s childhood bedroom was, now that would have been something interesting to see. He chuckled and went on looking into the rooms without ever finding a room that looked like it might have been Aoi’s at one time. Aoi’s parents either had cleared it out and turned it into something else, or his room was upstairs….He faintly recalled Aoi saying something about having the upstairs to himself now that he thought about it.

Uruha rose an eyebrow as he emerged from the hallway and looked up the staircase to the second floor. He could imagine Aoi as a teenager with a whole top story of a house to himself. What sort of parents in their right mind allowed an adolescent that much freedom? No wonder Aoi had turned out so wild. Uruha snickered, but stopped in his slow meandering walk upon finding Aoi sitting in the living room….alone.

Uruha breathed a sigh of relief that was so audible, Aoi looked up quickly from something he had been reading on the coffee table in front of him, a lit cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth. Aoi wasn’t supposed to be smoking in his parent’s house, but then Aoi had never abided by any rules Uruha had ever known.

Uruha crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned against the hallway frame, a smirk touching the corner of his mouth mischievously. He hadn’t had a chance to be alone with Aoi the whole day, with his lover’s time being taken up by the family who hardly saw him anymore. Uruha understood but it was nice to have Aoi all to himself, though how long that would last was something he had no notion of.

“What are you doing in here all by yourself?” Uruha wondered, and his smirk widened as Aoi looked over at him suspiciously. He knew Uruha too well, and it was obvious that he could read Uruha’s motives in his face as clearly as if he had came out and said what he wanted to do. “You’re not surrounded by your family. Shouldn’t you be outside playing games or something?” In fact, Uruha was thinking of a very different sort of game he wanted to play at that moment, but knew Aoi would never forgive him if he tried engaging him in one of their games in his own family’s home.

“My brother gave me a new song he wrote.” Aoi picked up the piece of paper he had been reading off of when Uruha had found him, and then he let the paper fall back down to the table carelessly. “We were going over it, but then he wanted to go outside to play the games….I didn’t really feel like following him.” Uruha’s eyebrow rose playfully, and Aoi suddenly looked as if he regretted his decision of staying inside. Uruha couldn’t blame him, but he had been bored this whole day…he needed a little excitement, and Aoi knew well what they usually got their excitement from.

Uruha hummed in acknowledgement, his smile softening, and he tried his hardest to remain unassuming as he came to sit down beside Aoi on the couch. He had been wanting to get at Aoi all day, but Aoi didn’t need to know that just yet. He knew his lover would kill him for even trying to seduce him in a place like this. Public was one thing, but his family’s home? Blasphemous. And to Uruha, that made it all the more appealing. He would have to ease Aoi into it…work on it slowly.

“I’ve missed you today…” Uruha murmured as he moved closer to Aoi on the couch until their thighs were pressed together and Uruha was able to place his hand on Aoi’s jean-clothed knee, seemingly innocent, but the touch was made to make Aoi squirm. Uruha smiled to himself as Aoi reacted just how he had anticipated, by moving his leg away a little from Uruha, but Uruha’s hand followed, and he squeezed his lover’s knee for more effect. Aoi took a side-long glance at Uruha distrustfully and then took a drag of his cigarette before letting the smoke out in a loud sigh.

“We’ve been around each other all day, what are you talking about?” Aoi asked, irritation seeping into his voice steadily at Uruha’s antics.

“You know what I’m talking about Aoi…” Uruha nearly whispered, his hand moving slowly from Aoi’s knee and stroking gently down his leg to his thigh. “We haven’t been alone since this morning. I miss being able to touch you, and kiss you…” Uruha breathed as he leaned forward and pressed his lips in a soft kiss to the curve of Aoi’s ear. “We can’t do that around your family…it’s our little secret, but it’s so damn hard to keep when I have to go a whole day without touching you like this.”

Aoi let out a breath between his lips as Uruha’s hand slipped down to the inside of his thigh and squeezed, but when Uruha’s hand tried moving further between his legs, Aoi reached down and stopped him, his face sporting a disbelieving expression. It was obvious that he couldn’t believe that Uruha was actually trying to grab him while his family laughed and shouted only feet away from them outside. All that stood between he and Uruha and his family was a glass door and Uruha could see children running past in a blur.

If one of Aoi’s family members were to walk by and look into the door, they were sure to get an eyeful, because Uruha didn’t intend on stopping with just his hand between Aoi’s legs…oh no, he wanted to do much more. And he didn’t care if Aoi tried stopping him because Aoi’s will power was weak when it came to him. Uruha moistened his lips and grinned as he slipped his hand out of Aoi’s grasp and used Aoi’s momentary shock to lean forward and kiss him on the lips.

“You can’t say you haven’t been wanting to do this also…” Uruha whispered between the slow deep kisses he was giving Aoi at that moment. Aoi didn’t try to fight him and Uruha was even able to sneak his hand back down to Aoi’s lap and victoriously find what he had been looking for.

“Shit!” Aoi cursed against Uruha’s mouth and nearly bit his tongue. Uruha laughed and flicked his fortunate tongue against Aoi’s full bottom lip lewdly. Uruha had grabbed Aoi’s cock beneath his pants and squeezed with just the right amount of force to hurt just a little.

“I’m not going to stop,” Uruha informed Aoi needlessly. Aoi knew he would push until he got what he wanted, it was what he always did. It was how Uruha controlled most of their games. He was a master at seducing Aoi into giving him what he wanted by now.

“Uru…my family-” Aoi tried pleading, but Uruha’s hand only began rubbing Aoi through his pants and Aoi’s speech was cut off by a choked groan. Aoi was so warm and hard beneath the palm of his hand that Uruha nearly groaned in unison with him.

“Will never notice,” Uruha finished for him as he slid down off of the couch and kneeled down in front of Aoi and spread his lover’s legs with his hands on his knees.

“They’re right outside, what if one of them walks in?” Aoi’s eyes were genuinely terrified and it only fueled Uruha on more. If Aoi was truly worried about getting caught, then there was a real sense of danger that gave what they were about to do so much more substance and thrill. They lived for the thrills, and Aoi would soon realize how exhilarating this experience was going to be once Uruha was able to get inside of his pants.

“You know this excites you Aoi. You love the thought that at any moment someone could walk in and catch us.” Uruha used Aoi’s impish words from their last public excursion and took pleasure in the way Aoi’s eyes narrowed heatedly at his subtle pun, his reminder of Aoi‘s own manipulation. “And if they do walk in….” Uruha bit the corner of his mouth wickedly. “All you have to do is pull your pants back up and pretend we were playing charades.”

“Charades?” Aoi’s voice rose an octave in incredulity. “Charades, Uruha? What were you doing? Going through the motions of pretending to suck my dick? How can you explain that? Oh dad, we were playing charades,” Aoi mocked himself and Uruha nearly keeled over laughing at Aoi’s impersonation and at his obvious anger. “Why son, it looked like your young friend had his head in your lap,” Aoi continued on, impersonating his father’s deep voice as Uruha tilted his head back and chuckled until his stomach nearly hurt. “Well dad, you just gave the answer away. I knew he was impersonating something to do with my lap…” Aoi sighed in apparent disgust that Uruha thought everything was so funny and he even crossed his arms across his chest petulantly and leaned back against the couch in a sulk.

“Oh Aoi…” Uruha quieted his laughing to shake his head at his lover. He could feel his face heated with a nice flush from laughing and from the arousal that was building up steadily. All this talk about Aoi’s lap was getting him even more aroused. “Aoi, Aoi, Aoi.” Uruha tched and rested his chin on one of Aoi’s knees and looked up at Aoi innocently through a fringe of light hair.

“What, what, and what?” Aoi growled. “I don’t want my family catching me like this Uru. Public is one thing, but when it comes to ruining relationships, I’d rather not.”

“You worry too much,” Uruha murmured. “They’re all too caught up in their games outside to notice anything else. I’m sure they won’t be coming in for awhile. I’ve been wanting to touch you for hours Aoi….please….” Uruha’s lips curved down in the hopes of convincing Aoi to accept what was going to happen anyway. “This makes it so exciting.” Uruha rose back up onto his knees and slid his hands against the top of Aoi’s legs sensually.

“Tell me you’ve been thinking the same thing secretly,” Uruha murmured as he kissed Aoi again. “Tell me,” He prompted softly, his teeth nipping and pulling Aoi’s bottom lip into his mouth. Aoi surprised him by making an effort to kiss him back and even went as far as to slip his tongue inside of Uruha’s mouth to deepen their kiss. Uruha moaned softly and let one of his hands stray back to Aoi’s lap where he stroked and rubbed slowly.

“Maybe I have,” Aoi breathed against Uruha’s mouth, his hips seeking more friction from Uruha’s hand as he became hard beneath Uruha’s palm. “But it doesn’t make this any more right or less dangerous.”

“No,” Uruha agreed quietly, their lips pressing and pulling apart in leisurely, moist kisses. “It makes it more exciting.” As they kissed, Uruha’s hands began undoing Aoi’s pants with quick and nimble fingers. He wanted to get Aoi out of his pants as fast as he could. The sooner they were able to finish, the more unlikely they were to get caught, and the less admonishment he would hear from Aoi the next day. As soon as he had gotten Aoi’s pants unbuttoned and zipped down, Uruha pulled away from Aoi’s mouth and bent down over Aoi’s lap. He pushed Aoi’s nice dress shirt up and was delighted to see that Aoi was wearing his navel ring.

“You’re wearing it for me,” Uruha exclaimed excitedly, his eyes taking in the sight of Aoi’s silver navel piercing glinting sinfully under the afternoon sunlight. It was rare these days that Aoi wore his navel piercing, but he knew how much Uruha enjoyed it, so Uruha knew he was wearing it for him when Aoi decided to put it on. It also meant that Aoi was confident he was going to get a fuck when he wore his navel piercing. Uruha grinned knowingly as he lowered his head and pressed a soft damp kiss to Aoi’s deliciously flat stomach and felt Aoi suck in a deep breath.

Aoi had the most perfect stomach Uruha had ever seen, so smooth and flat with an underlying strength that had the heat in Uruha’s body flaring up each time he touched it. He especially loved when they were fucking and he pressed on Aoi’s stomach and felt it tightening as his lover worked his hips between Uruha’s legs. That particular thought had a moan escaping Uruha’s lips as he kissed Aoi’s stomach as he would kiss Aoi’s mouth. Uruha ran his tongue vulgarly along Aoi’s skin, loving the taste that was uniquely Aoi, fresh and clean, and Aoi’s cologne, the scent they were both prone to wear, was rich and exotic against his stomach from misting the scent on his clothes. Uruha circled the tip of his tongue in a downward spiral until he touched Aoi’s navel piercing.

The sharp flavor of metal flooded Uruha’s mouth as he tugged the piercing between his teeth and then covered it with the flat of his tongue. He felt the vibrations against his mouth of Aoi moaning softly, trying his hardest to keep as quiet as humanly possible. Uruha raised his eyes as he sucked on the piercing and was caught in Aoi’s dark black eyes, finding arousal and desire lurking in the depths, waiting to be satisfied. He could see that Aoi’s resolve was breaking and all he wanted was for Uruha to relieve the tension in his body. Uruha was only too happy to oblige.

Uruha kissed Aoi’s navel for a long moment more, teasing Aoi in the most sinful of ways as his tongue dipped and flicked and his teeth nipped and his lips pressed against skin gently, before he pulled Aoi’s opened pants down some so that he could dip his hand beneath the waistband. Uruha used his free hand to play with Aoi’s navel piercing even as he wrapped his other hand around Aoi’s hard erection and stroked him. Uruha smiled up at Aoi and teasingly played with Aoi’s navel ring with the tip of his black fingernail, causing Aoi’s silky skin to prickle in excitement.

He watched his hand moving beneath the cloth of Aoi’s boxers until Aoi groaned a little more loudly than they both knew he should have, because even Uruha looked quickly over his shoulder to make sure that everyone was still safely outside. He could hear the shouts and voices still drifting faintly around them, so that was a strange reassurance. When Uruha turned his attention back to Aoi, Aoi’s brow was creased and his stomach was tightening and releasing and Uruha couldn’t hold back from pushing Aoi’s boxers down out of the way and taking Aoi’s cock out finally. Aoi looked too good and Uruha tightened his hold on Aoi’s erection at the sight of his lover so hard for him.

“Aoi,” Uruha purred as the tip of one finger circled the head of Aoi’s cock and gathered the moisture he found there. Aoi hissed and his hips immediately pressed towards Uruha, but Uruha ignored him as he slipped his finger into his mouth and sucked Aoi’s essence from his skin. “You’re so hard for me,” Uruha murmured, his lips only inches from the head of Aoi’s cock, but he merely blew a stream of cool air against his skin and smiled sadistically as Aoi let out an agonized moan and let his head drop down to the back of the couch in frustration.

“Do you want me to suck you Aoi?” Uruha asked softly, his fingers trailing lightly against the heated skin of Aoi’s erection as he talked. “Want me to press my lips to your cock and take you down my throat? You know I’m the best…you know how fast I can make you come.” Uruha knew he was being haughty and smug, but he also knew that Aoi liked him best that way. Aoi liked Uruha confident and sensual, and catty, because Aoi was later able to punish him for his impudence with sex only Aoi could give him. It was hard, fast, messy, amazing sex, and the promise of that award that wasn’t really punishment at all, had Uruha teasing Aoi like this constantly.

Uruha chuckled and let the tip of his fingernail glide over the head of Aoi’s slick cock, rubbing over the slit and making Aoi gasp, before dragging his finger slowly down the rigid length and circling the base with leisure. Uruha was glad he had let his fingernails grow a bit lately. He couldn’t keep them long or sharp because of his guitar playing, but he had been able to keep them a nice size recently, enough to drag along Aoi’s skin and tease him or leave red scratches on his back and arms when they were in the heat of a particularly dirty sex session.

Uruha finally bent down and pressed his tongue to the head of Aoi’s cock with deliberate languor as if sucking Aoi’s cock were just a passing chore. Though in actuality, Uruha could barely wait to wrap his lips around his lover and take him down his throat because going down on Aoi was one of his most favorite things in the world to do besides playing music.

He loved the taste of Aoi in his mouth, took pleasure in how Aoi closed his eyes and his breath came in small pants and he allowed himself to groan just the tiniest bit deep in the back of his throat. It was incredibly sexy to Uruha when Aoi tried to keep himself from losing control, but eventually let himself go wild on Uruha when he couldn’t take anymore teasing.

Aoi’s cigarette was still burning and hanging from the corner of his mouth as Uruha worked on his cock, and Uruha felt a surge of fire run straight down through his stomach to his own cock when Aoi rose the hand that had been tangling and tugging at his hair so that he could suck on the cigarette and then blow a stream of smoke out. Smoking and sex had always come naturally to Aoi, it was almost a gift or at the very least a sensual skill that only Aoi had mastered. There was no one who could do it better.

Uruha moaned softly as he ran his tongue over the slick head of Aoi’s cock and cleaned away the fluid that had gathered there. He felt Aoi lower his hand, his cigarette now caught between two fingers, and he tugged on Uruha’s hair a little when Uruha wrapped his lips around the head of Aoi’s cock and sucked. He felt Aoi’s hand tighten as he slid his mouth down the length of his cock midway. He stopped, looking up at Aoi through slightly mussed blonde hair and then slid the rest of the way down and swallowed.

“Fuck…” Aoi gasped, forgetting all about his earlier caution and worry over getting caught with his pants down and Uruha in his lap. If Uruha’s mouth hadn’t been full, he would have been grinning victoriously as he stroked Aoi and slid his mouth up and then back down his length slowly.

“Uruha, god, I’m not….I’m going to….” Aoi tried getting out between a long strand of groans and pants and Uruha only raised an eyebrow to let Aoi know he understood. It wouldn’t take long to finish Aoi off. It was obvious Aoi had been waiting for this all day as much as Uruha had. If the navel ring hadn’t given it away first, Uruha would have known as much from the way Aoi was pressing his hips towards him and moaning out his name almost desperately.

The man had been deprived, and Uruha fully intended to remedy that. Uruha slid up Aoi’s cock and pressed a deceptively sweet kiss to the head of his lover’s cock, his hand steadily stroking faster. Uruha licked his lips and watched as Aoi’s stomach tightened and released, tightened, and released, his navel ring glinting in the sunlight, and Aoi’s hand stroked through Uruha’s hair, occasionally pulling when Uruha’s hand felt too good on him.

Uruha leaned up on his knees and kissed Aoi as he continued stroking him between them with one hand. With his other hand he reached for Aoi’s cigarette in the corner of his mouth, held it between thumb and forefinger and sucked on it long and slow before blowing the smoke out and grinning as Aoi twitched in the palm of his hand and groaned. Uruha casually placed the cigarette back between Aoi’s lips and then winked at him as he continued stroking him.

“Come for me Aoi,” Uruha urged, biting the corner of Aoi’s mouth and secretly wishing his lover had thought to wear his lip ring as well. Aoi knew how much he loved it. Any piercing on his lover’s body had the power to get Uruha hot faster than anything else. Uruha sucked on Aoi’s bottom lip and stroked him faster, loving the feeling of Aoi thrusting into his hand and Aoi’s other arm wrapping around his waist to bring him closer.

Aoi broke away from Uruha’s mouth to moan and Uruha knew he was there, that he was coming and he barely had time to slip back down to the floor and take Aoi back into his mouth before Aoi was coming and Uruha groaned at the feeling of warmth seeping down his throat. Uruha waited until Aoi was finished, his body going slack, and his hand falling away from Uruha’s hair, before Uruha pulled away slowly, licking up the last of Aoi’s release from the head of his softening cock and then licking his lips in turn. Uruha grinned as he leaned up once more and laid against Aoi as much as his awkward position allowed him to and chuckled when Aoi rubbed his back and gave him an incredulous look.

“I can’t believe you just did that Uruha…” Aoi whispered, shaking his head in utter disbelief.

“I told you I wasn’t going to stop,” Uruha murmured, kissing Aoi’s cheek with his still slightly sticky lips. Aoi winced and Uruha licked the slight stickiness from his skin with a playful flick of his tongue.

“You’re insane,” Aoi breathed into Uruha’s hair but held Uruha closer to him possessively as he said this. Uruha was only Aoi’s, he knew that’s what Aoi had meant by his embrace and Uruha wouldn’t have it any other way. Aoi was the only one he had had eyes for since they had met, and Aoi possessed all of him, the tender side of him and the kinky, sexual side that had become his namesake since they had gotten together. Aoi brought out the animal in him and Uruha couldn’t help but want to do these spontaneous, wild things with Aoi because Aoi was too damn gorgeous and perfect for his own good. But if he ever let Aoi know these things, Uruha’s control over their games would dissolve in an instant, he knew this, and kept his thoughts to himself of how completely Aoi possessed him.

“I still want you to fuck me,” Uruha whispered into Aoi’s ear and smiled widely when Aoi’s arms tightened around him, obviously surprised that Uruha wanted to do more after the risky act they had just finished with. Uruha’s eyes strayed down to Aoi’s hand as he waited for Aoi’s answer and smirked to see his cigarette now burnt down low. But in the next minute, Aoi had flicked the remaining end of the cigarette into the little wastebasket under the lamp stand and Uruha secretly hoped there hadn’t been any trash in it that could have started a fire. Now that would have been a story to tell. Uruha and Aoi had had sex in Aoi’s parent’s house and had nearly burnt it down in one visit. Uruha smiled inwardly at that possible scenario. They had probably done worse things being the wild duo they were.

“Uru…” Aoi tried protesting against Uruha‘s offer for a fuck, but Uruha’s hand dipped down between them and covered Aoi’s cock in emphasis.

“I gave you something, now you have to give me something. I want you to fuck me.” Uruha’s hand made to close around Aoi’s still very exposed cock, but Aoi quickly grabbed his wrist, anticipating his movement, and pulled his hand away in silent admonishment. He knew Uruha was going to get what he wanted just as easily as Uruha had just convinced Aoi to let him blow him on his family’s couch. Aoi was silent for what seemed like forever in Uruha’s sense of time and then his shoulders sagged against the couch and Uruha knew he had given up. Aoi was just too damn easy sometimes.

“Okay, but can we at least do this somewhere a little more private?” Aoi finally asked, his voice pleading for Uruha to be merciful to him somehow, and Uruha took pity on him because Aoi’s nervous face had always tugged on his heartstrings, no matter how evil Uruha was being at any given moment. Plus he had a sudden brilliant idea as his eyes trailed off to the side and up the carpeted stairs to the second floor…

“Then take me to your old room,” Uruha insisted with a resolve that left no room for Aoi to refuse.

“What?” Aoi asked as if he didn’t understand what Uruha was asking, but Uruha was sure Aoi knew exactly what he was referring to, but was once again in shock that Uruha was being so bold. He had been warned to play nice, but he was being extra naughty that day and he really couldn’t help it. At least he had agreed to tag along with Aoi, and at least he had gotten through the dinner without blurting out something that was sure to embarrass Aoi, or even worse, at least he hadn’t made good on Aoi’s brother’s flirty overtures at the dinner table. Uruha would have never thought of cheating on Aoi, but it would have been hilarious to tease and flirt a little bit…

All in all, Uruha had behaved himself very well, it was only right then for Aoi to reward him for his hard efforts. A child’s ball hit the glass door behind them and rattled it, but Uruha and Aoi remained as they were, leaning against one another and staring each other down. Uruha could still hear the shrieking laughter and talk of everyone outside so they were still quite safe. Though people were bound to start looking for Aoi after a while, because after all, they hardly saw him and it was a treat when he was able to visit. So they would have to be quick about what they intended to do.

“Take me to your room,” Uruha said more slowly, drawing out his words for Aoi to better understand him and for extra emphasis, Uruha thrust his chin towards the stairs next to them. Aoi didn’t say another word either in question or refusal as he began buttoning his pants back up and then stood from the couch. Uruha grinned in a silly, self-satisfied manner as Aoi grabbed his hand, pulled him up from the couch a little more roughly than necessary, and led him up the stairs to the second floor. Aoi guided a satisfied, grinning Uruha past a succession of doors until they got to the very last one at the end of a hallway, and this one he pushed open as if the room was still his and he went into it everyday. Uruha immediately began looking around as Aoi closed the door behind them.

“You might wanna lock that,” Uruha suggested with a sly smirk. Aoi frowned at him but reached behind him and Uruha heard Aoi turning the lock on the door. Uruha turned back around and looked all about him at the seemingly untouched room that definitely looked as if it belonged to an adolescent boy. “It’s as if you never left,” Uruha observed as he spotted the rock band posters on the wall and the stack of old music tapes in a case beside the bed. There was an open closet door and Uruha was surprised to see very outdated clothes that he could remember himself wearing when he was a teenager.

Uruha laughed quietly at the sight and his eyes roved and lingered on the twin-sized bed against one of the walls. The dark blue sheets seemed cleaned and new for some odd reason, since everything else seemed like it hadn’t been touched since Aoi had left home all those years ago, the light film of dust of the box of casset tapes spoke years of neglect. But Aoi answered his question as if he had been reading Uruha’s mind.

“My mother cleans the room regularly, keeps the bed clean for me when I come home. It’s always strange sleeping in this room since everything is pretty much like I left it. My parents didn’t want to give any of my things away.” Aoi shrugged. Well Uruha was silently thankful that Aoi’s mother had had the courtesy to keep the bed clean and made. Uruha went over to the bed and stood at the end of it, his fingers running over the navy sheets thoughtfully before he turned on Aoi with an impish smirk.

“So is this where you were fucked for the first time?” Uruha asked bluntly, no finesse or discretion what-so-ever. He found it strangely erotic imagining Aoi losing his virginity in the bed he was currently running his hands over, and planned on fucking him in eventually. Uruha turned and sat down on the end of the bed and watched Aoi struggling with an answer, his eyes darting everywhere without meeting Uruha’s curious gaze.

“Not really…” Aoi mumbled so low, Uruha had to strain to catch what he was saying. “It was in my car…but other things happened in that bed…” Uruha mouthed a silent ah, his eyes positively dancing at Aoi’s demure answer.

“Mmm…” Uruha hummed thoughtfully as he laid back on the bed and stretched his arms above his head lithely. “I was fucked for the first time behind the bleachers after a soccer game, so I guess we both had oddly exciting first times.” Uruha crossed his hands behind his head and smiled over at Aoi who seemed so out of place in his old bedroom. Aoi had definitely outgrown it. He was a man in an adolescent’s room and things didn’t accommodate him anymore.

Aoi didn’t seem surprised by Uruha’s admission of where his virginity had been taken and Uruha pressed on because Aoi had admitted he’d only done ‘other things’ in this room and Uruha was already getting aroused at that thought. ‘Other things’ as in what adolescent boys did when they were alone. Uruha grinned to himself.

“So this bed hasn’t ever been christened,” Uruha concluded as he sat up a little and leaned on his elbows to watch Aoi walking slowly around the room, examining things and avoiding eye contact.

“You could say that,” Aoi muttered in a low voice as he picked up a pair of outdated sunglasses from a dresser and then set them back down distractedly.

“I think we could do something about that,” Uruha purred, moistening his lips in anticipation. Aoi stopped in mid-motion of opening a drawer of a nightstand by the bed and turned on Uruha.

“This is so wrong Uruha. Why don’t we just leave early and I’ll take you home and-” Aoi suggested anxiously.

“No Aoi, I want you to fuck me here,” Uruha cut in petulantly. He was going to get what he wanted, whether Aoi liked it or not. “In this bed that you’ve never fucked anyone in. I want to be the first.” If Uruha hadn’t been able to take Aoi’s virginity, with the sole reason being that they hadn’t known each other for that long a time, then Uruha wanted to be the first for Aoi in his old bedroom. It was a peculiar desire, but Uruha found something so arousing about being able to fuck Aoi in his old adolescent bedroom, the bedroom that he’d first touched himself in and learned about sex in, and did ‘other things’ in as Aoi had modestly hinted at.

“Come on…” Uruha murmured, sliding one of his hands down his own body and lifting his shirt up a little to expose a hint of skin. “I know you want to fuck me. I’m sure you always wanted to have sex with someone in this room when you were younger. Why not have sex with me now? We’ll be extra quiet.” Uruha grinned and pressed a finger to his lips teasingly. Aoi sighed and rolled his eyes at Uruha.

“When have you ever been known to be quiet Uru? As soon as I touch you, you’re moaning and letting the whole world know what we’re doing.” Aoi shook his head as he gazed down at Uruha smirking up at him and caressing his own stomach. Uruha could see Aoi’s eyes following his hand as he petted his stomach and he knew that with just a few minutes more argument, Aoi would be on top of him and the real fun would begin.

“It’s exciting knowing people can hear you having sex and you know it. I hate how morally conscious and righteous you’re being today, just because we’re around your family.” Uruha visibly sulked. “You’d jump at the chance of fucking me anywhere else on the planet but you don’t want to give me the satisfaction of being the first in this bed. I don’t understand.” Uruha’s brow creased and he could tell that the guilt trip was working on Aoi as his lover let out an aggravated breath and looked away remorsefully.

“I want to be with you Uru…I really…really do. But it just feels wrong in this bedroom.” Aoi shrugged as if he couldn’t help what he was feeling, and maybe Uruha understood his reasoning, but still…Uruha was splayed out on Aoi’s bed, begging to be fucked. What man in his right mind would pass up the chance for sex? Aoi’s morals would have to take a backseat, because Uruha was horny, and he could already see Aoi getting hard again beneath the fabric of his pants.

“You’ve never cared about right and wrong before. You’re going to miss a chance to fuck a gorgeous guy in your adolescent bedroom Aoi,” Uruha tried, knowing he was being completely vain, though it was a teasing sort of conceitedness. He knew Aoi would eventually succumb if he pushed hard enough with his silly flattery.

“When you were young, I’m sure you touched yourself while thinking of all the beautiful people you’d like to be fucking in your bed. Well you have me right here and you’d be missing out if you turned me down. I‘m here begging you to fuck me…” Uruha purred, his hands slipping beneath his shirt and pulling it up. He sat up long enough to slip the shirt over his head and toss it to the floor with a playful grin, before beckoning Aoi to him with a crooked finger. He was thoroughly pleased and only slightly surprised as Aoi came to him without a moment’s hesitation. He could see how hard Aoi had gotten in the space of time it had taken for them to make it up to the bedroom and argue about having sex in it.

Uruha ran his tongue over his bottom lip and smirked appreciatively up at Aoi as Aoi kneeled on the bed between his spread legs. Uruha could already feel his body temperature rising a few degrees at the sight of Aoi kneeling in front of him and he leaned forward and immediately began unbuttoning Aoi’s pants once more. He wanted Aoi on him and fast. He had been waiting all day for this particular scenario to play out.

Aoi’s face showed nothing of the frustration and annoyance he had been emanating ever since Uruha had cornered him on the couch in the living room wanting sex, but Uruha could see a faint desperation in Aoi’s jerking movements as he pulled his shirt over his head and then reached down to help Uruha pull his pants out of the way. Uruha was about to get fucked good and hard, and that realization sent shivers down his spine.

Go to Part Two

Posting both parts simultaneously!

Chapter Thirteen

2008-09-07T02:57:04Z

[ How I'm feeling| Indescribable]
[ What I'm listening to| Broken Social Scene- Lover’s spit

Title: Hatsu-Yume (13/13)
Pairings: Aoi/Uruha
Author: Life_giver
Rating: R-NC17 (for later parts)
Disclaimer: These beautiful boys are definitely not associated with me….regretfully. I’m only using them for a short time.
Warnings: None *gasp*
Summary: Sometimes the things we love and covet the most are the biggest secrets we will ever keep. Sometimes the heart loves what it cannot help but to love and worship and these are the types of secrets we expect will never be found. This is agony and ecstasy and fantasy for the blind handing the blind his heart to keep and cherish, hoping against hope that he is handed the same in return.
Notes: This is a follow up of sorts from the one shot I wrote some time ago, Chimera
This will be a chapter story tracing that one-shot to a conclusion.

Aoi shifted and slowly opened his eyes in the hazy dull light of his bedroom, sleep sifting from his body like the desolate raindrops rolling down the windowpane. It was still raining from last night, but it was only a light drizzle. The sky was gray and dull outside of Aoi’s windows but for some reason it wasn’t depressing as it had been before. It gave the morning creeping into Aoi’s bedroom a relaxed, wistful feel to it.

It took a moment for him to fully wake up as it did every morning and it took a moment longer for him to get his bearings and realize that his head wasn’t on his pillow but on smooth pale skin. Aoi watched the steady rise and fall of the stomach in front of him, the navel dipping and rising smoothly….erotically. Aoi couldn’t help but let his hand run down that flat expanse of skin, his fingers indulging themselves as they slipped down as far as they could possibly go, but they were blocked by the deep russet bed sheets wrapped loosely around Uruha’s slender waist. This was his for the taking, this gorgeous body, Uruha. Unbelievable as it was, this was real and not a dream this time.

Aoi held himself back from sliding his hand beneath the sheets because he was sure he had worn Uruha out last night. They had made love all throughout the night, only stopping for a few hours of sleep before Aoi would lay assault on Uruha’s body again until they were both writhing and crying out, disturbing the peace, but choosing to be selfish rather than care about anything other than each other.

Now that Uruha was his and he was able to have his friend in this way, he wasn’t sure when they would ever find the time to step out of the bedroom….if that was even possible in their state of mind. They wanted nothing to do with anything else but each other and Aoi had turned the ringer to his phone off during the night and made sure his apartment door was locked because of that simple fact. There would be nothing but them and his bed for days if they could get away with it.

Aoi rose his head from Uruha’s chest and placed a kiss just under his navel. He wanted to pull down the sheets and let his lips slide lower, but he knew there would be plenty of time for that later on, they needed some sort of rest before they lost themselves in each other again. Uruha was still sleeping besides, and Aoi liked resting on his elbow and peering down at Uruha, watching him sleep because he was absolutely beautiful with that perfect mask of serenity on face.

Uruha’s hair was still tousled from last night, the blonde strands fanning out and contrasting sharply with the white pillow beneath his head. This wasn’t a new thing for Aoi, watching Uruha as he slept. He had woken beside Uruha in the morning too many times to count to watch him in his sleep. The only thing different this time was that he and Uruha had just slept together and Uruha was naked and gorgeously disheveled from sex. Aoi smiled and leaned down to kiss Uruha’s lips, still slightly flushed with color from all of the attacks Aoi had laid on them during the night and early morning.

It was still hard to believe that he could kiss and touch Uruha like this without fear anymore. It had only been a night and half a morning since Uruha had shown up at his door, wet and crying. He could still feel Uruha rushing into his arms, the first press of their mouths together, the sheer surprise and thrill and confusion that had engulfed Aoi. Nothing could have prepared him for this. Uruha kissing him and confessing everything he had ever felt….everything they had shared silently, was a wonder. To think that they had felt the same way about each other all these years was maddening. They had danced around one another and hurt when they didn’t have to and that was what made this sudden revelation bittersweet.

Uruha groaned softly in his sleep as Aoi’s lips left his mouth and after a moment of shifting slightly in sleep, Uruha’s eyes slowly opened. Aoi smiled as he leaned over Uruha and swept his fingers through the blonde hair on the pillow beside him. Uruha’s lips parted in a small gasp and his eyes widened somewhat in surprise, sending a spark of fear through Aoi’s body. Was Uruha regretting what had happened? Was that shock and guilt he saw in Uruha’s frown? His heartbeat sped up in the blink of an eye at the prospect that Uruha was regretting what had happened.

“What’s wrong?” Aoi whispered, his breath catching in his throat as worried claws wrapped around him from the inside and squeezed. But Uruha’s startled expression slowly settled into awareness and he covered his face as if embarrassed and shook his head. Aoi could see a smile peeking through Uruha’s fingers as they spread over his face and when Aoi gently pulled his hand away, he saw the smile in full.

“I thought…” Uruha began, shaking his head again. “I thought you were a dream for a moment,” Uruha replied quietly, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment. “I’ve had too many of those.” Uruha’s voice dropped as he said that, and there was a note of bitterness and sad beauty to his words. Aoi knew that feeling well.

His fantasies and dreams had always bled into his reality and blurred his grasp on things until he didn’t know what was real and what was just his over-active imagination. What had happened last night, what was happening now, did seem like one of those blurred moments hanging between fantasy and reality, but he knew it was real, the feel of Uruha’s warm body against his skin was too alive to be a vision in some fragmented dream. They had actually made it here, made their dreams into something solid and real.

Aoi held Uruha’s hands down on the pillow beside his head and leaned down to kiss his lips once more and then Uruha’s eyelids that fluttered closed, still heavy with fading sleep. Uruha slipped his hands from beneath Aoi's grasp and threaded his fingers into Aoi’s hair, deepening the kiss and Aoi felt one of Uruha’s thighs rubbing against his waist insistently…needily. Would this feeling of desperate desire ever wear off? Aoi felt like his hands had to be touching Uruha every second they could. He couldn’t get enough and it was almost frightening how much he seemed to need Uruha. Aoi groaned and hooked his arms around Uruha’s back so that he could flip them over.

He loved the feeling of Uruha straddling his waist, the curtain of fair hair shielding them from the outside world as they kissed. Uruha still had a fading wild scent to him, a scent that was equally from the rain he had walked through last night and somehow came out of without getting sick and the natural scent he had always carried with him since he was a child. It was exotic and unique to Uruha and it made Aoi think of open sky and heated silk sheets against skin all at the same time. The scent of passion. It was the only way he could describe it. Uruha had always been a complicated mixture of sweetness and wild excitement, a storm that could either carry you with it or completely destroy you. Aoi was glad Uruha had decided to take him along for the ride after their initial turbulent start.

Uruha smiled against his lips and suddenly there was a flutter of sheets around them as Uruha reached back and pulled the covers over them. It was what they used to do on mornings like these when they would wrestle beneath the sheets and try to tickle one another mercilessly. Uruha laughed and Aoi knew he had never seen anything more beautiful. The dull light filtered into the sheets behind Uruha but it was still dark beneath the sheets and Aoi felt the warm caress of breath against his lips before he felt Uruha’s mouth on his.

“I can’t believe this is really happening,” Uruha whispered in the dim light between them, his breath soft and sweet against Aoi’s mouth. “I want to stay like this forever.”

“I love you,” Aoi murmured knowing that was all he needed to say. If he had his way and if there was such a thing as longer than forever, Aoi would gladly grant Uruha’s wish. He brought Uruha down onto him and groaned when he felt Uruha’s fingers between his legs, unexpectedly arranging their bodies until Uruha was panting against him, his hips rolling smoothly and pushing down on his lap. They had been doing this for hours, this easy lovemaking, and yet, Aoi still found it remarkable that Uruha was loving him this way, so passionately. Aoi barely had time to breath before Uruha was on him and they were touching and kissing one another as if they were starved for one another nearly every hour they could possibly take advantage of.

“It’s never enough,” Uruha whispered. “I can’t stop touching you.” Uruha sat up in Aoi’s lap and let the sheets slide down his back and flutter to pool around them as he continued to move against Aoi. Aoi moaned and stroked the tops of Uruha’s thighs as Uruha grasped Aoi’s shoulders and pushed himself up and then slid back down. Aoi’s hands glided along Uruha’s thighs, over his moving stomach to his chest and then to the back of his neck where he pulled Uruha back down against him, craving his mouth, needing his lips.

Uruha’s brow furrowed as their mouths slid messily together and even though their movements were slow, it wasn’t long before Uruha was curled against his side, his lips pressing tender kisses to his chest as Aoi worked to calm his breathing. Another ending to something they would only begin again in a few hours. It was never enough just as Uruha said. Aoi’s addiction to Uruha had only grown stronger and now that they had known one another in the deepest ways possible, he only wanted more. Selfish as he was, at least Uruha shared that sentiment with him and they could finally give to each other as much as they each wanted. Aoi could only hope this was something that would never end. They had held on for this long, and fought through hell to get to one another, he was sure there was nothing left standing in their way to get between them anymore. They had fought their battles and ultimately won their war.

Aoi caressed Uruha’s back and then pulled the hair away from his long slender neck as he watched Uruha kissing his chest in slow tender motions, mimicking how he kissed Aoi when they were taking their time making love to each other, wanting the pleasure to last as long as possible. Uruha left a damp trail behind as he kissed his way along Aoi’s collar bone to his neck and then finally found his mouth again.

“I feel like I should be keeping score.” Uruha chuckled as he settled his head down beside Aoi’s on the pillow.

“You wouldn’t be able to keep up with how many more times I’m going to have you.” Aoi grinned roguishly and felt his heart beat a bit faster at the way Uruha’s eyes lit up in delight.

“I’ll hold you to that.” Uruha murmured, his fingers leaving lazy trails along Aoi’s chest and stomach as their eyes ghosted over each other, drinking each other in more than they had in the years they had known each other. They were getting to know a different side of one another. Uruha was his lover now, an idea he was still trying to let sink in, and to understand. The warm, understanding eyes and the gently smiling lips with the wisps of fair hair lying carelessly against a pale cheek, was still the best friend he had known for years, but now another part of Uruha had been revealed. The part that loved Aoi just as much as Aoi loved him was still new and incredible, something Aoi would have to unwrap more and discover as time went on. He had been in the certain mindset that Uruha ever returning his feelings was impossible that it would still take some time to imprint that fact into his mind and body. His body had jumped ahead to capture Uruha at the first invitation, but at least his mind was slowly catching up and coming to terms with what the sharp new turn in their relationship meant.

He loved Uruha. Uruha loved him back. It was a truth that was becoming bolder and easier to take in the more Uruha kissed him and pressed into his arms and whispered into his ear what he had been craving a lifetime to hear. Uruha leaned forward and pressed his lips gently against Aoi’s mouth and then pulled away smiling, his lazy smile slowly inching higher by the second.

“Hey…” Uruha suddenly sat up on his elbow and Aoi tilted his head inquisitively, wondering what else Uruha had to say. There was an endless amount of things that could come after‘ hey’ when it was Uruha who was speaking. “What do you say to a cup of coffee?” Aoi suddenly laughed and felt his heart get just a little lighter if that was possible.

“We’ve had a long night, I think we need something to get us ready for a long day.” Uruha’s voice dropped and Aoi was quick to catch the small wink Uruha gave him, suggesting what Aoi had been planning anyway. Already Uruha was seeming like himself again, playful and mischievous….happy. Even if Aoi hadn’t been given the chance to have Uruha for his own, the one thing he had wanted above everything else was for Uruha to be happy again…to smile and laugh like he used to. Aoi was already walking on air but it brought him to a whole new level to see the person he had loved for so long coming back to him fully. The shadows were curling away from Uruha, leaving that light to shine around him once more. Aoi couldn’t have asked for anything more.

“I think that would be perfect,” Aoi agreed with a smile and found his arms full of Uruha and a face full of stolen kisses. Uruha rolled away from him and got out of bed after a long moment of smothering Aoi with affection he had never experienced before. Uruha stood beside the bed, beautifully naked and disheveled, and he made no move to cover himself or pick up his clothes. Aoi sat up and let his eyes take in the sight Uruha presented him with for the millionth time in hours. There was no way on earth he would ever get tired of looking at Uruha and knowing that Uruha was finally his.

“I should really take a shower,” Uruha’s mouth twisted to the side in reluctance, obviously not finding the idea too appealing at that moment. “But sex on the kitchen counter just sounds more fun at the moment.” Uruha placed his hands on his hips, his brows drawn together in thought, and Aoi laughed, still amazed at the sudden change in Uruha’s attitude. Uruha had gone from brooding and wandering around miserable, a former shadow of himself, to something of the friend Aoi had fallen in love with so long ago and yet Uruha seemed even more incredible and easy to adore after what they had confessed to one another.

Aoi had been the fault for Uruha’s downhill descent these past few months but he had also managed to pull Uruha back from the ledge and it had only taken the span of a second to do so. It had taken a bout of passion and desire and three little words that meant so much and Uruha had been his. What seemed so intimidating and complicated before now seemed too insignificant for what they had gained with one another. There had been everything to lose when Aoi had watched Uruha walk away but more to gain from taking that chance.

He couldn’t help but berate himself for not being strong enough to step forward first. Uruha had always been the stronger and more level-headed though even if Aoi was generally the braver of both of them so it made sense that Uruha had taken the reins into his own hands and stopped them both from destroying themselves. Aoi just wished it could have happened much sooner. But things this amazing never came easy, and he and Uruha had waded through some of the most torturous trials to get where they were now. They had earned this time together. At least Aoi could say that much.

“There’s always sex in the shower,” Aoi suggested with a raised eyebrow at Uruha’s playful implication. There was a mischievous glint in Uruha’s eyes at Aoi’s proposal and it didn’t take long for Aoi to scramble out of bed, tossing the sheets that were tangled around his waist away from him as he followed Uruha‘s beckoning grin into the bathroom. If Aoi could describe what being with Uruha felt like, it would take forever and a day to sort out the emotions he went through when Uruha was gasping his name, bringing Aoi’s desires and fantasizes to life with his sweet panting and the feeling of long legs wrapped tightly around Aoi’s waist as he pressed Uruha against the fogged glass shower door. There was too much sensation and not enough….not nearly enough. Aoi craved Uruha even more fiercely than he had when he had been yearning from a not so safe distance. That feeling of endless desire seemed to be a mutual feeling if Uruha’s desperate kisses and touches were anything to go by.

“Don’t stop,” Uruha gasped, his moist lips moved against Aoi’s mouth as he held onto Aoi’s shoulders and Aoi’s hand pressed against the glass behind him nearly hard enough to shatter the shower door. “Don’t ever stop.” Uruha’s words were meant for more than just the physical ardor they were sharing. Aoi understood completely because Uruha was open to him now, honest and the connection they had created between one another the day they had met had only strengthened and nothing was hidden between them, or misunderstood in the least. It was an incredible feeling to finally have every part of Uruha that had been buried too deep and veiled from him. Nothing could compare to that sort of breathtaking liberation.

Wet strings of hair fell into Aoi’s face and were quickly brushed away by Uruha’s unsteady hands. Aoi’s gaze locked on Uruha’s eyes, eyes that no longer held anymore secrets or lies. Aoi could read Uruha again and it was easier now than ever to see exactly what Uruha was feeling and the adoration he found in Uruha’s gaze left him breathless. He didn’t ever want to stop loving Uruha, he would never stop as long as Uruha wanted him. Aoi held Uruha against his body, his lips kissing every inch of Uruha’s neck that they could reach and Uruha tilted his head back against the shower door and groaned, letting Aoi take him anyway he wanted. Uruha’s hands framed his face in the last moments, and he was kissed hard and bruising, heated against the slight chill of the shower sliding down his back.

“Don’t ever stop loving me,” Was Aoi’s plea to Uruha’s command. Because he had found his heaven….there was nothing in the world he had ever wanted more than this and he just hoped that Uruha would give him forever. That’s all he could ask for now.

******

It was an hour or so later that Aoi found himself in the kitchen with Uruha after their initial shower in which neither of them had gotten very clean. But that was a face that didn’t matter very much in their current situation. Aoi leaned against the kitchen counter as he watched Uruha going about the motions of fixing a pot of coffee for them. They had toweled one another off after the shower and they were relatively dry, but still very naked. Clothing wasn’t required when they were just going to tackle each other in another hour or so. Deprivation for years on end was going to be hard to make up for…if one could call getting lost in everything Uruha had to offer…hard. Aoi grinned at that idea, knowing he’d gladly spend the rest of his life pleasing Uruha and loving him. It was all he had ever wanted to do.

Uruha’s hands were quick and deft as he poured the exact amount of cream that Aoi liked into his coffee and stirred. Aoi reached up and brushed a few fallen strands of hair behind Uruha’s ear and out of his face so that he could see the endearingly concentrated expression Uruha wore. He saw Uruha in a whole new light now, as a lover, as someone he could adore openly now, and every little gesture of Uruha’s now reminded him of that.

The reason Uruha knew the exact way he liked his coffee, and the way he liked to drink it semi-warm, was because Uruha had loved him enough over the years to observe every little detail about him, just as he had done to Uruha. When you really loved a person you knew everything you could possibly know about them, and knew how to cater to them and adore them in little special ways, such as fixing coffee the way they liked it, or putting your hair in that way they loved. Aoi couldn’t believe he had missed these subtle hints from Uruha. Uruha had always tried so hard please him and devotion like that could have never come from just the deep friendship they shared. How could they both have been so blind? It was amazing they had walked right past one another without ever knowing.

Uruha picked up his cup of coffee and blew on the top of it to cool it off some for Aoi before handing him the cup, and as Aoi took the cup, he leaned forward and kissed Uruha, something he had always wanted to do after Uruha did things like this for him. He had always wanted to show how appreciative he was, how much he loved Uruha, and was thankful he was able to show Uruha now how much he cherished him. Uruha smiled against Aoi’s lips and then pulled away so that he could pick up his own cup.

“It’s been a while since you’ve done this for me,” Aoi commented as Uruha moved to sit on the island counter in the middle of the kitchen. Aoi felt an abrupt sense of pleasure at the image of Uruha sitting naked on his counter sipping coffee. That was a picture he definitely could have never imagined into being.

“It’s been a while since you’ve deserved it,” Uruha remarked casually and Aoi couldn’t deny the truth in Uruha’s words. Being an idiot didn’t entitle you to much, especially not the love that was being offering to him now by the handful. Aoi silently nodded, his face falling in shame. Uruha set aside his cup of coffee at Aoi’s obvious guilt and he curled his fingers at Aoi to come to him. Aoi moved forward to stand between Uruha’s legs and let Uruha pull him forward by the back of his neck to kiss him on the forehead.

“And I don’t know if I even deserve to kiss you this way,” Uruha whispered, their noses brushing, his meaning clear. They had both been blind and naïve, and maybe it wasn’t their fault under the circumstances they had been thrown into from such a young age. They grew up leaning on each other and mistaking their love for one another as just close friendship because the world around them would tolerate nothing more than that.

It was like pushing one domino in a train of dominos and watching them all hit against one another and fall each in their own time. One mistake years ago of not confessing to one another had set off a chain reaction of blunders which led to lies becoming more serious and secrets becoming deeper until that was all that they knew how to do….lie and pretend. They hadn’t been able to stop the chain of mistakes no matter how hard they had tried…not until they had threatened to topple down that last domino…that very last mistake and the biggest one they could have ever made; leaving one another.

“We skipped the long heartfelt talk we should have had before we attacked one another in bed.” Uruha laughed softly. “We’re doing it wrong.”

“We’ve always done things the wrong way, why should we start playing by the rules now?” Aoi teased, his fingers caressed the back of Uruha’s neck as their lips brushed beneath their soft words. Uruha shook his head, still smiling slightly as he pulled away.

“I was terrified,” Aoi admitted quietly, his eyes searching Uruha’s accepting gaze, dark as his own without the warm brown contacts he usually wore. They were both at their barest and most natural at that moment, and nothing could have been more fitting as they finally opened up to one another and shed every mask they had accumulated over the years, every layer of skin they had tried to hide beneath. They shed it all for one another. They were ripping through the spider webs of lies that had seemed too daunting to even touch only a day ago. The webs that had once been what their lives revolved around were finally being brushed away to clear a new path for them both, a path they were taking with clumsy rushed steps, but at least they were taking it like they should have done too long ago.

“You…you were my best friend, the one I protected and adored, and I just knew you would push me away if you knew what I really felt for you. It didn’t seem right to love you any deeper than a friend,” Aoi admitted. “Everyone was always telling me how wrong it was that I even kissed you or told you I loved you the way I did, until I was too scared to say anything about what I felt…even to you..”

Aoi frowned and Uruha’s fingers cupped Aoi’s cheek and held his gaze. Uruha understood because Uruha had been through it too. They had both been deceived into thinking what they felt for each other was a filthy sin. That mindset caused them to grow up trying to deny their feelings and hiding it from each other in fear that they would get turned down and they would ruin the friendship they couldn’t live without. Instead they had nearly ruined it from not acknowledging their true feelings and just confessing. They had just grown more attached to each other over the years in that warped mindset until they saw only what their distorted minds wanted them to. What they thought had been reality hadn’t been reality at all.

“I thought you had stopped loving me when you started pulling away from me. I knew you were going to leave. I knew you were going to walk out on me, but I thought it was because you had finally had enough of our fucked up friendship,” Aoi confessed and Uruha let out a breath and leaned forward to kiss him hard on the mouth, as if reprimanding him for thinking that way.

“I’ve never stopped loving you Aoi, never and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon. I was leaving because I couldn’t take being next to you and not having you. I wanted you and if I couldn’t have you, I couldn’t stay around and let myself fade away,” Uruha murmured. “I’m angry that I didn’t see sooner. But you made me watch you go through women and I was always pushed aside and that only cemented the idea in my mind that you were just using me.”

“You weren’t pushed aside Uru.” Aoi protested fervently. “They were pushed aside for you. I’ve never wanted anyone but you. I don’t know why I did what I did…maybe the same reason you came to me after being hurt. I never used you. I’m not like the others. I love you….and what I’m showing you now is everything I feel.”

“I know that,” Uruha murmured, holding Aoi closer to him and leaning into Aoi’s hand as it caressed the side of his neck. “I know that now,” Uruha repeated softly.

“What made you believe me? What made you take a chance and stay?” Aoi wondered and he could see Uruha trying to hide the small smile trying to creep it’s way onto his face.

“I…had a little ‘revelation’…with some help. Something made me understand how much of an idiot I was being and that I was hurting you and myself unnecessarily,” Uruha divulged Aoi’s curiosity carefully. Aoi could take a guess at what had happened and why Uruha was treading carefully around explaining himself.

Uruha knew how irritated Aoi was with the rest of the band harrowing their close relationship and feeding their teases off of their affection for one another. One of them was bound to have said something. Aoi had suspected their friends knew more than they should, more than even they themselves knew. He couldn’t think of any other reason that had given Uruha the nerve to confess what he felt to Aoi. He had an idea of who exactly had helped Uruha, the only other person Uruha trusted as much as himself. He silently thanked their friend for kicking some sense into at least one of them before it was too late.

“And I just realized that I’ve trusted you my whole life, why should I stop now?” Uruha added after a small pause. Trust, it was what Aoi had missed most about his relationship with Uruha. Without trust, Aoi was just another person Uruha had to be wary of, just another of those ‘other people’. Aoi couldn’t even explain the surge of relief that swept through him at knowing that he still held Uruha’s precious trust.

“I never meant to hurt you,” Aoi whispered, his thumb tracing Uruha’s bottom lip as he spoke. He regretted not realizing how Uruha felt before. Uruha meant so much to him and yet fear had always held him back. He wished he could somehow turn back the hands of time and change the past so they wouldn’t have had to go through this torture. Uruha kissed his thumb as it brushed against his lips and Aoi felt his skin tingle, and even after everything that had just happened between them, he felt his pulse quicken as Uruha looked up at him, desire rampant in his gaze.

“So what happens now?” Uruha questioned softly. “What is this going to be like?” ‘I don’t want to lose you now that I have you’ was what Uruha’s question said to Aoi. It was reasonable with what Uruha had been through to be frightened of losing what they had just discovered. But Aoi knew that he wasn’t going to let Uruha slip through his fingers a second time.

“It’s going to be like this,” Aoi grinned and kissed Uruha. Even after all the kisses he and Uruha had shared since last night, Uruha’s lips pressed against his mouth still left him breathless and his heart couldn‘t help but beat wildly. He could feel Uruha’s heart against his chest, beating that fast fluttering rhythm as well, and somehow that made everything alright. “Forever?” Aoi reached down and hooked his finger with Uruha‘s, their old promise gesture. Uruha looked down and laughed as Aoi brought their joined hands up between them. “Isn’t that what we promised?”

“That’s what we promised,” Uruha agreed with a small smile. “Ages ago,” Uruha added after an amused pause.

“We’ve been together forever already and we’ve been through hell Uru. If what we have between us survived that, don’t you think it could survive whatever comes next?” Aoi asked seriously and watched as Uruha’s smile faded into understanding. Uruha nodded silently and then leaned forward to draw Aoi close in a tight embrace.

“If you ever leave me…” Uruha whispered into Aoi’s ear, his arms holding Aoi about the shoulders tenderly. “I’ll fucking castrate you.” Aoi felt Uruha’s lips curve into a wicked smile once more and he laughed against Uruha’s neck at the threat.

“Isn’t it a bit early in our relationship for you to be threatening me that way?” Aoi chuckled and Uruha just shrugged.

“I just thought you should be warned.” Uruha pulled back and rose an eyebrow teasingly. “I’ve been through enough frustration with you to last me a lifetime, I don’t need anymore.”

“You’re not going to get anymore,” Aoi promised gently, his lips searching out and finding the small, almost indiscernible beauty marks on Uruha’s neck that he had always loved but hadn’t had the time to pay attention to yet.

“What are you doing?” Uruha asked in amusement, his fingers threading through Aoi’s hair as he kissed each mark and then sucked the blood to the surface of Uruha’s pale skin, marking him as his own. No one was ever going to hurt Uruha again as long as Uruha was his and as long as Uruha wanted him.

“I’ve always wanted to kiss you here,” Aoi murmured as his lips continued to traverse the long smooth expanse of Uruha’s neck. His hands slid against the tops of Uruha’s thighs to wrap around his waist and he brought Uruha forward on the counter, until they were hip to hip. The vibrations of Uruha moaning were erotic against Aoi’s lips and his hips pushed forward as Uruha wrapped his legs around his waist. It seemed that Uruha’s fantasy of sex on the counter was about to come true, Aoi thought teasingly. Uruha brought Aoi’s face away from his neck so that he could kiss him fervently, his hips already moving against Aoi in wanton shifts and brushes, urging Aoi to take him. Aoi hissed as their flesh rubbed together and Uruha’s tongue curled sensually in his mouth.

His hands gripped Uruha’s waist hard enough to leave red marks on Uruha’s skin as he pulled Uruha forward to meet him, his hips seeking between Uruha’s inviting legs. He was just about to push into Uruha and take him like he wanted him to, when there was a sudden loud knocking on his apartment door. Both of their movements immediately stopped and their mouths stayed connected for a split moment as if they had been caught red-handed even though Aoi’s door was firmly locked and there was no way whoever was on the other side would know what they were doing. Aoi nearly laughed as Uruha’s eyes widened just before their lips separated and then Uruha tilted his head to the side and shot him a questioning look.

“Expecting someone?” Uruha asked, the irritation clearly evident in his voice. Aoi glanced over his shoulder as the person on the other side of the door knocked a few more times and then realization dawned on him at who it probably was. Aoi pressed the palm of his hand against his forehead and squeezed his eyes closed in frustration.

“Shit. Kai was supposed to come over the other day but he never did. I guess he decided to give me more time.” Aoi gave Uruha a fleeting look. “He was going to tell me about you leaving the other day.” Aoi’s voice dropped on that last bit of information, but Uruha just glanced at the door and then a slow, mischievous smile spread across his face. Aoi hadn’t expected that sort of reaction, but then one could never pinpoint what Uruha would do from one moment to the next most times.

“Well, since we’ve already worked through that little dilemma, I say we sneak back to the bedroom, lock ourselves in, and pretend we were never here.” Uruha grinned but Aoi looked doubtful.

“If you think he’s going to give up that easily you must not know Kai that well. I’m glad I stopped hiding my house key by the door…I have a feeling he knew about that little secret.” Aoi lowered his voice suspiciously and frowned when Uruha just snorted and shook his head, as if pitying Aoi.

“Who didn’t know about that hiding place Aoi? Like I always said, you’re lucky no one’s broken in yet. It’s a good thing you gave me your spare key eventually.” Uruha slid down off of the counter, his body brushing against Aoi’s on the way down and causing a white hot heat to burn along his skin. “Besides…that key is going to come in handy now more than ever,” Uruha murmured suggestively. “That is…if you’re going to give it back to me.” Uruha gave Aoi a probing look and Aoi just tched. Why the hell would he not give the key back? It had been Uruha’s to begin with and even without the key, he had a feeling Uruha was going to practically live in his apartment or at least his bedroom.

“We’ll have to be quiet,” Aoi whispered after a moment, decided that hiding away with Uruha was all he wanted to do anyway and it seemed much more appealing than spending an hour or more trying to explain to Kai what had happened to make Uruha stay. To do that they would have to go back through the past and try to explain everything that had happened up to this point and if their relationship was confusing for he and Uruha, he dreaded how complicated it would seem to anyone else, no matter how much Kai might know about them.

There were deeper emotions and past problems that couldn’t be explained or understood by anyone but he and Uruha and he planned on keeping those intimate details between them and no one else anyway. He wasn’t even sure what they would tell the rest of their friends when the time came to say something about what had happened, but for now, Uruha was the only thing on his mind and everything else could wait.

Uruha had waited in the wings too long while Aoi let the trivial things in his life take center stage. Uruha deserved all of his attention and everything he could give now. Uruha deserved so much more than what he had to offer, but he would spend the rest of his life making up for all the mistakes he had made. Uruha’s place in Aoi’s life was already obliterating everything else that had ever pulled him away from what he loved most.

Aoi pressed a finger to his lips as he grabbed Uruha’s hand, lacing their fingers together tightly, and started edging past the door that Kai was still knocking on. Uruha chuckled quietly and squeezed his hand as he followed behind him towards Aoi’s bedroom.

“Aoi open up, I know you’re in there and I know how you’re feeling but you have to talk to us. You can’t hide forever. You wanted me to come over so open the damn door!” Kai’s voice was muffled and shrill on the other side of the door as Aoi sneaked past, pulling Uruha behind him who was trying to muffle a laugh behind his free hand.

“I feel a little bad for not letting him know I didn’t leave,” Uruha whispered as they made it to Aoi’s bedroom door and slipped through as silently as possible. “We’re going to have to tell them eventually.”

“Let them worry for awhile,” Aoi muttered as he quietly closed the door behind them and locked it, blocking out most of Kai’s insistent knocking and shouting. They could still hear him a little, but it was muffled and wouldn’t be enough to stop them from what they were about to do.

“Aoi,” Uruha scolded, pushing Aoi’s shoulder with a small glare as Aoi moved closer to him and wrapped his arms around him.

“What? They didn’t do enough to stop you from leaving. They were going to let you walk out on the band without a fight. They can wait for us until we decide to come out of the bedroom and let them know that you‘re still here and that I’m alive.” Aoi tried leaning in for a kiss but Uruha turned his head and narrowed his eyes.

“I can’t believe you just said that. And what? You didn’t just let me walk away either?” Uruha prodded insistently. Uruha was teasing him even though there was truth to his words. Aoi had given up too easily, he knew this. He could have done more, could have taken a chance and confessed. But Uruha had beaten him to the mat and it spoke volumes on who was the stronger of the two. “I’m the one that came through and saved our asses.” Uruha rose a cocky eyebrow.

“I did put up a fight. I fought until I was too exhausted to fight anymore. I was just…afraid and in the end I wasn’t as brave as you. I couldn’t do it…I couldn’t be sure that you really loved me without risking what was left of me.” Aoi felt Uruha move closer in his arms and Uruha laid his head on his shoulder. Aoi held him tighter and pressed his cheek against Uruha’s hair.

“I ran through the pouring rain in the middle of the night with no taxis or cars in sight just to get to you. If that isn’t love then I don’t know what is,” Uruha murmured and Aoi chuckled softly, his breath stirring Uruha’s hair against his cheek in small wisps. “I never take chances, you’re the risk taker, but this time I knew I had something worth taking the risk for.” Uruha turned his head and kissed the side of Aoi’s neck and Aoi’s brows drew together, his hands tightening against Uruha’s back at having the one person he had ever loved, loving him back with such intensity. “I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life wondering if I had let the best thing that ever happened to me pass me by.”

“You can hate me for what I didn’t do,” Aoi muttered, his eyes darkening in lust and adoration as he pulled Uruha back towards the bed by the hand. “But I’m not letting you go now that I have you.” Uruha followed him as Aoi neared the bed and then drew him close once more, until there was no room between them, just bodies pressed flush together.

“I could never hate you.” Uruha’s voice was low and admonishing as he slipped his arms around Aoi’s shoulders and brushed his lips against Aoi’s cheek, his fingers threading through the black strands of hair falling gently against his neck. “Even though we’ve both been bastards and idiots, and every other condescending name under the sun, I think…we deserve another shot at this, don’t you?” Uruha asked with a small smile. “We deserve a little happiness after all we’ve been through, no matter what happened to get us here and no matter how many mistakes we’ve made. At least we did something right in the end…”

“I don’t think it would be possible for me to love you anymore than I do right now.” Aoi groaned as he pushed Uruha down to the bed and crawled over him, adoring the way the sunlight caught the gold in Uruha’s hair and played with it, loving the slender neck that swept down to the soft dips and pale curves of a naked collar bone, worshipping the way Uruha’s contented smile slowly grew into a playful smirk.

Kai’s knocking and yelling eventually faded into the background and then fell away completely. Aoi wasn’t sure if that was because Kai had finally given up and left or because all that he could see in his line of vision was his lover and all he could hear was Uruha’s soft laughter. And frankly he didn’t care about anything else but the one person that had always mattered the most to him. His best friend who was now so much more than that. Lover rolled off of Aoi’s tongue like the sweetest wine, a wine he could now taste without worry or fear.

“I take that back.” Aoi chuckled as he nuzzled his face into Uruha’s neck, kissing and nipping at his skin affectionately. “It’s impossible for me not to love you more.” Aoi felt Uruha’s low breathy laugh from beneath his lips. “I’m sorry for everything I ever did to hurt you…” Aoi whispered as he brushed his lips along the skin of Uruha’s neck and then kissed the corner of his cupid’s bow mouth. He would probably always be infinitely sorry for ever having put Uruha and even himself through this misery needlessly.

Even though there was nothing they could do to change the past, he still felt responsible for all the pain they had had to go through to get where they were now. It was reasonable to feel accountable for what had happened, because he had had too many chances to speak up as Uruha finally did, but he could see by the way Uruha’s eyes hardened slightly and his playful smile slipped to make room for a displeased frown, that he had said the wrong thing. It wouldn’t have been the first time he had said something he shouldn’t have.

“Stop saying you’re sorry,” Uruha scolded, his tentative fingers brushing stray strands of hair behind Aoi’s ear, his lips down turned and pursed in that expression that had always let Aoi know Uruha was displeased with him for some reason or other. “Because I’m not,” Uruha replied obstinately, his hands smoothing down the long planes of Aoi’s shoulders and back soothingly. “I hate that we couldn’t have done this sooner, but I’m not sure I can completely regret it.”

Aoi fought the urge to lean down and ravish Uruha not for the last time that morning, because his curiosity at what Uruha was telling him was trying to override the desire he felt to just pull the sheets back around them and finish what they had started in the kitchen just moments ago.

How could Uruha not be sorry for everything they had went through? Aoi should have something, done something before they had gotten this deep in their own mess. He could have fixed things between them years ago. He was surprised Uruha wasn’t angry with him like he had been when he had first rushed into Aoi’s arms last night, releasing a fury of passion and anger on him, anger at what Aoi hadn’t been brave enough to do. Uruha had fixed things by himself with the exception of the little ‘help’ he had been given.

“I realized I’m not sorry at all,” Uruha whispered heatedly. “And you shouldn’t be either. We didn’t know and we didn’t understand the way we felt for each other….and that’s been going on since we were young. It wasn’t our fault that it’s been so hard for us to see things for what they are. Yes, we’re both stubborn and we see what we want to see most of the time, but that still doesn’t rule out everything that was against us from the beginning.”

Uruha sat up on his elbow, his fingers still exploring Aoi’s shoulders and neck. Uruha’s hands and lips had barely rested since last night, they seemed to constantly be searching, discovering Aoi, just as Aoi couldn’t help but do to Uruha.

“And maybe…maybe it was good we went through what we did. It’s only made us stronger. I appreciate you more…I cherish you more than ever now Aoi because of the fight I had to go through to get to you. Things are more precious when you‘ve nearly lost them. You realize how much they mean to you and how much you’re willing to fight to get them back…” Aoi’s brow creased as Uruha tilted his face us and soft cool lips brushed softly against his mouth.

“We’re both only human, we couldn’t have changed our ways in a day and one of us had to be the one to realize and finally try to change things. It just so happened that it was me that did it, but Aoi…” Uruha’s mouth suddenly turned up into an amused smirk in the corner as their faces remained close enough so that with only a small movement their mouths would be brushing again.

“It takes two to make love you know.” Uruha chuckled and smoothed a hand around the back of Aoi’s neck so that he could kiss a cheek. Aoi felt his face flush beneath Uruha’s lips for some reason he couldn’t fathom. After all that they had done to and with one another, Uruha still had the potential to change the color of his face at any given moment easily. There seemed to be no end to the surprises lately.

“You made the choice to love me back and accept me when you took me to bed. You understood without me even having to say anything. You knew…I could tell…that’s why words weren’t even needed between us. So don’t ever let me hear the word ‘sorry’ fall from your lips. I’ve contracted a certain dislike towards that word….” Uruha added and Aoi caught the way Uruha’s eyes narrowed slightly as he said that last bit.

Aoi had been saying sorry quite a bit since he and Uruha had started drifting away from each other, and he hadn’t missed how everything seemed to go worse after he had apologized for things he hadn’t understood. He silently retired that word to the back of his vocabulary upon seeing how much he had the potential to screw things up by saying it. Uruha had misinterpreted what he had been trying to say by apologizing and he finally understood that now, but when had they not misinterpreted one another’s actions and feelings? Aoi shook his head and grinned sheepishly, biting back the urge to apologize for saying sorry so much.

“Don’t ever be sorry for what happened.” Uruha set his face firm so that Aoi would understand that he was being serious for a moment. “That’s behind us now.” Uruha waited until Aoi gave him a nod to let him know he was understood and then Uruha smirked and wound his fingers around the hair behind Aoi’s neck so that he could pull Aoi’s face down for a kiss. “You’re only allowed to apologize if you break my heart again, do you hear me?” Uruha smiled against Aoi’s mouth. “Or if you don’t throw that damn box full of pictures of your exes away.”

Uruha’s eyes darkened at the mention of the lifestyle Aoi had led not so long ago, the lifestyle that Uruha had shared in silently as well. But Aoi only released a soft laugh again Uruha’s lips. As Uruha had said, that was behind them now, it was time to look forward and work on what they were building back up between them. They were casting off the last shattered remains of their friendship and slowly creating a different relationship, a ‘real’ relationship between them, a relationship that suited them much better than what they had had before. Out of the wreckage around them, something new and exciting was being formed, the something that Aoi’s dreams had tried to show him…the possibilities he had thought impossible until now.

“I promise to never break your heart and to throw the box of pictures away,” Aoi swore sincerely. In his mind that old box of pictures was gone already. The only picture he would keep would be Uruha’s because nothing else mattered anymore. And Uruha’s heart…well that was a given, if it was his, as clumsy and unsteady as his hands were, he would guard Uruha‘s feelings with his life. He had always done so anyway even when he’d been oblivious to how Uruha really felt about him. He understood that it wasn’t even a matter of turning their dreams into a reality now…because their dreams had been reality all along, even though they hadn’t been able to see it.

A crooked smile tugged at the edges of Uruha’s lips at Aoi’s promise and Aoi knew then that whatever they had went through, they had gone through together and they had made it out somehow and whatever lay ahead for them, they were in it together, just as they had promised to each other from the very beginning.

End…

Finally.

So we come to the end of the road. -_- I have mixed feelings for ending it here. It was time to end it but I would have gladly continued writing if there had been more to the story. (I have no more time to write lately so I guess it’s a good thing I ended it anyway.) I actually had the ending before I had the beginning to this x.X I’m usually one for leaving things bittersweet and leaving the ending open. But I just thought this deserved a conclusion.

Chimera didn’t have an ending and concluding that and tying the loose ends up and giving the one-shot more substance was the whole point to this story taha So…I’m ready to see what everyone’s thinking. *wipes brow* I can’t believe I finished it o.o Thank you so much to everyone who has followed this to the end! ^_____^

Chapter Twelve

2008-09-07T02:30:30Z

[ How I'm feeling| Complacent]
[ What I'm listening to| Counting Crows- Colorblind

Title: Hatsu-Yume (12/13)
Pairings: Aoi/Uruha
Author: Life_giver
Rating: R-NC17 (for later parts)
Disclaimer: These beautiful boys are definitely not associated with me….regretfully. I’m only using them for a short time.
Warnings: None *gasp*
Summary: Sometimes the things we love and covet the most are the biggest secrets we will ever keep. Sometimes the heart loves what it cannot help but to love and worship and these are the types of secrets we expect will never be found. This is agony and ecstasy and fantasy for the blind handing the blind his heart to keep and cherish, hoping against hope that he is handed the same in return.
Notes: This is a follow up of sorts from the one shot I wrote some time ago, Chimera
This will be a chapter story tracing that one-shot to a conclusion.

Uruha turned away from Aoi’s embrace, the voices and sounds of the people around them becoming louder and louder, until Uruha could only hear a dull ringing in his ears. The terminal was too crowded, too suffocating, and he was actually doing this. He was leaving. Uruha felt faint and sick whether from the vast amount of people crowding the airport or the raw fact that he was leaving the only person that had ever made him feel wanted, the one person who had stood by his side through everything without a complaint…until Uruha had decided to push him away. He was taking the easy way out and he hated himself more each second that crept past.

Uruha bit down hard on the inside of his cheek, tasting blood and relishing the brief sharp pain because it was a lesser pain than the one he felt in his chest where there seemed to be nothing there anymore…just a hollowness. Uruha suffered through the pain twisting and curling in his stomach as he felt the contours of the seashells from Aoi’s bracelet in his hand. They rubbed against the cuts they had created on his palm, but the stinging was nothing to him at that moment because he was turning his back on Aoi for the very last time, he was trying not to look back and see Aoi’s hurt face, his pain, because it would only sting worse. It would make him want to run back into Aoi’s arms and start the vicious cycle all over again.

If he looked over his shoulder and caught sight of Aoi’s face, he knew he wouldn’t have the strength to leave and so he clutched Aoi’s bracelet, the one Aoi didn’t feel the need to keep anymore, and walked on. The silver bracelet Aoi had given him for his birthday, what seemed like a lifetime ago, was trembling against his wrist. He knew it would only bring longing and an ache to keep it, but for all the strong demeanor he was trying put forth at that moment, he was too weak to even give up his bracelet. It had always been a testimony to Aoi’s love, and even if that love wasn’t there anymore on Aoi’s part, the bracelet was his own and he would always keep it. The first thing Aoi had given him and the only thing he would keep. It was pitiful that he refused to give up that small part of Aoi…but something just compelled him to keep it clutched in his hand and his fingers wouldn’t let it go.

That old insecurity washed over him as he walked away from his best friend. Aoi had always protected him throughout their childhood and even now Aoi had never failed to stand beside him through whatever he went through. He was being separated from the most precious thing in his small world and he was frightened to death of what the consequences would be of what he was doing. He had tried to be brave up until this point, but now he was like a child in his fear and insecurity. He wondered for the briefest of moments if he would even be strong enough to go through with this…

He squeezed his eyes closed as he neared his destination and his fingers tightened unconsciously around the bracelet in his palm, imagining it was Aoi‘s hand he held instead. He was about to board the plane and about to ruin the rest of his life for all he knew….but something made him look back despite his fears and the worry of not being able to leave, and what he saw stopped him in his tracks. Aoi wasn’t there anymore. Uruha stepped to the side and peered around the swarming mass of people, hurrying with their suitcases and luggage and the small children hanging onto their parent’s legs and arms, and saw the empty space where Aoi had been just moments ago.

Uruha didn’t know what came over him at the prospect that Aoi hadn’t stayed to see him off….that maybe it had been too much, that Aoi had lost his nerve just as he was trying not to do at that moment. Aoi had granted his wish to see him one last time before he left, and even though he knew it had been cruel to ask Aoi to stay, he wanted….no he needed to feel Aoi beneath his hands, to memorize his features, his scent, the myriad of expressions that played across his face, those familiar expressions Uruha adored, even when they were poignant.

He knew it would hurt more to remember all the little things, but just like the bracelet, love overrode logic, and it was just something he had needed to do. People in love did crazy things, stupid things, and he knew he fell into this category perfectly. He had already tripped over his own heels and fallen face first into the ground for Aoi years ago. Ever since then he had been making mistake after mistake, after countless blunders, there wasn’t much more he could do to fuck things up.

For some reason Uruha didn’t understand, he dropped the bag he had been carrying over his shoulder, the only thing he had brought with him. His life was packed into boxes back at his apartment. He had spent a whole night trying not to break down as he carefully packed his things and secured dozens of brown moving boxes with tape. His whole existence put away in the form of cardboard and packing tape, ready for a new reality. But Uruha knew deep down that he would never really be ready for a life without Aoi. Nothing would ever be able to prepare him for walking away because Aoi had been his entire life for as long as he could remember. How do you say goodbye to someone that means so much and yet tortures you even more?

The night Uruha had packed away everything he owned, he had put aside a smaller box for Aoi’s things; their pictures together, the small relics they had traded with one another over the years, ages of birthday gifts and cards that they had bought and made for each other, things that brought back memories both happy and sad. He had put into the box Aoi’s things that had been left over at his house countless times until they had just made a permanent home of Uruha’s apartment, like the bottle of Aoi’s favorite cologne, and Aoi’s favorite long black overcoat that had cost a fortune and Aoi had previously guarded with his life, and one that Uruha had stolen to wear too many times.

Aoi had eventually relinquished his claim over it upon seeing how much Uruha had loved it. Uruha had been tempted to wear it to the airport just to feel that Aoi was with him somehow since he had been sure Aoi wouldn‘t show up. Aoi had made up his mind to not come, Uruha could tell, and that’s what made it all the more shocking that Aoi had actually shown up to see him off. Loyalty had always been one of Aoi’s strong points, and he hated to admit how much Aoi showing up proved how much Aoi still cared for him. He would have cut deeper wounds and been too malicious if he had tried to give Aoi’s coat back as he had given his key back. It was like rubbing the fact that he was trying to say goodbye into Aoi’s face even more and despite how cruel he knew he was for doing what he was doing, he couldn’t bring himself to cut the last ties between them. There was still something there….and he couldn’t deny it. He loved Aoi too damn much and no matter how he struggled, he was still bound and chained to Aoi in some way.

Luckily he hadn’t been foolish enough to wear Aoi’s coat the evening he was to leave and had promptly stuffed Aoi’s coat into the box of old memories and slipped into his own old worn out black jacket. It was a statement he chose to ignore just as he worked desperately to push away any lingering strands of hopes or fantasies from his conscience. He was leaving but he was ‘lingering’ on things he shouldn’t. His mind had been screaming at him, begging to be heard, as he had packed away Aoi’s memories.

Uruha had dropped one of Aoi’s silver rings into the box of Aoi’s things and tried not to look at it for fear it would bring something painful to the surface. He had dumped handfuls of movie tickets and letters and song sheets Aoi had written with him and for him over the years. Uruha had closed his eyes and let countless artifacts fall into the box like so many tears until it was filled to the brim and could hold no more. And then Uruha had quickly closed it and taped it shut, trying hard to block out his conscience.

He knew he was making a mistake, but it was his mistake to make and he would have to live and learn from it and hopefully move on. He had gotten himself into this mess and he would inevitably get himself out by whatever means he could. He had been trying to convince himself of this since the day he had decided to leave. He wasn’t doing a very good job of convincing himself, that’s all he knew, because his reasoning was bullshit, it was ridiculous, he was ridiculous. Uruha had crossed his arms over the box and then laid his head on his arms, silently telling everything of Aoi’s goodbye for the last time. It was almost like throwing out an old ex lover’s box of memories he had thought cynically.

If Aoi had been an ex lover, it would have been easier to take because at least that would have meant that Uruha had been brave enough to try….at least he would have known Aoi in some other way than this warped friendship of theirs. At least….he wouldn’t be in the situation he was in now. All this pain and fear over something he hadn’t even confronted. He was terrified of an unseen force he hadn’t been brave enough to face. He was an idiot. That was all he could come to by the time he had taken up a marker and written Aoi’s name in scrawling black letters on the brown box of their life story and then pushed it away from him. He had given the box to Reita. He couldn’t face throwing it out himself. He knew Aoi wouldn’t want it for obvious reasons, but what Reita would do with the box was up to him. It was off his hands at least. The rest of the boxes and furniture would follow him back to his home town later on.

He didn’t know what he would do or what would happen when he got there, he just knew he was running away as Aoi had accused him of doing. Cowards always ran away, especially in life or death situations. He would go back home and pretend to rebuild his life, pretend he had really wanted to quit his life dream of playing music and that he had really wanted to leave the only person he had ever loved. He had run away from home to follow Aoi when he was younger and now he was running back in the opposite direction from his friend, trying to get as far away as possible, as if putting distance between them would help. It was a pathetic attempt to save some part of himself when there was nothing left to save.

His plan was fixed firmly in his mind, laid out and smoothed at the edges he had been running his fingers over constantly, trying to smudge away it’s visible flaws. And yet…he stood there stiff and still in the middle of the airport, his bag on the floor next to him, as the crowd around him continued to move and hurry around him. He was a frozen movie still in the middle of chaos. The last calls for his flight died away and he finally got his feet to move, but instead of racing to board his flight, he slowly bent down to pick up his bag and he went to sit down in the seat he had gotten out of before Aoi had found him from across the room. He buried his head in his hands and sat there, long after the plane he was meant to be on left, and long after the crowd had dispersed, and the sky outside of the glass doors became orange and pink and then dark purple and then finally velvet black.

Reita’s words, his arguments came back to Uruha as he sat there, berating himself for staying, for not being strong enough to leave, but also for being so pathetic that he had thought running away would solve everything, but above all for being confused and not knowing what to do. Reita had been more effective than he had let on to his friends as they had pleaded and tried to convince him to stay. What Reita had said had gotten to Uruha, had had him tossing and turning for nights on end, wondering what to do, debating Reita’s logic and his own fears until he was exhausted from fighting himself. Reita had somehow instilled that faint sense of hope in Uruha and he felt it even now fluttering like a pulse, quickening and strengthing little by little, afraid to strengthen too much in the fear of being crushed once more. But it was there and it was living and Uruha couldn’t ignore it anymore.

The way Aoi had fallen to his knees the previous night, begging for Uruha to stay, to take the pain away, had weakened Uruha’s defenses. He had known it would happen the minute he stepped into Aoi’s house, intent on making Aoi let him go. But he couldn’t deny, a small part of him had wanted Aoi to keep him there, to say something to make him stay, to tell him everything he’d ever wanted to hear….because of that damn hope that had started threading through his veins, taking root and growing once more. He had even dared to hope at the very last, as he and Aoi had hugged in the middle of a crowd of people, but looking into Aoi’s face in those last moments, Uruha knew that Aoi would never step up and explain himself.

They would have went their separate ways without knowing the truth of their pains. Aoi was going to let him go because he had given up the fight, because he knew deep down nothing he could do would change Uruha’s mind. It was the truth, nothing Aoi could have done would have stopped him, only he himself could have made the decision to stay. And for some reason here he was, sitting in a nearly empty lobby wondering what the hell he was doing there and what he was going to do next.

Uruha couldn’t understand how Aoi could vehemently deny his accusations and then not explain himself. He didn’t understand Aoi’s reasonings, his secrecy, his passionate affections, until….Uruha looked at himself. Looking in a mirror, Uruha could see himself and all of the hidden secrets he had never been able to disclose…that he still held onto even now. Reita’s words blurred into Uruha’s memories of he and Aoi and of everything they had shared, and all the hints Uruha had tried to drop….hints that almost identically matched Aoi’s timid kisses to his cheeks, his warm embraces, the ‘accidental’ slip of hands, the whispered ‘I love you’s’ that had always held something more behind them than Uruha let on. Everything Aoi had done to him over the years…Uruha had been doing as well, silently hoping Aoi would catch on, and yet hoping he wouldn’t out of fear of rejection. Aoi’s mystery was Uruha’s mystery. They had both been blurring the line between love and friendship since they had met. There had never been a time when they couldn’t look at each other and see themselves in every way. According to Reita that would mean….

Uruha looked up from his hands as a loud clap of thunder and lightening resounded outside and almost immediately a heavy rain began falling. Uruha watched the water cascading down the tall windows in front of him and the raindrops catching the orange lights of the terminal against the blackness outside. A veritable waterfall was pouring down outside, the final product of all the gray, dreary days they had been having lately.

He had been living this lie for so long that it was nearly impossible for his mind to comprehend or to even suggest…that what Reita had said ‘might’ hold some truth to it. None of it made sense and yet everything made sense. If Uruha had always been terrified of telling Aoi how he really felt, then that meant that Aoi had been afraid of saying anything as well. Uruha had held back, so Aoi had held back. Their behavior patterns, the secrecy on both of their parts was too similar to ignore any longer. Uruha had had to get to the end of his rope, to the point where he was giving up everything before he could see clearly….what had been right in front of his face all along.

Uruha watched the rainfall cascading down the glass doors and windows for what seemed like hours more, and could have been for all Uruha knew or was concerned. He was waiting for the courage to come. He already felt the determination to find out what Aoi had been hiding from him. There was still a chance that he was imagining everything and that complex thing called hope was only trying to deceive him one last time. It was a risk, but Uruha couldn’t leave now without knowing. He had to know if he was about to walk away from the one thing he wanted in life, or if he was doing the right thing by trying to forget Aoi and all he stood for.

Even if Aoi’s motives were really what Uruha had suspected at first, that Aoi was using him and not what Reita had been trying to convince him of, Uruha still needed to know. He had gotten this far, hurt this much, suffered this long, what more damage could he do by finding out the truth? He would either fly or crash and burn, and those had always been his options anyway. Here at the end, it didn’t seem like such a gamble when he was trying to leave Aoi behind and crushing all of his dreams beneath his feet. His heart had forever been on the line, hanging in the balance, he knew it was time to take the last shot at it and hope he missed.

Uruha wound his hand around the shoulder strap to his bag at his feet and hauled it up as he stood. It was time he took a chance at life, because his future was in the balance. He had the choice of ruining the rest of his life, or searching the possibilities Reita had shown him that had been existing since he and Aoi had met.

There wasn’t any time to berate himself on how much of an idiot he had been because he was already walking out of the glass doors and into the heavy rain, not caring at all that he was getting soaked through in the chilled downpour. He didn’t care anymore about being afraid and being rejected because he was here at the end where anything at all could happen. He had everything to lose by leaving without saying anything. He and Aoi hadn’t been able to say goodbye to one another because there were too many things left unfinished between them and Uruha needed to have sort of closure to what they had started, and at that moment it could have been a good or bad resolution just as long as it was something.

There was no way in hell he was walking away now without finding out if he was making the biggest mistake of his life. He had finally chosen to hold his breath and take that step off the cliff to see what would happen.

******

Aoi stood at the window, watching the rain fall down hard and deafening, coating the neighboring buildings until they shone under the streetlights and city signs. The threat of rain had finally made good on it’s promise and sheets of water were nearly blinding as they came down under small streaks of lightening that lit up the dark night sky every few seconds. Aoi had been silently counting the space between claps of thunder and lightening to determine how the storm came and then how it was now steadily moving away, pulling the thunder and lightening with it. But the hard rain stayed…and would stay for a long while yet.

Aoi could see his reflection against the darkened rain streaked glass of the window and he didn’t like what he saw there. A face too pale and exhausted, lips pulled downward with too much sadness, a brow furrowed in a lasting frown. He seemed a ghost of someone he no longer knew anymore, like Uruha had inevitably become in the end. Was this what he was destined to be for the rest of his life? Wandering the darkened rooms of his home, searching for nothing, and wondering what he could have done differently, regret eating him from the inside.

It had only been hours since Uruha had left and already he could see what his future held. He had no willpower to do anything but stand by the window and wish he had done something differently to stop Uruha from leaving….to reverse all the pain and longing and turn it into something more agreeable. It was past midnight and he felt that sleep would never come again. He was wide awake and tormented by remorse too strong it made him sick to his stomach.

Uruha’s disappointed frown as he stood to leave, his fleeting hopeful look as if waiting for Aoi to say something to stop him, the scent of him as he hugged Aoi for the last time, his back getting smaller and smaller in Aoi’s line of vision as he left before Aoi could watch the disaster anymore. All these scenes kept washing over him, replaying in his mind until he was sure he was going to go crazy. Uruha was actually gone. It didn’t seem possible, but it was reality. It had really happened. All the calls flooding in from the rest of the band only cemented the truth Aoi wanted to escape. Uruha had walked out on everyone’s lives without a backward glance.

Uruha was never coming back and he was truly alone for the first time in his life. Another impossible scenario that was now just reality knocking him in the chest, waking him up from the fanatical dream he had been living in with Uruha for years. Nothing bad could happen in their fantasy world. That was a laugh. Aoi even let out a harsh chuckle at the thought, knowing he sounded less than sane at that moment as he did so, but since he was completely and utterly alone now it didn’t seem to matter much. He pressed his fingers against the cold glass of the window and pulled them away to see the hazy finger prints left in their wake. A testimonial that he still lived even though he felt lifeless or at least half dead at that moment.

Their childish pinky promise of forever seemed more a dream than the one he seemed to be walking in now. There was no such thing as forever and it would have saved him the trouble if he had known that sooner. His life without Uruha had barely begun and already he couldn’t endure the emptiness he found all around him….the longing that just seemed to deepen now that Uruha was hundreds of miles away as he sat watching the rain pour down in angry torrents outside.

The desire he felt for Uruha hadn’t lessened one bit, but had only pulsed stronger through Aoi’s veins until he wasn’t even sure he would ever wake up and feel like himself again, or at least without the painful yearning he felt. It seemed he would always feel like he was hovering just outside of his body watching himself make all the wrong decisions, observing and unable to do anything at all as his body made mistake after mistake. Even with Uruha hugging him at the airport, begging with those frightened eyes for Aoi to stop him, to say something to keep him from leaving…Aoi still hadn’t been able to make himself say anything. That ominous something had still held him back and crippled him from fixing his mistakes.

Uruha hadn’t really wanted to leave…he did want to leave because he thought he would be able to start over and build another life for himself, but then Aoi could see that he didn’t want to go because Aoi had been all he’d known for so long. Aoi felt the same way, it was like severing a limb to let Uruha go. They were that attached to one another, so much apart of each other that separating had been worse than death. You can’t separate two halves of a whole without ruining the whole concept of being complete. Aoi felt a big part of him missing and that void could never be filled by anyone else but Uruha.

The rain outside was loud to Aoi’s ears and pulsed in the background as he turned away from the window and scanned the lonely recesses of his empty apartment. Only the living room lamp and his bedroom lamp were on, giving the place that dim burgundy orange glow that had been seen around his house at night for the past few days, if he even bothered to turn a light on at all.

He was just about to get up to turn all the lights off and go to bed even if it meant just lying beneath the sheets and staring at the ceiling for hours on end, when he heard a noise at the door. Even over the constant rain spattering in torrents against the windows, he still heard the distinct knock on the door. Aoi sat still and cocked his head, eyes boring straight at the door as he listened for another sound. It almost seemed like he had imagined it and was about to disregard it as the wind blowing something around when he heard another knock. There was no one at this time of night that would be knocking at his door, he knew that for sure, but someone was definitely knocking.

Aoi frowned and pushed himself away from the window sill to make his way across the room to the door. But even before he got to the door, what sounded like a fist banging against it rapidly, frantically had Aoi stopping in his tracks, only steps away. His heart was pounding as hard as the loud banging that was going on outside. He was afraid to open the door with how desperate the banging seemed, but then it could be someone he knew who needed help, or was in some sort of trouble, even though no voice came from the other side.

“Who is it?” Aoi shouted over the loud banging and the pelting rain outside. Aoi stepped forward and his hand hovered over the knob as he called out again for the other person to at least tell him who they were before he opened the door. “Who is it?” Aoi called out louder and when the banging just continued, he finally twisted the knob and cracked the door an inch, but what he saw on the other side of the door, had him swinging the door open as wide as he could until it nearly hit the wall behind it and bounced back.

He let a whispered curse slip from his mouth at the sight of Uruha standing there in his doorway wet and shivering as if he had run through the harsh rain to get there, one fist poised in the air to administer another hit to Aoi’s door. Aoi had thought that Uruha would be miles away by now. What the hell was he doing standing in his doorway soaked and shivering? Aoi let the shock slip through him as he stared at Uruha with wide eyes, not understanding what was happening.

Uruha visibly trembled from being chilled and wet as he dropped his hand back down to his side and looked at Aoi with such a determined, set face, Aoi had no idea what to do or what to say. Uruha’s wet hair quivered as he looked through the damp strands at Aoi, seeming to struggle with something in his mind for a brief moment, and then without a warning or even one spoken word, Uruha suddenly dropped the soaking wet bag he had been holding to his side and rushed forward and Aoi found his arms full of a wet and trembling Uruha. Aoi turned stunned eyes on Uruha as his friend hugged him and he gasped out loud when Uruha took his face into both of his hands and kissed him full on the lips.

Aoi blinked in confusion, his fingers grasping thin air and then curling against Uruha’s back uncertainly as he was kissed just as hard and just as passionately as he had kissed Uruha on the beach. Aoi’s mind had went blank at the first touch of Uruha’s mouth against him, and the only thing he could feel was Uruha’s body against his, the way the cold dampness was seeping through his own clothes but he couldn’t seem to care.

The only thing he could register in his mind was that Uruha was holding him so tightly and kissing him as if the world was ending and it was the last time two people would be able to be together like this. It seemed too short a time and yet a whole life span before Uruha pulled away, his eyes searching Aoi’s lidded, desire-filled gaze. Uruha’s face was flushed, damp, from tears or from the rain or even from both, and his fingers remained cradling Aoi’s face in a tender, yet desperate pose.

Uruha was silent as his thumbs stroked across Aoi’s cheeks and his eyes continued their frantic search as if afraid Aoi would push him away. Aoi’s mouth was in a permanent ‘Oh’ and his brow was furrowed, showing his immense bewilderment at what was happening , but he made no move whatsoever to relent his hold around Uruha and his arms even unconsciously tightened around Uruha’s body without understanding their movement.

“Uruha…what…” Aoi found his voice, hoarse and rough, after a few seconds of labored breathing and scattered thoughts trying to piece themselves together into something recognizable…something he could understand, Aoi’s hands slid from Uruha’s back to brush away the damp strings of hair from Uruha’s forehead and silently questioned Uruha with his eyes.

Where had this come from? What was Uruha doing? He was so confused as Uruha’s shivering fingers held his face and those dark eyes looked at him with something he’d never seen there before. It was that something Uruha had always tried to hide from Aoi….that sudden flicker that Uruha had always been quick to extinguish. Well at that moment, it was burning brighter and hotter than fire in Uruha’s gaze, it was out in the open now, and it was…..Aoi’s eyes widened in some understanding he had been lost to for years. A blind idiot.

This was what Uruha had been trying to hide. This was what had been troubling Uruha for so long now. The reason for all of their misguided troubles and needless suffering was here right in front of him in the form of Uruha’s desperate fervor. Aoi felt like a veil had been pulled from his eyes as he studied Uruha’s passionate face, his open emotions. Aoi suddenly felt weak under Uruha’s chilled hands, weak with understanding and shock and disbelief. The puzzle was finally given it’s last piece as Uruha confirmed what he was already discovering for himself.

“I couldn’t do it. I had to know,” Uruha whispered, his voice shaken and genuinely terrified at what he was doing. “I couldn’t leave without knowing Aoi.” And it wasn’t Aoi’s knees that gave out surprisingly because he felt like he would drop to the ground any second, but it was Uruha who clung to the front of his shirt and Aoi held him tightly, his lips pressing fervent kisses to the top of Uruha’s blonde head, his temples, his cheeks, his soft lips, everywhere Aoi could touch and kiss he did.

“How did you know?” Aoi gasped against Uruha’s cheek. “God Uru, how?” Aoi held Uruha to him tightly, afraid to let go in case he was dreaming or imagining this, because he had wanted this his whole life. It was hard to believe that something like this was actually happening, that what he had constantly dreamed was somehow forming itself in front of him into something solid…something he could touch and feel. He didn’t understand, couldn’t grasp it, but he was holding Uruha to him and kissing him breathless, hoping feverishly that this was real, that it wasn‘t another worthless dream. He was pleading in his mind in a mantra that this was really happening. Please. He didn’t deserve it but please

“I just finally realized what had been in front of my face the whole time…” Uruha’s voice shook as he said this, scared of what this meant, this confession. Aoi was terrified as well and relieved somehow at the same time. For two people who had waited this long and hurt so much only to now realize all of their suffering had been in vain….there was no describing that feeling. No word Aoi could think of would ever explain the liberation for Uruha’s confession and resentment of himself for not seeing and the bliss he felt with Uruha in his arms. It was a maelstrom of emotions he couldn’t control, but despite the confusing mix of feelings coursing through him, he still found his voice as he leaned into Uruha’s body, hugging him so tightly he was almost afraid he would hurt him.

“What took you so long?” Aoi whispered back into the curve of Uruha’s ear and felt Uruha’s fingers dig into his shoulder in some unspoken release of Uruha’s own.

******

Uruha’s heart was hammering an unsteady, hard beat in his chest until he felt like he would collapse as Aoi held him tightly and those lips he had dreamt about for too long kissed every inch of his face and hair they could reach. Uruha couldn’t believe that he was actually doing this, that Aoi’s lips were on him in this way because he had finally done something right, and that he was clinging to Aoi as if his life depended on it.

“What took you so long?” Were the first words from Aoi that Uruha was able to register beneath the fog of resolve and desire surrounding him. Uruha couldn’t help it, knew he looked ridiculous as it was, disheveled, soaking wet and ruining Aoi’s floor, but he had to add crying to his list of affronts at that moment. He couldn’t believe what was happening and he couldn’t believe that Aoi had still had the cheekiness in a moment like this to ask him what had taken so long. What had taken so long had taken Aoi the same amount of time, even longer because Uruha had been the first to do something about the mess they were in.

He understood now. He knew without even asking what Aoi felt for him. It was as if things had just clicked into place without his help. He had had a million things to say at that moment, a list of words he had planned on stringing together nervously to discover what Aoi was hiding from him, but as soon as he had opened the door and saw Aoi standing there, he couldn’t hold back his feelings any more. He had been terrified of opening his mouth and ruining everything all over again as he had done too many times before. It had all been too much for him and his feelings had rushed out in a torrent of physical manifestation rather than useless words. And maybe that had been the best thing that he could have done. Words had gotten them nowhere in the past. Uruha’s desperate kiss had been all the explanation that Aoi needed after so long in the dark. His tactic towards getting Aoi to really see him, to understand his feelings had been chaotic and clumsy and yet in the end….perfect.

“What took me so long? What took me so long?” Uruha cried out. His words were muffled by Aoi’s mouth as he was kissed again, his voice coming out as more of a low whimper than intelligible speech. “Why did you never say anything to me? Why didn’t you tell me?” Uruha cried when Aoi’s mouth left his and Aoi was left breathing hard and looking at Uruha with such lust, it was almost enough to have Uruha going down to the ground again.

“Why Aoi?” Uruha’s hand curled into a fist and struck Aoi’s shoulder, though the force wasn’t there and his hand was pushed away. “Why were you such a damn bastard? An idiot? God I almost hate you for never saying anything. You could have done something, but you waited for me to do it.” Uruha’s voice rose in anger, in passion, and when he tried to hit Aoi again, Aoi grabbed his hand in a hard vice and made him wrap that arm around his neck.

Uruha gasped and tightened his hold on Aoi’s neck as Aoi hoisted him against his body. Aoi’s hand was in his hair, lightly pulling as they kissed and Uruha’s back was suddenly pressed against the door. This seemed too surreal to Uruha, like one of his dreams but more sincere, more raw with pent up emotions than anything he could have imagined or dreamt up. This was real and there was no way to discribe the turbulent feelings coursing through his body. His skin was hot everywhere Aoi touched him, and his lips tingled when Aoi kissed him. He shared Aoi’s panting breath and everything seemed too heated for Uruha’s body.

Everything was chaotic and wild and perfect. Their passion was almost feral and untamed from being held back for so long. It was like a dam had been broken and Uruha knew they wouldn’t be able to stop even if they had wanted to. Their bodies had been begging for so long to express their yearning for one another that nothing would be able to come between them now. They needed this time together like they needed air to live.

“The same reason you never said anything,” Aoi whispered against Uruha’s trembling lips. “I’ve always felt this way about you. I’ve just never known how to say it. You drive me crazy Uru, I’ve always tried to hold myself back from you, but it’s been so damn hard.” Aoi’s teeth were clenched as he held Uruha against the door, and it gave him a wild look, as if he had lost all control, and in actuality he had. They had both lost all sense of restraint and propriety. And fuck decency and friendship. Uruha wanted Aoi and he was going to have him.

“I’m not going to hold back now. If you want me to stop just push me away, but I’ve waited my whole fucking life for this Uru….” Aoi shook his head and Uruha bit into his bottom lip, his fingers curling against Aoi’s cheek before he was given a bruising kiss that he welcomed with every fiber of his being. His whole body sung against Aoi, every part of him seeming electrified and shockingly sensitive to Aoi’s touches and kisses. He had never felt this sort of natural passion with anyone in his life before and he loved it. It seemed right as if everything else had only been a prelude to what Aoi had to offer him. Aoi pulled away from the kiss and his eyes begged Uruha not to stop him, not to ruin what was going to happen with or without their help. Uruha didn’t protest, but then Aoi must have known that he wouldn’t, not when this had been too long in coming….far too long.

“Tell me,” Uruha urged breathlessly as Aoi held onto him firmly so that he could lift his legs and wrap them around Aoi’s slender waist. “Tell me,” Uruha murmured again, his forehead resting against Aoi’s, a mirror image of that single broken moment the other morning when they had been struggling with goodbyes. But this time they were welcoming something new, and the gesture was full of heated passion and desire, and Aoi’s lips brushed lightly against Uruha’s mouth before he answered him.

“I love you Uru.” Uruha’s gaze flickered as those words he had been longing to hear for so long, were finally spoken. The meaning of those words had changed to mean what Uruha had always fantasized they would mean one day. Aoi’s voice made Uruha’s ears ring and his hands tightened their hold on Aoi’s shoulders. “I love you so damn much,” Aoi whispered. The hand in Uruha’s hair tilted his head to the side and he was given a long deep kiss that he gave back with just as much force and longing. Uruha’s eyes closed and he moaned as Aoi’s hips pressed between his legs and his body was pushed more firmly against the door behind him.

“You’re mine,” Aoi growled when they pulled away from each other, breathing hard. Aoi’s breath caressed Uruha’s lips in small breathless pants, and Uruha had to hold himself back from kissing Aoi hard and unrelenting again. He could have kissed Aoi forever if given the chance, and his fingers searched and touched Aoi’s neck and face; caressing, smoothing over searchingly, wanting to touch more, to discover every part of his friend that had been veiled from him for years.

“You’re only mine. Do you hear me?” Aoi whispered, with a firm finality, his face hard and resolute, leaving no room for argument. But arguing or denying what they both felt and knew was true was beyond Uruha now, all he wanted to do was agree with Aoi and bring him to bed and unwrap the hidden secrets Aoi had always held from him. He had always been Aoi’s for the taking. He had just needed Aoi to realize that. And he wanted what had been rightly his since childhood. He wanted to finally have Aoi in every way possible because he had been denied for too long. Aoi was his just as he was Aoi’s and there was no more room for any spec of denial.

“I’ve always been yours,” Uruha murmured softly. Uruha nodded desperately against the hands cupping his face and instantly found his breath stolen away once more. He would die happy if these kisses went on forever and Aoi’s hands kept touching him. Uruha could feel the vibrations of Aoi’s moans against the palms of his hands as he held onto Aoi’s back and it only served to intensify the thrill he was feeling.

“I love you so much Aoi,” Was the last thing Uruha could remember uttering before things got too heated. Most of the rest of the night seemed to pass by in a blur that was only visible when he stopped to breath or tear himself away from Aoi’s kisses. Only Aoi’s name in the form of breathless moans and pleas fell from his lips and Aoi growled out his own name as their desire led their movements. Their senses took control and his mind couldn’t make sense of anything but Aoi’s rampant desire. That was all that mattered…just this moment.

Eventually Aoi was forced to let Uruha’s legs slide from around him and settle back onto the floor so that they could get somewhere past the door. Uruha would have pushed Aoi down to the ground in the entryway if Aoi had let him, but Aoi was determined to bring Uruha to his bed, a place Uruha had always wanted to be with Aoi in as more than friends. So much more…

They barely made it to Aoi’s bedroom door before Uruha was on Aoi again, kissing him like a madman, his lips and hands everywhere at once, his fingers tugging at the collar of Aoi’s shirt desperately, wanting more skin, more heat. Aoi kicked the door closed behind him as he tried to keep up with Uruha’s demanding kisses and the hands that seemed to be everywhere at once.

“Don’t fuck me just to fuck me Aoi,” Uruha groaned against Aoi’s neck, that hint of cologne strong and tangy against Uruha’s tongue as he licked Aoi’s skin, as he bit and sucked, and finally left his mark on what was his.

Uruha’s hips jerked forward and collided with Aoi’s hips as he felt hands snaking down his back and grabbing him from behind, working to hoist him up again, but this time Uruha only got one leg wrapped around Aoi’s waist, because their movements and kisses were too frenzied between them for anything more. ‘Don’t fuck me to use me. Take me because you love me and we’ve been waiting forever to put a physical meaning to the way we feel.’ Was what Uruha wanted to say, but his words were lost at the feeling of Aoi against his leg, that same hard desire he had felt that night on the couch. That same heat he had touched and rubbed and made Aoi moan with. The physical evidence of how much Aoi wanted him. It was enough to have Uruha feeling weak in the knees again.

He knew Aoi was sincere though…he knew this almost as certainly as he knew what his own feelings for Aoi meant. This wasn’t just sex between them, it was something vast and incredible they had created between them over the years needing some sort of release, needing something to make it’s presence know in this tangible act between them.

Their bodies were speaking louder than any words could have ever spoken, saying all of the things they could never say to each other. The words had always stuck in Uruha’s throat before he could admit what he felt to Aoi, but here they needed no words. Uruha could speak through his lips kissing Aoi’s mouth fervently, his hands tracing every curve and dip and plane of Aoi’s body against him. Their actions were their emotions solidified into something they could touch and acknowledge like they could never do before.

Uruha had never imagined things would play out like this. In his dreams and fantasies, everything had always been slow, tentative, the things you only see in the movies and in novels, the cheesy things real men never seemed to do with one another. He never expected things to be so raw and passionate, but he knew he should have known. For two people who had hidden their feelings for each other and had to restrain themselves and yearn for one another from a distance, only showing their affection in small kisses and touches, they were doing an extremely good job of holding back.

Uruha was amazed that they had even made it to the bedroom without clothes coming off. Aoi’s shirt was being lifted and discarded and Uruha’s pants were being tugged on, but ripping clothes had not occurred yet and that was astonishing in Uruha’s hazed mind. He expected to wake up alone in his cold bed, or in the airport terminal in that hard plastic seat to realize this had all been a dream after all.

Uruha gasped out Aoi’s name as his damp shirt was nearly ripped open, a few buttons surely tearing and popping off. Uruha shrugged off the wet material clinging to his skin and then their naked chests were pressed together. Apparently they weren’t holding back enough and why should they after the years they had suffered through of being so careful around one another?

Uruha tilted his head back, his hands burying in Aoi’s soft dark hair, pulling as Aoi’s mouth descended to his throat and their hips continued to press and shift against one another. Aoi’s teeth biting into his skin, his own nails leaving red marks in the skin along Aoi’s shoulders was the last thing that convinced Uruha that this wasn’t a dream, that this was really happening and he was about to go to bed with his best friend….now his lover. The impossible somehow made possible.

A groan escaped from the back of Uruha’s throat as Aoi’s hands began unbuttoning his pants. Aoi’s fingers set fire to his previously chilled skin everywhere they touched. Uruha watched every movement of Aoi’s gorgeous hands, sucked in a sharp intake of breath when they got his pants unbuttoned and Aoi started to slip them over his hips. Aoi looked up into Uruha’s lustful gaze and the desire reflected between them was powerful enough to have Uruha shuddering. With a strategic flick of Aoi’s wrists, Aoi had Uruha’s pants down and Uruha had just enough sense to kick them away before Aoi’s arms were around his waist, bringing their bodies flush against one another once more. The feeling of his naked skin against Aoi’s half clothed form was almost too much to handle and he nearly missed Aoi’s mouth as Aoi held the back of his neck and brought him forward to kiss him.

“I’d never do this if I didn’t mean it with everything I am,” Aoi whispered and Uruha nodded. He knew. He hadn’t known it before but he knew now. “Don’t regret this in the morning. I love you Uru, you mean the world to me.” Uruha’s hands were still trembling slightly against the side of Aoi‘s neck but not from the cold or fright now, just pure desire and want.

“I’m taking the jump whether you’re with me or not,” Uruha murmured, his arms curling around Aoi’s now dampened shoulders.

“I’m always with you,” Aoi promised, his fingers lacing through Uruha’s wet hair and brushing their lips together. Best friends making a last pact as friends. After tonight everything would be different. Things had been changing slowly for months, but in a few hours nothing would ever be the same again. It would be a drastic turning of their lives, their world flipped over to reveal a side they had never even seen or contemplated before. It would be some new existence they would have to learn to live in, to feel their way around without the blindfolds that had previously kept them from seeing one another. It would be new and confusing, but also exciting, and they had loved each other nearly their whole lives….how much more natural and easy could their affections for each other come?

Uruha couldn’t think on everything that meant, and what would happen after they had spent the lust they had been holding from each other for so long. There seemed to be no other thought in Uruha’s mind but Aoi’s body against his, their arms and mouths connected and there seemed no end to their touches and kisses. Uruha felt that he would never tire of touching Aoi because he had been waiting years to have the privilege to do that without fear, without any inhibition.

Somehow Uruha managed to still the shaking in his hands enough to unbutton Aoi’s pants and get him out of his clothing and as bare as he himself was. Uruha only took a second to sweep an appreciating gaze over Aoi’s body. They had seen each other naked, but never under the circumstance that they were naked for each other. And that brought a whole new, forceful wave of arousal coursing through Uruha’s body. Aoi was naked for him.

Uruha leaned forward and kissed Aoi’s shoulder, holding him tight and he closed his eyes when he felt the light press of Aoi’s lips against his neck. A small tender moment, a calm in the midst of a raging storm. And then the tide rushed back in to sweep them away and Uruha suddenly felt the bed against his back, a slight billow of deep russet sheets around him before Aoi’s body was covering him and their mouths were crushed together, outwardly mirroring the rampant lust racing through Uruha’s body. They wouldn’t be able to take it slow, there would be no tender touches, soft kisses and sweet words for now. They had waited too long and were desperate for each other.

It was strange that despite the desire overriding most every other feeling in Uruha’s body and the fact that he had known Aoi for most of his life, he still felt a twinge of nervousness beneath the surface of his skin as Aoi’s hips brushed between his spread legs, sending sparks of pleasure through every point in Uruha’s body. He even felt the pleasure coursing through the tips of his fingers. It was ridiculous to think he could ever be nervous around someone that was his other half, someone that he had grown up with, and knew everything about. But this was new to them both, this intimacy, and Uruha worked to calm the wild beating of his heart and to dismiss the nervous flutter in his pulse.

Uruha was pressed down into the soft sheets of Aoi’s bed as his mouth was assaulted and their teeth nipped at lips and tongues and Aoi’s hands were everywhere. Uruha unconsciously hooked a leg around Aoi’s waist and let a small, sharp cry slip from his mouth and pushed his head back into the pillows behind him as he felt Aoi press himself against him, sliding against him teasingly. His senses were too strung out, too sensitive, and his fists balled into the sheets beside him, pulling as he writhed and felt Aoi biting and kissing his neck.

“Aoi…” Uruha moaned long and low, and tried to catch his breath when Aoi’s hand slipped behind his neck and raised his head to kiss him. Uruha’s hands flew from the sheets to Aoi’s face and they shared panting breaths and lidded gazes. The lines in Aoi’s neck were visible and tense as Uruha ran his hands over them, his lips and eyes searching for something to cling to, something to ground him, because he could feel himself slipping, could feel himself losing his grasp on his sanity. He needed Aoi so much it hurt. His stomach tightened in anticipation and his skin was on fire, begging for Aoi’s hands and mouth. Aoi was so incredibly gorgeous above him panting, his skin flushed and shimmering in the dull light of the room. And Aoi was his now. His. He kept telling himself this over and over again in his mind, and relishing in how amazing it sounded and felt.

“Do you trust me?” Aoi asked softly.

“I’ve never stopped trusting you,” Uruha murmured, and he suddenly realized the truth in those words. The trust between them that he had thought had been broken had remained as strong as ever, even through what had happened. That trust had ultimately been what had changed Uruha’s mind and made him rush out of the terminal and back into Aoi’s arms. He still trusted Aoi with his life just as much as he had trusted him when they were children, holding hands and jumping together. They were taking a different sort of jump now, and Uruha held onto Aoi tighter knowing everything would be alright as long as Aoi was with him. He had always been able to do anything with Aoi by his side. Two halves a whole were complete when they were together.

Something flickered in Aoi’s eyes; relief, adoration, at the prospect of Uruha still trusting him. There was something so strong behind Aoi’s gaze that Uruha couldn’t quite grasp it. And then Aoi was kissing him hard, and arms slid behind him and lifted him until he was flush against Aoi.

“I love you…Uru god…I’m not sure you understand how much,” Aoi whispered into Uruha’s ear and Uruha shook his head, kissing the curve of Aoi’s ear gently as he sank back into the sheets with Aoi still held against him as if he were afraid to let him go.

“I think I understand,” Was all Uruha murmured. If Aoi loved him as much as Uruha loved Aoi….then he knew exactly how strong that emotion was. It was like free falling with no ground in sight.

There was no more time for words as Aoi pressed his fingers into Uruha’s body with a slow ease that was torture for Uruha. Uruha’s fingers dug into Aoi’s shoulder and his body was strung tight at the feeling of Aoi’s hand between his legs. Aoi muffled Uruha’s whimpers and pleas with a kiss. It was pure bliss when Aoi finally pushed himself between Uruha’s legs. The slide was easy despite their lack of preparation and Uruha’s back arched from the bed as Aoi slid into him as far as he could go.

Uruha hadn’t prepared for this to happen when he had decided to show up on Aoi’s doorstep. He had meant to talk to Aoi, to confess everything, but that sudden kiss just sprang out of Uruha before he could stop it, and everything he had ever wanted to say had somehow manifested itself between their mouths and their bodies. Aoi had understood perfectly, without words. Words wouldn’t have been enough to explain what Uruha felt anyway….what they were doing now with Aoi burying his face against Uruha’s neck, trembling against him as Uruha petted back his hair and stroked the long lines of his back, this was what said everything that had ever needed to be said between them.

Their passions eventually got the better of them and their movements once again became frenzied and desperate. Uruha didn’t think he had ever felt anything this good before. His best friend was making love to him and it seemed like nothing would ever be able to bring him down from this high. The fleeting anxiety of earlier dissolved into nothingness because Aoi inside of him, overwhelming him, seemed too perfect and too natural to feel anything but sheer pleasure.

“Love me,” Uruha groaned and felt Aoi’s thrusts against him quicken in answer. The sheets clung to his damp back and were uncomfortable and strands of hair fell into his eyes and stuck to his skin unless Aoi brushed them away so that he could kiss his forehead or his temple, but all of the awkward details of what they were doing were overshadowed by how amazing Aoi was making him feel. He was already close to stepping over the edge and they had hardly started. Aoi seemed to be in the same shape he was in as he grunted and tried to hide his quiet moans against Uruha’s neck, his hips pushing to drive them over the edge.

Uruha wanted to hear Aoi, wanted to hear everything he felt and so he buried his hands in Aoi’s long black hair and pulled, bringing Aoi’s face away from his neck and shoulder and he tightened his legs around Aoi’s waist as a low moan slipped from Aoi’s full lips. If that hadn’t been enough, Aoi’s shook his hair out of his hooded eyes as he thrust into Uruha, a sexualized gesture that only served to push Uruha closer to where they both wanted to be…what they were both working so hard to get to. The only thing that registered clearly in Uruha’s mind at that moment was that it was actually Aoi’s face above his, that it was really Aoi who was making love to him and it wasn’t a fantasy or a dream or his mind trying to create illusions to replace reality. This was reality.

Uruha’s hands fell from Aoi’s hair and smoothed over the flexing muscles in Aoi’s shoulders and arms, feeling the tenseness Aoi carried there from holding himself up above him and also from trying hard not to come too soon. They were trying desperately to make it last when they knew it was impossible, they were very nearly there. Constant tendrils of pleasure were grazing Uruha’s stomach and between his thighs. In the last moments, Uruha caught sight of the storm still raging on outside of the windows over Aoi‘s shoulders. The storm was more turbulent than before as he and Aoi weathered their own storm between each other with tangled limbs and breathless pleas.

“Uru this is-” Aoi panted against Uruha’s mouth.

“I know,” Uruha finished for him, knowing exactly what he meant. This was incredible to the point of almost being too much.

Uruha’s cries became short and abrupt as Aoi thrust into him in sharp presses and he knew that it was time. Aoi was coming and Uruha felt Aoi wrap his arms around him and he suddenly found himself on top of Aoi, rolling his hips and pushing down on Aoi hard and fast. Uruha’s brow creased and the urge to squeeze his eyes closed as he came was strong, but he forced himself to look down at Aoi through his tousled hair. Aoi’s hands stroked and held onto his hips as he finished what they had begun, his mouth open in a silent moan, and his heavy gaze locked to Aoi’s face, made even more gorgeous in the throes of passion.

“Aoi,” Uruha gasped out as he felt himself let go, his hips stopping mid-motion as his orgasm sped through his body. It was the most intense pleasure he had ever experienced. He had never felt this sort of reckless passion before and just knowing he had gotten what he wanted…that he had just had Aoi in the last possible way that he could, made everything that much better.

Uruha moved his hips a little as the last tendrils of his orgasm fluttered in his stomach and he balled his hands into fists against Aoi’s chest as he felt Aoi’s hips push from the bed into him and the warmth of Aoi Aoi’s release had him moaning, another small orgasm ripped from his body, something that had never happened to him before…something he hadn’t thought possible. But tonight had been a night full of possibilities and unbelievable happenings.

Uruha couldn’t hold himself up any longer after that last bout of pleasure and he collapsed against Aoi in a messy tangle of limbs and damp skin and nothing had ever been as perfect as that moment. Uruha kept his face buried in Aoi’s neck for a long while, suddenly shivering at the renewed feeling of being chilled as the sweat dried on their flushed skin.

Aoi must have felt the trembling of his body because he kissed the side of Uruha’s face and rolled them over so that Uruha was lying beside him and Aoi brought the dark auburn colored sheets up and around them. Uruha turned over onto his stomach and felt Aoi settle down beside him beneath the covers. He chanced a look at Aoi’s face as they laid down on the same pillow, close enough that their noses were almost brushing. Still no words, and that was fine with both of them. After so long of not understanding one another, every unspoken word was as clear as if they had always known.

Uruha felt Aoi’s hand stroke down his back and slide over his waist in soothing caresses, a tender gesture that had his eyelids threatening to close. But he quickly opened them as that old sense of fear washed over him that he would wake up alone as he had done so many times in the past. That fear kept him from fully falling asleep even though he knew Aoi wouldn’t leave him, that he was safe and Aoi would still be beside him in the morning. Aoi’s brow creased at Uruha’s sudden panicked movement and his hand stopped it’s calming motions and Aoi wrapped an arm around Uruha’s waist to hold him against his body.

Uruha pressed the palms of his hands against Aoi’s chest as he was kissed slow and deep, and Aoi slipped a hand over his thigh as they lay face to face so that Uruha could drape his leg over Aoi’s waist. Aoi’s hands traversed the lines of his body in lazy caresses and he felt himself slowly settling down once again to a comfortable drowsiness.

It was an instinct, that tense and run motion, something he would have to work on as time went. Aoi wasn’t like the others, he knew this undeniably. There was more to what they had just done than lust because Aoi was still there and Aoi was whispering in his ear, things that made him blush, promises, declarations of things no one had ever said to him before and Uruha was thankful that he had finally found that small thread of courage in him to do what he should have done years ago. What he had been searching for his entire life, that sense of being wanted and loved, was here in Aoi. He had only ever needed to look down to their joined hands to see that.

“I’m here to stay,” Aoi’s soft, languid voice drifted to Uruha before he slipped into a light sleep in Aoi’s arms, for once confident that he would still be there when he awoke.

It was only a few hours later judging by the darkened room and the gray light filtering from outside that he was roused awake by the feeling of plush lips against his shoulder, trailing down his back with slow deliberateness. Uruha smiled into his pillow, still half asleep as he felt the lips traveling back up his spine to the nape of his neck and then fingers were brushing the hair away from his face. Aoi was wide awake and looking down at him with desire clear in his eyes and Uruha knew then that they wouldn’t be getting much sleep at all that night. Uruha turned over onto his back and pulled Aoi down on top of him.

In the time that followed, Uruha was able to know Aoi in more ways than the raw passion they had first shared. Uruha found out what it was to be made love to with Aoi’s languid body above his, their mouths never getting enough of one another. Their touches became softer, exploring places they hadn’t had time to discover during their fit of passion earlier. Their mouths worshipped, begged, and gave until they were too exhausted to give anymore. Aoi was an amazing lover, more so than Uruha could have even imagined, and Uruha felt overwhelmed by the attentiveness Aoi showed him. He could feel Aoi’s desire in each touch to his body. It was more than he could have ever asked for or even deserved to experience this sort of perfection.

They spent the entire night discovering and worshipping in each other in every way imaginable and they didn’t fully get any sleep until the early hours of the morning, in which Uruha fell asleep with Aoi’s dark head against his chest and his arms wrapped possessively around his lover’s shoulders. His lover. Uruha smiled in his sleep as that thought slipped by just to remind him. One. More. Time.

Go to Chapter Thirteen

A/N: Sorry for the wait everyone. I promised an update last week, but classes started and I got swept away in them >< And then we had to evacuate for hurricane Gustav so that took even more time. But I’m posting the last two parts simultaneously since they initially go together hand in hand…err post in post, however you want to put that lmao Thought it better to switch pov’s continuously in these last chapters and then end with Aoi as the story began with him. Onto the next part!~

Chapter Eleven

2008-08-22T07:21:09Z

[ How I'm feeling| Pensive]
[ What I'm listening to| Colbie Caillat- The little things

Title: Hatsu-Yume (11/13)
Pairings: Aoi/Uruha
Author: Life_giver
Rating: R-NC17 (for later parts)
Disclaimer: These beautiful boys are definitely not associated with me….regretfully. I’m only using them for a short time.
Warnings: None *gasp*
Summary: Sometimes the things we love and covet the most are the biggest secrets we will ever keep. Sometimes the heart loves what it cannot help but to love and worship and these are the types of secrets we expect will never be found. This is agony and ecstasy and fantasy for the blind handing the blind his heart to keep and cherish, hoping against hope that he is handed the same in return.
Notes: This is a follow up of sorts from the one shot I wrote some time ago, Chimera
This will be a chapter story tracing that one-shot to a conclusion.

Aoi lay motionless on his stomach across his disheveled bed, the phone clutched tightly next to his face. He stared at the phone hard, as if staring at it intently enough would somehow make it ring and Uruha would miraculously be on the other end to confirm everything that had just happened had only been a nightmare and everything was alright again.

He had been calling Reita’s home and Uruha’s apartment just in case, for a whole day and night since the episode on the beach, and he had heard nothing from Uruha in all that time. Uruha refused to even answer his cell phone. Uruha had turned it off so that Aoi only got a recorded voice message and he never left his name as Uruha’s disjointed voice prompted him to do cheerfully.

Aoi pressed the redial button on the phone with a weary sigh and didn’t even bother to put the phone to his ear, just let it lay face up next to him and listened for the monotonous few rings, the click, and then Uruha’s faint, far away voice. He turned the phone off again and cursed under his breath as he rolled onto his back and squeezed his eyes closed. He didn’t know what he could do to mend things and he didn’t know how to reach Uruha to even try. He definitely wasn’t going over to Reita’s place if Uruha was even still there.

He wanted Uruha alone so that they could talk…so that he could apologize, anything that would bring Uruha back to him for a time. But if Uruha refused to see him or talk to him, kept giving him the cold shoulder and ignoring he even existed, how was he supposed go about doing any of that? Aoi let out an exasperated breath and drew his hands down his face in exhaustion. He hadn’t slept but a few hours since Uruha had walked away from him on the beach. He didn’t know the meaning of sleeping and eating with Uruha so far away from him now.

“God, I fucked up,” He swore softly, berating himself for the millionth time in days. He had asked himself so many times why Uruha had accused him of using him. Uruha’s angry, tearful words came back to him in stinging slaps. Physical slaps would have been easier to bear than Uruha’s resentful words towards him and the way he had backed away from Aoi and wouldn’t let him touch him before he made his hurried escape.

The mere fact that Uruha had backed away from him, disgusted and angry towards Aoi, had broken what little was left of Aoi’s already shattered heart. And now he lay alone, trying hopelessly to pick up the shards around him, trying to reconstruct something inside of his chest to make up for what Uruha had ripped away and broken. He didn’t understand Uruha’s reasoning, he couldn’t piece together why Uruha would have thought he was using him.

The kisses and the touches…they had only ever been out of love and affection, how could Uruha have mistaken them for anything else? He had went to Uruha for comfort on many occasions…but he had given that comfort back to Uruha when he needed it in the best way he knew how. It had never really been about the women that Aoi had brooded and pined over, it was Uruha. He couldn’t believe that Uruha had turned away from him without letting him speak first. It was a throbbing pain to think that Uruha would think something so terrible of him…that he would use his own best friend, someone he cared about more than his own life, in that way.

He had tried pouring his heart out to Uruha in the only way he had had the courage to in that moment and he had gotten shot down for it. Maybe if he had been strong enough to resist the kiss and taken a different route he would have saved their friendship or made something more out of it, or at least given some sort of closure to his pain and Uruha’s confusion. But he’d ruined everything and now he was sure Uruha hated him. He could probably take a gunshot wound before he could take Uruha hating him. He was sure he at least felt worse than someone dieing at that moment.

Aoi’s eyes suddenly flew open and he sat up quickly as the phone began ringing loudly next to him. His trembling fingers picked up the phone clumsily and he grappled with it before he could steady himself to turn it on and gasp a desperate hello into the receiver, hoping against hope that it was Uruha.

“Aoi?” The voice wasn’t Uruha’s low, soothing voice, but a higher voice that instantly had his hopes plunging like a weight to the bottom of his stomach once more.

“Kai,” Aoi acknowledged miserably.

“Are you okay?” Kai’s worried tone had Aoi’s shoulders slumping further and he nearly just turned the phone off and laid back down. He didn’t want anyone worrying over him, he just wanted to be alone if he couldn’t be with Uruha, working desperately to get him back. He had had enough trouble getting Kai to leave him after he had been dropped off at his apartment after the disaster at the beach.

“Yeah. Everything is just wonderful,” Aoi muttered. Sarcasm was probably not the best approach to take with Kai at that moment, but why even ask a person if they were okay after a disastrous incident if you knew they were far from being alright? There was a short pause at the other end of the phone and then Kai’s voice came again, hesitant and anxious. There was something wrong, Aoi could tell by Kai’s tone of voice and the way he seemed reluctant to say anything.

“Have you…talked to Uruha since the beach?” Kai wondered and Aoi’s heart instantly sped up at the mention of Uruha’s name. A thousand different scenarios began racing through his mind at what Kai’s tone of voice and tentative question could indicate. Had something happened? Was Uruha alright? He’d been more upset than Aoi had ever seen him when he had left the party.

“Why? Is he there with you? Is something wrong?” Aoi was ashamed at how desperate he sounded and he immediately tried to calm himself and steady his breathing before he asked the question that was the loudest in his mind. “Is Uruha okay?” His voice shook slightly, but it was softer and less frantic now and since Kai didn’t seem upset enough for anything horrible to have happened, Aoi knew what the answer to his question would be.

“Uruha’s fine,” Kai confirmed, and that confirmation served to calm Aoi even more, but it also had him wondering why exactly Kai seemed so uneasy. Aoi could tell something wasn’t right even through the phone.

“Well then.…” Aoi trailed off, prompting Kai to fill in his unspoken question. But no answer came, only more irritating side stepping from the drummer.

“Oh,” Kai muttered quietly. “I thought maybe Uruha might have stopped by to see you by now. If you’re feeling a little better, maybe…..maybe you should come over here to my apartment then.” Kai was being too careful and guarded. He was hiding something important from Aoi, but whatever it was, if Kai couldn’t say it over the phone then Aoi was just going to be left in the dark because he was still in no shape or mood to drive over to Kai’s house. Besides, it was a ridiculously late hour to be going across town just for Kai to tell him something.

“Kai what the hell’s going on? Whatever it is just tell me because there’s no way I’m going all the way over to your house at this time of night. You know how I’m feeling anyway. What’s so important that you can’t tell me over the phone?” Aoi sighed and gave Kai time to give him a straight answer, because if he didn’t, Aoi was just going to hang up and work on trying to get another few hours of sleep. His worried mind needed rest and Kai wasn’t helping him any in giving him still more to worry over. He didn’t need another ‘mystery’ to solve, Uruha was more than complicated enough to spend his entire life trying to decipher.

“Aoi…I don’t think I can say it over the phone. I’d rather you come over here. But maybe…I can go over to your apartment in the morning…if you want me to-” Kai offered tentatively, and Aoi imagined Kai biting his bottom lip, his eyes darting every which way in that nervous stance he took so often.

“I guess Kai, if you think you really can’t tell me over the damn phone.” Aoi let out another exasperated breath and his fingers tightened around the receiver for a moment in annoyance at Kai’s elusiveness. “Look if that’s all you wanted to say, I really need to get some sleep…” Aoi waited and heard Kai let out a tired sigh of his own.

“I’ll talk to you in the morning,” Was all Kai said before a dull click indicated that Kai had hung up. Aoi frowned and turned the phone off before tossing it across the bed where it rolled and nearly toppled off over the edge to the floor. He was done trying to contact Uruha for the night. He had been holding the phone next to his ear for nearly two days, even falling asleep with it under his ear, in hopes Uruha would somehow decide to talk to him again.

There was a monotonous ache behind his eyes from lack of sleep, and he finally felt his eyelids drooping a little as they hadn’t done for so many hours. He was grateful for the bout of exhaustion as he crawled up to the head of the bed and slipped under the covers still dressed and settled down, willing sleep to come fast and take the pain and worry away for at least a few hours. He didn’t even have time to think over Kai’s secretive attitude and what he had needed to tell Aoi before he was drifting off to sleep.

The dreams came as they always did and Aoi drifted in and out of them, some seeming so real, that he started awake in the middle of the night clutching thin air in the hopes that he would find Uruha next to him. Some of the dreams seemed to be memories of the past he and Uruha shared together, and some were things that had never happened before but was only his subconscious yearning for Uruha. And one dream…..

Aoi’s eyes flew open as he awoke from the latest string of fragmented scenes and images that seemed too real to be a dream. He was panting as he sat up and looked around the room through the semi-darkness and then down to his sweat-soaked body. The white fabric of his shirt clung to his chest uncomfortably and after a few moments of regaining his composure, he peeled the shirt off and flung it over the side of the bed as his eyes continued to scan the room and watch the shadows, still and unmoving on his walls.

Outside of the double glass doors to his balcony, the sky outside was foggy and gray with a hint of rain. The clock on the nightstand announced that it was early in the morning, just after sunrise, and the world was probably still sleeping. Aoi knew once again that he had only gotten a few hours of sleep, and it was unlikely that sleep would come regularly when he had so much to worry about…so much to think over and deal with and ultimately try to resolve. He couldn’t sleep knowing Uruha was upset and angry on account of him, and that he was probably hated more than ever at that moment. How could someone even think of sleep after losing everything?

“Uru,” Aoi whispered to the empty room for reasons unknown. Just saying Uruha’s name brought on a sense of guilt and nauseating anxiety when at one time it had only brought excitement and a smile to Aoi’s face. The name seemed hollow now…a name he wasn’t even sure he had the right to utter anymore. He was pushed from Uruha’s life, finally completely and utterly alone, his biggest fear come true.

He wasn’t an idiot. No matter how he tried to comfort himself on thinking of ways to get Uruha back and what he could say or do to make Uruha love him again, he knew in reality Uruha was lost to him. He could sense that no matter what he did from that point on, he’d never be able to get Uruha back….especially not in the way they had been at one time. He didn’t even really think expressing his true feelings would move Uruha, it might only prove to scare Uruha away further if that was even possible.

Aoi breathed in deep and let that breath out slowly to steady his racing heart and erratic breathing from the dream he had been woken out of. He pushed back the tangled sheets of his bed and didn’t even bother to turn on any lights as he made his way to the bathroom to take a quick, cooling shower. His skin was warm to the touch, almost feverish, and the cool water washing down his face and rinsing away the anxious sweat felt better than anything had felt in the past few disastrous days. The dream on the steps came back to Aoi as he tilted his head back into the spray of the shower head. The dream had been different this time, different in the sense that the kiss they had shared, the one that always ended too soon, just an innocent press of inexperienced lips, had finally been taken a step further.

Aoi rested a hand on the wall of the shower and hung his head as he recalled how he had kissed Uruha in the dream just as deeply and just as heatedly as he had kissed Uruha on the beach. But unlike the reality of what had happened on the beach of Uruha yelling at him and walking away from him, in the dream, Aoi had whispered that he had always loved Uruha, and Uruha had smiled back and told him what he had been waiting years to hear. His feelings were returned.

Uruha had kissed Aoi again and Aoi could still feel the gentle presses of Uruha’s kisses against his lips, the salty taste of tears between their mouths from Uruha or both of them, he couldn’t tell, because all he had been focused on were the breathy whispers of “I love you, I love you, I love you” repeated over and over again from Uruha’s frantic lips. There was no possible way to describe how amazing Aoi had felt with Uruha in his arms loving him the way he had been wanting to be loved so desperately for half of his life.

But that was where the dream had ended, and despite how much Aoi had wished the dream had been true, he knew it wasn’t even while it had been playing through his mind. It had been too unrealistic because nothing like that could have happened. Maybe…maybe if he had said something to Uruha that day on the steps….maybe if he had told Uruha what he really felt for him…maybe it could have erased all the years of pain and suffering that he’d had to go through. If he had known all those years ago what he would have to go through and where his love for Uruha would lead him, he would have done something. He would have pushed Uruha away and ended everything, or he would have risked his young heart early on and shown Uruha his hidden feelings.

He had never had a dream like that before. His dreams always ended with rejection or Uruha walking away from him, he had never had a dream where Uruha had reciprocated his feelings. The passion he had felt from Uruha in his latest dream had left Aoi winded but it also left an eerie feeling in his gut. Why would he dream of something like that now with everything so fucked up and ruined?

Aoi stepped out of the shower to towel the water from his skin and dress into something casual. He was going to take a walk as he and Uruha were prone to do when they were both stressed and needed some way to relieve tension and anxiety. They usually met up at night or during the early morning hours when the rest of the world was dead and silent just so that they could walk the deserted streets and parks in peace with only each other for company. Sometimes they wouldn’t even talk, just meet, hold hands, and walk together. Just being together had always been enough. They understood one another without speech most of the time.

Being with Uruha had never failed to ease his fears and troubles even when Uruha offered him no words of comfort, just his mere presence. But these days, it was Uruha that brought on the fear and worry for Aoi, and he lamented the way they used to be. He wanted those days back….he wanted the Uru he’d known since childhood, and he wanted his problems to just disappear by some miraculous force. He had always wanted the impossible.

Aoi grabbed up his house keys and jogged down the steps of his apartment building, planning to walk down the street and through the nearby park for an hour or two. The sky was still gloomy, painting everything dark gray, not the most cheerful atmosphere, but one that mirrored Aoi’s mood. He didn’t think he could take a sunny day when everything was going wrong. The dreariness was a more fitting ambiance for him. They hadn’t had very many sunny days anyway since summer had ended sometime ago. It was the season for cold, wet rainy days and so his current desolation went well with the time of year. The irony was not lost on him.

Aoi shoved his chilled hands into his light jacket and wound his way onto the sidewalk across the street. The whole town was hushed and the silence was as comforting as it was disconcerting. But it was better than being in a closed-in apartment because being alone in it now seemed to bring the four walls closer to him, suffocating him little by little. In the open, fragrant air, with the wind blowing just so through Aoi’s loose hair, he didn’t seem too alone despite the fact of being the only one in visible sight. At least he knew there were people sleeping behind the buildings with their drawn curtains and locked doors.

He walked past Reita’s house which was only a few blocks away from his own apartment and he stopped momentarily, his back leaned against a black iron fence behind him on the sidewalk, and he peered up at the tall building. He located Reita’s window, the window with the box that held a single dead flower on the sill. Reita had never been able to take care of anything for very long. His plants died and his animals ran away unless Ruki decided to take them in.

Aoi smiled for a heartbeat of a moment and shook his head pityingly. And yet Reita had come to Uruha’s rescue he was sure. During the time when they were children it had only been the three of them. Uruha, Reita, and Aoi. And they took care of one another no matter what. He just hoped that Reita had taken care of Uruha where he couldn’t…not this time.

He wondered not for the first time, if Uruha was still with Reita, if he was behind that window right at that moment, sleeping or sitting up at the kitchen table with a coffee mug warming his hands as he did when he couldn’t sleep at night. Uruha had never been a restful sleeper. He woke up during the night countless times when he stayed over at Aoi’s place, and so he was almost positive Uruha must have had the same sort of restless few days he himself had had with everything in ruins around them.

He stood looking up at the empty window for a long moment, searching for any signs of movement, any signs of life, but when everything remained still and quiet, he turned and continued down the sidewalk with a shuffling gait. That dream of only an hour ago came unbidden into his mind once more. He couldn’t escape it because in it was manifested his deepest desires…everything he’d ever wanted. He couldn’t stop replaying it in his mind, savoring each kiss to his lips, the feeling of Uruha in his arms, the way those whispered words sounded as Uruha breathed them over and over again, a soft spoken mantra Aoi would have loved to have heard for the rest of his life.

Something was nagging at the back of his mind, some traditional superstition his country had always held. The first dream of the new year was said to signify the luck you would have in the impending year. The signs and symbols in your dream were meant to be omens of some sort. Aoi had never been superstitious and had never really even paid much attention to any of the dreams he had had after the new year. That was…until now.

The first dream that he could remember clearly after the fight on the beach was the one he kept reliving in his mind countless times. He couldn’t seem to shake the feeling it gave him, that strange euphoric and yet…troubled sensation. He couldn’t describe the exact emotion it brought to the surface. It was yearning, and bliss, and worry, all wrapped into one sensation somehow. Even though he knew it was just a dream…he couldn’t help but wish he had somehow made it come true all those years ago.

Maybe it was only his conscious telling him what he should have done…what might have been. That thought alone was enough to send a bitter hurt coursing through Aoi, overriding every other feeling. He had passed his time to make good on all of those what if’s and should have’s.

Aoi didn’t even make it to the park because of how terrible he all of a sudden felt. He stopped near the iron archway of the park’s entrance and just stood there. The feeling of being a failure, of perhaps once having the chance to save himself from all of this hurt and pain was sickening. Perhaps he could have prevented all of the years of suffering in silence if he had just done something, anything that day on the steps when Uruha had been reaching out to him for comfort.

Aoi sighed loudly and turned on his heel to make his way back home because there was nothing left to do now but wait behind the dark, suffocating walls of his apartment until Uruha decided to talk to him again. He was just fooling himself taking his useless thoughts to heart. He had just experienced what it was like to reach out to try to express himself to Uruha, and he’d screwed everything up in a matter of minutes. Uruha had misinterpreted everything he had been trying to say because he’d been too reckless in his actions. This was what would have happened on the steps that day and that was why he had never said anything, only laughed and denied his feelings. He had saved himself just to get hurt years into the future.

Aoi trekked up the stairs to his apartment after a slow, contemplating walk back and fished out his keys from his back pocket. But his brow furrowed and he stopped mid-motion from unlocking the door when he realized that it was already unlocked. He clearly remembered locking the door on his way out so how it had come to be open like this was beyond Aoi. He had only been gone two hours and his part of town wasn’t known for homes being broken into at all.

Aoi took a wary look down one way of the hallway he was standing in and then the other way before hesitantly pushing the door open a little. He inched his way inside and didn’t fully close the door as he scanned the living room and kitchen area suspiciously. The place was still dark with only the tall windows of the living room letting in the dull gray light of the early morning. The furniture was only black shadows from where he stood, but his eye caught on something before he could get across the room to switch a light on to see better. There was no mistaking the shadow of a human form on the couch and when Aoi sucked in a loud, startled breath, the figure turned towards him and then stood up, lean and tall….familiar.

“Aoi.” The voice was Uruha’s soft, low voice and Aoi instantly felt a flood of immense relief flood through him, first because his house hadn’t been invaded by a stranger and second because Uruha had finally decided to show up. Aoi couldn’t stop himself from moving forward quickly as Uruha’s shadow moved around to the back of the couch to meet him.

He was so thankful that Uruha had finally decided to give him a chance to talk to him that Aoi almost forgot to restrain himself as he made to hug Uruha to him tightly. But he dropped his arms immediately upon remembering why they were in the position they were in at that moment. It was because Aoi had never been able to contain himself around Uruha, and with Uruha so wary of Aoi’s touch at that moment, he knew it would have been suicide all over again to attempt to hug him. He didn’t want to frighten Uruha away a second time.

“You scared me Uru, I didn’t know what had happened with my door open…and I’ve been worried about you for days…” Aoi’s words came out shaky and scrambled….nervous. With the little light from the windows, Aoi could see Uruha’s face soften some at his anxiousness and Aoi was left surprised as Uruha took a step closer to him and drew him into a loose hug. Aoi’s eyes were wide and confused over Uruha’s shoulder and he didn’t know where to place his hands, but they eventually pressed flatly against Uruha’s back as he was held. He felt Uruha breathe in deeply under his hands and he shivered at the way Uruha’s hands tightened in the hair on the back of his neck and held him tighter.

He didn’t understand Uruha’s actions after the fight they had had. He hadn’t thought Uruha would ever touch him again…much less only a few days after what had happened between them….with their friendship in tatters. It felt extremely good though despite the obvious confusion, to have Uruha this close to him again, to have his sweet scent drifting around him and his hair brushing against his cheek as Uruha pulled away a little. Aoi sighed and his eyes drifted closed at the feeling of Uruha’s cheek sliding against his own but then he felt something cold and hard being pressed into the palm of his hand and his eyes flew back open and fixed on what his fingers had closed around.

“I thought you’d want this back,” Uruha murmured, his hand cradling Aoi’s hand as he opened his fingers and found the key to his apartment he had given Uruha some time ago to let himself in whenever he pleased.

“Why are you giving it back?” Aoi asked, his voice dropping low to match Uruha’s. His gaze flickered up to Uruha’s strangely impassive face. Aoi knew why he was giving it back, he knew what was happening but he still didn’t want to come to terms with it all just yet. He couldn’t face the reality of their situation. He wanted more time, just a little more time….

“I gave it to you. It’s yours,” Aoi whispered as he tried pushing it back into Uruha’s hand, but Uruha stepped away from him and he was forced to drop the key to the floor between them. “It’s yours Uru,” Aoi said softer, desolation evident in the way his shoulders slumped. He knew it was useless to even try. Uruha’s eyes flickered and he blinked as he looked away from Aoi, his bottom lip worried between his teeth in that uneasy gesture of his before he let out a slow breath and seemed to recompose himself.

“Aoi….” Uruha stopped and wrung his hands at his side for a second before taking another deep breath and continuing. “I’m leaving,” Uruha said quickly, and his eyes suddenly turned pleading because Aoi seemed to freeze where he stood. “I’m-”

“What?” Aoi forced out with effort, even when he hands and his feet didn’t seem to be able to move as he stared at Uruha disbelievingly. He knew exactly what Uruha was saying, but it somehow wasn’t registering completely in his mind. It was just too much for Aoi that he couldn’t get his mind around it…couldn’t fully accept it….

“Tomorrow…” Uruha swallowed hard and his hands clenched and unclenched repeatedly and then he placed them on his hips and then let them fall as if he didn’t know how he was meant to stand while telling Aoi he was leaving him. Uruha was a nervous wreck despite the calm demeanor he had tried to put forth at first. He was breaking down in front of Aoi faster than sand slipping through outstretched fingers.

“It’s…umm…I’m…” Uruha swept a hand out in front of him helplessly, his lips pressing together hard and then he released a sigh, and then finally Uruha raked a hand through his hair and met Aoi’s incredulous stare. Uruha’s anguish seeped through the hard façade he was trying to build back up with unsteady hands.

“My flight’s leaving tomorrow. I’m going back home,” Uruha clarified, his voice a little less shaky, and little more firm. He was trying to stand up straighter and not let his shoulders slump as Aoi’s was, but Aoi could see through Uruha as well as he could see through the tall glass windows behind him. Uruha’s brow furrowed again, his nostrils flared, and his lips pressed tightly together once more. Aoi knew that look…that look that was hard put to keep a surge of emotions back.

“Say something!” Uruha suddenly shouted angrily and then clamped a hand over his mouth and looked away shaking his head. Aoi felt the shock leave him as suddenly as it had come on and he reached forward to touch Uruha’s shoulder, but Uruha anticipated his movement and moved back another step out of reach. But Aoi stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him anyway. Uruha tensed beneath his arms and then began struggling to move away again, but Aoi held him tightly.

“Stop Aoi, let me go,” Uruha gasped, his cheeks shining slightly in the gray light. But Aoi didn’t let go and held him until Uruha stopped struggling and his movements just became light trembles against him. Aoi pressed his face into Uruha’s hair as he held him so close he could feel Uruha’s heart beating rapidly against his own chest, in exact timing with his own.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Aoi finally asked and Uruha pressed his face into Aoi’s neck and shook his head again. A vague answer Aoi couldn’t decipher. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I do have to do this. I am going to do this.” Uruha’s voice was muffled against Aoi’s skin and the bliss Aoi felt from being able to hold Uruha this way deluded him so that when he loosened his arms around Uruha a little, Uruha took that to his advantage and broke away from Aoi’s embrace, frowning over at Aoi heatedly. “I don’t think you really get what this is all about…”

“It’s about the kiss isn’t it? It’s about you thinking I’ve been trying to take advantage of you, when it’s not true….Uruha, I can’t even believe that you would think something like that of me. I care about you too much to do that. The kiss, it was just spontaneous, it was something I had to do at that moment. I can’t even explain it because I’m afraid you‘re going to get angry with me again.” Aoi sighed and shrugged. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I’m sorry about the kiss…I’m sorry about showing you how much I care about you and I’m just sorry you took it the wrong way…”

“That’s exactly it,” Uruha replied with a flick of his hand, his expression suddenly heated with anger, once again confusing Aoi as to what he had said that was so wrong. Was it the apology that Uruha kept getting so angry over? Did he not want Aoi to apologize or try to explain himself? “That. I know you’re sorry Aoi, I know you wish it had never happened.” There was a bitterness in Uruha’s voice that was heartbreaking. “I don’t want to hear how sorry you are, I really don’t. It doesn’t matter now anyway, because I’m leaving and nothing you can say or do at this point is going to change anything. I just…can’t do this anymore. Me. You.” Uruha’s voice broke as he waved his hand between them.

“I don’t know what happened on the beach,” Aoi muttered.

“That makes two of us.” Uruha laughed derisively. “Though you do know what happened on the beach Aoi. I know you do. But I also know that when I leave, we’re not going to be any closer to understanding what’s wrong with us. We’ve both always been so fucked up, it’s why we cling to each other the way we do. It’s why we depend on each other for everything. But we’ve made things too complicated, I can’t live this way anymore….”

“I fucked up Uruha, I know that.” Aoi rubbed the back of his neck and watched Uruha’s distressed face in the dull light of the room. “If I could take the kiss back, I would. I didn’t do it to hurt you or use you…I don’t know how to make you believe me.”

“Take the kiss back would you?” Uruha muttered and nodded as if confirming something, his jaw tight and stiff, resentment pulsing from him in hot waves. Taking the kiss back wasn’t really what Aoi wanted to do…yes it would have saved them all this hurt, and yes, he might have bought himself a little more time, but he’d also meant that kiss with every fiber of his being. If he could have paused that moment when their lips had first pressed together, he would do it in a second and he’d never want life to interrupt them.

Aoi knew that it was worthless to confess his feelings now. Uruha’s mind was made up and confessing what he really felt towards his friend would only quicken their goodbyes. It would cement Uruha’s want to leave. But letting Uruha leave him while still believing Aoi had only used him during their long friendship was too much of a bitter pill to swallow. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place and there was no visible way out.

“I’m quitting the band when I leave.” Uruha seemed to feel the need to inform Aoi. Uruha quitting the band meant that he had no intention of ever coming back. And even though Aoi already knew this, he couldn’t help but release a soft breath as if he’d been knocked in the chest. The prospect of Uruha quitting the band and leaving for good tomorrow, just walking out on everyone and everything he’d known for years, was beyond belief. It seemed impossible but it was really going to happen, he could see it in Uruha’s determined face.

“You can’t leave the band. We’ve already agreed that there’s no band if one of us leaves. No…” Aoi shook his head. Denial was always his strongest point. “No,” He repeated as if rejecting Uruha’s want to leave enough would somehow convince him to stay. “The rest of the band won’t let you leave Uru…you know this…”

“I’ve already talked to everyone else. Maybe they didn’t like it, and of course they tried to prevent me from quitting, but it’s not their call whether I leave or not. I’ve already said my goodbyes to them. You can all decide what’s going to happen to the band when I’m gone. I’m too tired to keep this up any longer. I just….want to go home and forget everything,” Uruha muttered, and his voice suddenly sounded exhausted to Aoi’s ears over the pounding that had started in his head. The blood was flooding to Aoi’s face as Kai’s nervous call suddenly came back to him in a rush.

Kai was going to come over to tell him that Uruha was quitting today. Aoi felt sluggish, almost like he was trying to wade through water as he took a step forward and held onto the back of the couch. Uruha gasped and reached for Aoi’s shoulder, probably afraid he was about to fall to his knees. It felt like Aoi was going to loose his balance, but he leaned against the couch and looked up at Uruha helplessly and managed not to fall. Uruha kept his hand on Aoi’s shoulder, holding firmly and frowning. Worry was beneath Uruha’s frown but he wasn‘t showing it outwardly.

“You told everyone else before you told me?” Aoi asked angrily. It was a hard slap to the face that he was the last one to know. It was a confirmation of how Uruha’s trust in him had been destroyed. Of how he wasn’t even good enough for Uruha to come to face to face anymore…

“I waited because I knew how you would take it,” Uruha replied stonily, his hand slipping away from Aoi’s shoulder when Aoi steadied himself and tried to stand up straighter.

“I can’t fucking believe you’re doing this Uruha. That you’re throwing everything away as if it meant nothing, that you’re throwing me away as if we’d never been friends to begin with. I never thought you could be so damn selfish,” Aoi blurted out before he realized he’d voiced his thoughts. He hadn’t meant to say it. He had spoken out of anger at what was happening.

“Me, selfish? That’s a laugh.” Uruha chuckled mockingly, his laugh fake and bitter underneath. “This is coming from the guy who’s claimed to be my best friend since childhood but takes every chance I give him to use me when he doesn’t have some bitch to fuck around with. I’m here in case you need me Aoi, isn’t that right? I know my place. But it’s not going to be my place anymore. I’m tired of being with you like this,” Uruha spat furiously, his body trembling under Aoi’s shocked gaze.

“So tell me the truth before I go,” Uruha continued on. “When we were talking on the beach, I didn‘t believe you for a second when you told me you had really loved someone at one time. Has Shiroyama Yuu ever loved someone for more than the half hour it takes for him to say hello, fuck, and then shut the door in in that someone‘s face?” Uruha rose an eyebrow, and his voice was full of animosity that Aoi had never experienced from him before. It was a cruel blow and Aoi had nothing to say to it. “I didn’t think so,” Uruha muttered harshly.

Having Uruha say something like to him was a sting worse than realizing that he was the last person Uruha had told he was leaving, when he had always been the first to know anything from Uruha. Aoi couldn’t hold himself up after that last kick in the gut and he didn’t even try to hold himself up as he fell to his knees in front of Uruha and wrapped his arms around Uruha’s waist, holding him close with his cheek pressed against Uruha’s stomach. It was a childish, weak gesture, but the only thing he could do at that moment. He was so confused, so powerless and angry at knowing he could do nothing at all to make Uruha stay.

“Don’t do this to me,” Aoi whispered, ashamed that he was wetting the front of Uruha’s shirt and openly crying like he had been too embarrassed to do that morning on the beach. But it was too much to have Uruha think so low of him, to treat him as if he were a bastard when Aoi had only ever tried to make Uruha happy. Aoi had done everything under the sun for Uruha and loved him unconditionally throughout it all. He had loved Uruha for years without the privileges lovers had. Uruha had no idea what he was saying…how untrue his accusations were.

“Aoi….what are you doing?” Uruha breathed, and Aoi only held him tighter when he felt Uruha’s hand smooth down his hair gently.

“Hit me, hate me if you have to, do anything you want but just don’t think that way of me Uru…please. You don’t understand how wrong you have everything.” Aoi trembled and pressed his cheek more firmly against Uruha, his eyes closed tight so he wouldn’t have to see Uruha’s scorn or revulsion to how weak he was at that moment. Uruha’s hands were suddenly around his arms and despite how tightly he was holding Uruha about his waist, Uruha was able to use the strength he always pretended wasn’t there, to pry Aoi’s arms away and to Aoi’s surprise, Uruha dropped down to his knees in front of Aoi and hugged him close.

“I’m sorry Aoi, I’m so sorry.” Aoi felt the soft press of Uruha’s lips just under his ear. Uruha hadn’t held him this sincerely in too long. “I didn’t mean what I said. I‘m just angry and confused.” Uruha continued to hold Aoi to him as if he’d never let him go. “You bring me to my knees no matter how much I want to hate you. You make me care for you despite everything,” Uruha whispered, his body trembling just as much as Aoi’s was at that moment. The both of them holding each other, shaking, their faces wet against one another in a darkened room with the ominous clouds still threatening rain outside of the windows …they must have been a dismal sight.

“Is this your solution to everything? To run away?” Aoi asked feebly and when he felt Uruha’s shoulders shake against him, he cursed softly, knowing what he had to do, knowing he was fighting a losing battle. “Is this what you really want Uru?” Aoi was the first one to pull away and what he saw broke his heart. Uruha covered his face and nodded.

“This is what I want Aoi.” Uruha’s muffled voice came from between his fingers, and Aoi felt what was left of his heart drop.

“So you still don’t believe me do you?” Aoi wondered dejectedly. “You don’t believe I’ve never used you, that I never meant to hurt you…”

“I don’t know what I believe Aoi. But it doesn’t matter now anyway. The point of this is….I just can’t live this way anymore. I’m tired of hurting….when I’m around you…” If Aoi hadn’t been kicked enough, Uruha’s last blow was enough to scar him for life.

“You hurt when you’re around me?” Aoi’s voice was small even to his own ears and he drew his hands down his face miserably, not knowing what else to say. He had never meant to cause this much trouble for Uruha. He didn’t understand how he had hurt Uruha so much and in what way exactly. There had to be something more…something more than Uruha’s flimsy excuse of thinking Aoi had been using him. There was too much affliction behind Uruha’s poignant brown eyes for there to just be one reason for all the pain. Uruha had been feeling this way for a long while.

All of those confusing, hurt looks Uruha used to give him when Aoi called him ‘angel’…that had been going on since before Aoi could even remember. All the times when Uruha would stop mid-sentence, flush, and recompose himself as if he had meant to say something he shouldn’t have…there were too many of those moments to count. All those nights Aoi had stayed up with Uruha, stroking his hair back and comforting him for troubles he could only guess at, those moments were as many as the stars they had once counted together at night. All of that just didn’t add up to Aoi’s current ‘betrayal’.

He had a mounting suspicion that Uruha knew something was wrong as well with Aoi’s excuses and empty apologies. Aoi refused to explain himself, why he had kissed Uruha in the first place. He offered apologies by the handful but no explanations for his actions. He just knew that it was useless at this point to try to pick up the scattered pieces of their friendship and try to make something else out of it. It was too far beyond repair.

He also knew that pressing Uruha for an explanation for the exact reason he was being left behind while Uruha tried to get as far away from his best friend as possible was just as futile as Uruha trying to get any more explanation out of Aoi for what had happened on the beach. Uruha would go on believing Aoi had betrayed his trust just because Aoi had been too much of a coward to make things right during the countless moments he had been given over the years.

And so neither one of them said anything to each other in the ways of what was hidden too deep for the other see. They were both hiding secrets from each other that would never see the light of day now that they were finally ending what they had worked so hard to build between them.

“Aoi…look at me.” Uruha’s voice sounded far away as he felt fingers pulling his hands away from his face and tilted his chin up so that he was looking Uruha directly in the eyes. “Please don’t hate me for leaving…because I’d never have the heart to hate you in any way, despite everything that’s happened between us. Don’t be upset with me….I want us to say goodbye on the best terms we possibly can.” Aoi’s short, cynical laugh had Uruha frowning.

“I’d never be able to hate you either Uruha, but asking me not to be upset with you is a little too much don’t you think?” Aoi wondered incredulously.

“Will you come to the airport to tell me goodbye?” Uruha asked, and for the first time that morning his voice sounded as wounded and small as Aoi’s was. He sounded vulnerable in that unbecoming meekness and the way he chose to ignore Aoi’s biting remark to his outlandish proposal. Uruha knew there would be no ‘parting on good terms’ between them, there was no possible way.

Uruha would leave a mess of destruction behind him that Aoi wouldn’t know how to clean up. They would leave too many things unsaid….too many questions unanswered. Their goodbyes wouldn’t be goodbyes at all because those spider webs of lies and secrets hadn’t been untangled and they would always wonder what had happened to their friendship, what had drove them to ruin it so recklessly. They would both pick away at the spider webs for the rest of their lives, examining them, trying to smooth them out and understand them, but eventually their hands would come away sticky and dirty and they would be no closer to solving anything than when they had started.

“How can you ask that of me?” Aoi mumbled and tried to turn his face away from Uruha’s hands, but they caught his chin again and made him look back.

“How can you refuse?” Uruha asked softly.

“Why can’t we end it like this? Right now?” Aoi asked scathingly . He was in too much pain to go through another confrontation like this. It was like drawing a knife down his skin over and over again, deeper each time, for the sake of keeping up appearances. What good would it do to meet Uruha at the airport in traditional fashion to see him off when they had already said all that they were willing to say? Meeting Uruha at the airport to watch him walk out of his life was something he knew he wouldn’t be able to handle. It was an unnecessary cruelty and Uruha didn’t understand.

“Because I want you to be the last person I see here.” Uruha’s answer was a windfall to his already constant ache. He had never thought it possible that someone could be tortured and hurt this much and live through it the way he had. He had thought nothing could go worse than what had happened at the beach, but he had been sadly mistaken. He had no more room on his skin for anymore scars and anymore blows were going to knock him down for good. He couldn’t go to the airport tomorrow, he knew he couldn’t. Uruha’s cool , soft hands slid along his cheeks and held his face up so that he would stop trying to turn away.

“Just tell me goodbye,” Uruha whispered and Aoi shook his head. He wasn’t going to do it. He would never be able to live through what Uruha was asking him to do. Uruha didn’t know what he was asking…

“Tell me goodbye Aoi,” Uruha prompted again gently, his voice shaky with unspent tears. “Let me go…” He pleaded softly and pressed their foreheads together, their noses brushing as Aoi shook his head again, his mouth set in a firm, hard line. He wasn’t going to do it, no matter how much Uruha begged and pleaded. He would let Uruha go because he knew it was something he had to do, but he’d never say goodbye. He wasn’t going to cut himself down further by seeing Uruha off. He wanted this to be their last moments, not some awkward hug or wave in a noisy, crowded airport. No. He wouldn’t do it.

Uruha pressed their lips together for the briefest moments and then hugged him tightly, his face burying in Aoi’s neck and his hands clutching the fabric of Aoi’s shirt in his fists. Aoi felt Uruha trembling against him…or maybe it was his own body that was trembling, but they seemed like one person at that moment as they held one another and hurt. It was the worst case of pride and fear getting in the way of the important things that Aoi had ever been unfortunate enough to experience and he just wished in that moment that he’d been dealt a different hand in life.

******

The morning Uruha was to leave was dreary and overcast as it had been for days. Always promising rain but never delivering. Aoi pushed his way through the double glass doors and was instantly ensnared into a raucous mixture of people talking, children crying, the shuffle of hundreds of feet, and heady perfumes and scents of too many different origins. Aoi twisted the seashell bracelet around his wrist several times nervously, his eyes darting around the crowded terminal and then up to the big clock that let him know how late he was. He was barely scrapping by and he’d only have a few minutes to spare.

He had wrestled with himself all night and all morning, and he had finally determined that he wouldn’t come, that he wasn’t going to hurt himself anymore. He’d had his mind made up when he just happened to walk by and knock down he and Uruha’s picture from the entertainment center. The one where they were smiling, their arms thrown around each other and looking happier than they’d ever been…just because they were together. He had stood in the middle of the living room, holding the broken remnants of their picture and a rush of memories and emotions had overcome him, until he knew he would have to see Uruha off.

He would never forgive himself if he didn’t grant Uruha that one last desire. Some small part of him wanted to see Uruha’s face one last time despite how adamant he had been about last night being their last moments together. It would have been easier leaving things as they were from last night, their clumsy parting, but his arms still yearned to hold Uruha for just a little longer, and he wanted to breathe in Uruha’s scent, and he wanted to hear Uruha’s voice just once more. He wanted these small relics of his friend to be imprinted into his memory to last him for some time to come. He was still an idiot in love after all.

Aoi scanned the room for any sign of Uruha, hoping he hadn’t already boarded the plane and finally spotted a head of blonde hair and a figure swathed in a dark coat sitting in a gaudy plastic chair with the other people waiting for flights and loved ones. Uruha was looking around, searching just as Aoi had been doing, and Aoi had to crane his neck and move to keep Uruha in his sights as people walked in front of him and blocked his line of vision. He watched as Uruha finally stood up and looked his way without noticing Aoi, his face miserable and crestfallen.

Uruha’s disappointment was clear as his body lost that hopeful tenseness, and he turned and started to walk away. Aoi hurried and pushed through the crowd and nearly fell over his own feet to get to Uruha. He slowed to a walk and grabbed Uruha’s shoulder to stop him just in time. They were calling the flight Uruha was about to board, they had less than a few minutes. Uruha whirled around and when seeing it was Aoi who had stopped him, he was blatantly shocked. It was obvious that he had been waiting for Aoi, but not really expecting him to come.

“I couldn’t let you leave without saying goodbye,” Aoi panted and Uruha seemed speechless. Uruha’s brows were drawn together and he opened his mouth to speak but then closed it when no words came forth. It was the awkward parting Aoi had anticipated. They could have done without these last moments, it was only prolonging the pain, but Uruha had wanted this and Aoi was in no position to deny him anything when he’d likely never see him again.

When Uruha still remained silent, obviously not knowing what to say because he hadn’t anticipated Aoi coming to see him off, Aoi sighed and began undoing the bracelet around his wrist. Uruha hadn’t prepared an empty speech to make Aoi feel better and pretend that things would be alright between them when he left. Aoi was glad for that because he didn’t want fake smiles and vacant words that held no real meaning to them. Nothing was ever going to be alright between them now and it was better to face that reality and see it for what it was than pretend because they had been pretending since they had met one another, make believing there was nothing wrong in their perfect little world.

Well now that that perfect little world was completely destroyed, there was no need to keep lying to themselves. Aoi took Uruha’s hand in his and dropped his seashell bracelet into the palm of his hand and closed his fingers around it. Uruha looked startled and he turned wounded eyes to Aoi.

“I made this for you, it’s yours,” Uruha whispered those familiar words from only a day ago when Uruha had been giving Aoi his key back. Watching Uruha walk away from him would be hard enough, he couldn’t keep something so intimate and meaningful that reminded him of Uruha every time he saw it. It was better to rid himself of everything that would trigger Uruha’s face in his mind.

That meant that nearly everything he had would have to be gotten rid of because he couldn’t even walk down the street without thinking of Uruha. The ramen shop on the corner block, the swimming pool across the street, the beach and what it had meant to the both of them, his own damn bed that Uruha had bought sheets for and slept in nearly every weekend. Aoi could already see that he would be living in a personal hell when Uruha left because the shadow of Uruha would still remain to taunt him.

“Don’t be cruel,” Uruha muttered, but didn’t try giving the bracelet back. He knew it would have been useless.

“I’m not being cruel. I’m being honest, since we can’t be honest to each other.” Aoi watched as Uruha’s fingers tightened around the bracelet until his knuckles turned white and Aoi could imagine the pale seashells biting into his skin, drawing blood, and crumbling beneath Uruha’s resentment. The loud voice echoing around them was announcing the last calls for Uruha’s flight. Aoi waited as Uruha opened his palm and Aoi saw the small smears of blood decorating the tweed looped through the now crimson painted seashells. Uruha closed his eyes tight and Aoi couldn’t take it anymore, he couldn’t stay a second longer and go through this again.

He turned on his heel and tried walking away, but his hand was grabbed and he was forced to turn into Uruha’s arms. Aoi released a shaky breath and held Uruha for as long as he was able to and enjoyed the lingering feel of Uruha rubbing his cheek against his shoulder.

“I…” Aoi murmured, not knowing what to say, all those unspoken words were at the tip of his tongue, begging to be released, begging to be brought to light. Uruha looked hopeful for a second as he pulled away to look into Aoi’s face. But Aoi shook his head, those words dying as they always did before they were able to leave his lips. Uruha swallowed hard, that hopeful expression crushed and dead like Aoi’s unspoken words.

Uruha held him closely for a moment longer that seemed too short and then without warning, he was gone from Aoi’s arms as if he had never been there. There had been no goodbyes and Aoi forced himself to watch Uruha’s back, his quick retreating steps, and his arm holding the bracelet cradled to his chest, before he was swallowed into the crowd.

No goodbyes. Uruha hadn’t even been strong enough to do it. Aoi didn’t even watch Uruha long enough to see him board the plane, he couldn’t, and he finally just ran a hand through his hair and turned his back on everything that had meant something to him. He hurried out of the double glass doors and didn’t stop running because he was afraid his worst mistake, hounding his every step, would finally catch up to him before he was ready for it.

TBC….

A/N: There’s now an unlucky number of chapters to this story! >< *random* The next parts was actually one really loooong chapter that had to be split up. So that will be up next week without fail! We‘re so close to the end, it‘s a bit strange. -_- I‘m going to miss writing on this. I‘m working to get this done by the end of the month before classes start, so that means quick updates at least~!

Chapter Ten

2008-08-01T23:02:33Z

[ How I'm feeling| Nostalgic]
[ What I'm listening to| lavigne-I miss you

Title: Hatsu-Yume (10/?)
Pairings: Aoi/Uruha
Author: Life_giver
Rating: R-NC17 (for later parts)
Disclaimer: These beautiful boys are definitely not associated with me….regretfully. I’m only using them for a short time.
Warnings: None *gasp*
Summary: Sometimes the things we love and covet the most are the biggest secrets we will ever keep. Sometimes the heart loves what it cannot help but to love and worship and these are the types of secrets we expect will never be found. This is agony and ecstasy and fantasy for the blind handing the blind his heart to keep and cherish, hoping against hope that he is handed the same in return.
Notes: This is a follow up of sorts from the one shot I wrote some time ago, Chimera
This will be a chapter story tracing that one-shot to a conclusion.

“I think you’ve managed to turn my couch into a permanent lake.” Reita’s voice floated, disconnected from somewhere above Uruha, but he only buried his face deeper into the rough cushion on Reita’s couch and added more salt water to the ‘lake’. He hadn’t stopped crying since the morning when the whole world came crumbling down around him. He didn’t think he could stop even with his head pounding and the space behind his eyes aching. He felt nauseous and hoped he wouldn’t have to stumble from the couch to the bathroom, because he didn’t think he had the strength to even raise himself up. He’d never felt this terrible in his life, it was to the point that he would have rather died than go through what Aoi had put him through only hours ago.

“Uru, really….you’re making yourself sick.” Reita’s voice was louder and suddenly the couch dipped behind him and a hand on his arm connected the hovering voice to a body.

“I don’t care…” Uruha choked out in a shuddering breath. Uruha tried to hide his face against the couch once more when he felt Reita’s hand on his face, but Reita forced him to turn onto his back and Uruha felt a cold wet washcloth run over his forehead and along his cheeks under his closed eyelids.

“I made you a cup of tea if you would sit up for a minute.” Reita’s voice softened and the cool wet washcloth continued it’s gentle caressing. The cloth was soothing to Uruha’s heated skin and the cup of tea sounded inviting to his parched and dry throat, but Uruha stubbornly shook his head and tried turning back on his side again. He didn’t want to face Reita just yet. He wanted to hide away from the world and lick his wounds in private. The only reason he had made Reita agree to let him stay at his house for awhile was because he knew he wouldn’t be able to go home to an empty house after what had happened.

Despite his need to be alone, he didn’t trust himself enough not to have someone close by and Reita was the best candidate. Aoi had always been the one to comfort him and take care of him but since it had been Aoi who had hurt him this time…the only other person he could trust completely with his pain was Reita. Reita had always been there for him, only a few steps behind Aoi, and Uruha knew he could depend on him for anything.

Another daunting reason he didn’t think he could face going home alone was because he knew that was the first place Aoi would go to look for him. Aoi would want to explain away what he had done and make excuses and dig the knife deeper, the knife having been pulled from Uruha’s side and plunged into his back.

Uruha still couldn’t believe Aoi had the ability to be so utterly ruthless. He didn’t want to hear those flimsy excuses and apologies because he knew that once he’d heard them he would be forgiving Aoi and starting that suicide cycle all over again. He had finally died and he just wanted to remain that way. He didn’t want to be pulled back into Aoi’s deceiving arms.

“Please Uru…” Reita begged, his voice still soft but with a pleading edge to it as he kept Uruha from turning over or hiding his face from him. “Just drink a little something for me and then you can lock yourself in my bedroom if you want. But I’m not letting you kill yourself on my couch.” Reita chuckled softly but Uruha only shook his head and pushed the wet washcloth away from his face miserably.

“Just leave me alone,” Uruha groaned, but the washcloth was back against his forehead before the words were even partway from his mouth.

“I’m not going to leave you alone because I care about you and I’m worried. You’ve been crying your heart out for hours and you won’t tell me why. How can I leave you alone when you’re like this?” The washcloth was suddenly gone from his face and replaced by Reita’s warm fingers against his forehead as if they were checking for a temperature. Uruha kept his eyes closed but he stopped trying to turn over and fight against Reita’s hands.

“Look, just sit up and drink this cup of tea I slaved over for you and then you can go sleep in my bedroom okay? But only if you sit up and stop ruining my couch.” Uruha hesitantly cracked his eyes open and made out the blurry image of Reita smiling down at him sympathetically, one hand still on his forehead and the other hand holding up a cup of tea for Uruha to see.

Reita had never been the most caring friend. Uruha could count on both hands how many more people were better equipped at handling someone emotions and problems than Reita ultimately was. Reita was one of his closest friends and yet had never really filled the description of a shoulder to lean on. But Reita was here now, taking care of Uruha with more concern than he’d ever seen Reita show.

That’s when Uruha knew he must have looked terrible for Reita to be so worried about him. He definitely felt the effects of pouring out his emotions for hours on end, but he couldn’t seem to stop. Aoi had released a flood of pain and anger inside of him and nothing seemed to be able to ebb the flow. He’d kept his feelings bottled deep inside him for too long as it was…it was past time to let them out and get rid of them.

Uruha looked away obstinately, refusing Reita’s offer for a drink, but after a long moment of Reita sitting beside him and waiting for him to accept, Uruha finally sniffed dejectedly and made an effort to push himself up on the couch. Reita helped him with a hand on his arm and as soon as Uruha was sitting up against the cushions, there was a cool glass pressed against his lips. Uruha looked up at the blurry image of Reita in front of him and glared, but finally gave up his useless struggle and parted his lips so that Reita could tilt the cup against his mouth.

He was trying to keep himself miserable for reasons he didn’t understand except that maybe he was afraid of Aoi getting to him again. He wanted the pain to be raw and unrelenting so that when Aoi finally came to him begging to be let back into his life, he would remember how harsh the pain had been, and maybe that would save him from making the same mistake over again. He would always love Aoi more than life itself, and he would have given anything to keep the precious friendship that had survived so strongly over so many years. But he couldn’t do this anymore, he couldn’t suffer for Aoi knowing he would never be able to have him completely. He had to lose everything in order to survive in some small way.

“See, it wasn’t so hard to sit up and drink something was it?” Reita asked as Uruha took the cup from his hands and began drinking by himself, marveling at how good a simple cup of tea tasted after crying everything out for hours. Uruha threw another glare Reita’s way but continued to drink the tea as if he had been parched for weeks on end. Reita let Uruha drink for a long silent moment and only when Uruha had handed him the empty cup to put aside did Reita finally ask the question Uruha knew the bassist had been waiting to ask all day.

“So are you going to stop frowning at me like you hate me and actually tell me why you’re crying on my couch?” Reita wondered with a raised eyebrow. Despite being unsurprised by Reita’s blunt question, after all he did have a right to question why his house was being taken over by an extremely upset Uruha, Uruha still winced at the query anyway. He wasn’t sure he would ever be ready to let anyone see the contents of his heart. It was the same terror and dread that had always stopped him from confessing to Aoi, that stopped him from admitting what he felt to anyone else close to him.

“I thought you said I could go to bed after you forced me to drink the tea,” Uruha tried uselessly, his voice still shaky and hoarse, and vulnerable, despite the tears that had begun to dry on his cheeks and at the corners of his eyes.

“If you have to talk to someone I’m here, but my offer’s not going to stand forever.” Reita grinned cheekily. “I can tell you want to say something, but you’re not letting yourself say it.” Uruha moistened his dry lips and looked away from Reita, mortified that it was so apparent he wanted to say everything that had ever weighed on his chest. He wanted to tell someone just so it wouldn’t be a secret anymore. He was so tired, so extremely exhausted of carrying around that dark secret alone.

Reita had been there even before Aoi, before his heart had been stolen and his feelings ripped apart. But Uruha didn’t know if he was ready to entrust something so fragile and dangerous as his love for his best friend to anyone else just yet. He was so used to carrying around his confusing, battered emotions that it would feel strange letting someone else hold and examine them and ultimately…judge them. He wasn’t even sure that he was capable of digging deep enough inside of himself to pull those whispered secrets out for even one lone soul to see. That’s how buried they were from the wear and tear of the years.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry before,” Reita commented off-handedly when Uruha remained silent and looking off to the side at anything but Reita. Uruha flinched when he felt Reita’s thumb sweeping his cheek and then up to the corner of his eye, brushing away stray tears in a gesture that was uncharacteristically intimate and tender for Reita.

It almost felt strange to have Reita being so gentle towards him. There was no tease and no playfulness in Reita’s voice, just honesty and compassion and Uruha felt a surge of warmth for Reita that he didn’t think he’d ever felt towards his friend before. It was enough to make Uruha look up and catch Reita’s gaze, and the embarrassment at Reita’s awareness of his need to talk slowly dissipated.

“That’s because it’s usually Aoi who suffers through these moments with me,” Uruha muttered softly. “I don’t go to you with my problems…” His comment wasn’t meant to be taken harshly and it wasn’t out of favoritism that Uruha said that. Of course he loved Aoi and of course he trusted Aoi above all with his problems, but Reita was just as trustworthy and dependable and Reita had always had his affection. It was just that Reita was more of the best friend that Aoi could never be.

Reita was the friend that teased Uruha about every little thing and was honest with him about how shitty he looked in the mornings and Reita was the friend that stole his video games and never returned them and dragged him to soccer games with cases of beer when they had early band meetings in the morning.

Aoi was the friend that Uruha turned to when he needed a shoulder to cry on, because…Aoi was different, Aoi was….the friend Uruha couldn’t help but fall in love with because he had always treated Uruha with a tenderness Uruha had never felt from anyone else. Aoi had shown him adventure and excitement and affection that he wouldn’t have known without having met Aoi on those fairgrounds when they were children. Aoi was fashioned from the same cloth as Uruha. There was a big difference between these two best friends and Reita knew this as well as Uruha and he seemed to understand what Uruha was getting at because his hand fell away from Uruha’s face and he chuckled.

“You’re right. I’m never any good with people’s emotions. I’m like a big clumsy child when it comes to someone depending on me for anything. I’m usually scared shitless with a crying person on my hands.” Reita laughed, and Uruha shook his head, a ghost of a grin slipping it’s sneaky way onto his flushed face.

“Don’t say that. You did good with me today-” Uruha’s smile became a little more definite when Reita rolled his eyes heavenward and tched at Uruha’s attempt on reassurance.

“You don’t have to try to defend me Uru. I know I’m not good with this. I was only able to give you a place to stay and try to make you feel a little better because I knew you needed me. I’ve never seen you this upset before and even though I’m awkward with this, I wasn’t going to let you hurt alone….Aoi was just always better with you than me.” Reita shrugged helplessly.

“He knows how to handle you. Every time you were upset when we were younger, I knew you would be taken care of by him. But he isn’t around today….so I’m here…I’m sorry about that.” Reita smiled sheepishly and Uruha couldn’t help but lean forward and pull Reita into a hug because what Reita had said was true but mostly because Reita was here with him, trying to take care of him in Aoi’s absence. It brought back a flood of memories of Uruha and Aoi and Reita together when they were younger, and Uruha had to hold back the dull aching pain that began to pulse just under his temples.

“Don’t be sorry. I’m glad you’re with me,” Uruha replied honestly, his arms tightening around Reita for a long moment before he pulled away and let out a heavy breath. “It’s just hard for me to explain what’s wrong…I don’t think I can… not even to Aoi, especially not to Aoi.” He added under his breath. “My problems are complicated.”

“Aren’t everyone’s?” Reita smiled and Uruha shrugged and gave Reita a look that said that he had pretty much redefined ‘complicated’.

“I’m not sure you would understand this sort of complicated.” Uruha visibly winced at the thought of even trying to begin explaining a fraction of what he was going through to Reita. It almost seemed impossible to explain things in a way that anyone would understand. Because Uruha and Aoi’s relationship had never been normal, even from the start, and things had only gotten deeper and more complicated as the years went on, and now they were in a mess that Uruha had no idea how to get out of. It was like trying to find his way out of a darkened room with no windows or doors…just black nothingness and no sense of direction. He had been going around in circles for what seemed like forever and he was no closer to finding his way than when his feelings for Aoi had begun spiraling out of control.

“I would take a guess at what’s wrong if I weren’t afraid you’d hit me for saying it,” Reita muttered low and quick as if he wasn’t sure if he really wanted Uruha to hear what he was saying.

“I don’t think I have the strength to hit you, Rei,” Uruha reassured his friend with a small, tired smile. “So I guess you’re safe.” Uruha settled back into the sofa and watched Reita fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, seeming to contemplate what he was about to say before he said it. It was typical of Reita to shuffle his feet and avoid eye contact when discussing an uncomfortable or tricky subject. And unfortunately guessing what Uruha was upset about at that moment was more than uncomfortable for the both of them. But Uruha didn’t stop him, because he knew Reita would never guess the real reason behind his misery.

“It’s Aoi isn’t it?” Reita suddenly blurted out, and it felt as if Uruha’s heart stopped for one split second at the mention of Aoi’s name, before it began beating again, but faster this time, nervous and suspicious of Reita’s prying question. Uruha said nothing and watched Reita look up at him and then away again and then back to him, unsure if he should drop the subject and leave Uruha alone or press on.

Well he had guessed correctly, but he still didn’t know the whole story and that thought was a very small comfort in the corner of Uruha’s frantic, chaotic mind. Uruha shrugged, giving Reita all the answer he needed. He wasn’t going to deny it because it would have been useless to do so when Reita’s eyes were telling him he knew more than Uruha was comfortable with.

“What gave it away?” Uruha asked sardonically, the disgust and fatigue heavy in his voice as he slipped down further into the couch until he was laying on his back once more, his legs curled against him to give Reita room to sit beside him more comfortably. He knew they were about to get a bit more confidential with one another and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

“Well seeing as how you came running from the beach where you and Aoi had disappeared to last night, I think it’s pretty obvious. If that hadn’t given it away then you crying and telling Kai to bring Aoi home would have.” Reita smiled wryly and Uruha frowned and curled his arm beneath his head until he was in a sort of fetal position, protecting himself from what he didn’t want to face up to. He didn’t want to have to relive that moment on the beach where Aoi had given him another glimpse of false hope and then rudely torn it away, tearing away the last sane part of Uruha as well.

Uruha squeezed his eyes closed, his hand balling into a fist beneath his cheek as he allowed himself to feel Aoi’s mouth against him once more. He could feel the damp press of Aoi’s lips on his, the way Aoi had kissed him with a passion that had left Uruha breathless and in disbelief. It had been the best and worst moment of his life.

He berated himself for letting even that faint glimmer of hope for shining in his heart after that kiss. Maybe Aoi had finally realized his feelings, maybe Aoi really did love him, maybe Aoi was recognizing some hidden lust for him, maybe this, maybe that, maybe Aoi was only using him. That last thought had finally snapped him from his silly, childish daydreaming, and Aoi holding his head, on the edge of apologizing and denying the kiss meant anything, had cemented Uruha’s suspicion.

Aoi had only been using him to comfort his own self. Uruha had always been there, and what the hell? His lips and his body had always been there as well, why not take advantage of their friendship and take comfort in that for a change? Uruha lusted after Aoi and was selfish in his want, but at least he loved Aoi and cared enough about him to never use Aoi’s friendship or vulnerability for his own selfish desires.

Why did he always have to hope and dream? Dreams got you nowhere, they just disappointed you over and over again until you gave up on them and accepted harsh reality. There was no love, at least there was no kind of love that Uruha fantasized about. Perfection was a delusion and the only love in the world was harsh and unforgiving and cruel, because Uruha had felt it’s claws deep in his back for years, tormenting and hurting him.

He had told Aoi love was beautiful and exciting, and maybe it had been at one time but he was realizing that what he felt for Aoi had only ever led to frustration and regret, and he had finally given up on imagining it would turn into something perfect one day. Aoi would never turn to him and tell him he loved him truly and Aoi would never kiss him in passion without a selfish reason behind it. That was real, that was solid, and Uruha would have to begin accepting it in order to save some little piece of himself.

“I wish I had never met him,” Uruha uttered softly, resentment dripping from his every word. He didn’t realize he had even said anything until Reita answered his cruel, but untrue remark.

“You don’t mean that,” Reita murmured, his hand resting on Uruha’s knee where it pressed nearly to his chest where he lay on his side, faced away so Reita wouldn’t see his newly flushed face and upset scowl.

“Sometimes I do,” Uruha whispered and felt Reita’s fingers stiffen against his knee and then relax. “I think….it would have been easier if we had never been friends to begin with.” Uruha sighed and Reita’s gaze instantly became sympathetic.

“Since when do you talk that way about Aoi? You two have always been inseparable.” Reita’s brow furrowed as Uruha looked like he was going to be sick. Reita handed him the wet washcloth from the end table and Uruha stroked it over his forehead and under his flushed, heated cheeks to clean away the dried sticky tears. It felt like he was on a moving ship, his stomach turning haphazardly, at every mention of Aoi’s name or any reference to how close he and Aoi were…or had once been. Any reminder that Aoi wasn’t his any longer and how fucked up everything had become was enough to have Uruha eyeing the closed bathroom door desperately.

“You two were always running off and leaving me by myself when we were younger. When Aoi came around you started telling all your secrets to him and spent every moment you could with him. I saw how much you cared about him right off. But then again, he was always sweeter to you than me, he never pushed you in the mud or teased you like I did. You two always stood up for each other and since you met I don‘t think I‘ve ever seen you apart for more than a week.” Reita chuckled as Uruha shot him an amused look even through the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“Do I sense some resentment Reita?” Uruha teased, reaching down to pat Reita’s hand consolingly. Reita glowered and ducked his head, his cheeks tinting just a bit out of embarrassment at Uruha’s suggestion of jealousy. Now that Reita mentioned it, he and Aoi had left Reita by himself on too many occasions. It had once been only he and Reita together, but when they had met Aoi, Reita had somehow become the third wheel in their friendship and Uruha felt ashamed that he had never really noticed before. But then Ruki had come around not long after Aoi, so Uruha’s place was taken sufficiently he was sure. The guilt was lessened when he considered Reita’s close friendship with their vocalist.

“That’s not what I was trying to say,” Reita defended himself a bit too abruptly. “I only meant that you and Aoi have something unique….strange, but very unique. You’re so close to each other that it’s weird to think of you having a fight…which was what happened this morning isn’t it?” Reita gave Uruha a questioning glance, waiting for his suspicions to be proven right.

“You could say that,” Uruha muttered bitterly. It had been more than a fight, more like a catastrophe to Uruha. “But….” Uruha took a deep breath and let his eyes rove over Reita whose hand was still on his knee and was listening to him with an intensity that was unheard of when it came to Reita and serious conversations.

Reita cared however far he had been pushed away to make room for Aoi, and Uruha suddenly felt that he could let Reita inside for a moment. If he had to let a little of the weight off of his chest he was sure it was Reita who could help him in some small way. Uruha slowly sat up and Reita’s hand slipped from his knee, but Uruha still felt Reita’s compassionate gaze on him and it kept him fueled for what he was about to do.

“There’s a little more to our friendship than I think you know. It wasn’t just a fight we had.…” Uruha began, his voice low and soft, relating his secret quietly to Reita even when it was just the two of them in an otherwise empty house. Uruha watched as Reita’s features went from sympathetic to surprised and then to thoughtful and uncertainty all in one breath. Though Reita remained quiet despite his apparent warring questions.

“You have to promise that this is between me and you and that you won’t think any different of me if I tell you this…” Uruha reached for Reita’s hand and with a small smile, hooked their pinkies together like when they were children and they swore to each other over secrets.

Reita laughed softly, and it lightened his conscious Uruha was sure as he tightened his pinky around Uruha’s. It was childish, but it served it’s purpose because Uruha knew Reita was still the boy who would never snitch on him about anything at all, and who loved him unconditionally just as Aoi did. Nothing would ever change their opinions of each other, it was clear in Reita’s understanding smile. Reita knew Uruha was about to tell him something infinitely crucial.

“I don’t think anything could surprise me about you Uru-” Reita commented with a playful grin but Uruha shook his head seriously.

“Just listen.” Uruha’s finger slipped from Reita’s grasp, but their hands remained close to one another, a comfort to Uruha as he readied himself to unburden a small part of the heavy luggage he had been dragging behind him for so long now. “I love Aoi…” Uruha nearly whispered, his cheeks coloring slightly and his fingers curling against the couch beside him until they dug into his palm at saying this out loud to someone else. He wasn’t confessing his love as a friend….but as someone who wanted more than friendship. He wanted real love, something tangible and more passionate than what Aoi could have given him. But he could tell that Reita hadn’t gotten the gist of what he had just admitted, because Reita was sporting his lopsided grin and shaking his head.

“I know you do Uru. I’ve always known you love Aoi.” Reita looked as if he couldn’t believe Uruha had felt the need to confess to something he’d already known from the start.

“No…Reita….I love Aoi,” Uruha repeated slowly, drawing the word ‘love’ out as if to cement his feelings in stone. The word sounded louder to Uruha’s ear the second time around and he took a shuddering breath as he watched his long-time friend for any repulsed or surprised reaction. After a moment of silence and Reita still grinning knowingly over at him, Uruha became frustrated and balled both of his fists against his knees, his face tight as he made himself admit it once more aloud that he was head over heels for Aoi.

“I fucking love Aoi, Reita.” Uruha rose his voice slightly in annoyance that he was being misunderstood. He’d been misinterpreted for half of his life and he was fed up with it. He wanted to be heard and understood more than ever at that moment. It was important for Reita to know even if he didn‘t understand his own reasoning.

“I love him the way a person loves someone they want to be with for the rest of their life. I love him so damn much, I’d give anything to be with him, anything for him to notice me as more than his best friend. I want to kiss him and I want to…I want to touch him…” Uruha’s face was flushed and he was nearly breathless as he explained more to Reita about what he felt than he’d outwardly admitted to even himself.

“I want to hold his hand in front of everyone and let the whole damn world know he’s only mine. I get madly jealous, murderously jealous any time I see him with anyone else because he’s always been mine in my thoughts. I want us to be normal and accepted, and I just…..I just want him to love me back.” Uruha’s voice broke and his palms opened on his knees, a hopeless, imploring gesture.

“I lust after him Rei. I want him…” Uruha’s eyes were begging for understanding, begging for some sort of reaction from Reita whether good or bad, but Reita’s smile only faltered a little, but for the most part remained frozen, wondering why Uruha was so frustrated and raising his voice and confessing his love for Aoi so heatedly. Uruha stopped for a moment and then went on, deciding to go for the shock treatment because Reita didn’t seem to be getting anything of what he was saying or if he was, he was either already shocked or scared silent.

“Aoi kissed me this morning on the beach. He grabbed me and kissed me and all I wanted to do was let him kiss me forever. I wanted to hang onto that moment for the rest of my life. The other night when he was drunk, he held me on the couch and asked me for something I could have given him but didn‘t. But you know what?” Uruha looked Reita straight in his eerily knowing eyes. “I wanted him to fuck me. I wanted him to hold me down to the couch and I wanted to give everything to him because I’ve been waiting my entire life for him to give me something solid, anything, even it’s just bodies pressed together. I was ready to play the whore for him because I love him so fucking much.”

Uruha was slightly breathless from the excitement and fear of outwardly acknowledging all of the pent up emotions buried inside of him. He hadn’t intended to go into crude detail with Reita, but Reita was just listening to him, not offering anything in the sense of remarks or even expressions. He couldn’t tell if Reita was disgusted or stunned until Reita let out a short laugh and the bassist’s eyes widened a bit in the first show of surprise.

“Where’s the language coming from Uru? I don’t think I’ve ever heard you curse that much in my life.” Reita let out an amused breath and Uruha’s mouth nearly fell open in shock. Uruha was the one in shock after he had admitted to wanting to sleep with his best friend, and all Reita could do was smile and ask why he was cursing so much?

“You’re kidding…” Uruha blurted out, livid at Reita’s response. He had wanted something from Reita even if it had been revulsion. He didn’t understand Reita’s passive response to his passionate confession. “I’m fucking cursing because I’m frustrated, I’m angry, I’m pushed over the edge and I can’t take this anymore. And you’re just sitting here smiling at me like you don’t care or it’s no big surprise that I love Aoi, that I want to fuck my…our friend.” Uruha was about to go off on another rage when Reita leaned forward on the couch and held Uruha’s hand flat between both of his own hands and curled their fingers down together. Uruha dropped a confused gaze down to their joined hands and then up to Reita’s open, amused face.

“It isn’t a big surprise Uru.” Reita made a startling confession of his own. “I know what you feel for Aoi.” Reita drew out the word ‘know’ just as Uruha had drawn out ‘love’, putting a forceful emphasis behind it to make it’s meaning known. “Do you think I’ve been walking around with a blindfold around my eyes since I was child? I’ve known you both for what seems like forever…I think I can tell the difference between love and friendship.” Uruha felt the breath knocked out of him and his hand slipped limply from Reita’s hands back down to his lap.

“What?” Was all he could utter, and then no other words would come. His lips just parted and closed, parted and then closed once more as Reita chuckled.

“Uru….do you honestly think that friends look at each other the way you two do? That friends hold each other’s hands and touch each other and even kiss the way you two do? Come on….really, you must think I’m a huge idiot if you think I don’t know. Especially for someone whose known both of you since before you could even write your own names.” Reita shook his head disbelievingly once more and Uruha just sat dumbly, staring at Reita has if he’d turned into a stranger speaking a language he didn’t understand.

“You don’t think…I’m…disgusting or strange or…” Uruha trailed off, still stunned that Reita had known all along what he had felt. Reita had never given him any indication that he’d found out about his feelings for Aoi…they had just always went along in life normally…as friends….

“Well you’re already a strange person, so there isn’t much more damage you could do.“ Reita chuckled, but then his face went serious as he caught site of Uruha’s distressed face. He was shocked and confused at Reita’s willingness to accept him and Aoi’s closeness when no one else ever had.

“Uruha.” When Reita said Uruha’s full name instead of using his nickname, it meant that he was being serious and wanted to be heard completely. “You’re my best friend. You’ve always been there for me no matter how much of a bastard I am or what I’ve done to you or what I look like or who I date and decide to love. You’ve never cared about all the superficial shit because you’re my friend, you’re practically a brother to me. Why the hell would I care who you love? Especially if it’s another person I care about just as much as I care about you?”

“But…” Uruha was in disbelief that Reita was taking everything so lightly when he had been terrified of Aoi knowing and even wary that the band would see behind his fake mask of friendship that he was finding out hadn’t been as concealing as he had first thought. It was as if he were trying to make Reita see some fault in the way he loved Aoi because he had lived half of his life in fear and guilt at what he felt towards his friend. He somehow wanted his fear to be justified, but he could see that Reita accepted his feelings for Aoi just as he had accepted any of his other relationships.

“You honestly don’t care that I want to sleep with Aoi?” Uruha tried deterring him once more in vain. He was confused between being overjoyed that Reita understood and accepted what he felt and being angry towards himself that he had been afraid of admitting to Reita, getting the secret off his chest with his close friend, for all these long years.

“Well…maybe you shouldn’t have given me so much information on how much you want to sleep with him. I didn’t need to know the dirty details.” Reita laughed softly, but then his smile faded and his face became serious and honest once more. “But I’m glad you finally admitted to me that you loved him. I knew it…but I could always see you tried so hard to hide it from everyone, and it hurt me to see you hurting. You needed to let everything out so I just let you rage and throw it all on me.”

“I’m sorry…” Uruha ducked his head and hid a small smile. “I was just trying to get some sort of reaction from you since you were just sitting there…accepting everything with a smile. I’ve never had anyone understand because I’ve always been too afraid to say anything. And it just felt incredible to finally let everything out. I guess I’m the one that’s an idiot, I flaunted my feelings for him in front of everyone thinking no one would notice…because Aoi never did…” Uruha’s expression suddenly lost it’s light-heartedness and the relief of getting his secret off of his chest finally to someone was replaced by regret that he had never been able to tell his secret to the person who needed to hear it the most. But that moment had come and gone.

He had been contemplating it all night at the beach, wondering if he should have just come out and confessed to Aoi and weathered Aoi’s reaction, whatever it would have been. Sort of like a band-aid being ripped off, he had wanted to just get it over with because their friendship had been crumbling for sometime, but now it was completely in shambles and Uruha didn’t see any way to rebuild…and he didn’t know if he even wanted to reconstruct something that had ultimately been his downfall. He couldn’t live like this anymore, hurting and hoping for Aoi to give him something more, but being too much of a coward to take action and admit everything to Aoi.

“Wait….” Reita suddenly stopped and frowned, looking off to the side and seeming to remember something. “When you were practically yelling at me just a minute ago and letting it all out….” Reita mused and one of his eyebrows slowly rose questioningly as he glanced back at Uruha. “You kept saying that you wanted Aoi and that you wanted him to love you back. That you wanted him to see that you love him. You mean to say that he has no idea what so ever what you feel for him? I find that really….really hard to believe.” Reita’s expression spoke skepticism in volumes.

Uruha frowned as well and nodded, not exactly knowing what to say. Of course Aoi didn’t know because Aoi was too busy with the women he went through every week to notice Uruha falling over his own heels for him. What had Reita thought was between them? What could he have been thinking when Uruha had been ranting on about his feelings for Aoi? He got his answer as Reita shot Uruha another look of incredulity.

“I mean…I always thought…” Reita let out a soft laugh and then shrugged. “I always thought you two were…” Reita made some mysterious gesture of his hands clasping and then falling apart. “You know…together. Or at least you were a little more than friends. I’ve seriously never seen friends like you two, you practically act like lovers.” Reita winced and massaged the bridge of his nose as if willing away a headache or contemplating something.

“I honestly thought you were both trying to hide your relationship from us.” Reita bit into his bottom lip and shook his head, his elbows resting on his knees as he looked over at Uruha as if he really couldn’t believe what Uruha had just revealed to him and what he had missed behind Uruha’s upset ranting. Reita seemed more shocked over the fact that Aoi didn’t know Uruha was in love with him more than the fact that Uruha was in love with him period. “I thought that damn fight awhile ago was you two having some sort of problem. Everyone fights with their lover once in awhile. I didn‘t think all that yelling and those tears were the result of a fight between friends….Kai thought so too-”

“They all know don’t they?” Uruha suddenly blurted out and grimaced distastefully at how easily everyone, meaning the band, had seen through him and yet how blind Aoi had been and how ignorant he himself had been as he had went along thinking everyone was as unseeing as Aoi. Reita sucked in a thoughtful breath through the corner of his mouth and he shrugged.

“Maybe they do, maybe they don’t. I really don’t know, except Kai looked at me last night before you pulled me away and I could tell he was thinking what I was thinking. That something big had happened between you two. It wouldn’t matter if they knew or not Uru, we’d all love you regardless, you should know that by now.”

“But I don’t know that.” Uruha rose his voice slightly and buried his face in his hands. “I don’t know that Reita.” His voice was muffled and broken in the palms of his hands. “Or at least I didn’t. I’ve been living with this fear that someone would see through me and judge me, and here you all were…seeing everything and not saying a word about anything. I was always so afraid….especially for Aoi to find out because I knew I’d lose him, and I did lose him…he finally let me know where I stood last night.” Uruha shook his head and swallowed hard, warning himself not to break down again, because he didn’t think he could take another draining episode that day.

“Why are you so afraid of him knowing Uru? I’m pretty sure he-” Reita began, but Uruha cut through him maliciously, his face suddenly looking up at Reita with a livid glare etched onto his mouth.

“He wouldn’t understand. He wouldn’t accept it the way you do-” Uruha muttered dryly.

“What the hell Uruha? He wouldn’t accept it?” Reita let out another infuriating laugh, that laugh that ridiculed Uruha disbelievingly for not seeing what was in front of him. “Aoi, your best friend since you were a kid, the one you’ve always told everything to, the one that’s cared about you more than anyone on this entire planet, the one you trust even more than me. He wouldn’t understand you and accept it?” Reita threw up his hands as if he had no idea what else to say because Uruha just looked over at him through strands of mussed hair and his expression stayed heated. “Yeah, I guess you’re right Uru. Aoi wouldn’t understand.” Reita tched sardonically and Uruha let out an exasperated breath.

“You two are pretty ridiculous for holding something this big from each other for so long. I don‘t even see how you managed it.” It was a harsh sting to Uruha’s already beaten down emotions. But Reita had always been bitingly honest with him and he knew deep down it was ridiculous for hiding this for so long and it was amazing that Aoi hadn‘t caught on to his feelings yet. He had always just been too terrified to do anything to solve his problems.

“Reita, do you really want to know what the fight was about last night?” Uruha asked, his demeanor pulsing resentment in waves, and Reita shrugged.

“Indulge me if you want, but you’re obviously not listening to me.” Reita leaned one arm on the back of the couch and sat back, waiting for Uruha to explain things more clearly.

“I told you Aoi had held me on the couch the other night and then kissed me on the beach. Well the first time he really tried anything with me in all the years we’ve been friends, I thought it was the alcohol making him do that, but then when he kissed me on the beach and he was completely sober and tried to apologize for it, I realized what he was doing…” Uruha laid out the foundation, all the while wondering how he would explain everything in a way that Reita would understand. He and Aoi’s relationship had become so complicated Uruha could hardly see through all the tangled lies, deception and confusion.

“Which is?” Reita prodded, but with a less understanding tone of voice. He sounded irritated now as Uruha tried to prove his point that Reita was wrong, that Aoi would never understand because there was more to everything than just confessing…so much more.

“He was using me, Reita. He just got out of a relationship, and when I look back on everything, he always runs to me every time he leaves a woman. I open my door and he falls into my arms and I kiss his face and hold him and listen to him while he pours his heart out to me about wanting something more than those women can give him. I mend his broken heart and then he goes out and gets it broken again just so I can tear my own heart out to try to fix him. I’ve given everything to him over the years and he’s always taken more and more, until now….he’s….he’s wanting more kisses and more touches and I can’t give them to him without hurting myself. I can’t be used by the person I love more than anything.” Uruha let out a shuddering breath and shook his head slowly as he looked away, his vision blurring for a moment before he closed his eyes tight and bit hard into his cheek to keep himself together.

“Uru….” Reita’s voice was suddenly soft again and Uruha couldn’t look at him, could only look up and let out another breath, trying to hold back another flood of emotion, trying to stem back the film over his eyes he could feel threatening to break and spill again. He wasn’t going to let himself go down that road again. He had mourned his loss and now he needed to move on. Aoi was gone, and he had missed any chance of making things right, if there had ever been a chance to begin with. He had to accept it.

He felt a gentle tugging at the end of his hair and he looked back down to see Reita and his lopsided grin, his face a portrait of comfort once more. The irritation was gone and Uruha could tell that Reita was just trying to help him feel better. But Uruha knew the place where his heart had once been would throb and ache for as long as he lived, and he could only hope the sting of how Aoi had used him would lesson some as time went by. There was no way of really feeling ‘better’.

“Have you seen the way he looks at you?” Reita asked slowly, his eyes narrowing and Uruha almost looked away again, not wanting to listen to Reita trying to give him more false hope, the hope that had been so hard to crush. But Reita took his chin in hand and refused to let him look away and Uruha had no choice but to set his hard gaze on Reita, captured until Reita decided to let him hurt in peace. Uruha’s bottom lip trembled as he held it between his teeth, biting down hard and blinking back his emotions as he looked at Reita.

“You’re his world Uruha,” Reita declared firmly.

“I’m his world when he has no one to go home to at night.” Uruha muttered derisively. It was the truth and he didn’t expect Reita to understand, even after he had tried explaining everything in the shortest, clearest version he possibly could.

Reita was never there every time Aoi came to him during the middle of the night and curled against him, wanting Uruha’s affection like a dog needs to be petted after being mistreated. Reita was never there every time Uruha was forced to watch Aoi and one of his whores laugh and play at being in love and Reita had not been there when Aoi had kissed him on the beach and he hadn’t seen the regret and guilt in Aoi’s eyes. Regret that Uruha wasn’t who he’d really wanted to kiss at that moment.

And Aoi had every right to feel guilty for expecting Uruha to endure his deception quietly. Uruha had always loved Aoi unconditionally, but this one condition was something he owed himself not to accept. No, Reita couldn’t understand what was between Aoi and Uruha. Aoi’s looks were nothing but desire for comfort because he knew Uruha would never turn him away. That was until now. Uruha sighed and pushed himself from the couch lethargically, his limbs moving as if in slow motion from how long he had lain curled up in the fetal position ridding himself of Aoi as much as he was able to.

“Uru….” Reita muttered, and Uruha leaned a hand heavily against the couch, feeling weak at the knees, his whole body screaming for him to get to bed. He hadn’t slept in more than a day and after exhausting himself for hours with pitiful, worthless crying, he was only too ready to bury himself beneath a mountain of sheets and never face the world again.

“What?” Uruha asked, his voice a bit more clipped than he had intended. But he was exhausted from everything that had just happened and he needed sleep or he was going to hit the ground where he stood. He didn‘t want to deal with this anymore. “You promised me a bed if I remember correctly.” Uruha turned weary eyes to where Reita remained leaning against the couch, his face now more pained than thoughtful.

“Nothing.” Reita shook his head dismissively, but Uruha placed another trembling hand on the arm of the couch and leaned closer to Reita.

“What were you going to say Reita? Just tell me now because I don’t think any more damage could be done. Hit me with it while I’m down so I won’t have to suffer through it tomorrow.” Uruha’s jaw clenched tight and his fingers gripped the worn material of Reita’s couch in a death grip, bracing himself for more of Reita’s hopeful monologue. Reita hadn’t been through what he had, because if he had….he would know to never put your trust in hope. Hope is an enormous lie you comfort yourself with to keep from facing reality.

“I’ve watched you two almost my entire life. Aoi’s not the guy who would do something like to you….you know this Uruha. You’re confusing him with everyone else in your life whose hurt you. He loves you more than anything just like you love him. I’ve sat with him all night and sometimes all he talks about is you. When you walk into the room, his face lights up and you’re the only thing he pays attention to. He hates anyone else touching you and he really does get jealous when you’re with anyone else. You’re being unfair judging him without ever taking the chance to ask him to his face what he thinks of you. You’ve never sat down and talked to him and you’re drawing conclusions that might not even be real. You’ve never once thought his advances were more than what you take them for?” Reita swallowed hard, and begged with his eyes for Uruha to listen to him or to take anything of what he had just said into consideration. But Uruha shook his head slowly, his jaw working angrily.

“I’ve hoped his advances were what I want them to be every single fucking day of my life,” Uruha hissed, his voice hard and harsh. “But don’t you think if they were anything more than friendship or him using me…don’t think he would have said something by now? Aoi takes risks the way I don’t so don’t you think if he loved me oh so fucking much, he’d have told me by now? I’ve given up on those fairytale hopes Reita. So thank you for listening to me and trying to help, but if you really want to help me, just let me lock myself away and sleep until I can forget I’m living in a nightmare now.”

Uruha didn’t wait for Reita’s answer as he turned and left the living room, his gait unsteady and weak, but once he had gotten to Reita’s room, he found a last bit of strength to slam the door shut and press his back against it. But he couldn’t help it as that flood came back in a rush now that he was alone again and after all of Reita’s words. That hope was trying to rekindle itself, flickering weakly and keeping time with Uruha’s faint but quick pulse. He slid down the door until he was sitting on the floor and he buried his head in his arms and let the torrent come, the torrent that he hadn’t even known still had any bit of strength left in it to torment him again.

******

Uruha was restless as he tossed and turned in Reita’s bed, rumpling the sheets and kicking them away from his legs until they lay tangled and strewn on the floor. Uruha punched the pillow beneath his head into a more comfortable position and turned on his side and then turned back around, until finally he lay on his back, staring up at the darkened ceiling with unseeing, tired eyes.

He had slept fitfully, unbidden dreams waking him up at every hour, upsetting thoughts, refusing to let his mind rest. He couldn’t tell how much time had passed because Reita’s heavy curtains blocked out the sunlight from the room and kept him from knowing what was night and what was day.

The heavy curtains were meant to help a person sleep during the day because a lot of times the band would get hardly any sleep for weeks on end and would have to sleep for days to regain strength. But it only served to confuse Uruha and somehow stop time in that darkened room. It left him alone in the dark with his own troubled mind. It seemed like forever had passed since he had talked and argued and then stormed out on Reita to lock himself away in Reita’s own bedroom.

Reita hadn’t come in to check on him or reclaim his bedroom in all the time Uruha had been there, even when he could take a guess that at least a whole day and night had probably passed them by. The shrill ringing of the phone in the next room rang every few hours, only adding to Uruha’s restlessness.

So finally after hitting the pillow beneath his head one more time and then throwing it across the room angrily because he knew sleep wouldn’t come with his mind so active and frantic, he knew he would have to get out of bed. At least he had gotten a few hours of sleep and in some way he didn’t want to close his eyes and go back to the dreams that kept haunting him, most of them memories, some of them that same dream on the steps again…one of them something Uruha couldn’t understand and didn’t want to think about just now.

A faint ghost of Aoi’s hands around his waist, of his cheek against Aoi’s shoulder lingered on his skin. A long forgotten dance between the two of them, an empty floor and lowered lights, and faint comforting whispers passed into Uruha’s ear as he buried his heated face into Aoi’s nice dinner jacket. Uruha could feel the few stares still on his back and how Aoi braved the dance floor with him with a proud air. Aoi had shown Uruha then how much he cared for him. Aoi had braved a room full of vultures to dance with him and hold him close and even whisper in his ear how beautiful he looked and how everyone was just envious of them. Uruha knew better but it still had made him smile into Aoi’s shoulder and then he had raised his head and held Aoi closer, owning that proud air that Aoi carried with him also, because he was with the most amazing man in the entire room…no the entire world.

Uruha felt the dream fade even as he tried to catch the last tendrils of it before it was gone completely. What had happened to that? What had happened to easy the intimacy and familiarity between them? What had happened to them? Uruha felt the pain crumple tight inside of him like a can crushed between unrelenting, steel fingers. He wanted Aoi back and he wanted him gone….but which desire overrode the other? He could only have one choice and that choice would stay with him forever.

He got out of bed and left the dark murkiness of the room behind for the early morning sunlight filled living room where he found Reita, lounging on the couch pressing buttons on his phone and then putting it to his ear to listen. Uruha ran a hand over his face and then through his tangled hair as he waited for Reita to notice him. But Reita continued playing with his phone and it wasn’t until Uruha went to the kitchen and loudly fixed himself a glass of orange juice, making sure the glasses clinked together, and the carton of orange juice hit the counter with a good thump, before Reita sat up and peered over the edge of the couch, finally noticing him.

Reita didn’t offer him a friendly smile or even a glare to indicate their clash of opinions earlier, he simply waited until Uruha had put the orange juice carton away and carried his glass into the living room with him. Uruha sat in the lounge chair across from Reita, his legs curled beneath him, and decided to let Reita talk first if there would be any talking this morning. But despite what Reita would say or try to convince him of, he’d finally made up his mind of what he had to do.

Reita would hate him for it, but he knew it was what he would have to do to get any peace of mind. He needed closure and there was only one way to go about doing that, and it definitely wasn’t what Reita had in mind. Maybe it would be the wrong thing to do, actually he knew it was the worst thing he would do in his entire life, but he felt it would lessen the pain in some small way….perhaps…or maybe it would make it worse. He wouldn’t know until he did it.

“Let’s see…” Reita suddenly said, his voice thoughtful and overly cheerful despite Uruha’s tired, angry hardened face and his disheveled appearance, and the general glum surrounding them at that moment. Reita twisted his mouth and pressed more buttons on his phone and the resounding beeps were annoying to Uruha’s ears to the point that he had to restrain himself from reaching over, grabbing Reita’s phone from his hands, and throwing it through the window which unfortunately was closed. Well that wouldn’t have stopped him.

“We have two calls from Ruki, five calls from Kai…and oh look, about fifteen different calls in a row from Aoi.” Reita looked up from his phone to Uruha, one eyebrow raised knowingly. Uruha raised his own eyebrows, but his expression was mocking Reita’s false good-humor, and he looked off out the window as he took a sip of his orange juice. Uruha heard Reita drop the phone on the couch but he refused to look at Reita because he didn’t want Reita to begin feeding the fire of the hope he’d finally buried. Reita didn’t understand how hard it had been to finally just give up….

“You can’t hide out here forever. Eventually we‘re going to have to explain things to everyone. What‘s your excuse going to be?” Reita wondered, his cheerful voice gone suddenly.

“That I died. Actually it’s true except I’m still here, breathing and talking. Uruha’s not here anymore, not really.” Uruha muttered, his gaze still fixed to the single dieing flower on Reita’s window sill that he’d forgotten to take care of. It’s shriveling blue petals dropped down to the dry soil limply, lifelessly, giving up without water and sustenance, just as Uruha had finally given up without the one thing he needed- His emotions returned from Aoi, his feelings acknowledged and given back by his best friend.

The blue flower had once been so pretty and vibrant on the window sill, it’s petals fanning out and catching all the sunlight on it’s soft skin. It was a pity it had been neglected and mistreated, it’s petals finally curling beneath it, it’s stem finally bending and falling over, until it lay gasping for water and then dead….completely, irreversibly dead and gone. No amount of water or fresh soil would ever be able to bring it back.

Uruha wanted to smile sadly, but he couldn’t make the edges of his lips raise anymore. He had nothing to smile about, and so he just turned back to Reita and saw that Reita was watching him with such a stricken, frightened face, it almost moved Uruha to say something comforting. He’d never seen Reita look so expressive, so horribly alarmed. But he didn’t offer any comfort, and he let Reita worry over him as he set his glass, still full with liquid, onto the coffee table between them.

“But luckily I’m not going to need that excuse.” Uruha sighed soft and low. “I’m going over to talk to Kai.” Uruha nodded as if he was confirming what he had been planning for the last few hours of his restless feign on sleep. “I’m going to do something no one’s going to like.” Uruha waited for an answer but Reita just stared at him, his face turning just as hard as Uruha’s, realization and disapproval etched fine and loud on his face. Reita understood what he was going to do. Finally he understood something, even if it was something Uruha hated to do. His feelings had hardened over night though and he needed to take advantage of this unfeeling state to do what needed to be done before the hurt came again.

“Don’t do it Uruha. You’re making a big mistake,” Was the last thing Uruha heard before he closed the door on Reita’s distressed voice. He would have to do this now, the band-aid method, quick and hopefully painless. He had to do it while he still could because his chance for having Aoi was gone, he couldn’t miss his chance to get rid of everything that would hurt him in the future. Maybe it was a mistake as Reita had said, but he would never know unless he tried…

Go to Chapter Eleven

Hey hey we’re pretty much at the end now x.X *amazed* I think a chapter or two more will end the whole thing. We’ll see what I come up with lmao. I’ll be trying to get this done before the end of this month! ^^; *hoping this chapter won’t result in pulled out hair and glares thrown my way* lmao

Chapter Nine

2008-07-22T06:00:14Z

[ How I'm feeling| Pensive]
[ What I'm listening to| Counting Crows- Colorblind

Title: Hatsu-Yume (9/?)
Pairings: Aoi/Uruha
Author: Life_giver
Rating: R-NC17 (for later parts)
Disclaimer: These beautiful boys are definitely not associated with me….regretfully. I’m only using them for a short time.
Warnings: None *gasp*
Summary: Sometimes the things we love and covet the most are the biggest secrets we will ever keep. Sometimes the heart loves what it cannot help but to love and worship and these are the types of secrets we expect will never be found. This is agony and ecstasy and fantasy for the blind handing the blind his heart to keep and cherish, hoping against hope that he is handed the same in return.
Notes: This is a follow up of sorts from the one shot I wrote some time ago, Chimera
This will be a chapter story tracing that one-shot to a conclusion.

“Everything packed?” Uruha asked as he stuck his head out of the open doorway to his apartment and watched Aoi struggling with a basket of onigiri and other various food items that they were contributing to the party that evening.

“Do you think you packed enough?” Aoi growled sarcastically under his breath and held the basket of food tightly against his hip and readied himself to make the treacherous journey down the flight of steps to the main floor. Aoi looked back over his shoulder just in time to see Uruha roll his eyes in exasperation, the corner of his mouth turned up in an amused smirk.

Uruha was reveling in working him like a slave this weekend and Aoi knew it was partly to keep him distracted from nosing around and asking too many questions. He had no intention whatsoever of stepping into that danger zone again. He knew Uruha was bothered about something or other but Aoi also knew now that it wasn’t his place to find out what was wrong. He would never entirely get accustomed to Uruha’s strange new temperament, but he could learn to deal with it if it meant keeping Uruha beside him just a little longer. They no longer could confide in each other about everything….that was a clear marker to the ending of the emotional intimacy Uruha and Aoi once shared. Aoi could only mourn the loss of Uruha’s trust because there seemed no way to fix what was left in broken shards between them.

“The reason the basket is so heavy is because I put a blanket in there for the first sunrise…..we are staying that long aren’t we?” Uruha leaned his weight against the doorway and waited for an answer he already knew was coming. Aoi and Uruha had never missed a first sunrise together since they had met one another.

“We’ll stay if the party is worth it,” Aoi replied with an impish grin and began carefully making his way down the steps when Uruha only tched at him and then ducked back inside of the apartment to fish around for his keys and lock the door.

Aoi slid the basket of food that he now knew was weighed down by a blanket as well as food into the backseat of Uruha’s car just as Uruha came bounding down the steps of the apartment building, the glass door to the complex slamming shut behind him loudly. Aoi flinched, wondering how Uruha had avoided shattering the glass door with how hard he had slammed it. Aoi got into the passenger’s side of the car and chuckled at finding Uruha already in the car and starting it before he had even put his seatbelt on.

At least Uruha was excited about that evening. A faint shadow of the person Aoi had known half of his life gleamed from beneath Uruha’s playful smile and the way he gripped the steering wheel excitedly and squirmed in his seat. Uruha had never been able to sit still for any amount of time as long as Aoi had known him, but lately, Uruha had seemed to master the art of sitting quietly and staring off out of windows or anywhere but at Aoi. Aoi had seen Uruha frowning, his brow drawn tight as if he were holding back surges of emotions, more times in the last few months than he had seen Uruha frown in his entire life. It was disconcerting and painful to Aoi and he drank up these moments when Uruha would smile and seem his old self as much as he was given the chance.

“We’ve never liked parties that much and yet we always go to them.” Uruha suddenly broke the mildly comfortable silence that began to linger as they made the long drive to the secluded house where the party would take place. Ruki had given them instructions that it was out of the way of the city and Uruha and Aoi had been delighted to find out that the house was on the beach that they retreated to every summer.

“True. But this one might be different. It’s new year‘s eve. They’ll be alcohol and fireworks, you can’t go wrong with that can you?” Aoi grinned over at Uruha and felt his pulse skip a beat when Uruha looked over at him for a split moment to smile at him warmly….familiarly.

“You don’t need to even look at an alcoholic beverage until you’ve learned your lesson that going out on drinking binges isn’t an acceptable way to solve problems.” Uruha rose an eyebrow accusingly at Aoi before turning back to the road and taking away Aoi’s fleeting pleasure at having Uruha smile at him so intimately as if the bleak shadow of Uruha hadn’t taken up residence in his friend’s body as of late. Things between them had almost felt normal again in that passing moment.

“I’ve learned my lesson,” Aoi grumbled begrudgingly. “I’ve already promised you it wouldn’t happen again,” Aoi lied through his teeth…because he knew it would undoubtly happen again, and again, as long as he and Uruha stayed in this limbo of confusion and hurt. The look Uruha threw him told Aoi that he didn’t believe Aoi was capable of keeping his promise. Even despite the visible wedge working it’s way between them, Uruha still knew Aoi well enough to catch the little white lies that slipped from his mouth.

“We can’t lie to each other Aoi, you know that,” Uruha replied offhandedly as if catching onto the last string of Aoi’s cluttered thoughts. Uruha’s statement was bitterly untrue in the most ruthless of ways. Aoi had no impudent remark to throw back at Uruha and he suddenly became quiet and turned his head to look out the window as Uruha often did when he was the one in the passenger seat on their way to the beach.

Aoi could and did lie to Uruha. He had been telling Uruha one enormous lie since the day they had kissed on those steps long ago. Aoi’s inner, true emotions for his friend was something he tried hard to keep a secret, and he had successfully kept Uruha from the truth so far. It was the only thing that had ever slipped past Uruha unnoticed and it was the one thing that was staring Uruha straight in the face.

Aoi knew his secret was visible….but at the same time hidden beneath the veil of an intimate, unconventional friendship, and would stay hidden as long as they remained this close to one another. Aoi couldn’t help but wonder for a second if his secret would still linger in the shadows, unnoticed and still bleeding, when their friendship finally crumbled completely. It didn’t seem like that moment was very far off as Aoi turned away from the window to watch Uruha driving, his face serene, and that despised frown gone but lingering just under the surface of Uruha’s small, pensive smile.

“We can always leave the party early and disappear to the water if we have to,” Aoi murmured thoughtfully, steering them away from a ledge Aoi had no desire to even get close to. It was better to leave the lies to themselves because their bites were sharp and lingering. “We were always doing that when we were younger.”

“We still do that, what are you talking about?” Uruha chuckled, and gave Aoi another smiling glance that had Aoi’s stomach flipping. It was distressing to think that he had been reduced to yearning for Uruha’s smiles and feeling his pulse race like a schoolboy every time Uruha gave him one.

At one time Uruha could never be seen without a smile and his grins had always been the warmest towards Aoi, but now they were few and far between and Aoi felt like a beggar, waiting for Uruha to throw him attention and affection. Uruha smiles somehow represented how long Uruha was willing to stay in Aoi’s arms. The less often Uruha’s smiles and affection was seen…the shorter the time was getting before Uruha slipped away from him.

After last night and his drunken incident, he seemed to be stepping even more carefully around Uruha, and just hoping he hadn’t done anything overly embarrassing or upsetting. Uruha had looked nervous and slightly uncomfortable that morning, and Aoi had immediately jumped to the worst conclusion, that he had let something of his feelings slip, but Uruha had reassured him that he had done nothing overly dramatic.

Besides, if Aoi had let anything as enormously important as his deep love or feverish lust for his friend, he surely wouldn’t be riding next to him on the way to a party. He had been drunk countless times around Uruha and had surprisingly found the lucidity to keep his mouth shut against his darkest desires.

Perhaps his secret was hidden so deep down inside of him that not even dousing himself in a sea of alcohol could tug it from him in front of Uruha. It was amazing really…and also depressing when he thought about it. If getting incredibly drunk to the point that he couldn’t remember anything at all hadn’t tugged his emotions to the surface…it seemed nothing ever would….and he’d just go on carrying the weight and pain of it inside of him forever. It was a bleak but unavoidable image.

The rest of the ride to the party was uneventful and for the most part, silent, with Uruha quietly driving with that faint sense of contentment and Aoi looking out of the window and watching the scenery fly by in a blur. The silence between them was easy but it also seemed to grow larger the longer it stayed around, and it seemed to push them further apart from each other. Aoi almost breathed a sigh of relief when Uruha finally parked the car beside one of the pale colored beach houses lining the edge of the shore.

“We’re here,” Uruha announced, breaking the thick stillness inside of the car. Aoi was the first one to get out of the car, and he stopped at the edge of the wooden steps partway buried in sand that led up to the house, and waited for Uruha to catch up to him. Uruha made his way slowly to the steps, taking his time as he often did when he was thinking or he was unsure about something. Uruha looked up and smiled before pushing his sunglasses into his hair as he came to stand beside Aoi.

“I hope everyone isn’t dressed up,” Aoi fretted and fidgeted with the collar of his black button down shirt. He had worn a nice shirt and dark jeans, opting for something casual because after all, it was a party and after a few hours, everyone was going to be too inebriated to care how people were dressed. But Aoi fidgeted anyway because the only people he would know at the party were his band and he hated that feeling of being out of place among strangers. This was one of the reasons he and Uruha always created parties by themselves when attending events like these, they both felt the same most times.

“You look more than fine Aoi,” Uruha soothed and Aoi instantly relaxed as Uruha fixed the collar of his shirt and then laid a hand against his neck affectionately. The touch was natural, unforced, and without the nervousness Uruha had been exuding so much lately. “You play onstage in front of thousands and yet you get nervous every time we step into a crowd of people.” Uruha chuckled and his nails lightly tickled the back of Aoi’s neck playfully.

Uruha was being unusually affectionate today and though Aoi was enjoying the sudden good mood Uruha was in, it also served to confuse Aoi further, and he was afraid of when the calm tide would suddenly turn turbulent again. It was inevitable that Uruha being so familiar with him would turn tense and uncomfortable again because Aoi would say the wrong thing or take a wrong step on accident eventually.

“I don’t have to meet and talk with our audience at shows for hours on end like I have to do at events and parties. There’s a big difference there,” Aoi informed Uruha and straightened his shirt again, but felt calmer from Uruha’s reassurances and touch.

“Like you said, we’ll sneak away if we get bored.” Uruha grinned wickedly and smoothed out Aoi’s collar once more for good measure before slipping his hand into Aoi’s and pulling him up the rickety steps to the beach house.

The house was already full and slightly crowded when Uruha and Aoi pushed their way inside and it was only just nearing evening, still hours away from the real festivities. Aoi held tight to Uruha’s hand and followed him, winding through the crowd of people he didn’t know and waving off drinks being handed to him until Uruha pointed ahead of them to a familiar head of blond hair. Uruha called out and Reita turned around and waved them over.

“You two decided to show up after all?” Reita grinned and immediately handed a drink to Uruha which he sniffed and then set aside on a nearby table.

“We told you we were coming didn’t we?” Uruha laughed and then leaned over to whisper into Aoi’s ear. “I won’t drink if you won’t.”

“Can’t I just have one drink….later on?” Aoi asked, smiling teasingly and Uruha squeezed his hand and glared at him sternly.

“You promised.” Uruha dropped his voice low in warning.

“I know I did.” Aoi squeezed Uruha’s hand back. “Don’t worry,” He reassured, and looked away from Uruha’s concerned face just in time to see Reita’s downcast eyes examining their joined hands, a strange thoughtful look on his face, before he raised his eyes and then looked away modestly, pretending he hadn’t noticed anything when he realized Aoi had caught him staring.

The band had come to accept that Aoi and Uruha were close, but sometimes…sometimes it seemed that Reita sensed something else between them, the something that Aoi was always trying so desperately to hide. Reita had known Uruha even before Aoi had known him and they had all grown up with each other, so Reita had been there from the beginning and probably gauged more out of Aoi and Uruha’s friendship than the rest of the band. It made Aoi nervous and he nearly tugged his hand from Uruha’s grip, but the fact that these intimate moments between them were getting few and far between kept him from pulling away from Uruha.

“Ruki’s over there,” Reita informed them as he waved his arm in the air in the same way that he had motioned Uruha and Aoi to him through the crowd. Aoi turned around and saw Ruki with Kai trailing behind him, making their way over to them with drinks held above their head to keep from spilling. Everyone was already drinking and the party had barely begun.

“They’re actually here, among other people,” Ruki exclaimed teasingly, his face flushed from the contents of his half empty glass, his eyes roving between Uruha and Aoi curiously. Kai grinned at them and waved a greeting, looking a bit more sober than Ruki thankfully. Aoi had a dreaded feeling that he and Uruha would have to endure a night of being the only sober ones in a sea of wasted people at the party that night. He cursed himself for even promising to Uruha that he wouldn’t go on another drinking binge. They both knew he wouldn’t be able to hold out on that promise for very long, but it seemed that tonight he was going to be monitored by Uruha and he wasn’t even allowed one small drink, or even a sip for that matter.

“The party began hours ago,” Ruki commented with a raised eyebrow, as if reprimanding them for their tardiness.

“We can see that,” Uruha murmured sarcastically as his gaze swept the crowded house full of inebriated people talking and laughing and some stumbling a bit. “But you know us. We always have to make an entrance. At least we’re fashionably late.” Uruha looked over at Aoi and grinned teasingly.

They had never been on time for anything in their lives except for band practice and concerts, and even then, they usually lost track of time and ended up at least a few minutes late for some events. Aoi liked to blame this odd phenomenon on Uruha’s uncanny ability to take his sweet time with anything he did. Though Aoi had stalled plenty today out of nervousness of a room full of people he didn’t know.

Ruki chuckled at Uruha’s answer to his reproach and then just as Reita had done, he glanced down to where Aoi was holding tight to Uruha’s hand as if afraid he would be separated from him in the crowd around them. Aoi felt that familiar sense of irritation creep over him when the band was teasing them playfully about their attachment to one another. With alcohol in their systems, the teasing was usually harsher than intended.

“You can let go of each other now,” Was all Ruki thankfully said with a small laugh. Aoi was about to throw a smart-ass comment back at Ruki as he usually did, but he stopped mid breath when Uruha suddenly tugged his hand free of Aoi’s grip and visibly moved away from him a step. Aoi glanced over at Uruha, who refused to look at him and felt Uruha’s obvious rejection of him like a sharp slap in the face. Uruha had never before been embarrassed to be seen affectionate with him.

Most often than not, it was Aoi who was the one who became self-conscious when Uruha decided to amp up their affection in public to a shower of teasing by the band or scorn by anyone else. Aoi’s brow creased, and he felt that nagging sense of hurt wash over him that he had felt the day Uruha had left him standing under an umbrella in the rain…cast off and alone. It stung worse than anything he’d ever experienced to feel so unwanted by his best friend.

“Uru…” Aoi whispered and saw Uruha take a quick glance to the side at him but any other reaction from Uruha was cut off as Ruki grabbed the hand that Aoi had been holding tight to only a moment ago.

“Hey Uruha, I wanted you to meet this guy over here. He works for that company we met with a few weeks ago, the one that offered to design another set of guitars for you and Aoi. I was talking to him awhile ago and-” Ruki’s eager voice faded away into the noise of the room as he pulled Uruha back into the crowd and away from Aoi until he could see nothing but a sea of unfamiliar bodies around him once more.

“He’s been doing this all afternoon. Talk, talk, talk. It‘s nonstop when someone puts alcohol in his hand.” Reita rolled his eyes and made his hand relay the motion of an obviously chatty person.

“I hate when he gets that drunk,” Kai muttered as Aoi turned back to the friends that hadn’t decided to abandon him.

“Ruki has barely started. Trust me.” Reita shook his head and let out a heavy, exasperated breath. “The real party hasn’t even begun yet and everyone‘s wasted. How are we going to make it another few hours?” Aoi listened vaguely to Reita and Kai talking beside him, but he was more concentrated on seeking out Uruha from the crowd and trying to do it furtively so he wouldn’t get ridiculed for wanting to be with Uruha instead of mingling with everyone else.

Aoi nodded to something Reita said to him and continued to scan the room beneath a dark fringe of hair, faintly noticing the fading light from the tall windows looking out to the ocean. The sun was going down and it was finally becoming late evening. Aoi jumped slightly when he felt someone slap him on the back and when he turned around to see who had touched him, he found Reita and Kai laughing loudly in front of him.

“I asked if you and Uruha had run off and got married over the weekend. You’re clinging to each other like it would kill you to let go of one another for even a second.” Reita chuckled. “You two are being stranger than usual.”

“Well he agreed with you so I guess we know the reason for this change in behavior.“ Kai was nearly bent over double laughing along with Reita. “I was wondering when they were going to finally tie the knot.”

“He’s not even listening.” Reita tched and ruffled Aoi’s hair playfully to which Aoi pushed his hand away with a cross growl. He wasn’t in the mood to be harassed by his friends when his closest friend had just abandoned him so indifferently. “He’s too busy looking for Uruha. All these years being a bachelor and going through women and you finally seal the deal with your best friend.” Reita snickered, and Aoi finally just snarled and flipped them off as he walked away.

“Shut the hell up. You two are idiots.” Aoi cursed under his breath and faintly heard Kai’s retort behind him but kept walking.

“Someone’s being pissy,” Kai muttered lowly.

Aoi had known this was going to be a terrible night the moment he had walked in on a hoard of drunk people in a confined house. He just hadn’t expected to be suddenly left all alone when Uruha had promised to endure the party with him and leave with him if things weren’t to their liking. Obviously Uruha was having a better time without him as he finally spotted Uruha talking to Ruki and a man he vaguely recognized from some company. He glared as Uruha laughed at something Ruki was saying and instead of making his way over to them, he veered off and found an empty space to sulk in by one of the windows.

All throughout the evening, Uruha was preoccupied on the other side of the room and eventually he wandered off to another place in the house and Aoi lost sight of him. Aoi had been shunning everyone for the past few hours. Ruki came by to talk to him and Kai tried to pull him outside to see a few of the fireworks that people had started shooting off, and Reita came by to offer him a drink, that he begrudgingly turned down, still remembering his promise to a very absent Uruha. But he remained sitting where he was, brooding over Uruha’s sudden cold shoulder.

He very nearly accepted the second drink handed to him by Ruki who was by then too inebriated to walk straight and so finally collapsed next to Aoi on the couch. It was dark outside of the window beside Aoi and he leaned against it and watched the darkened waves and white foam rolling smoothly over the pallid sand of the beach.

He wanted to get away from the party…he wanted to walk out to the beach and sit by the edge of the water away from the suffocating haze of the room as he and Uruha had planned on doing together. But it seemed that he would be alone again…it was something he would have to get used to from now on; being more alone than he had ever been before. He stood up and set the drink Ruki had handed him on the window sill and made to leave.

“Where are you going?” Ruki asked, looking up at him from where they had been seated on a forgotten couch in the back of the room.

“Outside to see the fireworks,” Aoi muttered. He picked his drink back up and handed it to Ruki with a pitying smile to his friend. “Knock yourself out….literally,” He added under his breath, because with one more drink, the whole band was going to have to carry Ruki out and dump him into the backseat of someone’s car by the end of the night. Ruki wasn’t a heavy drinker, but it being New Year’s seemed to give everyone the liberty of drowning themselves in all sorts of debauchery, everyone except for Aoi…Maybe if he had been allowed a few drinks, he would have been having a better time, and maybe if Uruha hadn’t left him…

He mentally cut himself off as he began to berate himself and feel a rising irritation in his gut towards Uruha. Why did they have to play this game between them? This game Aoi didn’t understand at all? If Uruha wanted to leave him, cut him out of his life, then why didn’t he just do it already instead of tugging Aoi along on a string? It was cruel, and it was painful, and Aoi was tired of playing.

Uruha loved him one minute, and disregarded him the next. Uruha touched him, held him, and then took his affections back in the blink of an eye and left Aoi in a blur of confusion. Uruha smiled for a time and then turned his back on Aoi and left him feeling guilty for no apparent reason. He didn’t understand his friend any longer because Uruha wasn’t Uruha any longer, he was someone else, a stranger Aoi had to watch his step around constantly. One wrong move and everything would be in pieces. He almost didn’t want to try touching Uruha anymore for fear he would be burned once again. All he felt around Uruha lately was anguish, and trying to fight the shadows away for Uruha didn’t seem to help.

“I’ll be back if you’re still conscious later on.” Aoi chuckled softly as Ruki waved him away and he began trekking his way through the house that was steadily becoming somewhat less crowded as more and more people fell asleep, passed out, wandered outside, or left the party completely.

He passed into room after open room on his way to the door that would free him from this terrible party when suddenly he stumbled over something and when he steadied himself and looked back, Uruha was sitting casually on an end table, grinning mischievously. One of Uruha’s legs was extended in front of him and was obviously what Aoi had tripped over.

“My foot’s there you know.” Uruha scrunched up his nose playfully and then moved his leg courteously as someone walked by with a platter of food. Uruha took a sip from a straw he had stuck in a can of soda, another peculiar habit of Uruha’s Aoi had always been endeared by. Uruha couldn’t drink from a can without a straw.

“Why are you always so vindictive?” Aoi muttered, but allowed a small smile to touch the edge of his mouth. Even though he was supposed to be annoyed at Uruha at that moment, he never could help smiling around him. He had never in his life mastered the art of staying angry at Uruha for more than a few hours, no matter how serious the reason for his irritation was.

“Why are you always so bitchy?” Uruha rose an eyebrow cattily and pushed himself off of the end table to stand beside Aoi, leaving his can and straw to litter the table.

“It’s nice to know you’re having a fun time here, tripping unsuspecting people.” Aoi couldn’t help the small tinge of resentment from seeping into his voice. Uruha still had, after all, left him all on his own among people he didn’t know, when they had had an agreement to keep each other company.

“It’s just a passing hobby,” Uruha replied off-handedly, but stopped grinning playfully when he saw that Aoi was truly irritated with him. Aoi sighed and turned away, feeling his annoyance towards Uruha flare up again. But Uruha’s hand closed around his arm and turned him back around. “It wasn’t my fault Aoi. Ruki seemed to think we needed splitting up.” Uruha shook his head in amusement. “But now since the dictator is passed out somewhere, I‘m sure, we can get out of here.”

Uruha slid his hand down Aoi’s arm where he had been holding it and smoothly slipped it into Aoi’s open palm. Aoi’s fingers instantly closed around Uruha’s hand without him even realizing it…it was such a natural movement between them. That sense of being put back together so that he could be torn apart again washed over him. But he took Uruha’s hand and led him through the house anyway, on their way to the ocean. Aoi reached out to push the door open to step outside, but Uruha suddenly tugged on his hand to stop him and inclined his head to the side towards a column of winding stairs.

“I have a better idea.” Uruha smiled secretly and Aoi had no choice but to wonder what Uruha was up to and follow him up the black iron spiral stairs, their hands still firmly clasped, until they stepped into an upstairs room. The room was dark save for a rectangle of silver light coming from a pair of French double doors leading out onto a large stone balcony that reminded Aoi of the balcony of their own beach house that summer. And yet when Uruha led him out onto the balcony and he had closed the doors behind him, he instantly felt dizzy when realizing that the balcony was open and had no railings around it as if it had been left unfinished.

He gripped Uruha’s hand tighter as he cautiously took a few steps forward and looked over the edge to see a small dark cliff leading down to the sand and then to the ocean which seemed close enough to touch from where they were. When Aoi looked up into the dark sky that momentarily burst with a shatter of pinwheels in different colors, he almost felt like he was flying.

“Wow….” Aoi breathed and then looked to his side to where Uruha was watching him and smiling as if it pleased him that Aoi was happy.

“That’s what I said when I discovered this place. It makes me forget my fear of heights for a little while…because it’s so beautiful up here.” Uruha bit his bottom lip and then carefully moved forward and sat down on the stone floor, letting his legs hang over the side of it. Uruha grinned up at Aoi and tugged on his hand until Aoi sat down beside him and let his legs hang over the side as well, their hands still wrapped around one another between them on the stone. It was a comfort knowing Uruha was allowing this intimacy…this closeness just the way they always used to be.

“The party was terrible…but this is nice….” Uruha murmured, one of his legs hooking around Aoi’s and swinging their legs back and forth over the edge. It was comfortable here alone with Uruha. Here, Aoi felt like himself more than he had in the past few months. Uruha leaned against Aoi and every time Aoi glanced over at him, Uruha smiled at him warmly and then looked back out over the dark vast ocean to where sprays of light were occasionally draping the dark sky with color over the water.

The only sound around them was the sound of the fireworks and the quiet wind rustling the few trees around them. Aoi didn’t understand Uruha’s warmth that night….but he reveled in it as much as he was able to, despite the nagging fear that Uruha would pull away when he least expected it and he would be left hurt and confused once more.

“I think the onigiri downstairs was a hit…until everyone started passing out.” Uruha laughed quietly and bumped Aoi’s shoulder with his own when Aoi failed to laugh with him. It was obvious Uruha didn’t want the silence to linger between them even when Aoi was lost for words and found it more comfortable saying nothing. Because what was there to say when he was sitting beside his best friend near the ocean, their hands twined together like lovers when they were everything but lovers, and Uruha was confusing him, and his heart was afraid of getting stepped on any more, and he didn’t even know why they were here together when they both knew things weren‘t the same any longer. What could he say beneath all of these restricting spider webs?

“What’s wrong?” Uruha wondered, leaning over to peer at Aoi’s face as he looked over the side of the balcony to the beach below where more people began wandering out of the house and down to the shore for midnight, which was only an hour or so away. Aoi shook his head dismissively and gave Uruha his customary lopsided grin that never failed to make Uruha smile. It was a smile to calm Uruha’s fears, something to lead him to believe that everything was alright, even when everything was in shambles around them and far from ideal.

He wanted to turn to Uruha and demand to know where they stood with each other. He wanted to ask why he was being pushed away and why he had never been good enough and why his heart was being treated so carelessly all of a sudden. He wanted to know why Uruha couldn’t see what he truly felt. These wants and impulses to break down and pour his heart out at Uruha’s feet constantly nagged him on a daily basis, but they were stronger than ever here where they were alone and on top of the world after all the turmoil and confusion of the past months.

Aoi knew that if he kept silent tonight, he would have to remain silent for his remaining days because he could barely feel the tips of Uruha’s fingers against him even with Uruha’s hand in his. His friend was slipping away and he was letting it happen like watching a horrific car crash he couldn’t seem to prevent. He knew that if he were ever going to unburden the secret he carried, tonight was the night, and the moment wouldn’t wait forever for him to use it. He would never have another moment as perfect as this.

He opened his mouth as he looked over at Uruha’s gentle face, painted silver in the moonlight, his eyes tracing Aoi’s face tenderly as if searching for hidden answers. But Aoi couldn’t force the words out. His pulse beat rapidly against his wrist and his heart beat in synch and just as strong against his chest. He wondered blindly if Uruha could feel his pulse beating with their wrists against one another so intimately.

Aoi let out a slow breath and glanced down to their joined hands and noticed that Uruha was wearing the silver bracelet that Aoi had given him for his birthday, the one with the tiny guitars and music notes. Uruha had been wearing it a lot recently, and Aoi had taken to wearing the seashell bracelet Uruha had made him just to feel close to Uruha the more he felt him slipping away.

Tonight they were both wearing their bracelets, a rare occurrence, and one that seemed to signal something to Aoi…a signal he wanted desperately to act on but one that he was still too deathly afraid of to do anything about. So instead of voicing his frustration and desire, he took their joined hands and pointed down below towards the beach.

Uruha’s brow creased and his eyes followed to where Aoi was pointing. People were threading out of the house, couples holding hands as they walked down to the water, people holding each other and hugging as they waited for the midnight fireworks to usher in the New Year.

The scene down below seemed too sacred for their corrupt eyes. They weren’t like those people below with someone to share their life with, someone to call their own. They didn’t belong down there with all those people who had their lives and hearts in order. Uruha was broken porcelain and Aoi was chipped glass. They had never belonged anywhere….not even in each other’s arms as Aoi was steadily finding out.

“Look at them,” Uruha murmured without any prompting or guidance from Aoi. He understood what Aoi meant. ‘Look at them, look how perfect they are, and look how damaged we are. We’ll never be good enough for something so amazing as what they have.’

“Have you ever had that Aoi?” Uruha suddenly asked, his eyes fixing curiously on Aoi. Aoi swallowed hard, his gaze refusing to leave a couple that thought they were hidden by the overhanging bushes near the porch below as they held onto one another and kissed like they would never see each other again. He could barely see them except for glimpses of bodies and hair…blonde and black.

“Maybe.” Aoi’s voice was barely audible, only a choked whisper he was sure Uruha hadn’t even caught. But he felt Uruha’s hand grip his harder, an indication that he had indeed heard Aoi’s faint answer. “At least…I’ve felt what it’s like to love someone….” Aoi tore his gaze away from the couple down below who had drawn themselves deeper into the shadows and disappeared from sight. Aoi looked over at Uruha and was surprised to see Uruha’s wide eyes staring at him, still searching. Uruha’s eyes were…upset. Though as soon as Aoi focused his gaze on him, Uruha looked away and then down below as Aoi had just done.

“Have you ever felt that way about someone?” Aoi countered softly, hoping against hope that Uruha would say no and save another sharp stab to his side. The idea that Uruha had loved anyone deeper than him would be a bitter pain he didn’t think he could handle. But Aoi’s fears were discovered when Uruha slowly nodded.

“The kind of love one loses sleep over every night,” Uruha replied in a low voice.

“It was that serious?” Aoi felt a burgeoning sense of covetousness of Uruha and jealousy to whoever had been privileged enough to have Uruha’s heart. Uruha had never come to him and told him about this mysterious love. He had just always assumed Uruha hadn’t discovered it like so many other lost and searching people. He had seen Uruha go through a slew of people as if they meant nothing to him, he’d never seen Uruha attached to any one person long enough to call it love or even infatuation.

“But…you’ve never told me about being in love with anyone…” Aoi treaded carefully, still trying to convince himself that Uruha hadn’t actually been in love…but just in a deep lust that could have been mistaken. He could take the thought of Uruha sleeping around easier than the thought of Uruha giving his heart to someone. That mindset only served to cement how awful Aoi had become lately. A sad smile slowly grew on Uruha’s face and he shook his head at Aoi’s doubtful question.

“Oh it…was love,” Uruha clarified gently. “Do you remember that time that I had gotten dangerously sick when I was younger?”

“That day you came home from the hospital?” Aoi quickly scanned back through his catalogue of memories and separated that day from all the rest with delicate fingers. Uruha nodded and rested their joined hands on his knee as he evoked that day with Aoi.

“You pulled me out to the field behind our houses….the one we weren’t supposed to play in but we always did anyway.” Uruha chuckled. “And then, remember…you made me crouch down in the grass and told me you had a surprise for me, something that would make me happy again. I looked around for the surprise but couldn’t find it, all I saw were what seemed like millions of blue and yellow flowers covering the grass of the field. And then suddenly you grabbed my hand and jumped up and yelled and the whole field came alive. The flowers were actually hundreds of tiny butterflies sitting on the waving grass and they rose up flying all around us. I couldn’t catch my breath it was so beautiful. We were in the middle of a butterfly storm and I could feel them in my hair and their tiny wings against my cheek. It was the most exciting thing I’d ever experienced.”

Uruha waved his hands in front of him just as he had done that day. Aoi could still see Uruha with arms spread toward the sky, turning in circles and rushing ahead through the cloud of blue and yellow, the biggest smile on his face that Aoi had ever seen. They had both collapsed down into the tall grass, their faces flushed and their hair tousled as they watched the butterflies rise further into the air and then sweep away from them.

“It was one of the best moments of my life. You made me happier than I think anyone could have ever made me…” Uruha bit into his bottom lip, his expression just a bit remorseful despite the happy memory. “That’s the way love feels to me. That field of butterflies is what love is to me. And when we were finally running for our lives as the owner of the field chased us away. That fear and that uncertainty of what was going to happen to us…I think that’s a part of what love is like as well. Love can be bitter and dangerous even as exhilarating as it is.”

Aoi felt the breath being knocked out of him at Uruha’s confession. Uruha had loved someone this deeply and Aoi had never known….had never known he had been replaced for that kind of breathless passion. Uruha had never let on that he had went through something so serious. But then Aoi loved Uruha that way, that sleepless, can’t catch a breath, delirious, sort of love and desire and Uruha had never been the wiser to how he felt.

It made him miserable to think that they could hold things this monumental from each other so easily. Aoi was so concentrated on studying Uruha’s regret-filled face that he almost didn’t notice the increased activity in the house below, the sound of music playing, and the sudden shower of color in the sky.

“It’s midnight,” Uruha exclaimed, rousing Aoi out of his wallowing guilt. Uruha’s lips parted in an expression of awe as round after round of light was tossed into the sky, bursting and falling gently back down to the water below. It was the New Year, rushing in before Aoi was even ready for it. There were still regrets and troubles he didn’t have the courage to let go…

Aoi swallowed down his worry, his tongue-tied dilemma, and watched the light reflecting on Uruha’s smooth face. He didn’t even watch the display of fireworks in the sky, he could see nothing but Uruha’s smiling lips, his silvery face colored again and again with sprays of bright colors. He watched the pinwheels and spirals in Uruha’s dark eyes and he couldn’t even look away when Uruha glanced down to the beach and his face turned rueful once more.

“Everyone’s kissing each other in celebration,” Uruha whispered and when Aoi looked down below, all the couples that had wandered down to the water were indeed holding each other and kissing. Uruha looked poignant sitting there, clutching Aoi’s hand as if it was the only thing keeping him grounded. Uruha had given up on the hope of finding someone to stay by his side and it must have been painful seeing everyone else having what he wanted, because Aoi felt that pain as well.

He made a split decision to give Uruha the customary kiss that they shared when they were together on the new year. He didn’t want to fuel the monster inside of him, he didn’t want to give himself anymore hope with a kiss, but Uruha looked so gravely miserable looking down on everyone and their happiness. Despite the uncertainty that Aoi no longer had the freedom to kiss Uruha so intimately anymore, Aoi took his hand from the grasp he had been holding to Uruha’s hand for the past few hours and he slipped his arm around Uruha’s waist.

Uruha turned startled eyes to Aoi and then he relaxed and even smiled just the tiniest bit as Aoi pulled him close and pressed his lips to his cheek, holding that innocent kiss for a long frozen moment until the rain of light faded from the sky, the noise following it slowly. And then he pulled back. He hadn’t been bold enough for anything more.

“I might not be able to give you want you want, but I can give you your first kiss of the New Year.” Aoi chuckled and Uruha shook his head and looked away, hiding a smile.

“I think it’s cruel flaunting what they have so openly,” Uruha ridiculed with a bitter sniff. “It just reminds the rest of us how badly we’re failing in life.” They were both quiet for a time, Aoi’s arm still wrapped protectively around Uruha’s waist as they leaned against one another. Aoi knew what Uruha had said was true because every time he watched someone in the streets kissing each other or holding hands so openly and without a care in the world, it was a harsh reminder of his failures. It was like dangling his dreams and wishes in front of him and then wickedly letting him know that those dreams were being lived out by someone else.

“At least everyone’s leaving,” Aoi muttered. “That leaves the sunrise to us.” Uruha flashed him a smile and it took them no time at all to scramble up, arms linking effortlessly, as they made their way downstairs to retrieve the blanket they had brought along. And then they were kicking off their shoes on the porch and running and slipping through the sand like children racing towards the water. The beach was by then, nearly deserted, and they were able to lay out the blanket and settle down onto it comfortably, without fear that their sunrise watching would be interfered by anyone else.

Eventually as they sat and talked together for the remaining hours before sunrise, Uruha began to steadily fall asleep against Aoi’s shoulder. Aoi leaned his cheek against the top of Uruha’s head as Uruha became quiet and his hold on Aoi’s arm grew slack. It was then that the reality of his situation made it’s self known once more, an ugly wound that throbbed incessantly and wouldn’t go away. This could be the last time he would be able to hold Uruha this way.

There was no way to know when Uruha would shun him completely and push him from his life. But he knew the time was coming closer as Uruha’s affection was seen less and less. He hated feeling so unsure of his future. He hated wondering when the exact moment would come when Uruha would turn to him and tell him goodbye. It made the ache inside of him flare up tenfold as Uruha’s grip on his arm loosened even more and Uruha’s hand fell to the sand beside them. It was then that Aoi saw the very first rays of pinkish golden sunlight creeping over the darkened water.

The dome of sunlight became larger the more he watched it and Aoi shook Uruha’s shoulder gently to wake him up so he wouldn’t miss the first sunrise of the New Year. Uruha’s pliant body shifted against him and Uruha’s head rose from his shoulder slowly, his eyes blinking against the sudden new light on the horizon.

“It’s beautiful…” Uruha whispered as he sat up beside Aoi, his arm immediately linking with Aoi’s again. Aoi felt the ache beat against his chest so hard it felt like it would fight it’s way out any moment and ruin him completely. “I’m glad I always get to share the first sunrise with you,” Uruha murmured. “It wouldn’t feel right sharing it with anyone else…” That sullen tone crept it’s way into Uruha’s voice as it was prone to do so much lately. “Any regrets you haven’t let go with the old year yet?” Uruha asked softly, his hand rubbing Aoi’s arm comfortingly, his voice still sad and thoughtful. Aoi let out a shaky breath.

There were too many regrets…too many missteps and wrong turns. His one regret would always be not confessing everything to Uruha before their friendship had gotten this far. At least…he would have been rejected before his heart had become this entangled in Uruha’s blind hands. He was in too deep now and there was no possible way he could walk away uninjured.

He felt his face tighten and his throat ache. He hadn’t felt this for such a long time…this need to let himself break down and let his troubles and problems leak in the form of wet salt. He had always held back…especially in front of Uruha. He knew Uruha would never judge him, but he had never liked showing how weak he was on the inside to the person he loved so completely. He couldn’t show his true face to Uruha and so he didn’t even deserve Uruha’s affection. How could one expect their emotions returned when they are so dishonest in the most important sense?

Aoi turned and hid his face against his arm and felt the fabric become damp and stick to his skin in a matter of seconds, drawn out torturously to show him how powerless he had become amidst this storm. Everything was going wrong and it was like being thrown into a nightmare he couldn’t escape. It took moments of silence as Uruha waited for an answer before he turned and noticed Aoi’s face hidden, his shoulders slumped and finally defeated. Aoi felt Uruha’s fingers curl around his arm firmly and he felt Uruha’s body move around him in the sand until he was sitting in front of Aoi.

“Aoi…” Uruha gently pried Aoi’s arm away from his face and cupped his cheek to get him to look up. “Are you crying?” Uruha’s voice was full of alarm at seeing Aoi cry which only added to the fact that Aoi was rarely seen letting out this sort of raw emotion. “What’s wrong?” Uruha looked frightened and worried as he let his thumb gently wipe away the moisture from beneath Aoi’s eyes and cheeks. “Tell me what’s wrong Aoi.” Uruha urged almost desperately, but Aoi only looked up at Uruha and could say nothing. He was looking up into the face of an angel who had struck him down without lifting one finger.

Uruha had single handedly destroyed him and all he could feel was frantic desire for him coursing through his veins. Uruha’s face was distorted in concern, strands of chaste blond hair kissing his cheek and lips from the wind coming off the ocean, and the sunrise, now forgotten, framed Uruha in fiery brilliance. Aoi had never been so tempted because Uruha had never looked so ethereal and yet powerful because Uruha held everything in the palm of his hands.

Aoi couldn’t stop himself, was too exhausted from fighting against that unseen force to keep himself back from the abyss. He was ruined as it was, and he wanted something before he was thrown out of Uruha’s world…he wanted one more memory. His control over everything was finally broken. And so….he rose up onto his knees in front of Uruha, kneeling as Uruha was kneeling in the sand, and Uruha looked up at him, startled and confused at what Aoi was doing. Aoi framed Uruha’s face with both of his hands, his fingers burying themselves into Uruha’s hair, and he held Uruha this way for what seemed like forever.

Aoi bit hard into his lip, hard enough to hurt, trying to override the ache inside of him, and also trying to hold himself back, but he knew that there was no turning back now, no way he could physically stop himself.

He dove headfirst into the abyss, a suicide attempt he hoped would be successful and painless. He pulled Uruha to him just as he lowered his mouth and he kissed Uruha hard, harder and more desperately than he had ever kissed anyone in his entire life. He felt Uruha’s hands reach up and grasp his wrists tightly, perhaps to pull him away, but Aoi wasn’t letting go until he had had what he had been yearning for all these years. Uruha gasped into Aoi’s mouth as he parted Uruha’s lips and deepened the kiss as he had been too afraid to do that day on the steps. He was taking things farther than that sepia toned memory.

Uruha tasted sweet like candy, and it surprised Aoi’s tongue as he explored Uruha’s mouth, mapping something he would never experience again. He slid one hand to the back of Uruha’s neck and his other arm he hooked around Uruha’s waist to bring him closer and through all of this Uruha didn’t fight but then he was probably too shocked to do anything but let Aoi kiss him. It was a bliss Aoi had never felt before, kissing Uruha this way. It surpassed that kiss so many years ago until Aoi knew he would never feel anything like Uruha's lips against his ever again.

Uruha’s hands eventually fell away from Aoi’s wrists and he felt Uruha’s body lose it’s tenseness. And when Aoi finally drew back, his mouth lingering delicately for a moment on Uruha’s soft, full lips, Uruha was completely compliant. Aoi let out a shuddering breath as he pulled away completely, the calm after the storm, and Uruha slowly opened his eyes, his face flushed pink and his lips still moist from Aoi’s attack on them.

Uruha rose a shaking hand to his lips as he stared at Aoi in disbelief of what had just happened. He was still in shock and he couldn’t even say anything as he looked from Aoi down to his fingers still lightly pressed against his kiss bruised lips.

“Aoi…” He finally breathed incredulously and that was when Aoi pressed his hand to his forehead and winced. He’d killed himself faster than he had intended. He had ruined the little time he might have had left with Uruha for one moment of bliss. He’d ruined it all with a selfish taste of something he could never have. He couldn’t cast off this sudden passion as anything else but what it was…a testimony to how he really felt.

“Uruha….I….I don’t know what to say….” He had said everything in his kiss. But instead of the stinging slap to his face, he looked up to see a very different reaction from Uruha. Uruha’s frozen astonished face, melted slowly in some realization Aoi didn’t understand and then Uruha’s expression turned livid.

“Don’t you fucking say you’re sorry Aoi,” Uruha muttered low, his voice just as shaky as his hands. “Because you aren’t. I don’t know why you have to be so cruel. You keep pushing me and pushing me to the edge.” The tears Aoi had shed only moments ago, shone and threatened to fall from the corner of Uruha’s angry eyes.

“What-” Aoi stuttered, not full understanding Uruha’s reaction. He had expected anger, but he was lost as to what Uruha was accusing him of.

“I am not an object you can run to each time something goes wrong in your life. You may be able to use the women you go through, but you can’t do this to me Aoi. Not if you claim to love me as a friend. I’ve been used enough as it is, I don’t need to be used by you of all people.” Uruha’s voice broke and he wiped away the moisture at the corner of his eyes furiously. “You keep doing this to me and I don’t understand! You don’t know how harsh you’re being…I thought…I thought it was the alcohol the other night, but now I see I’m wrong. If you’re having trouble getting over that damn woman, that’s your problem, you come to me and expect me to make everything okay, but I can’t because nothing is ever okay with us…” Aoi’s eyes widened as wide as Uruha’s had during his sudden kiss.

“No Uruha that’s not what I-” Aoi tried saving himself, but Uruha shook his head dismissively and stood up. Aoi felt a rising panic in his stomach and his tightening throat.

“What’s wrong with you Aoi? I don’t even know you anymore….” Uruha choked out and stepped away when Aoi reached for him. Rejection…..complete and total rejection. Aoi had obviously suffered a different sort of death, but a death none the less. “I tried giving you a chance tonight….I wanted us to go back to normal. I wanted everything to be okay. But that’s impossible isn’t it?” Uruha bit into his bottom lip and his shoulders shook as he held back a wave of silent grief.

“Uruha I have to tell you-” Aoi was going to say it, he was going to tell Uruha because Uruha was already gone. He’d lost him and he was desperate for Uruha to understand. He didn’t want Uruha leaving him thinking his advances had been out of pure selfishness to make himself feel better. He wanted Uruha to know that his intentions had always been deeper than sex. Uruha needed to know that Aoi had done this out of unconditional love, deep emotion, adoration….he didn’t want his memory tainted by the grime and grit of false allegations. Aoi loved Uruha too much to hurt him that way. But Uruha wouldn’t hear him, wouldn’t even let Aoi touch him. Aoi had fucked up beyond repair this time. He had finally made that one wrong step to tip the glass and watch it shatter.

“Please Uru, just listen to me!” Aoi shouted and Uruha looked startled for a moment. “I love you, Uru, I-” Aoi stumbled as he stood up and Uruha backed away from him.

“Stop it Aoi. You’ve always told me you love me, but if you really did, you wouldn’t have….” Uruha stopped and took a deep breath and tired to hold back another torrent of emotion.

“But-” ‘You have it all wrong!’ Aoi’s mind cried out frantically, but Uruha was already gone from his line of vision. Uruha was already racing away from him, across the beach and up to the beach house. Aoi was left with the sunrise already past the water horizon….alone and forgotten. The first day of the new year and the end of everything. Aoi cursed, literally yelled out over the water his pain and frustration.

He bolted after Uruha with the intention of trying to fix what he knew could never be repaired, but when he went searching madly through the beach house, his eyes roving frantically over the bodies lying on sofas and floors, passed out and sleeping and the few conscious people sitting around or leaving, he found no Uruha. He took the steps two at a time to the second floor and only found more empty rooms and when he found Ruki and Kai just walking out the front door to leave, he was frenzied and he probably came off as half crazed.

“Where’s Uruha?” Aoi demanded both of his friends and when they only stared at him, afraid of his flushed face and his harsh voice, Aoi pushed past them through the door, ready to search again on his own, but Kai stopped him as he finally gave him an answer.

“He left with Reita. He was crying and nearly hysterical. He dragged Reita outside by the arm and they just left in his car. I guess they’re heading over to Reita’s place. He told me to bring you home….Aoi….what the hell is going on?” Kai was genuinely worried as he came to stand beside Aoi on the porch, but when Kai tried to put his hand on Aoi’s shoulder to get his attention or for comfort, whichever, Aoi pushed his arm away a bit too harshly because Kai’s face suddenly registered hurt.

“Just…don’t touch me right me now.” Aoi held up his hands as if to ward everyone away from him because if anyone came too close he knew he was going to lose what little sanity he had left. He had just lost everything in a matter of minutes. He’d lost the one thing he had ever loved and tried to hang onto for so long….He could never feel as horrible as he did now. And he didn’t think anything could get any worse….

“What’s going on?” Ruki asked blearily from the doorway, a hand rubbing the sleep from one of his eyes languidly. “Why’s everyone yelling?”

“Aoi’s the only one yelling here.” Kai’s eyes became hard as they looked at Aoi. “You have to tell me what happened.” This was Kai’s band and he could clearly see something was very wrong, something ominous and threatening but Aoi couldn’t tell him. He had to do something, anything, to fix things…that was his only concern.

“No I don’t,” Aoi growled irritably. “Just bring me home. That’s all I want….just…get me out of here.” Aoi suddenly took a deep breath and let it out slow, willing his anger and his panic to dissolve just the smallest bit as he pleaded with Kai to understand to some degree that he was in no mood to talk and no state to be argued with.

“Kai…” Aoi muttered imploringly. Kai was the most sober and responsible one at that moment. Ruki was barely alive in the doorway and Aoi was sober but he was definitely not responsible and in his right state of mind. Aoi was thankful that Kai had only had a few drinks that night. Kai’s eyes swept over Aoi’s disheveled form, his frantic face, and then he gestured to one of the few cars still parked beside the beach house. Kai understood Aoi’s need.

“Let’s get out of here then.” Kai went over to Ruki and grabbed him by the arm as Aoi began walking towards the car, his face hot with shame and anger and panic. His emotional dam was broken, waxing and waning, and tormenting him mercilessly. He felt out of control and more vulnerable than he had ever felt in his entire life.

Uruha had walked out on him for all the wrong reasons and it was Aoi’s fault entirely. He hadn’t wanted it to end this way. But he knew that he would have to go through more agony and grief before this nightmare he and Uruha’s world had become would end. He had just the smallest spark of fight left in him and he knew he had to use it to fix the mess he had made, even if he still lost Uruha to the rising tide.

Go to Chapter Ten

A/N: I’m pulling the strings tiiiight. Heh. Not such a long waiting period this time eh? I really hope I can do well again next time…but let me shut up so I don’t jinx myself >.> *waits for the torches and pitchforks surely following this chapter* Just wait for Uruha‘s say before you start throwing things at him as well lmao

Hatsu-Yume Chapter Eight

2008-07-03T08:31:59Z

[ How I'm feeling| Indescribable]
[ What I'm listening to| Goo goo dolls- Iris

Title: Hatsu-Yume (8/?)
Pairings: Aoi/Uruha
Author: Life_giver
Rating: R-NC17 (for later parts)
Disclaimer: These beautiful boys are definitely not associated with me….regretfully. I’m only using them for a short time.
Warnings: None *gasp*
Summary: Sometimes the things we love and covet the most are the biggest secrets we will ever keep. Sometimes the heart loves what it cannot help but to love and worship and these are the types of secrets we expect will never be found. This is agony and ecstasy and fantasy for the blind handing the blind his heart to keep and cherish, hoping against hope that he is handed the same in return.
Notes: This is a follow up of sorts from the one shot I wrote some time ago, Chimera
This will be a chapter story tracing that one-shot to a conclusion.

Uruha sighed heavily as he slipped out of his shirt and let it fall to the floor uncaringly before crawling onto his considerably smaller bed. The new size of his bed was definitely a statement as Aoi had said only yesterday. Who needed a bed for two when only one person slept in it every lonely night? Uruha had given up on his hopeless search for someone to warm the other side of his bed. He’d given up on killing himself with every time he woke up to an empty room where a body had lain after taking what it had wanted from him. He was done drinking that slow poison. The only thing he was worried about now was surviving Aoi…

The other side of the bed on his former mattress had secretly always been for Aoi in Uruha’s mind. There was a time when he used to turn over on his side in the middle of the night and lay his hand over the empty space beside him and imagine his hand on Aoi’s chest. He would imagine he could feel the steady breathing and heartbeat of his friend, in the way he knew it would be like if Aoi were truly there with him. But then he would smile desolately and turn away, pulling the sheets around his cold body because Aoi was never really there and never would be there. All the empty space of his bed had reminded him night after night how lonely he really was until the pain had overwhelmed him and he knew it was time to say goodbye to worn out desires.

He had had to get rid of the bed, it was too much seeing how vacant and unused the empty space beside him had been. With something smaller he could pretend he had never yearned for anything more. He could pretend he wasn’t waiting for someone to take their place beside him and chase the loneliness away. He could sleep in his single sized bed and be what he now knew he was meant to be…alone. He couldn’t lie to himself any longer, and he hoped that he wouldn’t have to feed Aoi lies for very much longer either.

He sometimes wondered if Aoi shredding the ties between them with one swift stroke, leaving him once and for all, wouldn’t be the best thing for them both. It would be a quick death, and the temptation would be taken away. The pain would still be there, ever present and aching, festering, but this agonizing desire and longing would be gone because Aoi wouldn’t be by his side, enticing him, teasing him mercilessly.

If Aoi left him soon…Uruha would be out of danger of ruining everything. He would never forgive himself if he had to be the one to end everything between them. He knew he could do it…he knew he could confess and make Aoi leave him, because he knew without a doubt Aoi would turn away from him if his friend knew the truth of his feelings. He knew he should have let Aoi go all those years back. He shouldn’t have followed Aoi to Tokyo. He sometimes wondered what his life would have turned out to be had he not chased his dreams and his fantasies to the city of lights…and back into Aoi’s arms.

Uruha couldn’t help these thoughts from running rampant through his mind as he pulled back the covers on his new bed and slid beneath the cool sheets. He shifted against the unfamiliar mattress to find a more comfortable position and finally settled down after a long moment, pulling the sheets around him protectively. For some reason he felt even more alone in the smaller bed because his room looked larger and more empty…it seemed he couldn’t win either way…

Unbidden thoughts of Aoi began to enter his mind as they did every other night, the new bed hadn’t helped that matter much. Uruha let out a soft breath as he tilted his head back into his pillow and closed his eyes, trying to will himself to sleep, but realized his mistake as soon as he saw Aoi’s face behind his eyelids. He had never been able to escape Aoi during the night no matter how much he fought to rid himself of Aoi’s face…of Aoi’s hands on him….

Uruha felt his skin heat considerably at the memory of Aoi holding him in the pool, their hips pressed together with no room between their two half naked bodies. Uruha could still feel the tightening of Aoi’s arms around him, of sinfully full lips brushing his cheek in the cruelest form of torture. Uruha had wanted nothing more than to turn his head and kiss Aoi, wrap his legs around Aoi’s waist and make Aoi give him everything he’d ever wanted.

Uruha’s brow knitted as a wave of arousal swept through his body so quickly, he didn’t have time to stop his wicked thoughts before they went too far. But then he knew he was powerless against the desire he felt for his friend, his thoughts always went too far, whether he wanted them to or not. Uruha felt his breathing quicken, and his stomach tightened as he imagined Aoi pressing him against the side of the pool and kissing him. He let his imagination run wild as in his mind’s eye, he let his hands trail over Aoi’s slick shoulders, feeling the muscles shift beneath his palms before dragging his hands down Aoi’s back and pressing their hips against one another until he could feel Aoi in every way possible….

Uruha gasped and turned his face into his pillow, realizing he had let one of his own hands slip beneath his night pants, and even through the shame he felt, his arousal overrode all else with the strength of a storm. Uruha kept his eyes closed, squeezed them shut against the soft fabric beneath his cheek as he went on imagining Aoi’s hand touching him instead of his own hand. It wasn’t often he let his fantasies of Aoi get to him enough to where he had to resort to touching himself in order to find some form of relief.

He hated imagining Aoi while he touched himself because it seemed so sinful and wicked even though Aoi would never know Uruha did these things in his bed while thinking of him. But tonight he didn’t care. He wanted some small reprieve from all the pain he had been receiving lately when he was around Aoi.

Aoi didn’t understand how hard he had been making things…he didn’t understand that Uruha was nearly clawing his way to the surface for breath because Aoi was smothering him with his affection, with his kisses and touches, and sweet words. Aoi thought this sort of affection was normal between friends, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t normal at all, and even though Uruha had once held the same views of their affectionate friendship being ordinary, he knew better now.

Uruha was drowning underneath Aoi’s attention and Uruha wanted to hate him for it even when it wasn’t Aoi’s fault for acting the way he did, he was only being Aoi. They had always been this close to one another, and yet Uruha’s defenses were nearly broken apart….he was too weak to keep his mask from slipping. He couldn’t pretend any longer that he didn’t suffer every time Aoi touched him. He made no more moves to hide his hurt.

“Bastard,” Uruha choked out, his voice muffled and strained against his pillow as one hand continued to relieve the pressure in his stomach and the other hand twisted and nearly ripped the sheets beneath his body. “Fucking bastard.” Uruha gritted his teeth and felt unbidden moisture threatening to fight it’s way to the corner of his eyes, but he kept it at bay and finally forced it back as a flood of angry and remorseful emotions swept through him in a series of confusing waves. “I love you….and I’m sorry for it.” Uruha felt his shoulders shake and he let out a small sound that oddly sounded like sorrow to his ears as he spent himself quickly. He muffled his grief into his pillow so he wouldn’t have to hear how weak he had become.

The sting behind his eyes was painful and he felt a headache threatening to overcome him if he didn’t ease the pressure by letting the tears come. He did let them come slowly, silently, and he hated himself for each drop of moisture that seeped into the fabric beneath his head. Aoi thought of him as strong and able to get through anything, what would he say if he saw Uruha at that moment….hiding his face because he was too afraid to walk away from the dilemma he had created with his own hands….

He’d never once openly acknowledged he was ashamed of the way he felt towards his friend until now. It had always been no regrets between them, but things had changed so drastically over the past few months, his defenses weakened to the point of breaking so suddenly, that his feelings and thoughts on their friendship had changed with everything else. He regretted his friendship with Aoi because it had led him here, crying in bed and touching himself because he couldn’t pick a different road to follow. His road had always followed alongside Aoi’s, there was nowhere else for him to go. He couldn’t leave and he couldn’t stay. He was killing himself by loving Aoi and he was feigning smiles and laughter as he did so….all for Aoi.

The sudden beeping of his phone from the nightstand pierced through his self-pitying and repentance and he groaned softly. He turned his head and rested his cheek back down on the pillow to stare over at his phone lighting up and darkening, before lighting up and beeping once more. Someone was messaging him at one of the most inopportune moments imaginable. Uruha grimaced in disgust as he slid his hands out from underneath his stomach and pushed himself up to a sitting position. He looked over towards the nightstand and frowned as his phone lit up once again, warning him that he would have a slew of messages once he decided to pick it up and look at it.

He knew he should see who was trying to a get hold of him because it could be something important, but the way he was feeling at the moment, he would rather bury himself beneath the blankets on his bed and forget everything else around him even existed. If the reason he was getting ten messages in a row wasn’t pressing or at the very least somewhat important, he was going to strangle whoever was on the other end of the phone.

Uruha reached over to the nightstand and flipped open his phone, his shoulders sagging in defeat as he read Aoi’s name over four different new messages. Aoi never messaged him unless he was in trouble or wasn’t coherent enough or too ashamed to talk to Uruha over the phone. Uruha felt the rock in the pit of stomach sinking even further as he quickly scanned over the first few messages, recognizing the misspelled characters and careless wording. Aoi was wasted, it was obvious by his lack of coordination and social skills. The first message hinted at Aoi wanting to come over for the night and the second one confirmed that he was coming over because he was only a few blocks away and he didn’t want to risk driving home and getting pulled over for being intoxicated.

Uruha tched and shook his head as he checked the next message, he was more worried about Aoi trying to drive home drunk and getting hurt than getting pulled over by the police, though he was sure it would hurt Aoi’s public image if he was ever caught driving around drunk. The band didn’t need that sort of exposure. The main thing was Aoi getting home alright, and even though Uruha knew it was a horrible idea to let Aoi sleep over after the emotional episode he had just went through, he knew he had no other choice.

This was the second time in one month that Aoi had showed up on his doorstep drunk off his ass after spending the night at some seedy bar, punishing himself over god only knows what. Aoi had probably broken it off with the woman from the picture frame in his room, the new one, now to be referred as the ex girlfriend.

Aoi usually drank himself under the table after his break-ups. That relationship had barely scraped by two weeks and Uruha felt evil and heinous for letting the tiny smirk tug at the corner of his mouth as he set his phone back down. He knew Aoi too well by now to expect anything more of his poor friend. Uruha hastily wiped the remaining moisture from his face with the back of his hand and slid out of bed to pull a clean pair of pants and shirt on for when Aoi came stumbling to his door.

The last two remaining messages Aoi had sent him had been asking Uruha if he was awake or if he was even home, and even though Uruha hadn’t replied, he knew Aoi would still be knocking at his door in only a moment’s time. Aoi knew he was home tonight and knew Uruha would never turn him away.

Uruha was only just walking into the living room after having gotten dressed when he heard the knocking on his door. Well it sounded rather like a fist hitting the door in succession a few times. Aoi must have been closer to his apartment than he’d first thought for how fast he had gotten there. Uruha mentally prepared himself for a very drunk Aoi as he opened the door. Aoi practically fell over the threshold and into Uruha’s arms as the door swung open, giving Uruha the impression that he had been using the door to lean on for leverage. If he was too drunk to stand on his own, Uruha was in for a rough night.

“Uru…” Aoi gasped as Uruha caught him before he fell. Uruha winced and steadied Aoi against him with his arms around his friend’s back and caught a strong whiff of alcohol from Aoi’s breath and clothes.

“Aoi how much did you have to drink tonight?” Uruha demanded irritably as Aoi laughed against him and clung to him as if he was afraid he’d trip and fall again if Uruha let him go, and Uruha was sure he would unless he got Aoi to the couch in time.

“Enough,” Aoi answered with a silly grin as he looked up at Uruha reverently. His words were more slurred and his gait the most unsteady Uruha had ever seen. Aoi was never one to out drink Uruha, but Aoi had went all out tonight to put Uruha to shame. Uruha let out an exasperated breath and made Aoi wrap a hand around his shoulder so that he could get him to the couch before he tripped and killed himself, something the stairs to his room remarkably hadn’t accomplished beforehand.

“How the hell did you make it up the steps without falling to your death?” Uruha wondered out loud as he set Aoi down on the couch and couldn’t help but smile inwardly as Aoi groaned and collapsed back into it heavily, one leg sprawled on the floor. Uruha knelt down beside the couch and took off Aoi’s boots and settled him into a more comfortable position on the couch and then checked Aoi’s back pocket to make sure his wallet was still there. He was amazed it hadn’t been snatched as he slipped it out and set it on the coffee table with his friend’s house and car keys. Aoi wouldn’t have noticed anything being stolen from him and Uruha shook his head pityingly as Aoi squeezed eyes closed against the bright lights in the living room.

Uruha left Aoi for a moment, sure he wouldn’t try getting up again until morning, and he turned the lights down low, leaving only a dim glow to ease Aoi’s light sensitivity. When he came back to kneel beside Aoi, Aoi was smiling at him, his face blissfully drunk. Uruha chuckled and grabbed Aoi’s hand to hold as it reached for him. He felt like a loved one at a sickbed, comforting the dieing because Aoi looked so pitiful lying there with bottles of alcohol littering his blood, but at least he seemed happy.

“This is the second time this month you’ve went out and got trashed, you know that right?” Uruha rose an eyebrow, hoping Aoi wasn’t too far gone that he wouldn’t be able to follow a conversation. Aoi pretended to pout and then made Uruha wrap his arm around his waist. Uruha did so begrudgingly and was forced into the awkward position of leaning slightly over Aoi and holding him.

“I know that,” Aoi mumbled, ducking his head as if he were truly sorry, though Uruha knew that he wasn’t. He was too drunk to really understand how badly he was treating himself by drinking himself to death so frequently.

“We’re going to the New Years party tomorrow and you know there’s going to be alcohol. I thought there was some kind of rule somewhere that you’re not supposed to drink like this two nights in a row…” Uruha grinned when Aoi snorted.

“Stop making shit up, I’m too damn messed up to understand you right now,” Aoi grumbled, tightening his fingers around Uruha’s arm to bring him closer.

“Well I’m glad you acknowledge that,” Uruha chuckled, letting his thumb stroke Aoi’s hip through his shirt and thinking that for all the trouble Aoi put him through, he’d be damned if he didn’t love his friend even more for all of his crazy antics. “You’ll thank me in the morning that I let you crash here. Otherwise you’d have ended up sleeping on a sidewalk somewhere.” Uruha frowned, knowing full well he‘d have never allowed Aoi to be on his own in this condition. Uruha’s arms were always open to him, which was Uruha’s biggest weakness.

“You’d never do that to me and you know it.” Aoi yawned tiredly, Uruha was silently thankful that Aoi seemed to be getting sleepier by the minute.

“I know it,” Uruha whispered, his eyes closing momentarily as Aoi’s shirt rose a bit when his friend shifted against the couch, and Uruha’s stroking fingers touched the soft skin on Aoi’s hip. A sudden flash of him standing in the doorway of the bathroom watching Aoi try to slip his new piercing into his navel tugged on Uruha’s memory. It was an old recollection that only surfaced when he was this close to his friend. Aoi had been fumbling with his new piercing and had cursed when the jewelry had fallen from his hand to the tiled bathroom floor. Uruha remembered bending down to pick it up for him vividly.

“Here, let me…” Uruha had murmured boldly, young with hormones running wild, as he had pushed Aoi’s shirt out of the way and slipped the piercing into the new mark on Aoi’s skin. Aoi had went against his parents to get the piercing and Uruha had felt himself even more attracted to his friend for his rebelliousness. He remembered the intense, thickened moment that had passed over them as Uruha finished putting the jewelry into Aoi’s navel and then his hand unconsciously had smoothed over Aoi’s stomach in a soft caress. He hadn’t been able to stop himself, and when he had looked up into Aoi’s eyes…he could have sworn…his friend’s eyes had become darker.

Their bodies had been so close to one another and Uruha’s hand lay flat against Aoi’s stomach, leaving room for his mind to create things that weren’t really there. Uruha had imagined Aoi’s eyes darkening because the next moment, Aoi had smiled at him and then stepped away, thanking him softly with a small kiss to his forehead. Uruha had been left standing alone in the bathroom, a hand gripping the porcelain sink behind him in shock that he had actually been bold enough to touch Aoi so intimately. He had been young and foolish back then…but Uruha couldn’t help but wish he still had an ounce of that fearless streak still in him….

“Aoi…” Uruha murmured, lowering his voice and hoping Aoi wouldn’t hear him, but wanting him to hear all the same because he knew Aoi would tell him anything while he was drunk, it was something he took advantage of a lot to his shame. Uruha let his heated long ago memory fade silently into the background as he turned his attention to getting what he wanted to hear from Aoi.

“Hmm?” Aoi opened his drowsy eyes and Uruha’s fingers closed around Aoi’s naked hip for a split second, knowing he’d never have the courage to do that if his friend were completely sober.

“She’s gone isn’t she?” He asked, hoping Aoi would understand his question without him elaborating even in Aoi’s less than lucid state of mind. Aoi let out an amused breath and he surprisingly averted his eyes, embarrassed, a motion he was more likely to do when he wasn’t doused in alcohol. Uruha was afraid for a moment that Aoi’s head was a bit more clear than he was letting on. “What was wrong with her this time? Her breasts were too small? Her hands too clingy?” Uruha teased with a small smile, but his smile fell when he saw that Aoi wasn’t sharing in the joke with him.

“You were right…I don’t need that kind of thing in my life.” Uruha sucked in a breath as Aoi said this, wondering if he had somehow swayed Aoi’s decision, if so, despite the smoldering victory of having the woman gone, he felt guilty that he hadn’t allowed Aoi some happiness…even if it was just something beneath the sheets. Uruha didn’t need to interfere with his friend’s personal life, but he knew Aoi deserved more…so much more. “I told her goodbye and luckily she felt the same way. She always thought I was cheating on her…they all do, even when I’m not.”

Uruha’s brow creased, remembering the first woman Aoi had stayed with for more than a year and how she had finally let him go because she felt she was taking second place to something or someone else. Uruha didn’t understand Aoi’s relationship failure, in his eyes Aoi would be the perfect lover. He was kind and considerate, he was gentle and attentive, he gave Uruha all his attention when they were around one another, he would think Aoi would be the same way with his girlfriends.

But every relationship Aoi had been in had failed, and maybe it was just because his eyes strayed and he became impatient after awhile, and so the women came to the conclusion that he was cheating. Uruha would never be sure, but he couldn’t help feeling a small pleasure that he once again had Aoi all to himself. He was incredibly selfish for thoughts like that, but it was a feeling he couldn’t control.

“Aoi…I’m sorry…” Uruha replied softly, not truly knowing what to say to what Aoi had just told him. What is a person supposed to say to someone coming out of a relationship? Uruha wanted to tell Aoi that she hadn’t been good enough for him anyway, but he was almost positive that comment would get an unpleasant reaction from Aoi. He was sure Aoi didn’t take too kindly to him talking so nastily about his girlfriends, but Uruha had always been propelled to tell him the truth about them…

“Why are you sorry? I get a little something from them and if they don’t want to stay around for more, that’s their problem.” Aoi shrugged and that drunken grin found it’s way to his face, reassuring Uruha that he was indeed still too far gone to remember any of this conversation in the morning.

“You’re so horrible Aoi. Those poor girls.” Uruha laughed quietly and rested his chin on his arm, knowing he’d have to fight Aoi for his arm back, but he didn’t have the strength just yet for a struggle. He’d wait until Aoi finally passed out and then he’d slip away and go back to bed.

“She couldn’t cook worth a damn anyway…I need someone that cooks like you.” Aoi’s grin widened and Uruha stifled a laugh into his arm.

“Well maybe I should say poor Aoi then. Have you been getting starved this last week by that woman?” Uruha tched good-naturedly and continued stroking Aoi’s hip, not caring that the more his hand touched that silky area of skin, the more his mind wandered to more inappropriate things. Aoi nodded, his lips suddenly turning down in the corners miserably.

“I’ll have to cook your favorite tomorrow then, a plateful of samosas. They’ll help with the massive hangover you’ll have.” Uruha genuinely felt sorry for what Aoi would feel like in the morning, but it was Aoi’s own fault to choose to drown his emotions in alcohol…though Uruha did the same from time to time.

Aoi would probably ward off any drinks at the New Years eve party anyway if he knew his friend at all. Aoi would be too sick to move in the morning. Uruha shook his head slightly, watching as Aoi closed his eyes and he hoped his friend was finally succumbing to sleep, but after minutes of Uruha stroking Aoi’s hip soothing caresses, and Aoi seeming to fall asleep steadily, Aoi’s hand tightened around Uruha’s arm and pulled so hard that Uruha was nearly on top of him from the force.

“Aoi,” Uruha breathed, recoiling slightly as Aoi’s belt dug into his stomach and he realized with rising horror that there was something else, something very evident and definitely not a belt underneath him, pressing against his leg. As he realized what it was, he tried lifting himself off of Aoi, the shock of Aoi’s sudden movement and physical state seeming to jolt him into action. Aoi was drunk and he obviously wasn’t in the right mind, it was up to Uruha to put a stop to it, no matter how hard his pulse was racing from a handful of possibilities.

“Stay with me tonight,” Aoi murmured, hooking one of his legs around one of Uruha’s and keeping him trapped in place. Uruha frowned and tried moving away again but Aoi wrapped an arm around his waist and only served to press him back down into Aoi’s body, and Uruha’s cheeks flamed at what he could feel against his hip…so near….

Only an hour ago, he had been touching himself in bed, yearning for something like this to happen, lusting after Aoi’s body against his, but this wasn’t exactly how he had imagined things. The smell of alcohol was one of the details that were clearly not in his fantasies.

“At least let me up to lay beside you,” Uruha spoke softly, gently, as if trying to coax an unreasonable child to be practical. Uruha bit into his bottom lip and felt the skin break in a metallic trickle inside of his mouth. He’d known Aoi would give him trouble one way or another, but he hadn’t counted on Aoi going this far…they’d never done this before…never been this close, but then Aoi had never been this extremely drunk.

Uruha tried laughing his nervousness off and pretending the situation they found themselves in was completely normal. But Aoi shook his head, one of his hands sliding down Uruha’s slightly curved back and settling on the small of his spine to stroke, bunching his shirt up slightly as he did so. Uruha felt the cool air of the room hit his skin and it instilled a frightening sense of arousal in his stomach, the same desire he had felt alone in his bed. He didn’t need his body to rebel, he didn’t need to give Aoi anymore leverage, the man was wasted, and his mind was fogged.

“Aoi, if you want me to lay here with you, I will, but you have to let me lay beside you.” ‘Lay beside you an ‘appropriate’ way,’ He repeated in his mind. “Please…” He added softly, his tone taking on a slightly pleading timber but he doubted Aoi was lucid enough to catch it. Aoi moved against the couch and Uruha’s mouth opened in sudden shocked arousal as Aoi pressed his hips up into Uruha’s own and Uruha was clearly able to feel Aoi’s current frustration pulsing against him.

“I want you here.” Aoi refused Uruha’s plea blindly. “Against me.” Uruha took a shuddering breath and felt that old familiar rock drop against the pit of his stomach….it was pure dread at what would happen if Uruha couldn’t get away without letting his body get the better of him. He had always told himself that the lusts of the body had no place in their friendship, that he could love Aoi without the desire, but lately it was all Uruha could think about…having Aoi beside him in bed…being able to be with Aoi in the way any other two people that loved each other as much as they did. The body was an evil thing when it came to what it yearned for.

“I think you should have picked up a nice woman before you got this drunk.” Uruha tried teasing to lighten up the tense mood they had fallen into. Aoi should have spent all the frustration he was carrying around at the moment, and he shouldn’t have brought it home to Uruha because Uruha didn’t know what to do with it…he couldn’t do anything with it.

“I did. I found the woman of my dreams tonight at the bar.” Aoi smiled at the memory and his hand slid lower down Uruha’s back and over his- Uruha’s eyebrows shot up and he struggled a bit in vain to move away from Aoi’s hand but inevitably he had to settle back down because when Aoi wanted to, he had the strength to hold Uruha down, giving Uruha no means of escape.

“Well what happened? Why are you here passing out on my couch instead of having a drive through wedding?” Uruha forced out between clenched teeth as Aoi’s hand slid thankfully to his back once more. He was sure Aoi wasn’t even aware of how he was touching Uruha as he looked off somewhere over Uruha’s shoulder and seemed to be reminiscing.

“She asked me for money and I didn’t have enough to pay her for the night. She wanted extra for the lap dance.” Aoi scrunched up his nose distastefully and Uruha had to laugh quietly at that but it was a pained laugh as if he was giving up on trying to get away from Aoi’s hands and could do nothing but find some source of amusement.

“Really, Aoi, please let me go,” Uruha tried pleading again, but knew Aoi wasn’t listening to him. He wanted to get away, he needed to get away and it wasn’t just because Aoi was drunk and was looking for a pleasure outlet and didn’t care who it was who helped him, but more importantly, Uruha didn’t trust himself with the opportunity Aoi was giving him…he knew all of this would be forgotten in the morning and he could have what he wanted for some space of time.

“Uruha, when you move…” Aoi made a small sound in the back of his throat that would have been a moan if it had made it past his lips and Uruha immediately stopped trying to get away from Aoi and stayed still. Aoi didn’t even have to finish his sentence for Uruha to know what he was trying to say. He was getting Aoi even more aroused the more he struggled and brushed against him and that was something Uruha didn’t want to provoke.

Aoi suddenly focused his gaze on Uruha’s face and the hand on his back slid under his shirt deliberately, consciously, with more purpose than his previous clumsy groping that Uruha was sure Aoi hadn’t even noticed. The dread thickened as Aoi’s hand slid back down and fingers traced the skin above his pants teasingly. Aoi lifted his head and Uruha anticipated the move and was able to push up on his hands to get away from Aoi’s mouth just in time to miss Aoi’s lips on him. Aoi groaned in frustration and laid back down at Uruha’s rejection.

“I just want a little help Uru….you always help me with anything-” Aoi began but Uruha frowned.

“I don’t help you this way Aoi. I know you don’t understand it right now, but I’m your friend, I’m not going to allow you to take advantage of me.” It wouldn’t be taking advantage of him because he wanted so much to help Aoi, but he kept that part quietly to himself. “If you were sober, you’d know better, but since you’re not, you need to lay down and sleep the alcohol off.”

“If I won’t remember in the morning, what’s the problem?” Aoi grinned cheekily and even gave Uruha a sly wink that Uruha could only gawk at. It was true, so very true. Uruha could indulge himself, finally feel what it was like to be with Aoi…but then that would only deepen his desire. He would know Aoi’s touch intimately finally, and he’d only want more….

“Uruha, look what you did to me…” Aoi whispered suddenly and Uruha wasn’t quick enough to move away before Aoi had taken one of his hands in his and slipped it down between them. Uruha gasped and squeezed his eyes close as his palm rested against the front of Aoi’s jeans and felt everything Aoi had to offer. He felt his own body react, lurching his senses into overdrive, and resulting in throwing him into an even more embarrassing situation. He was hard against Aoi and he was cupping his friend through his jeans, and he felt so incredibly good.

Uruha’s fingers curled before his mind could catch his motions and stop them. Aoi moaned low as Uruha held him and he pressed his hips into Uruha’s hand. “Just help me for tonight Uru…we can forget it tomorrow…you know we can…you’ve never denied me anything.” But Uruha knew it was time to deny him now. Aoi wouldn’t remember, but Uruha would and that was the worse part.

Uruha’s body trembled and he leaned down to rest his cheek against Aoi’s neck, wanting just a moment more of the embrace he knew he would never allow again. Uruha let out a soft breath, refusing to let a moan slip, as Aoi kissed his neck and guided his hand in rubbing him between them. Aoi was so warm and hard beneath the palm of his hand and he could feel Aoi getting harder the longer he was made to rub him. Uruha was the sober, responsible one and he was letting this happen.

Beneath the alcohol, Uruha could smell Aoi’s cologne and a faint sense of arousal and it only further ignited the desire coursing it’s way through his body. He could steal a kiss before he stopped Aoi…he could kiss Aoi and finally find out if it felt as he had always imagined it would feel…just like that day…He wanted to feel Aoi’s soft lips against his mouth, taste him, but then he remembered with a jolt that he would only taste alcohol because Aoi was drunk and not himself. Uruha felt the knife in his side sink in deeper as it did with each one of their embraces. There was hardly any room left for the knife to sink anymore and soon it would just be a part of him.

“Stop Aoi, that’s enough,” Uruha finally forced out, his face a portrait of anguish as he tugged his hand away from between Aoi’s legs and out of Aoi’s grasp. He used Aoi’s momentary confusion to pull away from his body and out of reach. Uruha nearly stumbled from the couch at the weak feeling in his knees and he had to steady himself on the coffee table. He couldn’t take advantage of Aoi…he wouldn’t have been strong enough to live with himself in the morning if he had allowed Aoi to go further. Uruha stood trembling slightly and resting a hand against the coffee table for leverage, his hurt and frustrated eyes watching as Aoi covered his own face with his hands in defeat…and maybe even shame.

“I’m sorry,” Aoi mumbled softly.

“Just go to sleep Aoi….please,” Uruha whispered, his voice wounded and quivering. Aoi didn’t understand what he had just done. If he had been sober this wouldn’t have happened….Aoi would never have put his hands on him so intimately. Aoi didn’t love him in that way, but the Aoi he had just encountered had been ready and willing to use him. And Uruha…sober and clear-headed, had wanted nothing more than to use Aoi in return. This difference between them, without a doubt, pointed to who was in the real wrong, and Uruha knew he should have been the one hiding his face and saying he was sorry….

******

Uruha leaned his shoulder against the window frame and tossed the few breadcrumbs he had in his hand down to the sidewalk below and watched the birds flock to grab them up and fight over them. He had created a habit of feeding the city birds most mornings and lounging on the window seat as he ate his breakfast. It helped to soothe his nerves and take his mind off of more trivial matters. Uruha ate the last of the croissant he’d picked up at the little bakery on the corner and then dusted his hands off out of the window to give the scrabbling birds something else to fight over. He’d already cooked Aoi the samosas he had promised last night, and they stood lonely on the counter waiting for Aoi to wake up and eat them. He had also set out a glass of tea and medicine to take some of the sting out of Aoi’s imminent hangover.

Uruha settled his elbow on his knee and rested his chin in his hand as he watched the people down on the sidewalk hurrying past with places to go. Today was a work day and everyone was in their best suits and dresses. That was the good thing about being in a band, the schedule was unpredictable and sometimes lose. Some weeks they had meetings and photo shoots, and recording sessions all lined up day after day, and the next week they had nothing to do at all, but rest. This week had been one of those weeks and that left Uruha and Aoi on their own with nothing to do….together. Tomorrow evening they had a party to go to, and there would be events all throughout the next few days with the coming of the new year. But today Uruha was stuck with Aoi for a whole day with no plans…after what had transpired last night, and that thought filled Uruha with ominous dread.

Aoi wouldn’t remember a thing of what had happened, but Aoi’s hands on him was vivid and tangible in Uruha’s mind. He could still feel Aoi’s warm body against him, could still smell the alcohol on Aoi’s breath as he had leaned in to kiss him…

Uruha closed his eyes to block the sensations coursing through his body and to stop the filmstrip of images from last night from running through his mind. Last night had nearly been a disaster. Everything had been at Uruha’s fingertips but he had bravely, with a stabbing sense of pain and regret, turned down Aoi’s offer for a night of chasing the ache away for each other. He would have been worse off accepting Aoi’s naive invitation. So even though he regretted not taking the chance to experience Aoi the way he had always wanted to, he was also thankful he’d been strong enough to turn the temptation down and save himself from only more pain.

The sound of something being bumped into and the clatter of glass had Uruha sitting up straighter and looking over towards the living room where Aoi was trying to steady the glass bowl full of incense on the coffee table that he had just collided with. Aoi cursed as he placed the bowl back on the center of the table and then steadied himself as he nearly tripped again. Uruha hid a smile as he watched Aoi across the room but when Aoi looked his way, Uruha’s amusement dropped away and his face heated unconsciously.

Aoi stood up straight and was just about to try making his way into the kitchen when he caught Uruha watching him and their gazes locked across the expanse of the apartment. Uruha felt his pulse quicken as Aoi looked at him and he remembered last night all over again for the hundredth time.

Aoi smiled sheepishly and continued on into the kitchen where he found the plate of samosas Uruha had set out for him. Uruha let out a low breath and could see plainly that Aoi didn’t remember what had transpired between them last night. If Aoi had, he would have been turning red just as Uruha was and fumbling with apologies, but instead of looking ashamed, Aoi looked more than happy as he picked up one of the samosas to eat and then looked over towards Uruha to smile once more.

“These are delicious….as always,” Aoi praised Uruha through a mouthful of food and Uruha chuckled softly.

“Stop trying to talk with your mouth full. You know how I hate that,” Uruha scolded playfully, but secretly he found Aoi extremely endearing in these moments after he had just woken up and his hair was mussed and his eyes still sleepy and he tried talking with mouthfuls of food because etiquette had no meaning in their friendship, especially this early in the morning. Uruha slid from the window seat and joined Aoi in the kitchen where he took one of the samosas for himself to nibble on as he watched Aoi for any signs of pain from the hangover he must have had. Aoi was obviously unsteady on his feet, but it didn’t look like he was suffering from the ridiculous amount of alcohol he had consumed last night.

“I thought you’d feel terrible this morning so I fixed you some tea, and there’s something for a headache….” Uruha gestured towards the tea and medicine and Aoi shrugged casually.

“Are you worried about me then?” Aoi grinned teasingly and leaned over to pull Uruha into a loose hug. Uruha allowed the embrace but inwardly his nerves were thrown off balance as Aoi’s fingers touched the small of his back and he remembered Aoi doing the very same thing last night….in a much more suggestive manner. He could still feel the warm skin of Aoi beneath his palm, the hardness of him and Uruha had to grip the counter in front of him to keep from twisting out of Aoi’s embrace to get away from the guilt and the desire running rampant through him. Aoi must have felt his body tense or seen the way his hands had suddenly gripped the edge of the counter as if for balance because Aoi’s face immediately became concerned and he rubbed Uruha’s back in comforting strokes.

“Are you alright Uru?” He asked gently and Uruha closed his eyes and nodded, hoping in vain that Aoi wouldn’t start to ask questions or pry for answers.

“Did you have anything to drink with me last night?” Aoi wondered and Uruha inwardly relaxed as Aoi deliberately steered them away from that nasty subject of Uruha’s personal life. Aoi had learned quickly not to push Uruha when he didn’t want to talk. Uruha could blame his anxiety on the alcohol.

“Maybe a little,” He lied and gave Aoi a small, reassuring smile. “But you’re the one that went overboard with the alcohol. I practically had to haul you to the couch and sit with you until you passed out. I don’t see how you even made it to my apartment.” Uruha shook his head incredulously. Aoi’s eyes widened slightly at Uruha’s depiction of how wasted he had been last night and Uruha chuckled slightly at his friend’s sudden uneasiness.

“I didn’t do or say anything last night that I should regret this morning did I?” Aoi asked carefully and Uruha felt Aoi’s hand tense against his back. Uruha tried to smile in a comforting manner at Aoi and then distract himself by eating another samosa and shrugging casually.

“You might have,” He murmured and inwardly winced when Aoi’s eyes widened in horror. Uruha was quick to reassure Aoi that it hadn’t been that bad, even when it had. Aoi didn’t need to live with any guilt when it had partly been Uruha’s fault for allowing Aoi the freedom to touch him. Uruha would bear the shame alone, because he always took the hits for Aoi when he was able to. Aoi never hesitated to do the same for him…

“But it wasn’t anything overly embarrassing. You just said a few things that maybe you shouldn’t have…” Uruha’s comforting smile faltered as Aoi only looked more frightened and he turned Uruha by the arms to look at him directly, his expression suddenly serious.

“What exactly did I say?” Aoi asked, his fingers digging into Uruha’s arms to where Uruha shifted uneasily and Aoi’s grip softened. Uruha was the one that suddenly looked frightened now at Aoi’s abrupt roughness and his anxious concern for what had happened last night. Uruha was too confused by Aoi’s behavior to answer Aoi’s question and he really couldn’t tell his friend what he had said anyway without revealing what had happened. So he just remained silent and Aoi slowly relaxed and his hands rubbed Uruha’s arms gently where he had gripped him so tightly only a moment before. Aoi threw him an apologetic look and Uruha accepted it with a small nod.

“I know I drank more than I should have last night Uru. Whatever I said, I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry…I know I do things I shouldn’t when I get that wasted. And I don’t even know why I went out drinking. I’m so much trouble to you-” Aoi began to stammer.

“Sssh….it’s okay,” Uruha cut in soothingly, stopping Aoi’s condemnation of himself mid-sentence. Aoi would go on all morning and afternoon apologizing for things he couldn’t even remember doing if Uruha were to let him. “It doesn’t even matter anymore. I’m forgetting what you said even now, that’s how insignificant it was.” Uruha smiled as Aoi let out a long sigh of relief and Uruha felt an instant surge of adoration for his friend even through the ache. He would go on remembering last night like a raw burn to his skin and Aoi would go about everything in naive ignorance. But that was the price Uruha was willing to pay for Aoi. And when Uruha didn’t have the strength any longer to hold Aoi back from leaving him anymore, what did it matter?

It was getting too painful to hang on, and he could already feel Aoi drifting away from him. It didn’t matter whose fault it was that their friendship was being shredded in front of Uruha’s eyes. Maybe it was Uruha’s fault for showing his pain so frequently and openly now, or maybe it was both of their faults for even meeting one another. But the truth was….Uruha’s hope for a happy ending had finally dissolved into nothingness.

He didn’t even dream of Aoi anymore because he’d realized that his dream of kissing Aoi would never be continued on past the point of Aoi laughing and his hopes being crushed. He had gone more than a week without that dream….and he didn’t miss it at all. He loved Aoi with all that he had, but he was so weary of fighting that he was steadily giving up on the struggle. He had never been as strong as Aoi….never.

“Let’s finish this plate of food and we’ll start cleaning this damn apartment for the New Year.” Uruha laughed as Aoi groaned at the idea of cleaning. “Well you were the one that decided to stop by, so I guess we’ll be cleaning together.” Uruha had found a distraction for the day to keep both of their minds off of last night. They would sweep out the apartment, sweeping the old year’s grudges and problems away, and hope for a better forthcoming year.

It was a time to make amends and start the new year fresh and free of burden. The only problem with that for Uruha was that his transgressions and troubles were all manifested in the man that was currently by his side…making wishes that would never come true for people like them. Uruha sighed and gripped a broom handle as he watched Aoi eating the last samosa with a mischievous grin. Uruha was terrified of finally sweeping out his problems….which was the sole meaning and purpose of his entire life….

TBC….

The tension is building XD And I actually got this update out in time…somewhat x.X It’s a miracle…

Hatsu-yume Chapter Seven

2008-06-24T08:25:18Z

[ How I'm feeling| Sleepy *yawn*]
[ What I'm listening to| Broken Social Scene- Lover's spit

Title: Hatsu-Yume (7/?)
Pairings: Aoi/Uruha
Author: Life_giver
Rating: R-NC17 (for later parts)
Disclaimer: These beautiful boys are definitely not associated with me….regretfully. I’m only using them for a short time.
Warnings: None *gasp*
Summary: Sometimes the things we love and covet the most are the biggest secrets we will ever keep. Sometimes the heart loves what it cannot help but to love and worship and these are the types of secrets we expect will never be found. This is agony and ecstasy and fantasy for the blind handing the blind his heart to keep and cherish, hoping against hope that he is handed the same in return.
Notes: This is a follow up of sorts from the one shot I wrote some time ago, Chimera
This will be a chapter story tracing that one-shot to a conclusion.

Aoi stood drying himself with the towel Uruha had given him only moments ago for a long while. His reflection was thrown back at him from a slightly mist covered mirror as he watched himself dragging the towel along his sun-kissed skin. He’d taken a semi-cold shower mostly for the burning desire he‘d been trying to fight back all evening, so the bathroom wasn’t as hot or stuffy as it usually was, and he was able to take his time getting dressed. It also gave him time to brood over what had happened that evening…

Aoi flung the now thoroughly damp towel into the corner and pulled on a pair of night pants as he mused over how bold he had been tonight, how utterly reckless he was acting. He didn’t know what had come over him but it was almost…liberating in some strange way what he had been doing. Uruha had just been so tense and unlike himself for too long, and tonight he had looked so ruined and miserable that Aoi had tried giving him the only comfort he knew how to give in the form of embraces and kisses. And even if he had gone a little far, he hadn’t know what else to do because his words had seemed to get him nowhere. He’d actually gotten in trouble for opening his mouth more than anything. Bringing up memories had the potential to uncover buried and forgotten sore emotions he’d come to find out that evening.

He had probably scared Uruha off with his affection that night, there had been too many surprised looks and recoils from his friend. Aoi didn’t blame him, he knew he had taken things to a level he shouldn’t have. Uruha was his friend and he had treated him like so much more tonight in the hopes of comforting him. Uruha been incredibly vulnerable and Aoi had taken advantage of his raw emotions in the most devious, awful way.

Aoi had kept telling himself that it was only to comfort Uruha that he held him close and nearly kissed him on the mouth not once but twice that night…but there was a sinister selfish reason for his intimacy hiding in the shadows. He had enjoyed having Uruha so close to him, touching him, being able to kiss him without remorse or fear of rejection. Uruha had been too weak to resist him even if his friend really had been uncomfortable with his affection and Aoi hated himself for using Uruha’s weakness for his benefit.

If that made him a horrible person, Aoi could only be as sorry as his fervent desire allowed him to be. He wanted nothing more than to walk out of this bathroom and push Uruha down to his bed, and just make him forget every single problem he was silently trying to deal with. Aoi’s love for his friend had been pure and good for half of his life, he couldn’t fault himself any longer for wanting him in a less than platonic way. It was killing him slowly, this self-loathing for how he felt, and he knew he’d end up like Uruha….hurting and despising himself even more if he continued to live in this fucked up reality of theirs.

He didn’t know what Uruha was trying to hide from him, what sort of problems he felt that he couldn’t even confide in his best friend about, all he knew was that he was hurting for Uruha and so worried about him, it was nearly killing him just as slowly as his lust was. He hated this new secrecy Uruha had developed about him, this new aversion to his affection. Aoi new that their old friendship was gradually changing. Uruha couldn’t even trust Aoi enough to tell him his deepest hurt and secrets, and Aoi was losing that thin shred of control he had left. Uruha was slowly pulling away from him. He could almost feel Uruha’s hand slipping out of his grasp as he looked at himself in the mirror, wondering how long it would take to lose his friend completely. Aoi was going to break if Uruha didn’t leave him soon…

The thought was like scalding hot water to an open wound for Aoi. Uruha could leave him at any time, leave him and end everything they had built between each other for so many years. It wouldn’t lessen Aoi’s suffering and would probably only cause him more pain, but he could tell that Uruha was getting restless and the inevitable was soon to happen. The temptation would be removed from within Aoi’s grasp and that was the only reason Aoi could even harbor the thought of Uruha leaving him without breaking down.

“Now this is just disgusting.” Uruha’s voice drifted to him through the slightly cracked bathroom door, and Aoi’s brow creased before smiling just the tiniest bit despite his worrying. He would have thought that Uruha had fallen asleep by now judging by how drowsy he had been when they had been watching movies.

He had the vaguest idea of what Uruha was blanching over because he hadn’t cleaned his room since…a wave of repulsion swept through him at what he had done the very same night Uruha had probably been alone in bed crying. It had been the night before Uruha hadn’t shown up for practice, and Aoi scowled at how much of a bastard he was. He felt like he’d betrayed Uruha, been unfaithful in some way even when they were only friends and they were both free to sleep with whomever they chose to. He wished that his lust could be sated by Uruha and Uruha alone, but the cold hard truth was that it couldn’t, and he had to look elsewhere to cure the lonely nights.

“Disgusting,” Aoi heard Uruha exclaim once more and Aoi knew he wouldn’t be able to hide in the bathroom sulking any longer. Aoi braced himself for an embarrassing confrontation. He squared his shoulders and left the bathroom in pursue of his bedroom. What he found was what he had feared he would find…Uruha was laying flat on his stomach on Aoi’s bed and leaning over the side of it, a small pair of lacy black underwear clutched loosely between thumb and forefinger as if the garment were some particularly foul disease. Uruha’s back was to him, but he could already see Uruha’s face twisted in aversion in his mind’s eye.

“Has he ever heard of the word discretion?” Uruha was mumbling sourly. “If she didn’t have the modesty to put her underwear back on….” Uruha paused. “The tramp,” He hissed under his breath to where Aoi almost didn’t catch what he was muttering. “The least he could do was throw them in the hamper or better yet throw them in the trash.” Uruha tched and shook his head, opening his forefinger and thumb and letting the garment flutter back down to the cream colored carpet. Uruha sat up and wrung his hands, giving Aoi the impression of trying to shake something off of them. “Now I’m going to have to wash my hands-”

“What, no ‘go Aoi’? No congratulations?” Aoi teased, deciding it was time to interrupt Uruha’s muttering before he said something that perhaps might embarrass him or even both of them. He was used to Uruha’s loathing of his girlfriends. Uruha had only ever wanted the best for him and Aoi had never known how to choose them, so he was regularly assaulted by Uruha’s attack on his choice of women. They were all ‘tramps’ and ’shallow hussies’ in Uruha’s opinion and most of the time Aoi had to agree.

It was a shame Aoi had to find out the hard way each time though…he knew it would do him good to listen to his friend more often, but Uruha’s opinion had been the same for his last girlfriend. Uruha had been completely wrong there and eventually Uruha had changed his view on her and accepted her begrudgingly. Aoi’s relationship had reached a record of well over a few months with the last woman, and he had had to watch Uruha sulk, most likely because he had been wrong for once.

Uruha jumped a fraction at Aoi’s snide comment and he turned to face Aoi swiftly, his face a mixture of shame and embarrassment at having been caught bashing Aoi and his new fling. But after the surprise wore off, Uruha’s expression turned to haughty impishness, his mouth curling into a vindictive smirk.

“I don’t think used underwear is a cause for celebration,” Uruha huffed indignantly.

“You’re my friend, you should be happy this poor bachelor is getting something once in awhile.” Aoi grinned as he sat on the bed next to Uruha and noticed how the other man moved away from him just a little. Aoi had definitely crossed the line tonight, maybe he’d even broken Uruha’s trust.

“It isn’t just ‘once in awhile’, it’s more like every day of your life. I know you Aoi….” Uruha shot Aoi a reproachful look. “At least I’m a friend who cares what you’re getting yourself into. Sleeping with people who only use you isn’t a way to live…” Uruha trailed off, his comment dropping off abruptly into a sudden silence. He didn’t want to start another snipping argument, it was evident. Aoi didn’t want that either, so he kept his comment of ‘you’re one to talk’ to himself.

Uruha was as bad as him with relationships that were empty, going through people who meant nothing more than a quick tumble. Aoi could count on one hand how many times he’d woken in the morning to find his partner still next to him after a wild night…he didn’t have enough hands to count the number of times he’d woken up to nothing but a wilderness of empty sheets beside him.

Uruha’s eyes narrowed slightly and then he turned his back on Aoi and began folding the towels he’d thrown on the bed earlier that day. Uruha was silent as he folded the towels and Aoi frowned, reaching forward to stop Uruha’s hands in mid motion. He didn’t know how to make Uruha feel better or what to do in general, he just felt…helpless.

‘I never went anywhere. I’ll always be here with you….right beside you.’ Uruha’s words by the pool came back to Aoi with a cold dose of truth. The Uruha he had always known had went somewhere, in his mind at least, somewhere where Aoi wasn’t able to reach him, and Uruha would be physically gone from his side in no time at all.

For once in Aoi’s life…he couldn’t control anything, couldn’t hold onto what he loved the most, and he was powerless to stop the inevitable. Uruha was at his most vulnerable tonight, but so was Aoi, even if it was for entirely different reasons. Aoi was open and torn and just as confused as Uruha even if his friend would never know it. He couldn’t show how weak he was, because Uruha needed him to be the strong one. Uruha had always been the one to keep his chin up and help him through the thickest times, but now Uruha needed the comfort and a shoulder to lean on. It was Aoi’s time to take care of Uruha, no matter how clumsy his hands were.

“Please don’t,” Aoi whispered, his hand closing around Uruha’s tensed fingers. Uruha’s brow creased as he looked back at Aoi, his eyes searching and then falling down to their joined hands. Uruha let the towel he had been folding drop to the bed and he seemed to break down slowly. His shoulders slumped and he let out a ragged sigh, he didn’t even pull back or fight Aoi when he drew him into a loose hug. Uruha even buried his face into Aoi’s chest and if it wasn’t just Aoi’s imagination, he thought he felt a warm wetness against his skin where Uruha’s cheek pressed against him.

“I don’t know…what it is that you’re going through Uru. Maybe I can guess…” Aoi said slowly, thinking back over his own life, the lonely nights and the one-night stands, and the endless pain that inevitably came with that type of life-style. He and Uruha were alike in so many ways and for some reason he knew that they were alike in another more unspeakable way. “But I know you don’t want me to figure you out. We’ve been friends since we were young and you’ve never once kept anything from me. You’ve always told me everything…until now. If you can’t tell me what’s going on, then at least let me comfort you. I love you Uru and I can’t stand aside and let you hurt this way. You don’t want me to help but please….just let me hold you like this…let me have the reassurance that you can still come to me for comfort.”

Aoi didn’t know where these words were coming from, but he felt they were genuine and true as he said them. If he couldn’t know what Uruha was battling, he at least wanted Uruha to be able to lean his head on his shoulder and feel comfortable around him again. It made his own pain more pronounced when Uruha recoiled from him.

“You don’t understand,” Uruha whispered, his voice muffled and slightly hoarse, giving the impression that Aoi hadn’t imagined the wetness on his skin, or that Uruha was trying to hold tears back.

“I know I don’t. And even though I want to understand….I’m not going to push you to tell me anything any longer. If you don’t want to tell me, then you don’t have to. But don’t pull away from me.” ‘Don’t leave me just yet’. “It hurts me when you don’t let me hold you. Just let me help you in the only way I know how…”

Aoi rested his cheek against the top of Uruha’s head and felt his throat tighten when Uruha shuddered against him and hands instantly wrapped around his waist. Aoi let out a thankful breath and held Uruha tighter, pulling his friend back with him as he laid down on the bed. Uruha curled against him and kept his face hidden against Aoi’s chest, but all that mattered was that Uruha was letting him near and not pulling away from him. The lust and desire he had felt earlier faded into the background and all that remained was the need to be there for Uruha, to hold his hand tighter than ever and get him through whatever he was feeling.

“I’m sorry,” Uruha’s voice was soft and feeble and Aoi only held him closer.

“Don’t ever be sorry for letting me love you,” Aoi murmured. ‘Tell him, tell him everything. Kiss him, let him know that the love you feel is so much more than what he thinks it is,' His heart urged him with each hard pump that thudded through his chest. But then his mind caught up with his frenzied emotions and reminded him that he could lose Uruha even quicker by saying anything. He had to keep his mouth shut tight, he couldn’t frighten Uruha away a second time, because he knew the second time would be the last time. He needed to cherish the time he had left.

“Just hold me,” Uruha whispered and that was all Aoi could do.

Aoi hadn’t even noticed he had fallen asleep with Uruha resting against him until he felt warm sunlight pressing down gently against his eyelids. He instinctively knew he was dreaming because he’d had this dream night after night, the same dream, the dream in which he sat on his childhood apartment steps with Uruha, comforting him. He opened his eyes to find the scene he had seen countless times before. Uruha sat beside him on the warm stone steps, his face buried in his hands, shamed and embarrassed, and Aoi’s hand rested on his friend’s back consolingly.

Uruha whispered his name brokenly and tore Aoi apart inside as he retold the hatred and humiliation he had received that day unwillingly from people who meant nothing at all. Aoi said things in that moment that he knew he’d never have the courage to outwardly say again to Uruha. He’d been so bold and daring, young, as he leaned down and pressed his lips to Uruha’s lips to comfort his friend and secretly to take what he’d been yearning to take since he’d discovered the joys of youth. He knew Uruha had never been kissed before and knew that he was the only one that should be able to take that precious gift from his best friend.

Aoi had meant that kiss, he had tried to put his feelings into words so many times before but had always failed to let Uruha know how much he loved him. He had thought as their kiss lingered for only a moment, a moment frozen in time and replayed in Aoi’s head too many agonizing times, that Uruha would somehow understand his feelings through their unexpected kiss. But when they had pulled away, Uruha’s brow was creased and his face registered a shock that had sent Aoi into a state of panic at the prospect that he had perhaps ruined their friendship. And so as Uruha’s cheeks reddened and his lips parted to release a surprised breath, Aoi had quickly regained his composure and blurted out the only thing he could possibly think of at that particular time.

“I’m glad that got you to smile,” He hoped his voice remained calm and unassuming and that his smile was the roguish, friendly smile he was prone to giving Uruha when he was teasing him. Uruha’s face fell as he uttered those defining words and his friend looked on the verge of tears or being sick or even both.

Uruha’s mouth opened to form words that wouldn’t come. Aoi knew he had messed up as Uruha blinked back the moisture working to seep from the corner of his eyes and Aoi did the only thing he could think to do; He ruffled Uruha’s hair, acting the best friend part, and hoping Uruha didn’t see the lie in his actions, the utter clumsiness and insincerity in which he grinned sheepishly and cast their kiss off as nothing but a friendly method of comfort.

Aoi tried laughing quietly, hoping to set Uruha at ease as his friend only seemed to grow more miserable, but upon seeing how desperate Aoi was to mend things, Uruha forced a small smile for him. Aoi knew that the smile was as insincere as his own attempts at trying to be friendly once more as if nothing at all had just happened. Eventually they learned to pretend the kiss hadn’t happened and things fell back into their normal place, and their forbidden kiss was forever pushed to the back of Aoi’s mind, but never truly forgotten.

He still wondered to this day if Uruha remembered that moment between them, or if Uruha ever took out that particular memory to study and then frown over. It was a stain on their friendship Aoi was sure because Uruha had been so innocent back then and Aoi had taken Uruha’s first kiss without his permission, he had stolen it, and he even fantasized alone in his bed of taking Uruha’s virginity one day as well. Taking something as important as Uruha’s virginity had always been exactly what it was though…a whimsical fantasy that Aoi knew would never come true, and sure enough, it wasn’t Aoi who had been privileged enough to know his friend so completely.

He had always been wicked for wanting so badly to have Uruha’s purity but it was still his one regret…that he hadn’t taken advantage of his wild, bold streak and shown Uruha what it was to truly be touched and taken. But then he saw Uruha’s shocked and reddened face after a mere kiss on the lips and knew he was only trying to wish impossible things into being again. He would have been castrated for touching Uruha in any way, and he should have been glad that Uruha hadn’t slapped him in the face and ended their friendship the day Aoi had stolen his first kiss from him.

Aoi frowned in his half sleeping, half wakeful state, as the familiar dream of that long ago kiss sifted through his mind and then faded away. He lay there thinking on the dream and how it represented everything he had always feared. Maybe he should have referred to it as a nightmare more than a dream if that were the case.

It was the sudden low laugh and the feeling of fingers stroking his cheek that finally roused him awake fully and pushed the lingering dream from his mind thankfully. It was a welcome distraction when Aoi opened his eyes to find Uruha leaning over him, grinning and caressing his face. Aoi squinted against the bright morning sun and threw Uruha an amused look, silently asking why exactly Uruha had been watching him sleep. Last night seemed as much a dream as the one he had just come out of as he took in Uruha’s considerably happier face and playful mood.

“Have you ever noticed that you frown in your sleep?” Uruha asked, another soft laugh leaving his smiling lips.

Aoi’s eyebrows drew up at the question and then he couldn’t help but laugh a little with Uruha, even though he found Uruha’s sudden change of heart strange and unsettling. Uruha could be unpredictable most times, but Aoi hadn’t expected Uruha’s dreary mood to suddenly morph into grinning cheerfulness overnight even though he’d been hopelessly wishing it would. Well it seemed he had gotten his wish, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that Uruha was forcing himself to be happy for Aoi’s sake.

Aoi didn’t trust Uruha’s smile because he could sense that lingering sadness behind it. He had never particularly felt comfortable with Uruha putting aside his own needs to make him happy. If Uruha was upset then Aoi didn’t expect him to magically draw a bout of happiness from his pocket. As horrible as it sounded, Aoi would rather Uruha show his emotions and let Aoi know that he was upset and hurt than grin and bear it. Things felt more sincere and open between them when Uruha allowed himself to show what he was truly feeling to Aoi. When he forced a smile or laughed in that tone that was too high or shaky to be genuine, Aoi only felt a sickening sense of guilt flood his stomach that Uruha felt the need to pretend in front of him. Aoi did enough pretending for the both of them as it was.

“Well no Uruha, I don’t notice I do that, because after all, I’m sleeping.” Aoi shook his head, grinning despite his worries. Uruha seemed pleased with Aoi’s answer but promptly pinched Aoi on the arm in rebuke before laying down next to him and resting his head on Aoi’s shoulder.

“You really don’t have to abuse me the way you do, you know.” Aoi chuckled, petting back mussed blond hair from Uruha’s forehead and feeling the sting of Uruha’s pinch in his arm, but not caring. Uruha could do anything he wanted to Aoi and still Aoi would only be happy that Uruha cared enough about him to show him attention.

“You deserve the abuse when you’re being an asshole.” Uruha rose his head from Aoi’s shoulder and smirked. “I was only informing you of how completely adorable you look when you sleep. Your brow creases and you scrunch up your nose like this-” Uruha gave Aoi a demonstration of how he must look when he was frowning in his sleep.

Aoi laughed at Uruha’s interpretation of him and decided then that perhaps Uruha wasn’t completely pretending to be happy. His friend did have a nice flush to his cheeks and even though he was probably still hurting inside, he was making a genuine effort to get his old self back. Aoi felt a sudden rush of unprecedented relief flood through him to be holding some fragment in his arms of the Uruha he had always known.

“You looked like you were having a bad dream just a minute ago or like you were concentrating hard on something,” Uruha commented, his lips still smiling down at Aoi in amusement. But Aoi’s own smile had dimmed a bit at Uruha’s mention of a bad dream…because that was just what he had been having. Aoi shrugged trying to dismiss Uruha’s speculation casually.

“Maybe I was, I don’t remember.” A smooth lie, like every other lie that passed from his mouth, and the sad thing was…it was easier to lie each time and the guilt wasn’t so stinging anymore. He built his life on lies, it was all he had known for years. “We should go out today…do something. Maybe go to the park or-” Aoi was trying to change the subject, trying to steer Uruha away from the danger of his own thoughts and dreams. But Uruha’s mouth twisted into a forced frown and he tilted his head towards Aoi’s window pointedly.

“It’s raining outside Aoi.” Uruha’s voice took on a disappointed treble as they both looked towards the bare window. Uruha had pulled his curtain away from the window as he did in his own house and everywhere else he seemed to stay. It was like leaving his mark through wide open windows to let the sunshine in. But today the sun wasn’t shining and outside the sky was painted with gray clouds and a misty rain. Aoi watched the rain slip slowly down the glass window, the drops seeming too much like tears as they found their way to his windowsill.

Aoi wondered if it meant something that he thought the rainy day that had enveloped them was just as beautiful as a day full of bright sun streaming in everywhere. Rainy days held a sort of poignant poetry to them. Rainy days made you think on things you normally wouldn’t think about, brood over things that you had thought forgotten because rainy days were for staying inside and curling up in blankets or some other lonely activity. But he had Uruha with him today and he didn’t think he could stay inside his apartment watching the rain and letting Uruha lay against him while he was awake. He didn’t think he could stand the torture, and he knew Uruha would probably feel the same way about not staying inside. He didn’t need to wallow in his own thoughts and yearnings any longer, he did that too frequently as it was.

“We can go down to the soba shop for lunch,” Aoi suggested, knowing Uruha had never once been able to turn down a trip to get soba. It was what they usually did when they had nothing else to do and when there was no food in Aoi’s house. The little shop’s owners knew them by name from how much they went in there. Uruha’s eyes brightened at the mention of going out for soba but then he looked towards the rain spattered window and let a heavy sigh slump his shoulders.

“We’ll bring an umbrella so you don’t get your precious hair wet,” Aoi reassured, his fingers grazing through Uruha’s adorably bed tussled hair. Uruha playfully pushed his hand away, but seemed happier at Aoi’s idea. “It’s only a few blocks anyway….we could take the car, but then that would break our tradition of walking there…”

“We’re walking Aoi, how could you think we’d do anything else?” Uruha tched softly. “It’ll be fun walking in the rain, we’ve done it in the past, and without an umbrella.” Uruha squeezed Aoi’s hand that he had knocked away and then slid from the bed to check himself over in Aoi’s tall standing mirror. “Although I do look pretty rough. I never got a chance to shower and dress like you did.” Uruha looked over his shoulder and pinned Aoi with a certain resentful look. No, Uruha hadn’t showered last night, instead he had spent the night muttering about ex-girlfriends and then breaking down against Aoi for things Aoi could only guess at.

“Wear one of my shirts, use my brush, and you’ll be perfect Uru.” Aoi smiled humbly under Uruha’s accusing stare. “You always are,” He mumbled as an afterthought, thinking that Uruha could never be anything but beautiful in Aoi’s eyes, and was sure Uruha hadn’t heard him when his friend just shrugged and turned back around to continue brushing invisible dirt from his clothes and getting his hair to retain it’s usual spunky life. “You don’t care what you look like anyway, you know that.” Aoi said louder to make sure Uruha would hear him before getting out of bed to look for a shirt for Uruha and a change of clothes for himself.

He would have offered Uruha a pair of pants if his friend’s legs didn’t go on for at least a mile after his. Aoi felt the skin of cheeks rise a few degrees at the thought of Uruha’s legs, and reminded himself that he was trying to be good today, that he didn’t want Uruha freaking out on him again. Uruha was in a good, ‘normal’ mood today and he needed it to stay that way because he couldn’t stand seeing the other Uruha who had been taking his friend’s place more frequently these days.

It wasn’t long before Aoi and Uruha found themselves huddling beneath Aoi’s large black umbrella together, trying hard to keep dry. The rain wasn’t falling very hard at least. The drops of rain hit the umbrella in small spatters and sounded like faint distant clapping to Aoi’s ears. Aoi kept an arm wrapped around Uruha’s waist and one hand tightly gripping the pole of the umbrella as he guided them around a pool of water in the middle of the sidewalk. Uruha wasn’t paying attention to where they were going as he tilted his head up and observed the towering buildings under the rain, so Aoi was the one that had the responsibility of navigating and getting them to the soba shop dry and safe at the very least.

“This city is gorgeous when it rains,” Uruha murmured as Aoi tightened his hold around his waist and steered him away from another pothole.

“It is,” Aoi agreed quietly, loving how picturesque things seemed to be in the gray light of the day, every surface slick and shining. Uruha was very much an idealist and visionary, so he wasn’t surprised that Uruha seemed so intent on studying how beautiful everything was today. At least Aoi wasn’t alone in his dreary yet charmed reflection.

“I’m glad we decided to get out. I think I need this…” Uruha’s voice dropped and he kept his face tilted upwards and away from Aoi but Aoi instinctively knew that a morose look had just passed over his friend’s face.

“Just like you needed last night?” Aoi asked, knowing he should have just let a space of silence linger between them. Uruha hadn’t needed a response to his dejection, but Aoi didn’t want silence today, he wanted Uruha laughing and talking to him of random ridiculous things and feeding him nonsense as they did every time they walked down to the soba shop. Uruha slowly looked away from the tall buildings he had been marveling at and looked over to Aoi, their faces so close to one another that Aoi was clearly aware of the way Uruha’s mouth twitched a fraction and he seemed upset for split second before he looked away again.

“Just like I needed last night.” Uruha concluded and twisted out of Aoi’s hold to walk out from under the umbrella and into the rain ahead of Aoi.

“Uruha what are you doing?” Aoi called out, jogging a few feet to catch back up with Uruha and raise the umbrella over him. “You’re getting all wet.” Aoi tried grabbing Uruha’s arm, a dreaded fear washing over him that Uruha was angry at him, that he had taken Aoi’s casual comment more harshly than he’d intended. He could see how Uruha could have taken his remark the wrong way, as if Aoi was judging him or degrading him for the way he had been acting lately. But that hadn’t been what he had meant at all!

Uruha just shrugged Aoi’s hand away and moved out from under the umbrella, his face and hair already damp from the light rain. Uruha’s face looked pained, but he didn’t look angry. He looked like he needed space and Aoi suddenly fell back into a slow walk and let Uruha walk ahead of him in the rain.

“I just want to feel the rain Aoi,” Uruha said, his voice thrown back to Aoi softly. Aoi watched with distressed eyes as Uruha tilted his face towards the sky and ran his hands down his face, smearing rain water down his skin. Is this what their friendship was destined to become? Aoi falling back as Uruha left him behind? Aoi had been so blind…so blind, Uruha was already leaving him, it was clear when their days together always seemed to end up with one of them hurt or upset or left behind like this. Aoi shook his head, and swallowed back the hurt he felt from Uruha’s rejection. He tried so hard to help and was only pushed away time and time again, and yet he still tried…because he loved Uruha too much to see him hurt.

Aoi sniffed, a motion that was hard put to hold back emotions that would seem less than masculine at the moment, and then he folded down the umbrella and stuffed it under his arm so that he could walk in the rain with Uruha. Aoi would never leave him alone, Aoi would always be there with Uruha even if he had to walk behind him, following….

They both ended up at the shop wet and shivering, the soba shop owner’s casting nervous glances their way at their peculiar appearance. Uruha and Aoi had sat in silence for a long moment before Uruha had sighed and fixed Aoi with a scolding glance.

“You didn’t have to walk in the rain with me.” Uruha reached forward across their small table and fingered a string of Aoi’s cold wet black hair, before tucking the mussed strands behind his ear. Uruha’s hand lingered a moment, and Aoi fought to keep from leaning into the touch, to rub his cheek against Uruha’s hand and beg for attention. But Uruha pulled his hand away before Aoi could put himself in peril and Uruha shook his head, pushing away his empty soba cup as if to distract himself from his fretting.

“You’re going to get sick again.” Uruha looked ashamed as he stole glances at Aoi through his own considerably wet, and now dark hair, the golden blond dimmed to the point of being nonexistent. Aoi remained silent and let Uruha talk, because he knew that Uruha needed to talk.

“I was…I don’t know, I felt this heavy feeling come over me and I needed space, I needed open air. It was nothing you did,” Uruha reassured. ‘Yes it was,’ Aoi snapped back in his mind, knowing Uruha was lying to him, but he didn’t have the right to be angry with his friend when he was a master at bending the truth himself. “You know how I am, I do things on impulse. I felt like walking in the rain, so I did, you didn’t have to follow me.”

“I follow you everywhere Uruha, you should know that,” Aoi reminded him. “I guess we’ll both get sick now. It’s just too bad one of us won’t be well to take care of the other…” Aoi shrugged and caught the tiny smile that tugged at Uruha’s full lips. “I hope you’re pleased with yourself,” Aoi teased and saw Uruha’s smile widen just a bit further.

“I hope you’re pleased with yourself. You’ve always followed me around since we were children. The first time we met, you followed me around, harassing me, until I took you home like a puppy.” Uruha shook his head at the memory.

“You wanted to be my friend, it was obvious by the way you wouldn’t let go of my hand.” Aoi chuckled, remembering the Ferris wheel as if he had just stepped onto it yesterday. He could still see Uruha’s frightened little face, peeking over the side of the carnival ride cart and then clutching Aoi’s hand tighter in fear and wonder. Uruha had never truly mastered his fear of heights even to this day.

“Well you grabbed my hand first, so I don’t think there’s any room for argument there,” Uruha concluded with a haughty tilt of his chin, his eyes dancing, and giving Aoi that too familiar sense of relief, as if he had just barely escaped the guillotine.

“There’s never any room for argument with you Uru.” Aoi let Uruha have his victory, as he always did, because he would rather see Uruha laugh and tease then sulk and frown. But Uruha’s emotional roller coaster was far from over. Every day they were able to spend together was somehow muddied by Uruha’s temperamental behavior. He and Aoi would be laughing one minute, and with just one wrong word or touch, Uruha would be thrown into a sullen mood, and Aoi would be left hurt and confused. Though Aoi’s drinking binges had become more frequent as well because of his own relationship troubles, Uruha’s puzzling change, and his turbulent desire for Uruha in a less than plutonic way.

Aoi could feel their relationship spiraling downward, but it was as if this dooming spiral was caught in slow motion….a means with which to torture Aoi and make him watch every single detail of how he and Uruha were losing their grip on one another. It was enough to throw Aoi into more of the wild nights that Uruha was so strictly opposed to.

When Aoi showed up on Uruha’s doorstep on some nights, trashed, and Uruha just looked at him and shook his head pityingly, Aoi sometimes wanted to grab him and tell him that it was his fault that he was wasting away at bars and in the beds of people he would never and could never give more than a night to. He wanted to shake Uruha and demand to know why he was being pushed away. He wanted to fall on his knees and beg Uruha to come back to him and love him…love him like he’d always wanted.

He would give Uruha everything he’d never given those meaningless women in his life. Uruha was everything to him, and he would treat him the way Uruha deserved to be treated. Uruha deserved more than the people who passed through his life like Aoi was passing through women these days. Aoi was the only one that knew Uruha, knew everything he liked and didn’t like, knew almost every part of Uruha’s psyche, and he was convinced he was the only one that could make him truly happy. But he would never be given that chance. He was too selfish in his desire, and Uruha was too preoccupied in his troubles to worry with Aoi anymore. Uruha was making his own path and refusing to let Aoi follow.

******

Aoi knew things were only getting worse the moment he stepped up to Uruha’s apartment building and saw a mattress propped up by the road amongst the trash bins and cardboard boxes people had thrown out. The mattress looked oddly familiar and when he let himself into Uruha’s bedroom, he found his friend laying flat on his bed, his arms above his head on the pillow, and his eyes squeezed shut as if in pain.

“Your bed looks smaller,” Aoi observed quietly, and watched as Uruha slowly opened his eyes, his face a complete portrait of helpless defeat.

“That’s because it is. I give up. From this moment on, this bed is single…for a single person.” Uruha’s voice was small and tired and Aoi instantly felt a rush of sympathy because he knew what Uruha was feeling. Loneliness was a part of Aoi as much as his skin was. It was an ever present fiend nipping at his heels, impossible to get away from.

“I’m glad you’re trying to make a statement, but your methods seem to be a little extreme. Couldn’t you have just bought a pet instead of throwing your bed out?” Aoi tried to make light of the situation, but knew it was the wrong thing to do when Uruha narrowed his eyes at Aoi and then sat up, his hair an endearing mess of disarray from laying all day in bed.

Uruha turned over and kneeled on the bed, his hands smoothing down the new azure sheets caressingly. Aoi sucked in a soft breath as he watched Uruha’s hands running over the sheets, his back curved and perfect, and Aoi couldn’t help but imagine Uruha doing this for him….only for him as he leaned over and caressed Aoi in the same loving way he was caressing the sheets.

“At least I got new sheets from this whole ordeal. They’re one-hundred thread count. I heard it’s a dream sleeping in one of these,” Uruha murmured, his tone and manner completely detached, and Aoi could only stare, feeling guilty that he was thinking obscene thoughts as Uruha slowly lowered himself into a deep cavern of depression. Aoi was sick, he knew this, and he hated himself for it.

“It’s too bad I won’t be able to enjoy the sheets with you…now that you’ve gotten rid of my half of the bed,” Aoi replied softly, a small laugh escaping to cover his anxiety. He went to sit beside Uruha on the bed and was surprised when Uruha actually noted his presence and sat back on his heels, his hands stopping their tender exploration of the new sheets.

Aoi covered one of Uruha’s hands with his own and smiled at him, letting his thumb run back and forth gently over the soft skin on the back of Uruha’s hand. Uruha’s eyes followed his movement and then focused on his eyes and he matched Aoi’s smile, easing himself from his melancholy and coming back to Aoi for a time. Aoi leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Uruha, laying his head down on Uruha’s shoulder and holding him close. He was terrified of Uruha leaving him once and for all and was like a child seeking comfort that he was still loved and wanted.

“I love you Uruha,” He whispered, and closed his eyes when he felt Uruha’s hand reach up to brush his hair away from his face in a motion he knew so well. He could feel Uruha’s breathing against his cheek, could smell the familiar sweet scent Uruha carried with him on his skin and clothes, could feel Uruha’s warm skin against his hands as he held him. All of this was reassurance that Uruha was still there…at least for a little while longer.

“I love you too Aoi,” Uruha whispered. “So much… I would do anything for you.” Uruha’s fingers curled against Aoi’s back and Aoi let out a calmed breath.

“Would you?“ Aoi asked softly, his mind wandering to darker things at Uruha’s promise. There was one thing Uruha couldn’t do for him and it was the one thing Aoi wanted Uruha to do most of all. It was ironic and cruel. At least he could breathe a sigh of relief in some respect. He was still loved and allowed to be by Uruha’s side, but how long this assurance of Uruha’s love for him would last…was something shrouded in shadow. Aoi could only watch and wait.

Go to Chapter Eight

Sorry for any mistakes. I was about to go to bed but decided I’d better go ahead and post this since it was done. I’ve been working on chapters 7 and 8 simultaneously, so the good news is, chapter 8 will be up in about another week at the very most ^^;